tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78826962414068151382024-03-14T11:15:03.304-07:00Mouse's MusingsMousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.comBlogger325125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-58073667618250504242022-10-25T14:09:00.003-07:002022-10-25T14:09:59.220-07:00Utopia Defined: “The Blazing World” by Margaret Cavendish <p> I wrote another entry for my Utopia Defined series. <a href="https://medium.com/@jennylynn/utopia-defined-margaret-cavendishs-the-blazing-world-2511f197dd07">Click Here</a>. Feel free to read, review, and pass it on.</p>Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-77873146985305794822022-09-13T20:18:00.000-07:002022-09-13T20:18:36.813-07:00Avengers: Age of Ultron or "The Facts in the Case of Mr. Joss Whedon"<p>Let's face it: Ultron deciding within five minutes of accessing the Internet that "ALL HUMANS MUST DIE!" is probably the most realistic moment in the MCU. </p><p>Those of you know, by now, that I have a fervent, passionate hatred <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0770828/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1">for one movie in particular.</a> Don't worry; I'm not going to do a review of it. I've kind of sworn off reviewing that movie unless I'm offered a sizeable chunk of cash. I just don't think I could make a hate screed worth someone's time, plus, like I said, I have a harder time embarking on the Snyder hate rants as of late. So not going to do it, unless there's money involved.</p><p>On a slightly related note, <a href="https://ko-fi.com/jennymingus29731">here's my ko-fi.</a> If you want to drop a few bucks in my cup, I can't say I'd object too strongly. </p><p>Anyway, the reason I'm bringing up that one movie is, well, due to <a href="https://thedissolve.com/features/exposition/1011-the-avengers-age-of-ultrons-unseen-antagonist-is-m/">this article from The Dissolve.</a> The article posits that <i>Age of Ultron </i>serves as a response to that movie. And I don't think it's a conscious effort to do a Take That against the DCEU, but the contrast between the two movies, the way they use their various tropes, is something to reflect on. </p><p>Unlike Snyder's film, which has an aesthetic of gunmetal grey or, when looking for some variety, blue-grey, <i>Ultron </i>is bright and glorious in color. The biggest distinguishing trait, however, is the drive the Avengers have to try and save as many people as possible. They are up against a villain who wants to exterminate humanity, so in response, the Avengers decide that every life matters and go out of their way to rescue as many people as possible. Because that's what heroes do: give 'em a choice between A and B, and they'll try to find option C, which is All of the Above. They may not always succeed in finding option C, but they fight as hard as they can to do so. </p><p>Which again, puts it far ahead of that movie, with its borderline sociopath of a hero barely bothering to try to take the fight away from a dense population center. Yeah, the bad guy was having none of it, but again, what distinguishes the heroes from the villains is that the heroes try to pay even just lip service to the value of human life. </p><p>It's the same problem that Fred has talked about in the Left Behind-verse. Both the good guys and the bad guys seek to destroy the other and violently subjugate humanity at their feet; the difference between the two is that one side succeeds in destroying its enemies and subjugating humanity, whereas the other one fails. </p><p>This is obviously bad form, because the most basic rule of writing a story with heroes and villains, be them superheroes or characters from some other genre, is that there needs to be a fundamental difference between good and evil. The bad guys place no value on human life, so the heroes double down on the idea that all lives matter. </p><p>But while I have a certain fondness for movie, I would be remiss in my duties if I didn’t acknowledge that it holds a rather jaundiced reputation in the fandom.</p><p>Some of it is, I feel, mostly undeserved. Again, with only a few exceptions, whenever people go on and on about how modern superhero movie X is the “WORST MOVIE EVER!!!” I mostly roll my eyes. You kids are all spoiled with your directors that actually give a shit…any superhero fan older than thirty can tell you that the history of comic book adaptations is often a dark and scary one. It was a long time before Hollywood accepted the basic facts that as silly as these characters are, there’s a reason people love them, and they work best when they’re mostly played straight. </p><p>But I have to admit that rewatching this movie now that <a href="https://www.vulture.com/article/joss-whedon-allegations.html">Joss Whedon’s reputation lies in tatters</a>* is a different experience. While he was the creative force behind the first <i>Avengers </i>movie for me, it’s this movie that somehow seems to line up better with the embittered toxic egomaniac depicted by former exes and colleagues. When the first <i>Avengers </i>came out, Whedon was collectively worshipped by geek culture and while all the scandals hadn’t broken the time this movie came out, for whatever reason, it is harder for me to divorce the art from the artist for this film. I’m not entirely sure why.</p><p>Again, the decision as to whether or not to enjoy the art of someone who is a terrible person, is a personal one, capable of only being made on an individual basis. It’s up to you whether or not Whedon’s behavior is a dealbreaker. With me, I’m likely to continue to enjoy the stuff I’ve already consumed but hold back on exploring any further. However great <i>Buffy </i>or <i>Firefly </i>may be, there’s also art just as equally good that wasn’t created by assholes, so why not spend my time on them, rather than on assholes. Whenever I hear talk about how Toxic Creator X gave us this or that, I find myself thinking about his victims. What great art did we miss out on because someone was driven out of the industry by the toxicity and abuse they received? </p><p>We likely will never know. And I do not fault people who still cherish memories of Buffy or whatever projects they’ve enjoyed. I understand how it is. We say things like “It’s just a movie/TV show/whatever!” but that’s not entirely true. We forged identities and communities because of our love for mere entertainment, and sometimes much more. The critic <a href="https://www.nathanrabin.com/happy-place/2018/1/2/literature-society-steven-seagals-the-way-of-the-shadow-wolves-the-deep-state-and-the-hijacking-of-america">Nathan Rabin</a> has talked about how when he was fourteen, after being sent to a mental hospital, pretty much the only thing that got him through was an obsession with seeing Steven Seagal’s <i>Marked for Death </i>when he got out. I’m sure many of us have similar stories about art that, regardless of its actual quality, really spoke to us and was there for us in a moment we really needed it. I have mine, and I’m sure the rest have yours. Sometimes you have to take strength where you can find it, even if it’s trash.</p><p>And while I am only tangentially knowledgeable about Buffy, looking at it, I can understand why it landed the way it did with people. Compared with what was out at the time, Buffy was a revelation, having the blonde teenage girl be the lead and outwit the bad guys, exist as an actual character and not a male power fantasy. To say nothing about the show’s LGBT rep; from what I’ve heard for a lot of people, this was the first place they ever saw LGBT people represented and treated as, well, people with quirks and foibles like everyone else. Buffy<i> </i>walked so that the innumerable shows that came after it, could run. </p>Okay, I should probably get to the movie and do less navel-gazing about art and artists.<div><br /></div><div>Well, to start, I have to say that I never liked the reoccurring “LANGUAGE!” bit with Steve Rogers. First of all, I think someone did the math and proved that Steve swears the most out of all the Avengers. It’s a trap Whedon and too many writers fall into when it comes to Steve, treating him like a farmboy from 1950s Kansas as opposed to an Irish Catholic who came of age in a Depression-era Brooklyn slum.<br /><p></p></div><div>And I freely admit that I’m mixing canons here, but while it’s not so much in the MCU, Steve has traditionally been written as the child of Irish immigrants, so I’ve incorporated it into my personal canon that I carry across all adaptations. That’s the beauty of multiple canons, being able to pick and choose from whichever traits you like. I just really like the idea of him being a child of immigrants, having firsthand knowledge that all fearmongering about immigrants is BS, because time may march on, but the arguments of bigots remain the same. </div><div><br /></div><div>And yes, I do have comic panels about this, which I use as part of my “Captain America Secretly Hates America” exhibit.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxOLQc-HJ1ljXutt81mV6r5CESuZ79Sc1okzL73-MXbxTzz4DOyhKRCo31n9EytmHOSljk82QggTwnnW9tCR2CgUxT5R7QEz0XFyoNgyCP_rlUMAlhZ9Z_4pvTcWJdcoN9PbkzyfMBGQfV1CN3cASfxPKybBDaG2xeqz5qxxXQ4wgEW2pu63T44aVg/s1815/D2EE3EE4-9912-45F2-8A98-01D5A0E25A8F.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1815" data-original-width="1152" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxOLQc-HJ1ljXutt81mV6r5CESuZ79Sc1okzL73-MXbxTzz4DOyhKRCo31n9EytmHOSljk82QggTwnnW9tCR2CgUxT5R7QEz0XFyoNgyCP_rlUMAlhZ9Z_4pvTcWJdcoN9PbkzyfMBGQfV1CN3cASfxPKybBDaG2xeqz5qxxXQ4wgEW2pu63T44aVg/w406-h640/D2EE3EE4-9912-45F2-8A98-01D5A0E25A8F.jpeg" width="406" /></a></div><br /><div>The movie skips the setup and just <a href="https://youtu.be/gjq6jwgSk64">drops us in</a>.</div><div><br /></div><div>Of course, this opening seems to come a bit out of nowhere. The people who watched <i>Iron Man 3 </i>are like, "Uh, didn't Tony destroy all his armors?" and really, the only assumption you can make is that at some point, he just rebuilt them. I guess it's a symptom of how it is with Tony, how he can't seem to walk away from superheroing, even as the costs of it mount. Though again, it does make you wonder to what extent they planned the plotline of the MCU. While they did plan, it obviously wasn’t down to the dot and tittle and with as many people involved with the planning, it makes sense that they would occasionally trip over each other. A minor example can be seen in the “LANGUAGE!” bit with Steve, but a bigger one can be seen with Tony’s retirement. </div><div><br /></div><div>But while they’re in the process of kicking ass and taking names, <a href="https://youtu.be/gymTXJ1wvOQ">they face some unexpected issues in the form of the Maximoffs.</a> And here we’ve got to talk about Wanda and Pietro.</div><div><br /></div><div>First off, <a href="https://youtu.be/rrs5KkMg0_M">their origin for those interested.</a> Those of you have already noticed the major changes to their background. Basically, at the time this movie was made, Marvel didn’t have the rights to the X-Men and therefore, they couldn’t use the concept of the mutants or anything related to the X-Men at all. So Wanda and Pietro were written as humans who volunteered for Hydra experiments and gained superpowers as a result. And given that Hydra is basically a Nazi organization whereas Wanda and Pietro have traditionally been written as being of Jewish-Romany descent…yeah, there’s no denying the problematic as fuck nature of this.</div><div><br /></div><div>So why did they opt to introduce the characters? According to IMDB, Joss Whedon said he cast Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch because he thought their powers would be cool to use in a film: "Their powers are very visually interesting. One of the problems I had on the first one was everybody basically had punchy powers. Quicksilver's got super-speed, Scarlet Witch can weave spells, and a little telekinesis, get inside your head. That's good stuff they can do, that will help keep it fresh."</div><div><br /></div><div>While raiding the Hydra base, <a href="https://youtu.be/dRUmRwkcR9A">Wanda uses her powers to mess with Tony’s mind.</a> It is this moment that will proceed to drive his actions for the rest of the film. So he and Bruce create Ultron, which as you can probably guess, doesn’t end well. </div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://youtu.be/eFZeuM8VggY">But first, we'll have ourselves a party.</a><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>And while the MCU does better with its team of heroes than the DCEU, lately my thoughts have been similar to those expressed in this pin. </div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj1qPdczdSgulcaLG8wMu77_qkJwQfpJffp4GwWHG7O_BX9ioogSTscHfOiq5kB4sWRYdiAGHcsmLCd3xckOJntXFO_udlslTwYfYyt3CXJJREPAHnyyxPAFYPL1fx2IGKvOsVkEvIcJ3aso04jhOTM2w56dMLUuxJF0b-O3MMgaSB5nhjuII_evibc" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img data-original-height="403" data-original-width="564" height="286" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj1qPdczdSgulcaLG8wMu77_qkJwQfpJffp4GwWHG7O_BX9ioogSTscHfOiq5kB4sWRYdiAGHcsmLCd3xckOJntXFO_udlslTwYfYyt3CXJJREPAHnyyxPAFYPL1fx2IGKvOsVkEvIcJ3aso04jhOTM2w56dMLUuxJF0b-O3MMgaSB5nhjuII_evibc=w400-h286" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Though it's not entirely accurate: we swung by 2016 to pick up Peter Parker</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Because this party is the extent we get of the Avengers hanging out and being pals. While there are some nice moments, <a href="https://youtu.be/o3bhQwY0KCY">especially the hammer scene</a>, we don’t really get to see them being pals much, which hampers the dramatic effects as the team breaks down. I’m not sure what or how they could have solved this problem within the confines of the movies. It’s one of the perks of TV series in that the long form aspect gives a little more breathing room, allowing for more monster-of-the-week and other kinds of episodes that let the writers play around with the characters even though they don’t do much to advance the overall plot. Maybe this is one of those things that could have been helped with shorts. As always, I remain a little disappointed that the MCU doesn’t run shorts before their movies ala Pixar. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitGLNyhdo9QU_4shRiFMwDc2bpU-gFNHYuT80PInSYOCHyzDHe4AZ52-gVMEFU11gRQM2cGtRUwY4vZVZ8pyJMq4DWQxziGRezwJLV6Pn_wfjOGPIY0gL_WnsbJZUX7DN0I21V9d3TKfDhbKBKRC-7Ovk36d7n8KPmdckjUNDFCYbH2BRiLr9CyTP8/s825/55B376DB-D776-454C-9410-A5C06764F3C2.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="825" data-original-width="790" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitGLNyhdo9QU_4shRiFMwDc2bpU-gFNHYuT80PInSYOCHyzDHe4AZ52-gVMEFU11gRQM2cGtRUwY4vZVZ8pyJMq4DWQxziGRezwJLV6Pn_wfjOGPIY0gL_WnsbJZUX7DN0I21V9d3TKfDhbKBKRC-7Ovk36d7n8KPmdckjUNDFCYbH2BRiLr9CyTP8/w383-h400/55B376DB-D776-454C-9410-A5C06764F3C2.jpeg" width="383" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>Because again, as much as I enjoy a good, well-crafted tragedy, I’m an even bigger sucker for fluff.</div><div><br /></div><div>But you know how it is… you’re having a nice party, everyone’s having fun, and then your teammate’s secret AI project turns evil and <a href="https://youtu.be/s_TBpVKOCSc">crashes the party.</a></div><div><br /></div><div>Following a lead, the Avengers track down Ultron to South Africa and here, <a href="https://youtu.be/PWAvc5fZckQ">Wanda decides to fuck with everyone’s head.</a></div><div><br /></div><div>Natasha receives a vision of her past. For those of you wondering about the ballerinas, when she was in the Red Room, they brainwashed her into believing that she was a ballet dancer for the Bolshoi Ballet. And here, I fight the urge to go into a rant about what a barrel of missed opportunities the long overdue Black Widow movie was. </div><div><br /></div><div>Thor, like Tony, receives a vision of a dark future.</div><div><br /></div><div>And as for Steve’s vision? Well, his is a bit trickier to quantify. I probably could count it as one of Marvel’s desperate efforts to prove Steve’s heterosexual, something they tried repeatedly to do after <i>Winter Soldier </i>basically supercharged the Bucky/Steve ship. But there are signs of deeper issues.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7kVFgSZ8RtmeSTAqyO2djGVvWZtOufVXES73ihVZw_95dxsdNZstS335Tbq89ApbD5j28DVxjZFY3HCAywR6OY84-gwMR19WEGP3Yk9gfGixDYcpY7DkM3FQJeAtv24QrqX4sVacGlkDaP5MemgwBPSuzzbfWcR3Rk_9M7DmIDe5kIVnD2Grnu6tR/s824/C3784A98-EF91-4020-85D7-A96603F9B459.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="824" data-original-width="640" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7kVFgSZ8RtmeSTAqyO2djGVvWZtOufVXES73ihVZw_95dxsdNZstS335Tbq89ApbD5j28DVxjZFY3HCAywR6OY84-gwMR19WEGP3Yk9gfGixDYcpY7DkM3FQJeAtv24QrqX4sVacGlkDaP5MemgwBPSuzzbfWcR3Rk_9M7DmIDe5kIVnD2Grnu6tR/w311-h400/C3784A98-EF91-4020-85D7-A96603F9B459.jpeg" width="311" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div>As for Hawkeye, <a href="https://youtu.be/04-xby-6PDI">that one doesn’t go as well as Wanda hoped.</a></div><div><br /></div><div>Long story short, everyone’s left reeling in the wake of Ultron and Wanda’s attacks. <a href="https://youtu.be/DIIIDF6bkqI">So Hawkeye takes them home to meet the fam.</a></div><div><br /></div><div>The farmhouse scenes work so well, containing some of the most naturalistic moments of this movie. I love the fact that Hawkeye turns out to be a family man. So many superheroes are isolated, having only a handful of colleagues they confide in. It’s easy to see why so many superhero stories make this choice—fewer relationships mean fewer things to trip up the heroes and serve as something which might hamper their ability to kick ass and take names—but it could represent a heaping host of missed opportunities. </div><div><br /></div><div>An example of all this can be seen in the horror genre. It’s a simple enough plotline to just send a masked serial killer after some idiotic horny teenagers, but there’s a reason some of the best horror stories involve adult protagonists. The simple truth is that an adult protagonist is someone who has more to lose. Usually, an adult has a well-established life—a home, job, spouse, and children—thus, giving them more of a reason why they have a vested interest in the status quo and why they’d be so scared by the prospect of something shaking it up. Plus, an adult is presumed to have a couple of brain cells to rub together, so you can’t get away with them making incredibly dumb decisions the way a horny teenager might.</div><div><br /></div><div>There are also more personal stakes for the hero in all this. As said before, motives like “save the world” can be so abstract and vague as to be hard to envision, but “save person X” or “save the world so I can see my kids grow up” is a bit more concrete and easier to get invested in.