Saturday, April 6, 2013

Rage Level: Critical

Hello and happy Saturday fellow dirty sinners!

As stated last week, this week what awaits us is a long missive from Token Jew and I almost want to do another poll asking who's more irritating, Bruce "Useless" Barnes or Token Jew? I'm not sure I can decide though Bruce was on stage more unlike Token Jew who we mostly hear about through missives on his website. But Token Jew does also manage to be an insult to the Jewish people, so that alone might give him the edge in the Annoying-Off. I'll let my readers decided, though.

But anyway, let's get down to business.

“The deadly demon locusts prophesied in Revelation 9 finally died out after torturing millions. Many who were bitten at the end of that plague have recovered only three months ago.
“While many gave their lives to God after seeing this horrible judgment, most have become even more set in their ways. It should have been obvious to the leader of the Enigma Babylon One World Faith that followers of that religion suffered everywhere in the world. But we followers of Christ, the so-called rebels—enemies of tolerance— were spared.”

Darrion shook her head. “Makes you wonder why anyone wouldn’t believe the truth about God.”

So apparently it should be obvious that Zod beats us but we deserve it and we should be on our knees apologizing to Mister Zod* for making him that angry in the first it any wonder that the religion preaching peace is still more popular? What's the point in worshipping Zod when he can just overturn your life and screw with you for no reason? At least if you worship Lovecraft's Elder Gods you get eaten first.

“It is helpful to know this current plague was created by the releasing of four angels bound in the Euphrates River. We know that these are fallen angels, because nowhere in Scripture do we ever see good angels bound. These were apparently bound because they wanted to create chaos on earth. Now they are free to do so. In fact, the Bible reveals they were prepared for a specific hour, day, month, and year.”

Melinda raised a hand. “I don’t get it. I thought angels were good.”
“They were all created by God to follow him,” Vicki said. “But a third of the angels followed Satan and became demons. Angels only got one chance to choose.”

Okay I'm seriously going "What?!" here. Just where in the bible does it say any of this. Though I do know that all that stuff Vicki's saying is the Bible according to John Milton or in other words, it's not actually in the Bible.

So Mark is inspired to write a series of numbers on the blackboard. He then explains them.

“Right. Tsion told us the horses and riders will kill a third of the population alive right now.” He pointed to the R. “After the Rapture came a great war, an earthquake, and meteors. All of that killed 25 percent of the people alive after the disappearances. That left 75 percent of the people who weren’t taken away by God. Follow closely. One-third of 75 percent is 25 percent, so the current wave of death will leave only 50 percent of the people left behind at the Rapture.” how again is it that the earth still has a population? Let's try to work this out. Will start with 7 billion humans at time of Rapture. Let's see I suppose we can humour Ellanjay's delusions and assume that RTCs are indeed a persecuted minority but still remember EVERY FUCKING CHILD ON THE FUCKING PLANET WAS SLAUGHTEREDRAPTURED TOO! [/ALL-CAPS] Sorry for the all-caps and excessive profanity but it's amazing how Ellanjay forget to include that little fact when they do these little calculations. So I'll give 5 billion humans post-Rapture, one billion for the RTCs and one billion children. Then we have all the judgments including ALL the water turning to poison and since I'm very bad at math, I'm not going to try to do the calculations, but I am going to ask a question I've asked repeatedly: how is it that Earth still has a population given that one of these disasters would be enough to finish Earth off, let alone all of them back to back?

Once again, I point you to Threads in order to clear the bad taste of Ellanjay's illogic out of your mouth.

“This next section is a little difficult,” Mark continued. “Tsion thinks God wants people to come to him, but this latest judgment might be preparation for the final battle between good and evil. He’s weeding out the people who won’t accept him.”

Wait, what now? I thought the whole point of these disasters was Zod was trying to reach out to the heathens and convert them. Granted he was trying to convert by killing them which really isn't a smart business plan, but wasn't that his whole plan. Now they're saying he's just killing off the unbelievers, which makes me wonder what's the point? If he hates unbelievers so badly, why not just send TurboJesus in now and let him kill Nicky already? aunursa, you wanna help me out? My brain hurts just trying to work out this illogic.

But Token Jew does try to make one concession to the "How is this compatible with a God of love?" crowd.
“Many of you have written and asked how a God of love and mercy could pour out such awful judgments upon the earth. God is more than a God of love and mercy. The Scriptures say God is love, yes. But they also say he is holy, holy, holy. He is just, as in justice. His love was expressed in the gift of his Son as the means of salvation. But if we reject this love gift, we fall under God’s judgment.