</div><div><br /></div><div>Don’t get me wrong: personal relationships can also be used to be killed off for cheap drama (see for example Lian Harper), but often they can provide another angle from which to view the hero. One of the neat decisions <i>Batman: the Animated Series </i>made was to not merely have Harvey Dent be an ally of Batman, but to actually be a good friend to Bruce Wayne, which serves to make his inevitable fall even more tragic. Bruce isn’t just losing an ally in his war on crime; he’s losing a friend, the closest thing Bruce has to a normal relationship. Granted they didn’t do as much with this friendship as they could have, but it’s still a nice choice.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://youtu.be/dNPkJ7eEVDU">Meanwhile, Tony and Steve chop wood</a>, <a href="https://youtu.be/OJGGWhQBpOg">and Bruce and Natasha talk. </a><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>And I suppose it's high time I talked about one of the key complaints regarding this movie: the characterization of Natasha.</div><div><br /></div><div>The attempts to pair her with Bruce in this movie are widely lambasted as an incoherent mess. On some level, I agree, but the thing is, I actually find the idea of those two being together to be interesting. Don't get me wrong; it was done badly in this movie. It comes way the heck out of nowhere and once this movie's over, it's never mentioned again.</div><div><br /></div><div>If they had actually built up the relationship, I would actually be much more onboard. I find the idea of the two as a couple fascinating. Why? Well, I personally believe that of all the Avengers, Hulk is the one Natasha fears the most. She can't outfight the Hulk, outwit him, nor do her usual "femme fatale" bit--Hulk is a creature of rage and muscle. So having her and Bruce be together presents an interesting wrinkle on the subject. </div><div><br /></div><div>But given how badly it was received, Marvel chose to treat the whole thing like a cat turd: bury it and never speak of it again. And because fans tend to be an obsessive bunch (fan is short for fanatic for a reason), when not given an explanation, they'll come up with their own and plug them in. The commonly accepted one is that Natasha was deliberately trying to cultivate a romantic relationship with Bruce as a means of gaining further control over the Hulk. Because the Hulk continues to represent a dangerous loose end for the various world governments. Yeah, he saved New York City, but Banner's control over it is a tenuous one at best, <a href="https://youtu.be/BSG5iHK9Scw">as seen by his rampage through South Africa. </a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">As I've said before, the reason the character of the Hulk endures, is due in part to the mystery surrounding the character, what exactly is it. Because while he's referred to as a "big green rage monster," at the same time, that is a rather simplistic understanding. Mark Ruffalo, in the IMDB trivia section for this movie, has a really cool quote about the relationship between the Hulk and Bruce: </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><blockquote><div style="text-align: left;"><span face="Verdana, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: #fcfae7;">"</span><span face="Verdana, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white;">There's a very cool thing happening in the film: Hulk is as afraid of Banner, as Banner is afraid of Hulk. Both of these guys are obviously the same guy, and they have to come to peace somehow with each other, and this confrontation is building across this film." </span></div></blockquote><div><span face="Verdana, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: #fcfae7; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div><div><span> You have no idea what a cool idea that sounds to me, the idea that the Hulk is just as scared of Bruce Banner as Bruce Banner is of the Hulk. The "strongest hero there is" fears someone who, genius-level intellect aside, amounts to an ordinary human. </span><br /></div><div><span><br /></span></div><div><span>I personally feel that Hulk works better as an ensemble character, rather than trying to carry a movie by himself, but stuff like the attempted Bruce/Natasha relationship, makes me wonder if it would have been better to have a Hulk movie before this one that better established the relationship. </span></div><div><br /></div><div>But that's not the only issue people have with Natasha in this movie. </div><div><br /></div><div>Some of the reoccurring problems with her character stem in some small part from the fact that for a while, she was the only female avenger, thus, putting her into the classic trap where one character has to represent half of the human population. It's one of the reasons I adore <i>Black Panther </i>or <i>Birds of Prey. </i>By :gasp: :choke: :pearlclutch: having more than one female character, it allows the other characters to breathe a little, demonstrate actual personalities outside of being girls with girl parts. </div><div><br /></div><div>Natasha has also been written more, how should I say, <a href="https://youtu.be/GxafpLSlWUY">favorable to the male gaze</a>, which serves to further undermine her as a character. So many times, the camera focuses on her, um, talents and assets, which is probably why Natasha doesn't attract the character hate from whinyass fanboys the way, say, Captain Marvel** does.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV7ocCDxlnhq2mLVIvllus8SQDYUDYqEus8rf2sqPz2WHQpCIKaeD0biZWDNHPwxSi4USke8ul75dRTCV7eSqUeAdPUpBBQHxoTswzvU-VG7pcLDKcN7JvTTVsK75B6WrVTdcLEHv2yAaXWA2XDX8rrVW_colexDHLWNEHVnjd0hMGo9V49ygDbk5q/s500/tumblr_lv92436l7g1qmynffo1_r1_500.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="387" data-original-width="500" height="310" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV7ocCDxlnhq2mLVIvllus8SQDYUDYqEus8rf2sqPz2WHQpCIKaeD0biZWDNHPwxSi4USke8ul75dRTCV7eSqUeAdPUpBBQHxoTswzvU-VG7pcLDKcN7JvTTVsK75B6WrVTdcLEHv2yAaXWA2XDX8rrVW_colexDHLWNEHVnjd0hMGo9V49ygDbk5q/w400-h310/tumblr_lv92436l7g1qmynffo1_r1_500.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div>This beautiful artist is basically parodying the poster of the first Avengers movie, which had everyone striking cool heroic poses, except for Natasha of course. Because we must stress that she's a girl with girl parts. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN8vAsCk0Bf-NWS8CVuk6cNXGqTGUqnHmammFysWyHurptSe-eoO7FS88FD1N-eUPJeEDbdeY1KbGad2-jaG6Ypd_hKr7TD000IqQMf5UrLwjj1hqJOHvrO5QpiUNh3tidcr-6Iq5NAfRURRigQ4GjzwFcXMSHEkwZEUpVTlzeuMDIwmrTJJ5spNoQ/s575/avengers_1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="428" data-original-width="575" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN8vAsCk0Bf-NWS8CVuk6cNXGqTGUqnHmammFysWyHurptSe-eoO7FS88FD1N-eUPJeEDbdeY1KbGad2-jaG6Ypd_hKr7TD000IqQMf5UrLwjj1hqJOHvrO5QpiUNh3tidcr-6Iq5NAfRURRigQ4GjzwFcXMSHEkwZEUpVTlzeuMDIwmrTJJ5spNoQ/w400-h297/avengers_1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>As for the part where Natasha calls herself a monster, I interpreted it as referring to the red in her ledger, but other people took other interpretations. And yeah, people who can't have kids are not monsters; this is a fairly obvious statement, but I felt like I should make it just in case. </div><div><br /></div><div>In light of Whedon's unraveling, people are, of course, reevaluating his characters. For a while, he was labeled as a male feminist, but histories of his abuse of actresses and exes...<a href="https://www.cracked.com/article_23606_5-awful-personal-secrets-filmmakers-revealed-in-their-movies.html">And as this article points out, </a></div><div>female characters in his works are often strong because of horrific background of torture and abuse, which isn't exactly a ringing feminist endorsement. </div><div><br /></div><div>However, Black Widow has traditionally been written as coming from a background of brainwashing, torture, and abuse, so this isn't Whedon's fault. </div><div><br /></div><div>Then again, it does gall me that so many female characters have rape backstories. Male characters become heroes or villains for a wide variety of reasons, but you have any female character in a position of power, it'll invariably turn out that she was at some point, either raped or threatened with rape. Yes, this is sadly a reality for many women, but the thing is, you don't have to do that for every character. </div><div><br /></div><div>It was one of the strengths of <i>Wonder Woman </i>in that the titular character wasn't driven by angst or a horrific backstory; she was driven by an abundance of kindness. WW just loves and cares about people and thus, wants to do what she can to protect them.</div><div><br /></div><div>Speaking of Wonder Woman, there's the matter of <a href="https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2017/06/159775/joss-whedon-wonder-woman-script-leaked-reactions">Joss Whedon's infamous script.</a> <a href="https://indiegroundfilms.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/wonder-woman-aug7-07-joss-whedon.pdf">Here's the full script for those interested. </a></div><div><br /></div><div>Unfortunately, the Maximoff twins' alliance with Ultron hits a little snag when it turns out <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBryMAZkwug">that he plans on wiping out humanity</a> by using the capitol city of Sokovia as an asteroid. </div><div><br /></div><div>Okay, so now you know the stakes. Ultron is basically being all, "You can save this city full of innocent civilians or the world," and the Avengers respond by going, "STFU, we're doing both!" because that's what heroes do. </div><div><br /></div><div>That’s what sticks with me regarding the big climax: <a href="https://youtu.be/JshkAJUABF4">the lengths the Avengers go to</a>, to try to save as many civilians as possible. Even before the battle really got started, they were doing whatever they can to evacuate as many people as possible. Because again, that’s what heroes do. In the face of Ultron’s plan for mass extinction, they assert the value of human life above all else. You know they can’t save everyone, but they’re going to do their damnedest to try.</div><div><br /></div><div>And I’m breaking the rule, but it’s something I missed in future Avengers movies, how they get knocked around and smash through buildings with no real consideration or concern for ordinary civilians. Maybe they didn’t have the time to show this, but I missed stuff like the first Avengers movie where they tried to confine the fighting to one area to lessen the number of civilian casualties and their actions in this one. Even though they’re hopelessly outclassed, I also like how they had the police trying to do what they can to protect people.</div><div><br /></div><div>It’s part of the reason that <a href="https://youtu.be/v0pcChyV6o4">moment in Superman: the Animated Series</a> continues to hit so powerfully. The police officers weren’t running around completely rock-stupid; they were doing what little they could to protect people. Yeah, they’re struggling because they’re ordinary cops against supervillains, but they’re still going to do what they can because every life saved, is a victory.</div><div><br /></div><div>Then again, given what <a href="https://youtu.be/7zu2NG8Dq1U">real world police</a> are like, this may be the most unrealistic part of these adaptations.</div><div><br /></div><div>Okay, done bringing depressing reality into this.</div><div><br /></div><div>Despite all the buildup with Hawkeye and his family, <a href="https://youtu.be/Cb8VaBFtrmo">Pietro</a> is the one who ends up dying, rather than Hawkeye suffering a case of <a href="https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Retirony">retirony.</a></div><div><br /></div><div>Eventually, the day is saved. The people are evacuated out, <a href="https://youtu.be/1MhUtPhJVnQ">the city is destroye</a>d, and <a href="https://youtu.be/3zKaHp0zW7U">Paul Bettany</a> has to actually show up for work rather than just collect a sackful of cash for a voiceover.</div><div><br /></div><div>As for cut scenes, the infamous cave scene actually makes more sense in the <a href="https://youtu.be/zLxEDaA9j2E">extended version,</a> making me wonder why the heck they cut it in the first place. Apparently the studio forced Whedon to put the cave scene to provide buildup for <i>Ragnarök</i>, at least that’s what he claims.</div><div><br /></div><div>As for the mid-credit scene, <a href="https://youtu.be/4d8VTAbotXY">Thanos is going to stop delegating and get off his ass</a>.</div><div><br /></div><div>And that’s <i>Age of Ultron</i>. Next up is <i>Ant-Man.</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>*</i>For those of you struggling with the paywall, let me lend you my <a href="https://12ft.io/">12-foot ladder.</a></div><div><br /></div><div>**Don’t worry. We’ll get to the collective whinyass fit the fanboys through over this movie. Though they have it out for Brie Larson in general, to the point where the key to winning a fight with them is to go, “Hey look it’s Brie Larson!” then punching them right in the motherfucking face as soon as they turn their heads. </div>Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-64836588182353943712022-08-11T14:31:00.001-07:002022-08-11T14:31:08.637-07:00Utopia Defined: Plato’s Republic <p> I finally wrote another edition of Utopia Defined. This time, I tackle <a href="https://medium.com/@jennylynn/utopia-defined-platos-republic-264becc09511">Plato.</a> Feel free to read, review, and pass along. </p><p>Next book on the agenda is Margaret Cavendish’s <i>The Blazing World </i>for those interested in following along.</p>Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-68825017430868391082022-08-03T17:25:00.000-07:002022-08-03T17:25:00.628-07:00Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 1 or "Hooked on a Feeling"<p> Let’s face it. Marvel was testing us with this movie. What do I mean? Well, let me explain through a fictitious dialogue which I totally assumed happened at some point. You can cast whoever you like as Marvel One and Marvel Two, Kevin Feige or whoever seems like the most likely candidates.</p><p>Marvel One: Okay, it seems like we’ve done it—we basically have a license to print money—but I think we should test this.</p><p>Marvel Two: What do you mean?</p><p>Marvel One: You know how we’ve so far adapted characters that the general public may have had a passing knowledge of? I say, “Fuck that!” Let’s adapt characters that no one, I repeat, no one will have heard of unless they’re hardcore comics fans.</p><p>Marvel Two: Sounds promising. In addition to what you’ve mentioned so far, how about we adapt a whole team, thus making it so we have to introduce several characters at the same time in one movie.</p><p>Marvel One: Great idea! And you know how we’ve mostly toned down the really out there, comic book elements of our series? I say, “Fuck that as well!” Let’s go way out of the bounds of realism. We’ll have two of our characters be a talking space raccoon and a giant tree. Fucking shoot realism in the face, man!</p><p>Marvel Two: Ooh…sounds like fun. Hey, have you decided who will play our hero, a dashing Han Solo-esque scoundrel?</p><p>Marvel One: Is the chubby guy from <i>Parks and Rec </i>taking our calls?</p><p>Marvel Two: Got ‘em on the line. Out of curiosity, do you think it’d be possible to have our characters save the day via a dance-off and the power of friendship?</p><p>This movie also forced me to accept a very painful truth: I am Bill Kristol when it comes to entertainment.</p><div style="text-align: left;">Who is Bill Kristol? <a href="https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Bill_Kristol">Bill Kristol</a> is a <a href="https://crookedtimber.org/2015/07/22/a-brief-theory-of-very-serious-people/">Very Serious Person</a> who has the rare gift of always being constantly wrong on every major issue. No matter what he predicts, the opposite will occur. It’s almost comforting in a way what a screwup Bill Kristol is. Other pundits occasionally stumble into Stopped Clock moments, but not Bill. You find yourself wishing that all the idiotic pundits displayed that level of consistency. As an anonymous astute commenter on the Internet put it, <span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: white; text-size-adjust: auto;">“You<span style="color: #202122;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> could probably [have] a reasonably successful foreign policy by just seeing what Bill Kristol is </span>advocating and<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> doing something else.”</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: white; color: #202122; font-size: 12pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: white; color: #202122; font-size: 12pt; text-size-adjust: auto;">Why am I the Bill Kristol of entertainment? Because I too, manage to be that consistently wrong. When I heard about Truck Nuts, I was like, “Who would want to openly advertise the disappointment in their pants? This will never catch on.” When Justin Bieber had one of his songs listed for free on iTunes, I listened and thought, “Dude looks and sounds like he’s twelve. This will never catch on.” When I heard about <i>Dancing with the Stars, </i>I was like, “No one’s going to want to see a bunch of D-List celebrities dance.” </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: white; color: #202122; font-size: 12pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: white; color: #202122; font-size: 12pt; text-size-adjust: auto;">And when I heard about this movie, my feeling was that it was going to be a sleeper: do all right business but not Blockbuster-level business. Because as already stated, it was about characters no one had heard of, and it was an August release. August has long been the month where Hollywood releases its bombs or its movies they consider too quirky or weird to gain an audience. And then <i>Guardians </i>proceeds to be the highest-grossing movie of 2014.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: white; color: #202122; font-size: 12pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: white; color: #202122; font-size: 12pt; text-size-adjust: auto;">So yeah, I’ve accepted that I’m the Bill Kristol of entertainment. My only objection is unlike Bill Kristol, I haven’t managed to make a comfortable living despite always being wrong, and I’m mostly wrong about frivolous stuff but right about serious stuff, whereas Kristol is wrong about very serious issues. :pauses to sob for a few minutes:</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: white; color: #202122; font-size: 12pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: white; color: #202122; font-size: 12pt; text-size-adjust: auto;">For those of you who are feeling generous, I have a <a href="https://ko-fi.com/jennymingus29731">Ko-Fi.</a> If you want to drop a few bucks in my cup, I can’t say I’d object. I also have a <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Days-Smoke-Shadow-Young-World-ebook/dp/B09QRM8YH6/ref=sr_1_1?crid=MZ6KB9E3W2KQ&keywords=ra+hargreaves&qid=1659220547&sprefix=%2Caps%2C240&sr=8-1">book.</a></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">For the record, if Marvel was testing us, trying to see how dedicated the fans are, I can’t judge them too harshly. If my fandom were as large and as rabid, like hell would I be able to resist it. I imagine it’s true of all the proprietors of large fandoms, that it’s hard to resist the effort to toy with your fanbase a little.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Though this film does serve a larger purpose in the plotting of the MCU. Until this movie, the action had been mostly confined to Earth; we knew that there were aliens, but that was the extent of what we knew of the wider Marvel-verse. This movie expands the canvas on which the Marvel universe operates. It introduces the Kree, a race of aliens, who play a reoccurring role in the Marvel universe. And probably most importantly, it introduces Thanos and further explains the infinity stones, both of which are important players in future films. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Have to say, Thanos, why did you ditch the gold armor? You looked so much cooler in it. But I may be breaking my rule about leaping ahead, so let’s move on.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I almost want to do a compare and contrast between this movie and <i>The Eternals. </i>Both movies introduce a large cast of characters in one movie, but one movie succeeds at this, while the other fails.<i> </i>But that would be in major violation of the rule. Plus, it’s still uncertain as to what part <i>The Eternals </i>will play in the MCU, whether Marvel will continue to develop its characters/plotlines or just treat it like a fresh cat turd and bury it deep. I might save this idea for later.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Rewatching this film, the thing that stood out to me, was just how pretty it is. This film is as much a space opera as it is a superhero film, and space operas are almost as much about spectacle as superhero films are. But while Marvel isn't as awashed in dull, colorless, gunmetal-grey aesthetic as the DCEU, it still favors something of a muted palette, probably as an attempt to ground the films. <i>Guardians </i>is bright, glorious, and beautiful. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">And just as with the previous film, this is another case of Marvel deciding to take a chance on a relatively inexperienced director. If you look over James Gunn's filmography until <i>Guardians, </i>he had mostly done indie comedic works, which makes him an interesting choice for your blockbuster superhero space opera. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">But you want me to shut up and talk about the movie. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The film begins with a ten-year-old Peter Quill being <a href="https://youtu.be/nbyjsiULyGE">abducted by aliens.</a> The second film reveals the larger, sadder story behind the abduction, but to go into further detail, would violate my rule. I have violated that rule before and will do it again, but I feel I should put forth the effort to try to follow it. Suffice to say, I do hope that the third film remembers that Peter left behind family on Earth, family that has probably spent decades wondering what happened to him. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">After this heartbreaking intro, <a href="https://youtu.be/nbyjsiULyGE">we meet an adult Quill</a> played by the final Chris to appear in the MCU, Chris Pratt.* </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Those of you who have watched the linked clips have already noted another thing, which makes this movie stand out, aside from its palette: the soundtrack. The collection of 70s and 80s pop songs serve several purposes, by giving this film a memorable sound lacking in other Marvel films, but it also serves as a personal touch, a reminder of the life and the family Peter left behind on Earth. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The movie sets up its MacGuffin early on in the orb Peter steals in the opening. It also cuts to the chase when it comes to <a href="https://youtu.be/noP9HY8nXvY">getting our heroes together</a>. And I have to commend how well it works, how it manages to sum up the characters and their motivations within a few minutes, while being a well-choreographed fight/chase. We learn that Rocket Raccoon is cynical and views everything mostly throw the lens of money, though not too cynical as demonstrated by his friendship with Groot. Groot is fundamentally a gentle soul, though is more than capable of throwing down when needed. And Gamora is a fierce warrior who generally doesn't believe in wasting time. And all of them are damn good at thinking on their feet. </div><div><br /></div><div>But unfortunately for all parties, the authorities catch them, and they're packed off to the pokey. </div><div><br /></div><div>It's at the prison they meet Drax the destroyer, and while they're initially antagonistic towards one another, Peter manages to broker a truce via one of the biggest motivators: money. </div><div><br /></div><div>Basically, the mysterious orb he found at the beginning of the film is worth a whole lot of money, so if they work together and <a href="https://youtu.be/V_eszU-OOAU">bust out of prison</a>, the idea is that they can turn it in and collect a solid payday, before going their separate ways. </div><div><br /></div><div>So here's another way this film stands out: basically, all of its heroes are Han Solo from Star Wars. </div><div><br /></div><div>Not going to deny: my first childhood crushes were either on Han Solo or Tommy from Power Rangers. I believe in being upfront about these things. </div><div><br /></div><div>Of course, the Star Wars franchise has become so ingrained in the wider popular culture probably to the point where even the people on North Sentinel Island know Darth Vader is Luke's father, that we forget some of the reasons why it works so well. </div><div><br /></div><div><i>A New Hope </i>has a sense of fun that none of the subsequent films do, mostly because George Lucas is pretty much winging it when it comes to creating a mythos. Lucas hasn't settled on what exactly the Clone Wars the Leia hologram speaks of yet, and generally, is more interested in capturing the gee-whiz wonder of the sci-fi serials he enjoyed. Don't get me wrong--I generally like most of the Star Wars films--but <i>A New Hope </i>has a different tone from its followers. </div><div><br /></div><div>Luke Skywalker is, of course, the titular heroic figure, but Han Solo attracts our attention pretty quick, because while Luke is the straightforward hero, Han is much more morally grey. After all, he had no interest in being part of a rebellion or anything like that; he took a job so he could pay off the gangster he was in debt to, only for the job to turn out to be much more complicated than he thought. So yeah, he's motivated by money and isn't too shy about admitting it. Harrison Ford's charisma and bravado serve as a large reason why Han doesn't come across as completely unlikeable.</div><div><br /></div><div>The same is true of our protagonists in this film. Despite their more mercenary motivations, their wit and charisma make us like and root for them. Plus, money can be an easier motive for the audience to envision, far more than abstract ones like "Save the world." In fact, writing tip, when telling a story, it helps to give our heroes a more personal cause, because “saving the world” is, like I said, so big and abstract as to be hard to envision. A good example of this is <i>The Hunger Games </i>where initially Katniss is not interested in joining a rebellion; her primary motivations are to protect the people she cares about. She does eventually become more interested in a rebellion as the series wears on, but initially her motives are personal ones.</div><div><br /></div><div>Naturally, what makes our heroes, well, heroes is that when it becomes apparent <a href="https://youtu.be/sw6oVPrIOVc">that larger issues are at work</a>, they step up. </div><div><br /></div><div>Though <i>Guardians </i>has a rather nice exchange regarding the whole “saving the world” bit.</div><div><br /></div><div><div>Rocket Raccoon: What did the galaxy ever do for you? Why would you want to save it?</div><div>Peter Quill: Because I'm one of the idiots who lives in it!</div></div><div><br /></div><div>So the climax is Our heroes need to recover the stone of power from the villain, Ronan the Accuser, so he doesn’t use it to wipe out entire civilizations and set himself up as a god. <a href="https://youtu.be/rLM-bmdTuy0">This culminates in the day being saved via dance-off/power of friendship.</a></div><div><br /></div><div>And now I suppose it’s time to talk about where the villain ranks in terms of the MCU. </div><div><br /></div><div>Credit where credit is due, Ronan isn’t just an old guy in a business suit. Ronan is a Kree warrior in service to Thanos and initially, he was hired to retrieve the stone on his behalf. Of course, once Ronan got his hands on an artifact of almost unfathomable power, he’s like “I could go return it or I could say, ‘Nah!’ and use my newfound powers to do some good ol’ fashioned conquering and set myself as a god in my own name,” which makes sense. The kind of amoral villain that you could hire to steal a very powerful artifact, generally isn’t the kind of person willing to share. Plus I hate Thanos** so I can’t help but respect someone willing to stab him in the back.</div><div><br /></div><div>But I really don’t remember much about Ronan aside from his issues with eye makeup, and the WTF?! reaction he has to Peter doing a dance-off. I think I’ll give him a two on the villain scale.</div><div><br /></div><div>And that’s <i>Guardians of the Galaxy </i>for you. Looking at the landscape of superhero films before and after this one, shows how truly innovative it is. <i>Guardians </i>walked so movies like <i>Birds of Prey </i>and <i>The Suicide Squad </i>could run.</div><div><br /></div><div>Next on the slate is <i>Avengers: Age of Ultron. </i>See you until then.</div><div><br /></div><div>*He’s also currently <a href="https://youtu.be/29w9cRSQ1SU">the least cool of the four Chrises</a> but let’s not get into that.</div><div><br /></div><div>**Do I have a myriad of “Thanos is full of shit” rants at the ready? You better believe I do, but I’ll save them for later.</div>Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-80656812069526851242022-06-13T21:10:00.004-07:002022-06-13T21:50:15.451-07:00Captain America: the Winter Soldier or “WARNING! Gush levels will be at maximum!”<p>Hey everybody. Sorry it took until now for the post.</p><p>I don’t know if anyone has read my “Utopia Defined” post. If you haven’t, the previous post has a link. Go check it out. If me posting on Medium.com isn’t working for you, please let me know. </p><p>Subtitle exists because of all the MCU films, this is one of my favorites, definitely in the top three. So if I sound more enthusiastic then usual, that’s why. It’s also why this post will be hella long because again, I go all in on my obsessions. In fact, I had a hard time writing this one, because I couldn't stop thinking of things I wanted to say. At some point, I had to basically hamstring myself, be like, "Yeah, I know you want to talk about every minute of this movie, but you can't. Deal with it." </p><p>I will also continue to document Captain America’s shameful anti-Americanism.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfjCl0l0HqEWaziagkgiDucpy7atVcTX6IAO9gRWMY1-HaryCqKlESlOkxNG_A9Do2_T3N7pntPJcC9-0vcKEwiH7xFdRGma4HoH2QPKSqh530Yoim9bZpemsSqSjVMWc64LrPPLVr228WPusnhMz8Mn8EjksDIU9lxQAjzCiuu69DkJg6KIvirR6a/s736/9047F8C2-6BD1-4661-B499-04898155A736.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="339" data-original-width="736" height="294" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfjCl0l0HqEWaziagkgiDucpy7atVcTX6IAO9gRWMY1-HaryCqKlESlOkxNG_A9Do2_T3N7pntPJcC9-0vcKEwiH7xFdRGma4HoH2QPKSqh530Yoim9bZpemsSqSjVMWc64LrPPLVr228WPusnhMz8Mn8EjksDIU9lxQAjzCiuu69DkJg6KIvirR6a/w640-h294/9047F8C2-6BD1-4661-B499-04898155A736.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>My two favorite fictional characters are Captain America and Samwise Gamgee. I think my standards are so high, no person stands a chance of satisfying me.</p><p>Like with Phase One, when <i>Captain America: the First Avenger </i>injected new life into the franchise following the mediocre <i>Iron Man 2 </i>and <i>Thor</i>, <i>Winter Soldier </i>does the same for Phase Two, injecting new life following mediocre Iron Man and Thor sequels. </p><p>While each film of the MCU can be enjoyed by itself, there are certain films that serve as key films. <i>Iron Man, </i>having served as the cause of the Cambrian explosion of the MCU, is one of them. <i>The Avengers, </i>the first team up<i>, </i>is another one. And this film marks another turning point, forever casting a shadow over subsequent plotlines. </p><p>Because up to this point, we had a fairly good idea as to who were the good guys and who were the bad guys when it came to the MCU. We also probably hadn’t given much thought to SHIELD beyond “oh yeah, that's the government Men in Black like organization.” This film would forever change that, prove that the definition we had, was murkier than we thought.</p><p>Though before we get into the film proper, I have one gripe: what exactly are Steve’s superpowers supposed to be? Because I thought the super-soldier serum merely put him at the peak of human condition/performance, yet several times in this movie, I’m like, “Okay does he have a Wolverine-style healing factor?” Don’t get me wrong—I’m well aware that humans are much more durable in action movies than in real life—but even by those standards, I have to protest. I generally like to have some parameters regarding a superhero's powers. </p><p>So what’s our boy Steve Rogers been up to following the Battle of New York? Well, here’s a day in the life of Steve.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy0N9t5QRmluueCK1VE2kmXVW04oxfajIEphCMaUivkPOtpiCwhpPmt7Qo38xu0R4EN8-L0A4aP0FtUC-38l9iI37GyGNCzAZW8fQjA39FnTLtwst7LPB1Bfg5AAodGa-JnJgMjqNSkZbTjmmRnBtWy4puHFvqZeycz92v0Nnas7kPVKYpQ-ZghwBO/s807/A4310CCB-55CB-487A-8572-CCA9D27A441B.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="807" data-original-width="581" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy0N9t5QRmluueCK1VE2kmXVW04oxfajIEphCMaUivkPOtpiCwhpPmt7Qo38xu0R4EN8-L0A4aP0FtUC-38l9iI37GyGNCzAZW8fQjA39FnTLtwst7LPB1Bfg5AAodGa-JnJgMjqNSkZbTjmmRnBtWy4puHFvqZeycz92v0Nnas7kPVKYpQ-ZghwBO/w288-h400/A4310CCB-55CB-487A-8572-CCA9D27A441B.jpeg" width="288" /></a></div><br /><p>The total stranger in question is Sam Wilson aka the Falcon who makes his <a href="https://youtu.be/7UGu2sRmSHI">debut</a> in this movie. Sam also works as a VA counselor, and I have to give him credit in that in his interactions with Steve, he seems to be the only one who recognizes that "Hey Steve's actually going through some shit." Steve is a twentysomething who survived a war and somehow wound up in the future, having to deal with the fact that everyone he knew either has one foot in the grave or is in the grave. That's some pretty heavy shit, and combined with the fact that with the exception of his intro film, Captain's story is one of constant disillusionment (i.e. Steve is constantly being betrayed by or letdown by someone), I have to give the stink-eye to just about everyone in Steve's life, because it feels like he’s received little, if any, help with this.</p><p>Then again, Tony’s PTSD is much more visible, and he doesn’t get much help with it either, just everyone hating on him for it. So the people of the MCU just generally suck when it comes to mental health. </p><p>Though I do like his conversation with Sam where they discuss his list. </p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjCn_O2pWwLUDZE37-_fSrKgwJ7VyCpYOCIeNwmfUIU_4AOs9g-7X_RYFkUnQ2cx4zvwWMqgib2OZB1JXWu7oUPpUFH4bEht60wrIdb02NlJOQtFBT-6RST4z1ROoUoC3cSdMJiD1Gc7R6EgDUGOX4WMdvy1yGNi78LfLvvLsxo2cUJAHquoOwqLEIZ" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img data-original-height="417" data-original-width="1000" height="166" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjCn_O2pWwLUDZE37-_fSrKgwJ7VyCpYOCIeNwmfUIU_4AOs9g-7X_RYFkUnQ2cx4zvwWMqgib2OZB1JXWu7oUPpUFH4bEht60wrIdb02NlJOQtFBT-6RST4z1ROoUoC3cSdMJiD1Gc7R6EgDUGOX4WMdvy1yGNi78LfLvvLsxo2cUJAHquoOwqLEIZ=w400-h166" width="400" /></a></p><p><br /><br /></p><p>This is the American version of his list. The MCU proceeded to create several different versions of the list depending on what country you're watching this movie in. </p><p>Again, the "Man Out of Time" plot point has become a key part of Steve's background, and any writer worth its salt, has the sense to plow this fertile ground silly. </p><p>I imagine Steve would probably pleased with most of the changes in the modern-era, even as he might struggle to parse out this new world. I imagine he very quickly becomes annoyed with the way people romanticize WWII. He was there; there was nothing romantic about it. And again, I will continue to say that while superhero films are inherently a romanticization, I still think that leaning on some of the more unsavory aspects of the WWII era would go a long way towards fleshing out Steve Rogers. Once you understand things like Eugenics, how Steve would have grown-up his entire life hearing about how the world would be a better place without him in it, and how it was pretty much held to be true by just about every educated person of the time and undergird Nazi ideology, you understand why he's such a rule-breaking little mothereffer. He knows from personal experience that the best and brightest can be horribly horribly wrong. </p><p>I also use this justification as to Steve's more enlightened views on race; basically, at some point, he was like, "If I can't believe what they say about me, can I believe what they say about the Blacks and the Jews?" Hence his more enlightened views.