My response: what about the profoundly retarded who lack the wherewithal to accept any kind of God, those living in the darkest depths of the Amazon who haven't encountered any missionaries, and all the babies and kids who are going to die horribly as a result of these back to back disasters? I'm sure Zod won't have the horsemen attack the little ones just as he didn't have the demonic locusts attack the kids but being young wouldn't protect them from drinking bad water or freezing to death. I suppose they get a one-way ticket to Heaven which makes me wonder why the RTCs aren't killing kids like crazy. Not to mention, Zod is sending them to Hell which has been traditionally depicted and upheld by Ellanjay as a place of punishment with no end and I don't need to delve into all the wrong surrounding that. Just remember according to Ellanjay, Gandhi is in Hell because he lived and died a faithful Hindu, but Fred Phelps will get his pass to Heaven because he's a Christian.

“Imagine this world with half its population gone. If you think it is bad now with millions having disappeared in the Rapture, children gone, services and conveniences affected, try to fathom life with half of all civil servants gone. Firemen, policemen, laborers, executives, teachers, doctors, nurses, scientists … the list goes on. We are coming to a period where survival will be a full-time occupation.”

It should already be a fulltime occupation given all the disasters. Not to mention all those civil servants you listed, they're going to die and burn in Hell because they were doing their jobs, trying to save people from Acts of Zod.

I know this clip is only tangentially connected to what we're talking about but I'm linking y'all to it because it's awesome and because I'm picturing the civil servants as being like Dan Turpin from Superman: the Animated Series.

Anyway, that's the end of the letter. Afterwards, Melinda and Vicki talk. Melinda continues to show a healthy attitude: she doesn't want to convert just because she's scared. Vicki responds by saying "Zod's trying to get your attention." aka the same weaksauce argument used by every character in this series.

Melinda talks about how the horses gave her nightmares and Vicki says she was scared until she realized they couldn't harm her because they were protected by Zod. :grits teeth: Do I need to explain the wrong in that little sentence?

But for those hoping Melinda would escape with her healthier attitude towards Zod intact, I'm sorry to disappoint you but the chapter ends with her kneeling before Zod and saying The Prayer. :sigh: And I almost liked Melinda. Her attitude was so much healthier than that of the RTCs she's surrounded by who see God as their personal strongman.

Anyway, that's it for this week. I know, only one chapter, but I've done such a substantial post, so I'll leave you. Sorry for being mostly angry and bitter, not snarky and funny. Maybe next week will be better.


aunursa said...

Melinda raised a hand. “I don’t get it. I thought angels were good.”
“They were all created by God to follow him,” Vicki said. “But a third of the angels followed Satan and became demons. Angels only got one chance to choose.”

The Hebrew word for angel is מַלְאָךְ, which means "messenger." In Judaism angels do not have free will; all are servants and messengers of God. I'm not aware of a single instance in the Hebrew Bible where Satan or any other angel disobeys God.

aunursa said...

how is it that Earth still has a population given that one of these disasters would be enough to finish Earth off, let alone all of them back to back?

I think each ratio of people killed (1/3rd or 1/4th, or whatever) is not calculated based on the total number of people who are left after the Rapture, but based on the total number of people who survived the previous judgment.

aunursa said...

aunursa, you wanna help me out? My brain hurts just trying to work out this illogic.

"Strange as this may sound to you, this is God's final effort to get the attention of every person who has ignored or rejected Him."
From Book #1

"In His love and mercy He has tried everything to get our attention."
From Book #5

"...he uses demon hordes to get the attention of unbelievers."
From Book #6

The Left Behind series teaches that God will kill millions of people because He loves us and wants to get our attention.

What this means is that the character Mark is lying about what Tsion says, and is teaching false doctrine. Thus Mark is not an RTC, he has faked the sign of the believer, and he will end up in the lake of fire.

Firedrake said...

While I am hesitant to do the Godwin thing, it does seem that by this reasoning one could substitute the victorious Wehrmacht for the plague of demon locusts and then wonder why people all over Europe were not enthusiastic converts to Nazism in 1940. Yay, there is a bigger bully than me in town, I want to join his club!

Why is it helpful to know that about the angels? Does it help you to avoid the plague? Or to heal those afflicted by it?

(I still think the bit where the Earth was blown into cosmic dust by asteroid impact, and the bit where the atmosphere froze, would have had some influence on population figures. :-)

Sure, vital services will fall apart. But there's a clock on the world, and it's counting down. Shut down the car plants - there's no need for anyone to make a new car ever again, there are enough of them lying around abandoned to last out the remnant population. Shut down lots of things, concentrate the people who are left on food production. And, possibly, weapons for fighting God at the Battle of Armageddon.

(Actually, as a student of military history, I am well aware that the Battle of Armageddon has already been fought. The British won.)