</p><p>Though at the same time, Steve was still raised within a very toxic stew of a culture when it comes to race. And while many would like to reduce racism and make it the product of individual assholes, the trouble is that all beliefs and prejudices are interwoven into the culture. Meaning that racism is less about the individual attitudes of people and more about systems of power and control under which ordinary people seldom stand much of a chance. No matter how well-meaning a person may be, we will invariably repeat toxic messages given to us. </p><p>So like it or not, Steve probably has his own issues to deal with regarding race. He would have grown up with the Civil War being taught about as the Lost Cause. But basically once Steve wound up in the new era, he realizes he's wrong and sets about educating himself, which is pretty much what every member of the dominant group needs to do. Steve may slip up and occasionally use the word "negro" or "colored" because those were appropriate terminology of his time, but he promptly apologizes afterwards because Steve Rogers is a lot of things, but an asshole isn't one of them. </p><p>Okay, I suppose I should probably stop with all the headcanons and get back to the movie. I realize not everyone has my obsessive nature where I take one off-hand line, scene, or something I read and go all galaxy-brain with my headcanons. I apologize. I still have no idea how normal people consume pop culture; the idea of just sitting there and taking in what is given me and not trying to explore mysteries in my head (i.e. go "Okay, so what did he mean by X?"), writing scripts, or theorizing just seems completely alien to me. </p><p>But Steve unfortunately can't just spend all his time hanging out with Sam, no matter how good an influence he may be. <a href="https://youtu.be/ywSQNlbK73U">He's got work to do. </a></p><p>The movie makes an interesting choice in choosing to have Steve and Natasha partner up. I know as a general rule that the people who set up the MCU planned much of what would happen but given some of the continuity hiccups that show up every now and then, it obviously wasn't planned down to the dot and tittle. I often wonder how much freedom the directors have when it came to the plan. </p><p>This film is directed by the Russo Brothers, Joe and Anthony, who would eventually go onto become some of Marvel's go-to directors, giving us <i>Captain America: Civil War</i>, <i>Avengers: Infinity War</i>, and <i>Avengers: Endgame</i>, but at the time of this movie, Marvel was taking a chance in letting them have a turn. If you look over their IMDB resume, up to that point, the Russos had mostly done sitcom work, the most notable of their credits being the second paintball war on <i>Community. </i>Hardly, the first thought you'd have when you're like, "Okay, I need to get someone to direct the next big-budget installment of a major blockbuster franchise."</p><p>Anyway, back to my original point, I wonder if the Russos were the ones who made the decision to have Natasha and Steve share a close partnership, or if it was some other person's idea. Whoever it was, it's a smart move when we look at what the characters represent. </p><p>Steve is the product of the WWII era, an era which has been much romanticized, upheld as "The Good War" and given a wholesomeness that is completely out of sorts with the reality of any war. As said before, however just the cause of WWII may be, the Allied Forces still plunged deep into a sea of grey, morality-wise. Then again, war is inherently a murky action, only appearing straightforward in hindsight. As said before, a good example of this grey morality is that at the beginning of the war, one of the things the Allied Forces took offense at the Axis Powers for doing, was their bombing of civilian targets. Yet by the end of the war, the Allied Forces are also bombing civilian targets. </p><p><a href="https://youtu.be/mMQ8d3PjF8E">This conversation between Steve and Nick</a> gives the briefest of touches when it comes to the moral compromises of WWII, but doesn’t go much further than that, unfortunately. <br /></p><p>Natasha, meanwhile, has, throughout her history, been a product of the Cold War, a conflict much murkier and much harder to romanticize. It technically never turned, well, hot, and technically the US came out on top, but we still haven't fully reckoned with the decisions made during the conflict. For good or for ill, we are still being shaped by these decisions, yet if you were to mention the words "Operation Ajax," most people would have no idea what you're talking about, even though said event forever defined the Middle East. The Conservatives have managed to mostly rebrand Vietnam as a war which we totally could have won, were it not for all those hippies harshing everyone's mellow what with their pointing out the massive civilian casualties. </p><p>I don't know if I'm breaking my rule about leaping ahead--I probably am--but I like the fact that Natasha and Steve's friendship stays a friendship and never, at any point, turns into a romance. I want more male-female friendships that stay friendships, thank you. </p><p>What’s interesting about this movie is how little in its earlier stages it resembles a superhero film in terms of tone. As many have pointed out, early on this film more resembles a political thriller from the 60s or 70s where you have your good guy hero uncover a massive conspiracy, forcing the hero to go on the run, and try to piece together what’s going on. The Russo Brothers have cited the 1975 thriller <i>Three Days of the Condor </i>as their inspiration saying that this film could almost be referred to as “Three Days of Captain America.”</p><p>For the record, as part of my preparations for this review, I did watch <i>Three Days of the Condor</i>. It was okay. Don’t really have much to say about it.</p><p>And however good this movie is, it does lose some of its paranoid, almost claustrophobic nature on the rewatch, once you know the big twist.</p><p>The big twist I've been tiptoeing around throughout this post? <a href="https://youtu.be/E486XjhYHh8">I'll let one of the characters explain it for you. </a></p><p>Basically, the organization Steve spent WWII grinding into the dust, never really went away and massively infiltrated the US government and possibly many other ones and has spent the past seventy years orchestrating events from the shadows. With the help of the helicarriers mentioned in the conversation between Steve and Nick, they'll soon be able to kill anyone who stands in their way, unless Our Hero stops the launch. </p><p>The film uses Operation Paperclip to explain how and why Hydra scientists were brought over to the US to work for the government. Operation Paperclip was a very real phenomenon and is further proof as to the ambiguities of WWII and the Cold War. Because the popular meme regarding WWII posits it as a righteous crusade against the Nazis, people who used to be painted as unequivocal villains, yet after the war, the US government is colluding with Nazi scientists, so we can get the jump on the USSR, even though the Soviets had been our allies in the war.</p><p>Again, I hope no one gets the wrong idea regarding my views of WWII. I am totally on Team <a href="https://youtu.be/JZj9rvnVd6U">Nazi Punks Fuck Off!</a> I believe in the cause of stopping fascism and spend my days eyerolling over all these centrist concern trolls who hem and haw over the appropriateness of punching Nazis. Decades of media has continually depicted Nazis as the bad guys, yet now that they’re making a comeback*, now, our discourse is filled with obsessions with a false civility. :deep breath:</p><p>What I am opposed to, is the way WWII is overly romanticized to the point where people have forgotten just how the Nazis rose into power in the first place, how Hitler’s regime functioned, how he was aided and abetted by so many of the governments which would later oppose him. </p><p>Though I’m wondering if I’m contradicting myself when it comes to my views on romanticization. For all the hate it gets, I do feel it has some value. It’s why I started my Utopia Defined project, because I felt our political horizons had become constrained. My views are just complicated. <a href="https://youtu.be/1eOyjzYskYE">Do I contradict myself?</a> Well, then I contradict myself. I am large; I contain multitudes.</p><p>Oh and like <a href="https://youtu.be/mLc-niJ-zzQ">Linkara</a>, I feel no shame in using the terms “Nazis” and “Hydra” interchangeably for most of the same reasons. <a href="https://youtu.be/KyEDA0f2MzA">While Hydra and the Nazis broke off from each other</a>, Hydra has always been painted as a fascist organization with trappings very similar to the Nazis and beliefs very similar to those of Nazis. I, myself, am a champion hair-splitter, but even I have my limits. If they look like Nazis and sound like Nazis, call them fucking Nazis.</p><p>Hydra’s Project Insight also has eerie reverberations in our era of drone warfare. It started with George W. Bush, but Barack Obama expanded it, and there’s a scary lack of oversight to the program. Basically, the War on Terror has expanded to just about every country in the Middle East and we have no way of knowing which names are on the list and why. And since cases like <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anwar_al-Awlaki">Anwar al-Awlaki</a>** prove that not even an American citizenship will protect you from drone strikes, we have to face the fact that the President of the United States can straight-up execute its own citizens for whatever reason they deem appropriate. And well, as the rule of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperial_boomerang">Foucault’s Boomerang </a>states that weapons/tactics used to suppress uprisings on its enemies abroad will eventually come to be used against its own people, we can probably assume that drone warfare will eventually be used on American soil. Even though given that the police can all but execute you for whatever reason they feel like, maybe we don't need drones to do the job. </p><p>So Cap has discovered that the organization he's working for, is full to the brim with Nazis. And if that isn't enough, it turns out that the titular Winter Soldier who has been trying to kill him, <a href="https://youtu.be/bp6hhq8DdgU">is his tortured best friend</a> who he thought had died after falling from a speeding train into the Alps. </p><p> Looking back, this whole movie is about the art of misdirection. Because again, going in, we thought we had an idea as to how the Marvel Cinematic Universe worked, thought we knew who the good guys and the bad guys were, only for it to turn out to be brutally wrong, forcing us to now look at everything that had happened prior in a new light. </p><p>Like remember how the SHIELD council wanted to nuke New York to save the Earth from an alien invasion? Well, what if Hydra had all kinds of plans to use that to push forth their agenda on an even greater skill, which would work because the death of 8 million people? Everyone would be scared and willing to go along with anything and everything. It'd be 9/11 on steroids. </p><p>Oh and the following is totally canon: Phil Coulson saved Steve’s life by being a fanboy. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhncJFcYqyxbIJQfAdKx2By2Ys6AFlOuQmmewMfLbabjmId-uGHQcc4nuEj5wbIU5Eodi30dmnmC2VlPC6tbyOWglZwC0xmnE7fiCMVFmvbA3764z5wF0Srmbb2NkWqiexpEStCEEdOmewAJK9wPPddfPLd9_7u3r8Lm0QiYA_S7RGI_Z4JCvYBxij7/s1024/D162001E-FE17-416A-9AFE-8343AA931136.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="768" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhncJFcYqyxbIJQfAdKx2By2Ys6AFlOuQmmewMfLbabjmId-uGHQcc4nuEj5wbIU5Eodi30dmnmC2VlPC6tbyOWglZwC0xmnE7fiCMVFmvbA3764z5wF0Srmbb2NkWqiexpEStCEEdOmewAJK9wPPddfPLd9_7u3r8Lm0QiYA_S7RGI_Z4JCvYBxij7/w480-h640/D162001E-FE17-416A-9AFE-8343AA931136.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div><br /><p>I imagine Steve being like, “Uh, thanks?” in response to this.</p><p>And with <a href="https://youtu.be/onNN-C9Icso">Senator Stern being revealed to be Hydra?</a> Well, that gives new insight into how in <a href="https://youtu.be/9E9bscLGTAA">Iron Man 2</a> he wanted badly to get his hands on Tony's technology. </p><p>Of course, the existence of this movie proves that Tony's not as great a hacker as he claims to be, but hey, maybe after eating all that shawarma, he just forgot to get around to checking any of the other stuff he'd gotten from SHIELD.</p><p>Even the subtitle of this film is kind of an exercise in misdirection. After all it, along with the promotional materials, positions the Winter Soldier as the film's Big Bad, only for it to be revealed that he's basically a tortured POW who lacks the one freedom afforded to any POW: the ability to hate the people who are horribly abusing him. The so-called Big Bad is actually entirely lacking in agency of his own, a tool used by others. </p><p>Though when it comes to the actual villain of the film, Alexander Pierce? For those of you wondering, he's a solid one on the 1 to 5 villain scale. He's not completely lacking in any memorable qualities ala Malekith, but Pierce is kind of the embodiment of so many of the MCU's villain problems in Phase One and Two. He's basically an old man in a business suit, interesting for the organization he represents, but he could easily be replaced by another character, say, Senator Stern, without the movie being affected by it at all. </p><p>Anyway, Steve is understandably shaken and pissed off by everything that's happened. Like I've said before, with the exception of his intro film, nearly every appearance has Cap being betrayed or letdown by somebody. This film represents the biggest of that moment and probably the most impactful on his character. And while I can't go too in depth with this without breaking my rule about skipping ahead, much of Cap's actions in <i>Civil War </i>really make sense in light of this movie. :clamps mouth shut so I won't lecture any further:</p><p>Those of you know that I ship Bucky and Steve, believe that their friendship clearly goes far beyond a brotherly one. I just find the idea of a relationship between the two to be fascinating. Bucky is one of the few people who knew Steve back when he was a 95 lb. asthmatic, the one person who always believed in him and thought he was worth something, even before he was shot up full of super-soldier serum. Growing up in a culture which, like I said, constantly told him the world would be better off without him in it, you better believe that having someone like Bucky on his side meant the world to Steve. </p><p>The repeated phrase between the two of them <a href="https://youtu.be/6I5sJ5Y5kPE">"I'm with you til' the end of the line"</a> has connotations that go far beyond mere brotherly love. Though to the extent that bisexuality or homosexuality was talked about back then, well, I'm afraid I only have a laymen's/surface-level understanding of it, but probably to the extent that it was talked about, it was considered a deviancy that could be fixed via a proper heterosexual marriage. Supposedly, the Brooklyn neighborhood where Steve and Bucky would have lived, had a thriving LGBT scene, but the essay where I read this, has disappeared into the ether that is the worldwide web. </p><p>But what I keep coming back to, regarding my Steve/Bucky ship, is the lengths they go to for one another. To leap ahead briefly, <i>Civil War </i>forever clenched it for me because, well, when it comes to a fight, they are willing to take their own knocks; they don't enjoy getting beat up, but they can take it. However, the surest way to really get them to go into "Oh Fuck You!" mode is to go for the other one. <a href="https://twitter.com/charcubed/status/1085731780982910976?lang=en">Twitter thread with further proof to drive the point home. </a></p><p>I do wonder if that was one way that Erskine's serum served as a relief for Steve, not just that he no longer has his myriad of health problems, but...well, remember the story said that the serum basically fixed what was wrong with him, so the fact that his feelings for Bucky remained even afterwards, proved to him once and for all that there wasn't anything wrong with these feelings; he wasn’t broken. </p><p>It may be one of the greatest treats for him of the new world; he and Bucky can openly be together. </p><p>I've also heard it theorized that the MCU version of Bucky Barnes is kind of a melding of two supporting characters from the life of Steve Rogers: Bucky Barnes and Arnie Roth. For those who don't know, <a href="https://marvel.fandom.com/wiki/Arnold_Roth_(Earth-616)">Arnie Roth</a> was basically a lot like the MCU depiction of Bucky in that he was a friend of preserum Steve Rogers who regularly rescued him from bullies and always thought he was worth something, even before Steve underwent the procedure. Roth is Jewish and is later revealed to be Gay, traits which many Steve/Bucky fans have incorporated into their headcanons regarding Bucky. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCMp_p_iLrANzdISZiN6cUC3Zo53e4HA-CMCAbd6VTjzHw7TGs6HF_fMEldlMlpkuRVaUnWFhWwL4Y3Uk8rwK1KmhkbUEE-gPa_LaAppNLPmzACL5ARa8dY45h9XdZlhjcDG3vWAs-Q8eWuGi7VwPQIJNuMap4dbmuAaYa63w8U35fg5j-eNf4yDVy/s1152/1BB72E79-EDC2-44D0-BE94-45FF253AC7D3.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1065" data-original-width="1152" height="370" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCMp_p_iLrANzdISZiN6cUC3Zo53e4HA-CMCAbd6VTjzHw7TGs6HF_fMEldlMlpkuRVaUnWFhWwL4Y3Uk8rwK1KmhkbUEE-gPa_LaAppNLPmzACL5ARa8dY45h9XdZlhjcDG3vWAs-Q8eWuGi7VwPQIJNuMap4dbmuAaYa63w8U35fg5j-eNf4yDVy/w400-h370/1BB72E79-EDC2-44D0-BE94-45FF253AC7D3.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Did I mention that the comic from which this panel was taken from, came out during the height of the AIDS epidemic during the 80s? So Cap is making a radical statement here. I wonder if I should add this to my list of exhibits in my "Captain America is an America-Hating Bastard" exhibit. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>FYI, the Bernie Cap is referring to is <a href="https://marvel.fandom.com/wiki/Bernadette_Rosenthal_(Earth-616)">this woman, a Jewish Bisexual artist.</a><div><br /></div><div>Though just as I shouldn't use the fact that one of them is named after a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Buchanan">a president widely suspected to be Gay</a> as support for my ship, I also shouldn't use the fact that <a href="https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1659221/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0">one of the actors involved</a> has a history of playing <a href="https://youtu.be/CsSNalX95CM">tortured</a> <a href="https://youtu.be/OkvBbg6PFqI">Gay Boys</a> either. </div><div><br /></div><div>Oh, all right, enough slash headcanons, back to the movie. </div><div><br /></div><div>I suppose we should talk about <a href="https://youtu.be/uDqBj3FzPzU">this scene</a> which has to rank as one of the most heart-breaking and disturbing in the MCU. </div><div><br /></div><div>The Russo Brothers summed up their planning for this scene as thus:</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuIqyuOZTdK10WkEj-HwM6yc-BQgDXA41n3Nb2M5mjGrAqpW-FZZy1ufQYqRr2htQY7HtPKMZ5BXuZ6BmAzQuzoRgNngIkTCiEfcI3EomUp2unc_yvvQhT0x3bmY9ZzlvLd3loYbyonebE0Rrc6OM4-hEb-2pAuLPruPbN3H_PVsCxg9WM7pU1Rsu4/s849/d2f903d6fdb766b649d287ffc5ad1584.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="849" data-original-width="523" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuIqyuOZTdK10WkEj-HwM6yc-BQgDXA41n3Nb2M5mjGrAqpW-FZZy1ufQYqRr2htQY7HtPKMZ5BXuZ6BmAzQuzoRgNngIkTCiEfcI3EomUp2unc_yvvQhT0x3bmY9ZzlvLd3loYbyonebE0Rrc6OM4-hEb-2pAuLPruPbN3H_PVsCxg9WM7pU1Rsu4/w394-h640/d2f903d6fdb766b649d287ffc5ad1584.jpg" width="394" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The shirt-removing innovation works not just from a pervy “Sebastian Stan is hot" perspective, but also because it adds another note of vulnerability to the scene. The whole scene illustrates the paradoxical nature of the Winter Soldier's role in Hydra. The thing is, he could take out all the soldiers in the room if he wanted to, but he can't, because again, he lacks the one freedom afforded to any POW. His shirtlessness serves as a visual symbol of the power disparity involved between him and the men he serves: he's half-naked while being surrounded by soldiers in head-to-toe SWAT gear. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The scene is even more heartbreaking than the <i>Empire Strikes Back </i>one, because Han didn’t completely have what little sense of self he possessed, destroyed. Whereas poor Bucky…basically he doesn’t have enough context to put together the few slivers he remembers, but for the first time in a long time, there’s something there. For the first time in ages, he knows he is being lied to. So as the machine warms up, he is begging himself to hold onto this name, this face; this is important and he cannot afford to lose this.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Though the line in Pierce’s monologue where he says, “And I need you to do it one more time…” well, it doesn’t take long to make some connotations about what this means. My personal headcanon is that Hydra had decided that once the helicarriers launched, they would no longer need the Winter Soldier. Why go to the trouble of keeping him, when you can program coordinates into a computer and have them scratched off with no muss, no fuss? </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">That’s why, well, if you’ve watched any of the <a href="https://youtu.be/vvqumP-blsw">fight</a> <a href="https://youtu.be/2bWWBjKEiZA">scenes</a> with the Winter Soldier in this movie and have been like, “Y’know he seems to be the opposite of a stealthy assassin,” now you know it’s basically because Hydra no longer gave a fuck.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Though Natasha said that the Winter Soldier had been linked to dozens of assassinations over the past 50 years, but Bucky wound up Hydra’s custody back in 1945, 70 years ago. So did Bucky hold out and resist for 20 damn years or are there actions Natasha doesn’t know about?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">One last nitpick regarding this scene: if you watched <i>First Avenger, </i>you’d recall that Zola was arrested on the train very shortly after Bucky fell. But I’m willing to accept that after falling hundreds of feet from a speeding train, Bucky’s recall might not be what you’d call a 100% accurate.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So everything’s in place for the big action climax. While it is generally a satisfying one with plenty of tension, I do feel the movie isn’t as strong without the “who can I trust?” paranoia tone of earlier. Don’t get me wrong; there are still some great fight scenes, especially <a href="https://youtu.be/I_jVXcRvhTs">the final fight between Steve and Bucky.</a> But none of them are as creative or nail-biting as <a href="https://youtu.be/ly5wP55Krdw">the elevator fight</a> from earlier. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The elevator fight frequently makes the list of best MCU fight scenes, which is completely understandable. The creativity and tension, along with its use of such a small space, makes it well worth watching.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I could easily go on and on with this movie, create headcanons within headcanons until the end of time, but I’ve already made it so that no one will ever go to a movie with me, so let’s wrap this up.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The day is saved. In the wake of the helicarrier crash, all of Hydra’s files are dumped onto the web for the world to see. Regrettably, this will only receive a scant mention in future films. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">For those interested, <a href="https://youtu.be/32Qh2zXbROA">here are the two credit scenes.</a> Wanda and Pietro make a cameo, but I’ve decided not to link to their origin story. Let’s save that for <i>Age of Ultron </i>when they play a bigger part. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Next on the roster is <i>Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 1</i>. See you until then.</div><br /><div><br /></div><div>*The future was supposed to be space travel, dammit, not Nazis making a comeback!</div><div><br /></div><div>**If you want to read more about the assassination of al-Awlaki and generally all the secret wars we're fighting all over the Middle East and Africa, Jeremy Scahill's book <i>Dirty Wars </i>is both fascinating and terrifying. There's also a documentary based on said book for those of you who don't like reading. </div><div><br /></div><div>The whole think with Anwar al-Awlaki is particularly fascinating in that in the wake of 9/11, he was often profiled as an example of a moderate Muslim who decried the terrorists' actions as antithetical to Islam. What turned him radical was being repeatedly harassed by law enforcement/intelligence organizations.</div><div><br /></div><div>Though the real sad/scary part is the death of Abdulrahaman, his son, who was killed a few weeks after his father. Whatever your issues with his dad, Abdulrahaman was a minor and was guilty of nothing more than having a terrorist recruiter for a father. </div>Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-12695134463253912012022-05-24T13:46:00.007-07:002022-05-24T13:46:53.624-07:00Utopia Defined: Sir Thomas More's "Utopia" <p> For those of you interested, I finally got off my rear end and wrote the first post of my <a href="https://medium.com/@jennylynn/utopia-defined-sir-thomas-mores-utopia-86e7ec19bce">Utopia Defined</a> series on Medium.com. Feel free to read, comment, and share. </p><p>As for MCU Obsessed, I'll try to get the next post to you before the end of the month, barring the unforeseen.</p><p>Until then, take care. </p>Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-58106904539715771572022-04-04T22:42:00.004-07:002022-04-06T15:47:18.719-07:00Thor: the Dark World or “Loki: the Loki-ing”<p> Well, I don’t know if anyone is reading this, but like I said, no one would take me seriously if I made another flounce, so here I am. Again, <a href="http://mousehole-mouse.blogspot.com/2022/03/utopia-defined-parameters.html">Utopia Defined</a> will be a long time coming, due to the amount of research required.</p><p>So <i>Thor: the Dark World </i>(TDW) aka the hot mess of the MCU. I suppose you could make a case that its predecessor, <i>Iron Man 3</i>, was a hot mess, but while it was in places, there were also some genuinely compelling elements like Tony’s PTSD. Whereas TDW<i> </i>is just a hot mess. </p><p>To the extent anyone remembers anything about TDW, they remember Loki. Hence my alternate title. That mothereffer effectively stole every scene he was in, put in the bank and drew interest, making sure to invest his earnings in an offshore tax shelter so the IRS can’t get their hands on it. Tom Hiddleston is just terrific, clearly having a fabulous time with this part. </p><p><a href="http://mousehole-mouse.blogspot.com/2021/02/thor-or-thunderstruck.html">I remain disappointed that no one answered my Tom Hiddleston vs. Benedict Cumberbatch question.</a><br /></p><p>Anyway, if this review is kind of skimpy, well, it’s because outside of Loki, there’s nothing really memorable about this movie. It’s not as completely unmemorable as <i>The Incredible Hulk </i>but that’s not much of an accomplishment.</p><p>Following his attempt to conquer Earth, Loki has been packed off to an Asgardian prison. And Odin, being the kind of guy he is, <a href="https://youtu.be/ORLfDbfemog">wastes no time when it comes to being a dick.</a> Yeah, Odin, real mystery why Loki has issues, what with the whole treating him as a political hostage rather than, y’know, your child. It’s understandable why the fangirls woobify Loki so much and while I don’t judge them too harshly for it, me, I much prefer my Loki to have something of an amoral streak.</p><p>As for what Thor’s been up to, well, after the Battle of New York, <a href="https://youtu.be/E0HzpZAgAwY">he decides to meet up with Natalie Portman.</a></p><p>He’s a muscle-bound Demi-god and she’s an ethereally beautiful nerd. I have no idea how their relationship works; I just know that Natalie Portman causes me to question my commitment to heterosexuality whereas Chris Hemsworth causes me to want to renew my commitment to heterosexuality, making me wonder if having them play a couple, isn’t the equivalent of putting a humidifier and dehumidifier side by side and letting them battle it out.</p><p>Let us never forget that the Four Chris Debate has been effectively resolved.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipVjzrgGZ25jdaq49ygmVGLlHoalqWb0UF19kJA_qiBz-_xqBRFvuARdJgD2rfyvB2SGonYA4rhaIUyHnqevUDu3gnv1MR4oiR9CaP-nENnjD-X8ATLaxCUuF78mYf5oxg2rENy-FAKIeWS6M9Fi7tD_dv7Nw4t-zeYYyt1J0KkR09UBG0JV-fP4GN/s831/F9A22AD2-74FE-4ECF-A4AA-E302BF01A925.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="831" data-original-width="581" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipVjzrgGZ25jdaq49ygmVGLlHoalqWb0UF19kJA_qiBz-_xqBRFvuARdJgD2rfyvB2SGonYA4rhaIUyHnqevUDu3gnv1MR4oiR9CaP-nENnjD-X8ATLaxCUuF78mYf5oxg2rENy-FAKIeWS6M9Fi7tD_dv7Nw4t-zeYYyt1J0KkR09UBG0JV-fP4GN/w280-h400/F9A22AD2-74FE-4ECF-A4AA-E302BF01A925.jpeg" width="280" /></a></div><br /><p>Reposting image because no one read my previous <i>Thor </i>post, and I’m petty as heck.</p><p><a href="https://youtu.be/qEnt0Vtsinc">But Jane has her own issues right now.</a><br /></p><p>Basically, Jane Foster has some red energy inside her that makes gravity and everything else behave wonky. <a href="https://youtu.be/mAz4BRX5ex0">So Thor brings her home to Asgard.</a></p><p>Ah, Odin hardly wastes any time when it comes to being a dick. Like I said before, with the sheer amount of dickish dads in the Marvel-verse (Odin, Howard Stark, Hank Pym, Harold Barton, Brian Banner, occasionally Joseph Rogers), it makes me wonder if anyone ever asked Stan Lee or Jack Kirby to show on a doll what the bad man did to them. The DC-verse probably has their share of dickish dads, but it doesn’t seem quite as extensive as Marvel, where nearly every Avenger can wear a “My Dad’s a Dick!” shirt.</p><p>I wonder if this has something to do with the differing approaches Marvel and DC take to their heroes. DC has long held its heroes as aspirational figures, people to aspire towards. I’m not saying that DC Comics’ characters are completely lacking in flaws or compelling drama but that’s the approach they take.</p><p>Whereas Marvel has long gone for a more grounded approach, showing its characters as people struggling to deal not only with the great responsibilities placed on their broad shoulders, but also ordinary stuff like trying to pay the bills.</p><p>Note, I didn’t use the world “realistic” when talking about Marvel, because while defenders of Marvel will claim that their characters are more realistic, really, there’s almost nothing realistic about superheroes. Superheroes are inherently a romanticization, modern day tales of the knight-errant <a href="https://youtu.be/3q3zbXlISeM">as Linkara puts it in one of his best speeches.</a></p><p>And given, <a href="https://medium.com/@jennylynn/utopia-defined-the-parameters-6a12e9024091">as I assert in my opening “Utopia Defined” post</a>, we live in a stunted reality, I am more in favor of romanticization. </p><p>Still the differing approaches Marvel and DC take to their characters can be utilized in compelling ways as seen in the <span face=""Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(15, 17, 17); color: #0f1111; text-size-adjust: 100%;">Kurt Busiek and George Perez</span><span face=""Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(15, 17, 17); color: #0f1111; text-size-adjust: 100%;"> JLA/Avengers crossover, where initially the Avengers are appalled by all the massive statues of JLA members, believing that they force the populace to worship them as gods. And moments like when Aquaman argues with Doctor Doom about governing a population. </span></p><p><span face=""Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(15, 17, 17); color: #0f1111; text-size-adjust: 100%;">And just in case you don’t trust my word regarding said crossover, you better believe I’ll post Linkara’s review just so you can see some of it for yourself. <a href="https://youtu.be/AiaMgg3CXdc">Part One,</a> and <a href="https://youtu.be/AOV9chEG2yQ">Part Two.</a></span></p><p>Unfortunately, the comic itself is unavailable in trade, probably due to copyright issues, so the only way you can read this fabulous work of art, is to buy used comics, which costs mucho dinero. </p><p>On an unrelated note, I have a <a href="https://ko-fi.com/jennymingus29731">Ko-Fi.</a> If you want to drop some bucks in my cup as thanks, feel free.</p><p>Anyway, back to the movie.</p><p>But someone else is interested in the red stuff inside Natalie Portman. <a href="https://youtu.be/6-SQPirAUcc">Meet Malekith the Accursed</a></p><p>And I don’t know if anyone has been participating in the debate over which Marvel villain qualifies as Zero (as in there is nothing, nothing remotely memorable about them), but for those who guessed Malekith, come on down and collect your prize, which amounts to bragging rights.</p><p>Because there is nothing remotely memorable about Malekith. He woodenly walks through this movie never demonstrating anything resembling a personality, barely displaying the stereotypical “I’m a villain and I’m having a ball” traits seen in superhero villains.</p><p>There is no sense of life behind the character, even though superhero villains are traditionally the scenery chewers, the over-the-top grandiosity a defining trait. Granted, MCU villains (with the exception of Loki) are generally boring and bland until Phase Three, but even other Phase One and Two villains demonstrate occasional signs of life, but not Malekith.</p><p>In fairness, given how charismatic Loki is, maybe there was no chance for Malekith to be livelier than cold gravy. Malekith is played by Christopher Eccleston who played the ninth incarnation of The Doctor. Being a Baby Whovian who has only seen the 13th Doctor* and a handful of other episodes and having never seen any 9th Doctor episodes, I can’t give any comments about his performance, whether his version of The Doctor demonstrates any charisma or wit. But he certainly doesn’t demonstrate any charisma or wit in <i>TDW. </i></p><p>Granted TDW is desperately underwritten and Malekith is even more so, and there’s only so much that even a good actor can do to save a bad part. Eccleston has almost nothing to work with, so I don’t hold this film against him.**</p><p>Probably no scene better illustrates the desperately underwritten nature of this movie, that this moment: <a href="https://youtu.be/Kloighhr-38">The Death of Frigga</a></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzK8N-3uRXTwoS4kzDjgv9NYvwJBIslkfUdqwzmu2UpLeVG5LgrLhmVt2a948Hn3KO2y2JUjS5bjh5pLjQKmQ6ExCiw9t2V1b93AU4aVfZ8XgXr_3Vx7AKKdgbeSMsl2Jd5-fNxl2kXtM68GPax4GIPj9nl8dYiwgo8n-sBOjxnR9LLu5Esee3sMjo/s590/3aa7a5735a5db1dbc8d0af04cac6e740.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="590" data-original-width="564" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzK8N-3uRXTwoS4kzDjgv9NYvwJBIslkfUdqwzmu2UpLeVG5LgrLhmVt2a948Hn3KO2y2JUjS5bjh5pLjQKmQ6ExCiw9t2V1b93AU4aVfZ8XgXr_3Vx7AKKdgbeSMsl2Jd5-fNxl2kXtM68GPax4GIPj9nl8dYiwgo8n-sBOjxnR9LLu5Esee3sMjo/w383-h400/3aa7a5735a5db1dbc8d0af04cac6e740.jpg" width="383" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div> I put this picture up for a reason; fear not, there is a method to my madness. There are a wide variety of tests regarding female characters, The Bechdel being the most famous. To this list, I want to add <a href="https://heywriters.tumblr.com/post/186767804825/new-writing-rule-checkovs-friend-if-you">another one to the pile. </a><br /><p><br /></p><blockquote><p><span face=""Helvetica Neue", sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-style: italic;">Thor’s Mum rule – If you’re going to kill a character who’s carried any part of the plot, take a bit to reimagine the plot as if she were the main character, and the story ends when she dies. If it’s unsatisfying, rewrite either her plot points, or her death, to make both more meaningful.</span></p></blockquote><p>Frigga's death is a classic <a href="https://lby3.com/wir/">"woman in the refrigerator" moment</a>, her death serving more to cause the men in her life Man-Pain. Oh sure, the movie puts forth some effort to go "Be sad! Be sad at this moment!" but Frigga has mattered so little that there's no way her death could have any impact. The only reason it has any impact is due not to the writing, but Tom Hiddleston and Rene Russo got together and basically decided that Loki and Frigga would share a close bond.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghW46LWyxyfwvW1WDjnvJzpQP1NI8KVfUYA0r0oO9iaaQr5eg7CyVsLtBgiiYhwp93AU0R7NQWB09-HEj-TdXthWCOlJ2g5xWBdPyj2tWLLdEFV8kD3-XjeIN2XNnF2JJGDk3H7GWEydwBhdCrEYS1C9p0jDLn0oGQcJwEkG-OFmhKbIImO7DU52Dd/s1258/71b58dbdbfb166229426acfcedbb2fb5.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1258" data-original-width="561" height="745" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghW46LWyxyfwvW1WDjnvJzpQP1NI8KVfUYA0r0oO9iaaQr5eg7CyVsLtBgiiYhwp93AU0R7NQWB09-HEj-TdXthWCOlJ2g5xWBdPyj2tWLLdEFV8kD3-XjeIN2XNnF2JJGDk3H7GWEydwBhdCrEYS1C9p0jDLn0oGQcJwEkG-OFmhKbIImO7DU52Dd/w333-h745/71b58dbdbfb166229426acfcedbb2fb5.jpg" width="333" /></a></div><br /><p>So yeah, for those of you who haven't figured out the common pattern <a href="http://mousehole-mouse.blogspot.com/2021/02/thor-or-thunderstruck.html">of the three cut scenes from the first Thor movie</a>, the common thread is Frigga. Putting these scenes in the movie wouldn't completely alleviate all the problems with her character, but they would give her death more of an impact, especially the <a href="https://youtu.be/uk3t_jQvK4I">one where she says that Odin should have told Loki the truth.</a> Regarding this movie, <a href="https://youtu.be/UcoNxqkyGTQ">this scene with her</a> should have gone into the final project as well. Granted, really the whole part needs to be rewritten, but I'm thinking from a more practical standpoint: what can we do with what exists, rather than try to re-direct a whole film. </p><p>I will admit that the death scene we did get is better than the <a href="https://youtu.be/YPWskGJM5KE">alternate version</a> where Frigga is even more unceremoniously dispatched and Odin, once again, is a colossal dick. </p><p>Anyway, there is really nothing left for me to talk about this movie. I know all of you are getting tired of me using the word "underwritten" when it comes to this movie, but really, it's the best way of summing it up. </p><p>The only real lasting plot points that come to play in later movies is Loki fakes his death yet again and is now ruling Asgard, disguised as Odin. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi06EavjqiO5fU6Z1eWDKu1jyQiGJUYiU51kccwqpI77n95x7laG5c2jfOcWxGcHbNP6IvbSPjwOLMV8srDCox5naQtEWwfAgeWKavXLfuVFNhH3YUYvEcB2_H_7bcVX3--RCffFeMK8ztrC7T5HOcjojHcGB5AagaZ5QcC5kt4Zre8EmUqgJ1MPOOd/s608/788f7c1ea137c7c1e3d73b0fe5d6c536.