Yeah, we have terms for people who cause death and destruction "to get attention", and they're not polite.

As far as I am aware, the idea of the Great Rebellion is not Biblical at all. You can just about recreate some sort of single ruler of all demons out of various scattered passages taken out of context (hmm, sound familiar?), but for the origin of the "brightest in heaven" stuff you need to reach out to 1 and 2 Enoch - 1E is only regarded as canonical by a few Ethiopian groups, and 2E by nobody at all as far as I can see.

aunursa said...

There are plenty of nonviolent actions that God could have taken to get everyone's attention that would not have resulted in the suffering and deaths millions.

For example, a loud voice could spread His message to the entire world. In fact, there are times when the deity of the LB series DOES use such a method:

"A voice from above, so loud people covered their ears and ducked from it, said, "COME UP HERE!"
From Book #6

The voice was so loud that a woman sitting near Enoch reached up and turned the volume off. Yet the voice could still be heard... He went outside into the hot sun, and there in the sky was the overpowering image of the angel of God.
From Book #10

Brin said...

we should be on our knees apologizing to Mister Zod*

Is there supposed to be a footnote for this? I don't see any.

Mouse said...

There was but I forgot. :(

Anonymous said...

I share your rage-level. A Youtuber named UNFWildcard actually made a video once explaining that part of the way Christianity spread before Rome was the fact that many of the church would go to places infected by plagues & disease and help the infected when the authorities of the time were too afraid. Now it's been replaced with "Sure let's watch TV instead of helping those being attacked by the demon-horses"

Mr. Knox said...

Late to the party but, from what I remember when we went through Revelation as part of one of my classes in Bible college I think the whole 'a third of the stars falling' is 'literally' interpreted as the fall of angels similarly as the red dragon passage representing the fall of Satan. I think... it's been a while haha. There was some part where we talked about interpretations of Revelation, this wasn't specified as truth at all, just an interpretation. In fact, it may not have even been a class but a bible study lead by students. Yeah, weirdly enough, the kids at my college were far more fundamentalist RTC than the teachers there if you can believe it.

Seed of Bismuth said...

Hello archive binge
so lets get crack'n at those calculations, EllenJay say only few million were Raptured Fred says more like 2 Billion so golden mean fallacy lets say that
6 billion were left behind so Nicky's "war" + earthquake + meteors = a 25% loss
so 6 Bil x 0.25 = 1.5 Bil which then 6 Bil - 1.5 Bil = 4.5 Bil survived the first wave, which is bad sure but we only went from world population of 1999 to 1983 so survivable then EllenJay have confusing wording but it boils down to just minus 1.5 Bil for the second wave leaving 3 Bil Alive which is 3/6=50% of 6 Billion so in the span of 3 months 3 years? I lost track anyway in a very short time we go from 1999 population to 1950s population ,from my perspective the Apocalypse seems tame scientists calculated the worst case scenario with nuclear winter that is all USA's & USSR's Nukes are launched and hit their targets in 10 years the human race if its still alive is at about 50,000 strong so pleasant dreams

still about the oceans of blood , so many questions; human not human?, sterile or jesus's phenotype?, did it transport, transform, transfigure, or transmutate the water? this is important because one of those would mean we have vampire Blue Whales sucking us dry with their bristle/now turned syringe teeth. another is worst, imagine everything that grows on a human battlefield now having a literal ocean to multiply on (OO) . but ignoring those horror story hooks we can drink blood in fact we can't drink sea water so this in the long run would give us a net+ fresh water supply . lets calculate! total water on earth is 1.332 Billion km^3 97% is undrinkable ocean water so 1.332 Bil x 0.97 = 1292040000 km^3 of water now turned to blood. that's 1.29404e+21 liters of blood is x55%= x 92%=6.5478424e+20 liters of fresh water,
2 grams iron in 5.5 liters= 4.7056e+20 grams of iron = 518703610 MegaTons
3 ml O2 in 1 liter= 3.88212e+21 mls of O2 = 3.88e+15 Metric tons of O2 to put that is perspective there is now 1.2e+15 metric tons of O2 in the atmosphere so a 423% increase in free oxygen yeesh talk about climate change

Firedrake said...

See, there's your problem - you're thinking about this setting.

Your reaction is meant to be "ooh, oceans of blood, that doesn't sound fun, I'd better go get saved again".

I bet you read that science fiction stuff too.


Seed of Bismuth said...

hello Firedrake I didn't think anyone would respond to my comment on this old post.

yes I read sci-fi but honesty I read more fantasy because it's just more fun to applying the Scientific Method to systems of magic, and not in a "this would never work in reality" but rather "what are the rules of chemistry like in this universe? how do building stay up without gravity as we know it? and so on"