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="608" data-original-width="486" height="503" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi06EavjqiO5fU6Z1eWDKu1jyQiGJUYiU51kccwqpI77n95x7laG5c2jfOcWxGcHbNP6IvbSPjwOLMV8srDCox5naQtEWwfAgeWKavXLfuVFNhH3YUYvEcB2_H_7bcVX3--RCffFeMK8ztrC7T5HOcjojHcGB5AagaZ5QcC5kt4Zre8EmUqgJ1MPOOd/w402-h503/788f7c1ea137c7c1e3d73b0fe5d6c536.jpg" width="402" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div> Image posted because it is so damn true. The one time Odin displays any fatherly warmth is when Loki is pretending to be him. While I know that there are more likely reasons, my personal headcanon is that was how Thor eventually figures out. At some point between <i>TDW </i>and <i>Ragnarok, </i>Thor's like, "Wait a minute, my father was being much less of a dick than usual..." <div><br /></div><div>tl;dr, this movie is only worth it for Loki. I've heard some theorize that maybe this was his plan all along to wind up in prison so he could eventually worm his way onto the throne of Asgard, but I don't buy it. I just can't picture Loki coming up with a plan that would require him to get beaten as badly as he was in the Battle of New York. <br /><p>*Yes, I did become a Whovian mostly out of spite, mother. Surest way to get me onboard with a property is for whiny-ass white male fanboys to lose their shit over it. It's also the surest way to make me a fan of a character: if the fans/writers bash or excessively mistreat them. I suppose I should be disturbed by how spite drives so many of my motivations, but I don't care enough to fix it. </p><p>**The only actors/actresses I really hold grudges against are Sean Penn, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Jared Leto. Sean Penn is just the smuggest human being on this planet, so smug that even though I often agree with his politics, I still want to punch him in his stupid face. Gwyneth Paltrow, for all the Goop BS. It's a shame because Pepper Potts is one of my favorite minor characters in the MCU. </p><p>As for Jared Leto, it should be obvious. I have long spear-headed the "Rescind Jared Leto's Oscar and Give it to Margot Robbie!" campaign. Not only did Margot Robbie have to put up with all his Joker BS, she had to pretend that she was attracted to all this BS, an acting feat that would stymie even Laurence Olivier. Margot Robbie did actual method acting: studying psychology, becoming a gymnast, and doing most of her own stunts as Harley Quinn and is the lotus rising from the muck of the first Suicide Squad movie; Leto was just a creepy-ass sex offender who would have been blackballed were it not for the fact he is a rich White man and is practically immune from consequences. :deep breath: Seriously, it should be a rule: no Oscar-winner should deliver a performance that bad. </p></div>Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-66833090976390941242022-03-08T19:31:00.002-08:002022-03-08T19:31:33.665-08:00Utopia Defined: the Parameters <p> I don’t know how many of you are out there reading this, but I finally posted the beginning parameters for my new project “Utopia Defined” over on <a href="https://medium.com/@jennylynn/utopia-defined-the-parameters-6a12e9024091">Medium.com</a>. As for why I didn’t post it here, well, I’m starting to think that maybe I’ve reached my limits with Blogger and thought I’d try a new platform, see if it expands my readership a little. If it doesn’t work out, I will repost it here. </p><p>Hopefully, this project will go over better than my other ones. Feel free to comment and share as always. For those of you interested, I’ve recently set up a <a href="https://ko-fi.com/jennymingus29731">Ko-Fi</a> account. If I’ve ever brought you enough joy that you feel like putting a couple of bills in my cup, feel free.</p><p>I can’t give you an exact timeframe regarding the next “Utopia Defined” post. These will take longer and demand more research than my usual posts. As for the other ones, well, I was so focused on getting the “Utopia Defined” project outlined that I kind of put it on hold. I have a hard time keeping track of multiple projects, one of many reasons why I struggled so much with doing homework in school. But I will try to do my best.</p><p>Until then, take care.</p>Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-64180399230374769502022-01-21T15:26:00.001-08:002022-04-04T22:44:04.045-07:00Iron Man 3 or “We create our own demons”<p>Well, I decided to get back into the game, even though this means I will never be taken seriously when I make another flounce again. But ah well.</p><p>To keep from getting too bored and/or frustrated and following the advice of the poll I made on Slacktivist, I’ve decided to do both of my proposed projects: MCU Obsessed and Utopia Defined. Whether this counts as cheating, I don’t know. I’ll post the parameters of Utopia Defined at some point. For now, I’ve decided to pick up where I left off.</p><p>Let’s face it: a major problem regarding Phase Two is the question, “Why doesn’t the title character call the other heroes for backup?” It’s especially bad with this one. Yeah, Tony, I’m fairly certain that Captain AMERICA would care that the AMERICAN president has been kidnapped.</p><p><br /></p><p>Then again…</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgX1m0AH4KlBBvvHrzdhYSLW9D9jRxblCpfTCoARWbSsIu6AIxa3zKqpbdFZDAGxK4WVUXLxjsvd_EOVv5jp2Nf6cNvZr9cO-bnRG28E2xN0GIF6XCcv5kFMd-dQ5f05X52_hw9hAKI7PuSqoY4v8QrpcuF0E5jeQgGn4YIWpQTmPr0D8YswFVNyCbt=s1356" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1356" data-original-width="914" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgX1m0AH4KlBBvvHrzdhYSLW9D9jRxblCpfTCoARWbSsIu6AIxa3zKqpbdFZDAGxK4WVUXLxjsvd_EOVv5jp2Nf6cNvZr9cO-bnRG28E2xN0GIF6XCcv5kFMd-dQ5f05X52_hw9hAKI7PuSqoY4v8QrpcuF0E5jeQgGn4YIWpQTmPr0D8YswFVNyCbt=w431-h640" width="431" /></a></div><br /><p>It must never be forgotten how much Captain America secretly hates America. Bah, he might as well call himself Captain Cuba or Captain China, or one of those commie bastards.</p><p>For the subtitle, I thought of going with a more comedic quote, one said by Tony early on in the film: “I’m a piping hot mess.” Because that does adequately describe Tony for this movie. But for some reason, I leaned towards the very first line in this movie. It so accurately reflects the nature of Tony’s problems; over the course of the MCU, Tony will literally create many of the villains he does battle with, but there’s also the metaphorical sense. Because ultimately, we all wind up creating our own demons and often, said demons are your best traits turned against you. You’re analytical? Well, congratulations, you’ll drive yourself crazy ruminating. If you have a strong sense of dedication? Well, then, you’ll struggle with hanging onto things, people, or situations that you should really walk away from; sometimes, you need to quit for the sake of yourself.</p><p>Anyway, it is in this movie that I begin my chorus of, “Someone get Tony into therapy,” a song I will repeatedly sing when it comes to Tony. So many of the MCU’s problems could be solved if someone had just gotten Tony into therapy.</p><p>I enjoyed <i>Iron Man 3 </i>more this round than I did when I watched it in the theaters. Seeing the full scope of his Tony’s arc, helps me to better understand what this movie was trying to do. Unfortunately, need I repeat what I’ve said before about how a good movie stands on its own and if you need a bunch of supplemental materials to appreciate/understand a film, then it’s not a good movie.</p><p>But that feels a little unfair to this movie. <i>Iron Man 3, </i>for all its faults, deserves to be celebrated for all that it attempts. This is what <i>Iron Man 2 </i>should have been: a chance to put Tony through the psychological wringer, really test his desire for the superhero life. I would have loved for this to be the middle installment of Tony’s trilogy with another film brought in to resolve it, because while there are traits of an ending, in many ways, it feels more like the middle of the story. Maybe it’s because this is really the beginning of a key trait of the MCU: Tony’s PTSD.</p><p>The MCU doesn’t do a perfect job with its exploration of PTSD— and I will criticize where it falls short—but it deserves credit for attempting it in the first place. Because just as the MCU subverts the secret identity trope, its use of PTSD is a novelty; we had seen very little of it in prior franchises.</p><p>The Christopher Reeves Superman is very much a creature of the Silver Age, meaning that while Superman has his kryptonite weakness, he doesn’t really have any others. We’re a ways away from the John Byrne rewrite of the character, which did a lot to ground the character and make him much more compelling as a protagonist.</p><p>I suppose you can make a case that the Batman films delve into. Not the Schumacher films obviously, but both Burton and Nolan put the titular character through a lot. Still, most of Batman’s inner turmoil expressed in the form of angst, which is considered a more appropriate way for male characters to express emotions.</p><p>We don’t get to see what we do with Tony, where so much of his façade is peeled back, enabling us to see the very human character underneath it. </p><p><a href="https://youtu.be/SYG3IcScViA">This scene </a>introduces Tony’s PTSD, when he has a panic attack after a child asks him for an autograph. I, despite the numerous diagnoses to my name, have never experienced panic attacks, but everything I’ve read, says that <i>Iron Man 3 </i>is a very accurate portrayal of them. <br /></p><p>Considering that the team-up was overwhelmingly triumphant in its tone, it seems a little jarring for Tony to have PTSD over it. To the extent most people think of PTSD, they associate it with Vietnam or Afghanistan-style military quagmires. </p><p>But even knowing that you were on the right side in the conflict, doesn’t make the horrors of war go away. Plenty of WWII veterans returned home with PTSD, but since that war has been romanticized as “The Good War,” this fact is often overlooked. An example can be found in Dutch Schultz. Immortalized as an innocent and happy paratrooper in <i>The Longest Day</i>, in reality, Schultz spent the rest of his life drinking as a way to deal with what he went through and suffered from nightmares every night, according to his daughter. However justified the war may have been, however villainous the Axis Powers may have been, it doesn’t change the fact that the Allied soldiers faced death on a daily basis and regularly saw their fellow soldiers butchered.</p><p>Of course, this may be something of an insufficient analogy. The Battle of New York in no way compares to the average level of butchery seen in a WWII battle. Even that, however, doesn’t change the fact that Tony went through some serious shit. He nearly died and though he tried to play it off as a joke, a defense he often uses, that’s still a plenty scary thing to have gone through. And you know just as Tony beats himself up for all the deaths his weapons caused, he beats himself up over what happened to Coulson. What if he hadn’t been so distracted by his petty squabble with Steve? Maybe he would have realized what Loki was up to earlier.</p><p>Of course, Coulson got better, but with the exception of Nick Fury, none of the other Avengers know about it. Which is admittedly a really scummy thing to do, Fury, even if them knowing Coulson is alive would probably really throw a wrench into the workings of the overall plot of the MCU.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg7CiBlO_S442J1cWPClMdSdfGgt1yyGV6Ss18d6AsP5jMMkeEQRbbrn-x_oxnV4owtbwTcTH1ex7xbtyIoANdxjuKnvQ6RGcoF4P3Uw3DpDTQXc1JHMvJXRsmY2q4BYdvYMmMlMFGvH5vjaKB1pITro5NTTd59YYo8-_ImlivZyiLOnCs4DW9WxKRu=s1214" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1214" data-original-width="789" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg7CiBlO_S442J1cWPClMdSdfGgt1yyGV6Ss18d6AsP5jMMkeEQRbbrn-x_oxnV4owtbwTcTH1ex7xbtyIoANdxjuKnvQ6RGcoF4P3Uw3DpDTQXc1JHMvJXRsmY2q4BYdvYMmMlMFGvH5vjaKB1pITro5NTTd59YYo8-_ImlivZyiLOnCs4DW9WxKRu=w416-h640" width="416" /></a></div><br /><p>Posted this picture because it’s pretty much how things play out in the MCU, complete with everyone ignoring how Tony’s obviously mentally ill, which is sadly realistic. Once again, I applaud the MCU in how it shows PTSD affecting Tony’s actions. Because it does hamper him in many ways and though it may not always be center stage, it is always in the background, affecting things.</p><p>As if that isn’t enough, <a href="https://youtu.be/5uQNp2kGrvo">a terrorist known as the Mandarin</a> is stirring up shit. </p><p>And Tony, being the sensible thinker that he is, decides the best course of action is to call out the Mandarin and give him his home address. <a href="https://youtu.be/0p6KVqnwPFE">Hijinks ensue.</a></p><p>Tony makes a lot of dumb decisions in the MCU, but giving the Mandarin his home address has got to be one of the dumbest, if not, the dumbest decision he’s ever made.</p><p>Long story short, his house blows up and Tony winds up stranded outside a small town in Tennessee. And it’s here Tony meets a ten-year-old boy <a href="https://youtu.be/uAEL8LfdOjk">named Harley Keener.</a> </p><p><i>Iron Man 3 </i>is, at times, a mess, but it deserves credit for introducing the concept of Mentor!Tony to the MCU. </p><p>Fandoms can often be divisive what with the various ship fights and debates over fanon, but usually there are a few things which unite the fandom, aside from love of the original materials. Like with Harry Potter, we all hated Dolores Umbridge more than we ever hated Voldemort, and we all wish JK Rowling had immediately dropped dead after writing “The End” on book seven.*</p><p>:deep breath: </p><p>In the MCU, one of the things which unites the fandom is that we all love Mentor!Tony. And I completely understand why.</p><p>Tony, as we all know, has all kinds of issues. He is a womanizing alcoholic anxiety-riddled mess, raised by the kind of father who would knock him out with a shot of whiskey when he got a little too rowdy. So he’s probably the last person who should be a mentor. Watching him try to be a good teacher towards his young protégés (Harley and later, Peter Parker) is fascinating for a lot of reasons Tony is fascinating as a character; he is a mess and screws up massively in the process, but on the whole, he is genuinely trying, sweating and striving to do the right thing. And it’s nice to see Tony try to improve the world in ways that don’t involve blowing shit up.</p><p>The interactions with Harley are particularly interesting, because Tony almost demonstrates some plot-savvy. Tony spends much of these interactions practically being like, “Oh, I see. This is the part of the story where I, the crusty adult, am supposed to soften towards the wide-eyed kid. Well, I’m not going to do it. I’m going to remain the same old crusty adult as before.” Of course, part of why we do love him so much, at the same time he’s being like that, Tony is softening towards the kid. </p><p>God bless the fabulous Robert Downey Jr. in how he can layer so much in his performances, be able to subtly indicate how Tony is softening up towards the kid, at the same time, he’s being his snarky self. </p><p>Both Tony and Rhodey have been trying to track the Mandarin down. Tony has more luck, managing to track him to Miami.</p><p>Tony and the Mandarin meet and it’s discovered that the Mandarin is a false flag terrorist, played by <a href="https://youtu.be/IHPV7i-gfj4">a dissolute British actor named Trevor Slattery.</a></p><p>And it’s at that moment you hear every Iron Man fan cry foul.</p><p>Because this is a grave departure from <a href="https://marvel.fandom.com/wiki/Mandarin_(Earth-616)">The Mandarin</a>’s comic book self which has him serving as Tony Stark’s Lex Luthor, only he’s also got ten rings which give him various powers.</p><p>Iron Man fans had reasonable expectations that The Mandarin would show up in the MCU. Even as early as the first Iron Man movie, there were hints. The group of terrorists that kidnapped Tony called themselves “The Ten Rings” with its leader, Raza, wearing a large ornate ring. </p><p>For those who don’t remember, “The Ten Rings” were rather unceremoniously killed off by Obadiah Stane, but there were enough hints for Iron Man fans to assume that maybe these guys were an offshoot of the organization or were just claiming to be a part of the organization, and assume that the real version would eventually show up.</p><p>So you can understand why the fans cried foul. In fact, they pitched enough of a fit that it was later retconned that the Mandarin was actually real with Trevor just pretending to be him.</p><p>On some level, I can understand why Marvel opted for the false flag terrorist idea when it came to the Mandarin. While the character has been redesigned and rewritten over the years, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mandarin_(character)?wprov=sfti1">the character’s history</a> demonstrates that he began his career as a Yellow Peril caricature, much as Tony’s origin has Yellow Peril elements. Maybe Marvel feared a potential backlash, even if they stayed away from the Ming the Merciless trappings.</p><p>According to IMDB, the director, Shane Black, explained the concept of the Mandarin being a front for Aldrich Killian, as a play on perceptions and expectations: "I wanted to do an interesting story choice, something that was about our own fear, and our own ways of viewing villains. What if he's sort of this all-things-to-all-people uber-terrorist? What if he is the myth, and in the end, that is what we're dealing with: a created myth perpetuated and cobbled together from popular consciousness?" Producer Kevin Feige admitted it was a huge risk to do, "But it's sometimes important to break with tradition, even at the risk of alienating some purists. Shane had really great ideas about identity and anonymity and false faces."</p><p>The idea of the Mandarin being a false face was co-writer Drew Pearce's idea. Shane Black took to it like a shot, saying, "Who would be fool enough to declare that he is an international terrorist?"</p><p>But the audience didn’t like it, so this was eventually retconned.</p><p>And I suppose we should take this moment to talk about the real villain, Aldrich Killian, and where he ranks on the villain scale, which runs from one to five, five being represented by Loki because for a while, he was the only interesting villain in the MCU. </p><p>Credit where credit is due, unlike Stane and Whiplash, when he faces down Tony, he doesn’t just wear his own version of Tony’s armor, which gives him a few creativity points. His backstory is similar to Syndrome’s from <i>The Incredibles</i>: he was <a href="https://youtu.be/6ZBSlmnm9yU">snubbed by his idol</a> and from there, dedicated his life to destroying Tony’s. This motivation is disturbingly common when it comes to Tony, where a surprising number of villains are like, “Tony Stark bumped into me and didn’t say, ‘Excuse me,’ so now he must die.” And I freely admit that I am exaggerating, but not by much. Again, Tony, eventually you need to look in the mirror and see if the problem isn’t you.</p><p>But back to Killian…the more I think about it, I think I’ll give him a Two. The armorless aspect does make him a little interesting, but not a lot. So for those of you who had wondered if he is Zero, he’s not.</p><p>Well, <a href="https://youtu.be/kgCnnIXK_1M">the final</a> <a href="https://youtu.be/ji3Hwkn_0YA">battle</a> goes down. The day is saved by Pepper, rather than Tony, this movie continuing to prove that Tony would be better off if he let Pepper or Rhodey do the superhero stuff, while he just designs the gadgets; Tony would be better off, physically and emotionally, if he did.</p><p>In the course of the fight, Tony blows up all his armors, and the film ends with him committing himself to a quiet life with Pepper. He also gets the shrapnel from his chest removed, something which always bothered me regarding this movie. If it was that easy to get the shrapnel out, why didn’t Tony try having it done in his second movie when his arc reactor was poisoning him? </p><p>Of course, as the existence of subsequent films demonstrates, this retirement doesn’t last. No matter how much it costs him, Tony can’t seem to walk away from the superhero life. A simplistic answer is that Tony is addicted to the adrenaline rush, but my opinion is the same one I posited regarding the first movie, that for Tony, the armor becomes a super-powered hairshirt; he feels he needs to be punished for his mistakes, all those years he spent sowing misery in the world. And this turns into a vicious cycle as his trauma and PTSD builds on each other, leading him to make more mistakes Tony feels like he should be punished for.</p><p>There’s much to admire and like about this movie:</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjLoqjyUkosIVzGe3tuzQtUQgKYTXfFjCYv_MIyp52P4TLXlnGb8T0ptc6X9KW_xMNN7zgPeq2SuSkIEgB80jPPi4Bwou8bdXEuuofDqdxo3p3YocL9sHhzsFB_yMN4qPhRnkAfDw6rDU2irB6M2ELeJl8HglcQ1q-uN5_0RgCyUVAGLUH_Ra-gigo1=s640" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="608" data-original-width="640" height="380" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjLoqjyUkosIVzGe3tuzQtUQgKYTXfFjCYv_MIyp52P4TLXlnGb8T0ptc6X9KW_xMNN7zgPeq2SuSkIEgB80jPPi4Bwou8bdXEuuofDqdxo3p3YocL9sHhzsFB_yMN4qPhRnkAfDw6rDU2irB6M2ELeJl8HglcQ1q-uN5_0RgCyUVAGLUH_Ra-gigo1=w400-h380" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>Again, knowing how things play out in subsequent films helps me to look at this one in a different light, better admire what it was trying to do, but that is the film’s weakness. This film is, much like its hero, a mess that doesn’t know at times what it’s trying to accomplish, but it’s a strangely compelling one.<div><br /></div><div>And that’s it for <i>Iron Man 3. </i>Next on the slate is <i>Thor 2 </i>or <i>Thor: The Dark World </i>for those wanting to follow along. I don’t know if I’ll post the parameters of Utopia Defined or another MCU Obsessed review next, so just stay tuned.</div><div><br /></div><div>*And that’s as far as I’m going to go when it comes to that bigot. Long story short, TERFs can choke. It’s safe to say that they belong on the list of People Who Ruin Everything along with Nazis and Ayn Rand. And for some mysterious reason, there’s a shitton of overlap between TERFs, Nazis, and Ayn Rand acolytes.</div>Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-87897304634703719342022-01-19T21:40:00.001-08:002022-01-19T21:45:04.844-08:00An Announcement!<p> I will eventually publish a new post, but in the meantime, I have an announcement: I wrote a book. Like with pages and words and everything. </p><p><br /></p><p><a href="https://books2read.com/u/m2YENr">Here's where you can buy it, if you don't have Amazon.</a> <a href="https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?asin=B09QRM8YH6&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_SQAMQJ3BFCB694PDT035">And here's the Amazon link. </a><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Now to quote the immortal Jay Sherman: Buy my book! Buy my book!</p><p><br /><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj1T-WWVMD5f7a8s75mvr5xOrVqE9HEtPsI9WhkSOvGyQeyD9tkFsFJhkqUYoQow7CcPtkUT7vHzKVelqYChRUiZUnWLUlgDB3sPriGbKjnQvThZwWziDKvGIM4ld02FT7Ihpsem1dXeThovr6BJ_tC123gO15rAe9BwQqLdIpktN3A8M_zRZ_pWIU3=s3264" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3264" data-original-width="1928" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj1T-WWVMD5f7a8s75mvr5xOrVqE9HEtPsI9WhkSOvGyQeyD9tkFsFJhkqUYoQow7CcPtkUT7vHzKVelqYChRUiZUnWLUlgDB3sPriGbKjnQvThZwWziDKvGIM4ld02FT7Ihpsem1dXeThovr6BJ_tC123gO15rAe9BwQqLdIpktN3A8M_zRZ_pWIU3=w236-h400" width="236" /></a></div><p></p>Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-49324470094410977282021-09-13T21:05:00.003-07:002022-04-04T22:44:53.695-07:00The Avengers or What This Whole Thing Was Building To<p>I’ve been thinking it over. More and more, I think I should abandon this project. Now this isn’t a “I’m not getting enough comments” whine. I don’t deny that it was an influence on my decision, though. It only further serves to confirm what I suspect that this project isn’t really contributing anything. As such, I’ve decided to walk away from the project, at least for now. But I thought I’d finish off Phase One, just as a courtesy.</p><p>Well, the Snyder Cut came out. If you’re expecting me to do a frothing Snyder hate rant, hate to break it to you, but it’s not going to happen. I just found the movie to be okay. It is better than the original in that it doesn’t seem like two very different movies Frankensteined together in a desperate effort to make them work, and I like some of the creative choices. Snyder gave Cyborg an actual character arc and gave Steppenwolf a motivation beyond, “Grrr…I am a villain doing villainous things.” This is very basic storytelling work that goes a long towards improving the story. </p><p>On the whole, though, I just kind of found the movie to be okay. There’s definitely no reason for this movie to be four hours long. Much of the first two hours could be easily excised from the movie without too much trouble, making me wonder if anyone has made a cut of the Snyder cut. </p><p>I just find Snyder’s aesthetic/storytelling to be punishingly dull. Everything is washed in gray and again, he stubbornly refuses to allow any levity. There’s no sense of wonder. All of Snyder’s characterization can be summed up as, “I smolder with generic rage!” Snyder’s heroes save the day not so much because they are driven by a deep compassion/drive to help people, but out of obligation, a begrudging “Well the character is supposed to save people, so we have to put in a few scenes of hero saving people.” </p><p>It feels reflective of Zack Snyder’s Objectivist views where there’s a mindset that we should be grateful that these godlike heroes deem us deserving of their aid and assistance and thus, we shouldn’t deign to question why they don’t bother to take a fight away from a dense population center or do anything to minimize civilian casualties. It’s akin to how it is with Ayn Rand’s innumerable titans of industry, where like with Nietzsche’s Ubermensch, we simply can’t ask them to abide by the ways of lesser men. Though, while my knowledge of Nietzsche is limited to that cool quote about abysses, I imagine even he would find Ayn Rand to be annoyingly simplistic.</p><p>Why am I bringing up all this stuff regarding <i>Justice League </i>rather than talking about the movie? Because as already stated, looking over the mess that is the DCEU only makes me more appreciative of the tight plotting of the MCU. To quote the opening quote from <a href="https://www.agonybooth.com/suicide-squad-2016-a-recap-part-1-63939">The Agony Booth's</a> review of Suicide Squad, which accurately sums up the DCEU: </p><blockquote><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px;">The twelve hours that comprise the DCEU represent such a pathetically inept wall-to-wall pooch-screw that dunking on the franchise at this point seems almost mean, like laughing at a little kid who still insists he can eat a whole tub of ice cream even as his shirt drips with vomit and tears. </span></p></blockquote><p>There are numerous traps studios fall into when trying to create their own cinematic universes and the DCEU has managed to fall into all of them. </p><p>As stated before, the MCU, before it set out, the people involved, planned. While circumstances may have forced them at times to revise the plan, the important fact is that the creative teams involved knew where the story was going. This kind of planning is probably tedious and most would rather cut to the part where they're pulling in record profits, but this planning meant that each movie feels like a natural continuation of the overall story in addition to being good stories in their own right. We don't have the massive tonal shifts of the DCEU, where only the Snyder trilogy seems like they belong together, have some kind of cohesive story going. </p><p>And most importantly, the people involved with the MCU knew you couldn't declare the battle won even before it's been fought. They may have had visions of the big damn team-up and Thanos showing up, but they knew that if they didn't make people care about the small moments, they weren't going to stick around for the big climaxes. So yeah, when they set out with their solo films, they knew they had to put forth the effort to make these films matter as much as the big ensemble pieces. If the viewers didn't care enough about Tony Stark to follow him for one film, they wouldn't care to follow him over the course of several more. </p><p>And as pointed out, since they were already operating without their best-known characters, they knew they were operating at a disadvantage and planned accordingly. In fact, I think this disadvantage may have been what led to the MCU's success. The disadvantage meant that they had to put forth the effort to flesh out the characters, and not just coast on recognition. As mentioned in the <i>Iron Man </i>review, Marvel got the funding for these films by basically wagering the rights to their entire library, meaning that if the films had completely and absolutely bombed, Marvel would have really screwed themselves over and their failure would become the kind of thing talked about in hushed tones, much like how a long series of bad decisions nearly led to them going bankrupt in the 90s.</p><p>From the looks of things, DC seems to have thrown up their hands and given up on an overarching cinematic universe, content to just work on standalones. On one hand, part of me is saddened by this, because I've seen how the MCU managed to make it work, but also because DC has made it work before, when it did the DC Animated Universe or DCAU for short. </p><p>The DCAU is just such a work of art that you can't help but look at it, look back at the mess of the DCEU, and wonder "What could have been..." Like I said, the people involved with the DCAU knew how to tell deep, well-plotted, character-driven stories capable of being appreciated by both children and adults. I will sing the praises of the Apokolips Now! two-parter and the Cadmus arc until I die, dammit! How many so-called "adult shows" explore the nature of power and its potential for abuse as well as the Cadmus arc did? </p><p>But on the whole, if the people involved with the DCEU don't feel they're capable of a sprawling, interconnected massive plotline, I would rather get decent standalone films rather than an incoherent mishmash of a so-called universe. It would be better to just let the various films do their own thing, have their own fun, than try to frankenstein them all together. I'll just be bitter that the success of the Snyder cut, along with the online cult of personality Zack Snyder has, means that we're going to see more of his edgelord petulant teenage angst, while the truly innovative and fun <i>Birds of Prey </i>is left forgotten. </p><p>Here's a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLuUQVBcKC_exDS4VRzwnoSgqauCmNPeNa">list of videos I compiled</a> regarding the Snyder cut for those interested. For those wanting more talk about Zack Snyder and his overall oeuvre, <a href="https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLuUQVBcKC_eyj0o3tteDCMJPISffUv_-T">Maggie Mae Fish</a> did a great series about him, but I am also partial to Curio's <a href="https://youtu.be/hdxk7dB9yeU">A World Based On Spite</a>.</p><p>Of course, while I still dislike Zack Snyder and find him to be thuddingly dull and simplistic, it's not quite as easy for me to embark on the hate rants as before. There is the massive elephant in the room as to why he left the <i>Justice League </i>project in the first place, the suicide of his daughter, and Jesus, there's really nothing I can say about the kind of pain he must still be going through due to that. I'm not sure I could wish that kind of tragedy on even the worst people in the world. </p><p>And I must give credit where credit is due in that in that he has called out his own base for their <a href="https://youtu.be/WRLNGnag368">toxic behavior.</a> Calling out toxic fandom is something I am always in favor of, so props to him. </p><p>In fact, much as it pains me to admit it, while I feel Joss Whedon better understands the concept of superheroes and why we love them, from what I can tell, Snyder's driving record is probably cleaner than his. </p><p>It’s always a hard thing, discovering that a favorite creator is a terrible person. The decision as to whether to continue to enjoy the works of said creator, is a personal one. Only you can dictate what is a dealbreaker for you, I’m afraid. With me, I will mostly enjoy the stuff that I’ve already enjoyed, but put a kibosh on checking out any of the creator’s other works. </p><p>Outside of the MCU, I can’t really think of any Whedon properties I’ve been that into, save for <i>Dollhouse. </i>Though given how sprawling and massive Whedon’s career is, that’s not likely true; I’ve probably watched more of him than I think. Still, having heard of his abuses, I don’t feel any real need to check out any of the other stuff he may have done, so I’m not likely to check out <i>Buffy </i>or <i>Firefly. </i>Life is too short, and my watch/read list is hella long as is. However good Whedon’s stuff may be, there’s probably stuff that’s equally as good or even better that wasn’t created by assholes. So why not spend my time on them and less on assholes who don’t deserve it.</p><p>Though, I freely admit that I don’t follow this standard too stringently. If the creator is dead, I have an easier time justifying consuming their materials, than if they’re still alive and hurting people. It seems like you put any kind of rule or standard in place for yourself, and you’ll all but guarantee that you’re going to break it at some point. Me, I acknowledge said creator’s failings, decide for myself whether I can still enjoy their creations, and go from there. I know that others have their own standards and while I may disagree with them, I respect their right to their opinion. I am totally of the <a href="https://youtu.be/dorUXagYXyw">"Don't tell people how to feel"</a> school when it comes to this kind of criticism. </p><p>Okay, okay, enough is enough. Let's get to the movie. </p><p>This is the film that Phase One was building to. Nothing like this had ever been pulled off. Maybe the closest had been with the X-Men films, but those movies could more accurately be called "Wolverine: the X-Men" and the X-Men stuck with each other. You didn't see them team up with Tobey Maguire's Spider-Man to lay the smackdown on Magneto. And after so much buildup, well, they delivered. </p><p>This is very much in Whedon's style with the one-liners and quips flying fast and furious, nearly everyone of them guaranteed to stick in your ears. Though as always, there's plenty of ad-libbing by Robert Downey, Jr. With all the ad libs Downey does and how he has so shaped the MCU with them, increasingly I'm like, "Why didn't you guys give him a screenwriter's credit in addition to everything else?" especially since he created one of the key elements of the MCU right in his first movie. </p><p>But before I get too far into things, here's <a href="https://youtu.be/Svl_4EsjG8A">Linkara's review of the team's debut.</a> It is fitting that just as Loki was the villain who led to everyone coming together in the debut, he also is the villain who brings everyone together in the MCU. Though with the comic, it feels like Thor mostly has this in the bag, and the other Avengers aren't really needed, which is bad form for a team-up. If you're going to have a bunch of heroes who normally work alone, come together, it better be a legitimate threat that demands all their talents. </p><p>That was one of the things that annoyed me about Joss Whedon's version of <i>Justice League</i>, the feeling like Wonder Woman could have just solved all this shit on her own, were it not for the fact the film was turfing her. It is another good fix from the Snyder cut, how the villains were turned into actual threats, and it was made more obvious why the team was needed; Wonder Woman couldn't solve everything as before. </p><p>Now I've said before that supplemental materials such as <a href="https://marvelcinematicuniverse.fandom.com/wiki/Marvel_Cinematic_Universe_Wiki">the wikia</a> are meant to be more like spices where they add a little extra to a dish, but aren't the sole thing holding it together, and I stand by that. But in the case of this movie, there's a detail in the wiki that really should have made it to the movie. </p><p>Basically, according to the MCU timeline, Steve Rogers has only been, ahem, thawed out for two weeks. This is a detail that should have been woven into the movies somehow, mentioned in some form of dialogue or something, because it really adds to his portrayal. If Steve seems like he's being a real butt in this movie, it becomes more understandable when you know that he's only been awake for two weeks, and is still adjusting to life in a world where everyone he knew either has one foot in the grave or is in the grave. So forgive him if he doesn't respond to Tony needling him in the most mature manner. </p><p>In fact, while most of the time, I understand why they may have opted to cut a scene from a movie, I am at a loss as to why they cut this scene: <a href="https://youtu.be/Lfr-klePfJA">Steve adjusting to the 21st century</a> There is so much genuine pathos and good character-building, and it probably could have been integrated into the narrative without too much trouble. And it has a nice Stan Lee cameo as well.</p><p>It also serves to underscore one of the things that irritates me regarding the MCU, how they treat Steve’s PTSD. In fact, while I admire the MCU’s attempt to incorporate PTSD into the storyline, rather than just having them stoically go from threat to threat without feeling much of anything, with the exception of Tony, they don’t do as well when it comes to exploring the consequences of PTSD, and even with Tony, there are flaws.</p><p>Tony is the most obvious when it comes to PTSD, but the franchise kind of fails in that it only occasionally realizes that the other characters are also suffering from it. Like I said before, when it comes to Steve Rogers, there’s a repeated thread of disillusionment when it comes to his films, with Steve being continually let down or betrayed by something. It’s not so much with his first solo film, but it definitely starts with this one.</p><p>Like well, <a href="https://youtu.be/mepGZcHIUG4">with this scene</a>, Steve’s obviously thinking, “I got myself frozen over this stupid tesseract, and you idiots want to mess around with it.” For the record though, trying to keep track of the timeline regarding <a href="https://youtu.be/pi0Yphmc274">tesseract</a>...Let's just say things get a little convoluted. I will say that in the MCU's defense, no franchise manages to bat a 1000 when it comes to continuity stuff like that. Fans can and will try to explain these flaws away, but ultimately, you enjoy the franchise in spite of stuff like that. Generally, so long as it's a good story and it isn't thuddeningly obvious, I'm willing to play along. </p><p>Though Fury keeps talking about it as a potential source of never ending energy and once again, I’m like, “uh, Tony’s already invented it in <i>Iron Man 2, </i>remember?”</p><p>But there’s also this exchange that I want to single out.</p><blockquote><p>Steve Rogers: When I went under, the world was at war. I wake up, they say we won. They didn't say what we lost.</p><p>Nick Fury: We've made some mistakes along the way. Some, very recently.</p></blockquote><p>Because like I’ve already said, while I understand that superhero films are an inherent romanticization, I still think that leaning on some of the less easily romanticized aspects of the WWII-era (the rampant racism, sexism, etc.) really could have added to the story and fleshed out Steve Rogers a little more.</p><p>Judging by the exchange, I imagine that SHIELD has set Steve down and given him something of a crash course in post-WWII history. Obviously, it would be a very truncated course, because you try covering seventy years worth of history in the span of a few days, but I imagine Steve knows some of the broader aspects, like about 9/11 and the like.</p><p>What he also likely has learned about, is Truman dropping the atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Now, I’m not going to debate whether or not Truman made the right call—that’s just too big a topic to delve into for this series and would take us far too off-topic—but you have to wonder how Steve would have felt about the decision. Even if he did come to agree that Truman made the right call under the circumstances he was working under, brutally murdering people guilty only of being born in the wrong zip code has to be something that would give him pause. </p><p>In fact when it comes to “what we lost” when talking about WWII, I should point out that one of the things the Allies took offense at the Axis Powers for doing, was their bombing of civilian targets. Yet by the end of the war, the Allied forces are also bombing civilian targets. </p><p>Again, I’m not going to litigate WWII, but it is worth exploring how far into the morally gray the Allied Forces went, whether they made the right call (hindsight is always 20/20), and the new form of warfare that came about as a result of the conflict.</p><p>Of course, Joss Whedon falls in the trap of assuming that Steve came of age in 1950s Kansas, rather than a Depression-era Brooklyn slum, but I am jumping the gun a little. </p><p>Sometimes I wish the MCU did little shorts before their movies ala Pixar. We can get stuff like Steve Rogers going to Disney World, Jane and Darcy takes Thor shopping and he just rocks every outfit he tries on...I know it's going to cost me so much street cred, but I'd eat that kind of fluff up with a spoon. But they could also tackle more harrowing material, like this infamous cut scene from <i>The Avengers: </i><a href="https://youtu.be/OhV6QZfbcs0">The Cop and The Waitress</a> </p><p>There is some genuine pathos and wrenching detail to that clip, even if I understand why it was cut. Though it contains some good acting, it pulls too far from the main storyline of the team finally coming together and kicking ass. </p><p>Anyway, I should stop talking about deleted scenes and get back into things. </p><p>So Steve's only been defrosted for a couple of weeks. Meanwhile, Tony, despite being ruled as unsuited for Fury's little initiative, well, after <a href="https://youtu.be/LsaRCWMxK5Y">hijinks ensue at the beginning</a>, he gets drafted, along with Bruce Banner, to solve the problem. </p><p>Edward Norton has been replaced by Mark Ruffalo, who will play Bruce Banner for the rest of the franchise. Given that from what I've heard, Norton, like Terrance Howard, may be in the Crazy-Crazy camp as opposed to merely Hollywood-Crazy, it's probably a good call, replacing him. </p><p>We would never see any more Hulk movies. It's your call whether or not that's for the best. Me, I'm not huge into the character, so I have no problem with him being merely an ensemble character, but maybe a huge fanboy could make a better case. </p><p>Suffice to say, despite the character's shaky history, the Hulk has endured for a reason. My theory centers around the mystery of the character. Because while he can be summed up as "Giant green rage monster," at the same time, that's a bit simplistic. The Hulk is capable of thinking and planning, even if he tends to favor the "Smash them until they can't get up" strategy, which I can't say I object to. I've always been on Team Keep It Simple Stupid. The more complicated you make something, the more ways you've made it so that things could go south. </p><p>But there's this exchange between Bruce and Tony that I've always liked:</p><blockquote><p style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; margin: 0px 0px 0.3em; padding: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;"><a href="https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000375/?ref_=tt_trv_qu" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #136cb2; text-decoration-line: none;"><span class="character" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;">Tony Stark</span></a>: Hey, I've read all about your accident. That much gamma exposure should have killed you.</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; margin: 0px 0px 0.3em; padding: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;"><a href="https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0749263/?ref_=tt_trv_qu" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #136cb2; text-decoration-line: none;"><span class="character" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;">Bruce Banner</span></a>: So you're saying that the Hulk... the other guy... saved my life? That's nice. It's a nice sentiment. Save it for what?</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2px; margin: 0px 0px 0.3em; padding: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;"><a href="https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000375/?ref_=tt_trv_qu" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #136cb2; text-decoration-line: none;"><span class="character" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;">Tony Stark</span></a>: I guess we'll find out.</span></p></blockquote><p><span> It's a theory I like, not so much that the Hulk is a mere rage monster, but something akin to a protector. As Tony theorizes, Bruce Banner was in danger from the gamma radiation, so the Hulk acted to protect him. And when there's the heart-breaking moment where Banner references <a href="https://youtu.be/1iRxzMFMgWY">a cut scene from The Incredible Hulk</a> where he tried to kill himself, well, you can make a similar case: Bruce Banner was in danger from the bullet, so the Hulk acted to protect him. </span></p><p><span>Joss Whedon has said that he intended to imply that there were different versions of the Hulk, one which is more the classic feral monster and one probably similar to my theory of him as a protector. Other adaptations have it so that Banner and Hulk have kind of worked out something of an arrangement, enabling them to better work together. With this film, things are still somewhat shaky between the two. Still, we can see some of the duality of the Hulks at work in this film, where there's the <a href="https://youtu.be/ZQHlO3l2YuI">Hulk that rampages through the helicarrier</a> contrasted with the one later seen in the Battle of New York who, while is still very much a feral character, he is a more controlled character than the one on the helicarrier. </span></p><p><span>To keep up the reoccurring pattern of Steve being disillusioned, as if it wasn't bad enough they dredged up the tesseract despite what he put himself through regarding it, he finds out that SHIELD is <a href="https://youtu.be/Bj6yMYaQPrw">planning to make weapons from it. </a></span></p><p>And I suppose I should talk about <a href="https://youtu.be/QQACVf5z444">this moment.</a> From what I heard, this is one character death that wasn't Whedon's idea, at least, that's what Whedon claims. Still, don't shed too many tears. As the existence of <i>Agents of SHIELD </i>demonstrates, Phil Coulson got better. And well, if you ever doubt the power of the MCU fandom, remember we brought a character back to life by collectively refusing to accept he was dead. </p><p>Once again, I need to reiterate that no one involved expected everyone to go gaga for Coulson. He was created as a bit character to move the story along, was supposed to do his thing, then exit. And yes, I am one of the Coulson fangirls, because like I said suit-wearing government agent with a dry sense of snark <a href="https://youtu.be/4Tqz5BL_qX8">whose also a huge fanboy?</a> I'm swooning. </p><p>Regarding the last link, kind of like how well Steve side-steps the "O-kay, this just got weird," part. But because I'm a perv, I'm going to make this a little weirder, with help from Pinterest. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://i.pinimg.com/originals/15/44/43/1544439d18c1c38337f9cca378bdcfac.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="434" height="800" src="https://i.pinimg.com/originals/15/44/43/1544439d18c1c38337f9cca378bdcfac.jpg" width="434" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I should point out that when Steve was pulled from the ice, he was wearing his uniform, not the spiffy tee shirt and khakis. Who wants to speculate about just how obsessed Coulson is with Steve? :P</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">After many twists and turns, we finally get to <a href="https://youtu.be/NFCmzN_Uzo4">the big battle.</a> And once again, the mess that is the DCEU only makes me appreciate the MCU fight scenes as well. We always know who's doing what, where they are in relation to everyone/everything else.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So the Avengers are fighting in New York. Meanwhile Nick's dealing with some stuff.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Y'see the <a href="https://youtu.be/kH6LFxOjqqs">world security council</a> has decided to nuke New York to prevent Earth from being taken over by aliens, kill eight million people to save seven billion, sort of thing. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I know the previous clip already contained <a href="https://youtu.be/QxQEf1JXq-Y">Nick's reaction</a>, but I'm posting it just because I have to admit, I use this kind of logic when it comes to canon I don't like; I'm totally all "I recognize that canon has made its decision, but given that it's a stupid-ass decision, I've elected to ignore it." Y'all can guess about what I've elected to ignore.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I suppose we should talk about how superhero movies tend to give you a dangerously unsafe view of the authorities, but given what the <a href="https://youtu.be/QFeewU0HhNE">real world authorities are like...</a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Fun fact: the official report on the incident stated that the man "fell" and were it not for video evidence contradicting it, that's how it would go down in the record. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Funner Fact: Only two officers shoved the guy, but not one in the crowd voiced any objections, nor did they seem all that bothered about how he's lying on the pavement, bleeding out his ears. Geez, where oh where were those fabled good cops?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Funnest Fact: despite video-taped evidence demonstrating that they had committed a crime, all the officers involved, wound up facing zero consequences for their actions. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">All right, I'm done bringing depressing reality into this. Granted this movie is set in 2012, but it's not like police brutality wasn't around then. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Anyway, <a href="https://youtu.be/gBaJjvv53wQ">Tony yeets the nuke</a> through the portal, Loki is captured, and thus, ends the first team-up. Knowing how things would play out in future films, lends this one a certain nostalgia. None of the conflicts that follow would have the easy, straightforward nature of this one. And I have to admit, that with the exception of the party in <i>Age of Ultron, </i>we don't really get much of the team hanging out, being pals, just so much angst. I'm a sucker for angst, but I'm an even bigger sucker for fluff. There, I said it. Bye-bye to whatever street cred I may have had with you people. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Anyway, that's kind of why I like the world of fanfics so much, how it fills needs that canon cannot or will not. I can get my fanart/fanfics of The Avengers hanging out in the tower together, having movie nights and be somewhat satisfied. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Anyway, before we hit the road, as far as I'm concerned, the pin that follows is totally canon. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://i.pinimg.com/originals/6f/f3/3e/6ff33ee1ce01f3e7058086ae2c05ace1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="422" height="800" src="https://i.pinimg.com/originals/6f/f3/3e/6ff33ee1ce01f3e7058086ae2c05ace1.jpg" width="422" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><p>Anyway, for now, consider this project abandoned. Maybe I'll come back to it someday. Or maybe I'll try something else, see if it comes easier to me. But for now, take care of yourselves and each other. </p>Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-28104653269737981162021-04-05T21:04:00.006-07:002022-04-04T22:46:28.479-07:00Captain America: The First Avenger or “The Star-Spangled Man with the Plan”<p> Okay, I’m afraid there’s going to be a lot of disclaimers regarding this post. And I’m aware that I just did a disclaimer for disclaimers. You’re welcome.</p><p>Anyway, I don’t know if you’ve guessed it or if I’ve already said it, but I am on the spectrum. This means that when it comes to obsessions, I go all in. I develop the kind of obsessive fixations that it’s a miracle no fictional characters have filed restraining orders against me. Though even if this does happen, I see no drawbacks. They’ll have to appear in court to file the restraining order, so I’ll get conclusive proof that said character exists and get something with their signature on it. Of course, I’ll also have conclusive proof that this is not only the worst timeline but also the stupidest one, so now I’m conflicted. </p><p>Point is that Captain America is one of these obsessions, so any review of his movies will probably be longer and more insanely detailed than the others. I am trying to liven up the wall of text effect with some pictures, lots and lots of them. And as always, I'll try to throw in some dick jokes. </p><p>First up, <a href="https://youtu.be/Suu1dx8NJyY">the origin.</a> And I’m sorry, but I have to totally put this in the main post.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji0bS5eKdlva3ImcJBntcRc1QM7qWGz-PmKU7hn6y0ftnlptB35pT_ttR7fAMgfjS10Wvh0k5qpefqxtR_ng6sNBJOLd7TYSKNhpXqVgpdz4SK2j9j12w3mK7nDUoDmcCoInvHgRcNF2o/s366/6A4DB0D3-FBE5-4E60-93E0-BD9560C97C96.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="366" data-original-width="259" height="556" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji0bS5eKdlva3ImcJBntcRc1QM7qWGz-PmKU7hn6y0ftnlptB35pT_ttR7fAMgfjS10Wvh0k5qpefqxtR_ng6sNBJOLd7TYSKNhpXqVgpdz4SK2j9j12w3mK7nDUoDmcCoInvHgRcNF2o/w392-h556/6A4DB0D3-FBE5-4E60-93E0-BD9560C97C96.jpeg" width="392" /></a></div><br /><p>This is the debut cover for Captain America. Said issue proceeds to be page after page of Nazi-punching action, Nazis getting their rear ends handed to them, Nazis being depicted as the repugnant monsters they are, all this months before the US had entered the war. </p><p>And the Nazis had a scary amount of support in the USA; a lot people were more sympathetic to their cause than they were towards any of the other Axis Powers. The people involved with this comic faced numerous death and bomb threats. The mayor of New York assigned the NYPD to protect them, basically saying, “We got your back. Keep up the good work.”</p><p>Oh and Jack Kirby and Joe Simon? Both men were Jewish, both had friends and family in Europe who would lose their lives in the Holocaust, and when the US finally entered the war, both men enlisted and did their part in the war. </p><p>Captain America was an intensely personal creation for Simon and Kirby, and it’s one of the reasons the infamous Hydra!Cap rubbed so many the wrong way. Because taking a character created by two Jewish men as a neverending Take That against fascism and having it turn out that he has been part of a fascist organization all along?! Did I mention this is also during a year (2016) in which fascism and Nazis are making a comeback? Yeah, have yourself a lengthy and thorough takedown of Secret Empire: <a href="https://youtu.be/wrwtq4Ptazs">Part One</a>, <a href="https://youtu.be/bNzKx6ZNf9c">Part Two</a>, & <a href="https://youtu.be/8-G0tpydFuQ">Part Three</a></p><p>If you want to see a story that did everything Secret Empire did but better and managed to do so in only one issue, read <a href="https://issuu.com/planetejoabn/docs/what_if_-_v1_-_044_-_captain_americ">What if Captain America was Revived Today?</a> It’s part of Marvel’s What if? series and despite coming out in 1984, it’s rather eerily prescient.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho8RZUVzjn70kutH5MXkg2snR4n1Ok9Gilb2-3sS69KACF8pL4lbNxEvfFMNVOuct9ovE-iODPz6kOHWAvUGFCyRdVCgR-3Mu2DzgiceC4-kw_hJiGUeJ8c_4hGlvsyQKWrmHjfzNF_RA/s681/B16C893E-3CC9-4F07-83F6-ECA790111DAC.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="681" data-original-width="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho8RZUVzjn70kutH5MXkg2snR4n1Ok9Gilb2-3sS69KACF8pL4lbNxEvfFMNVOuct9ovE-iODPz6kOHWAvUGFCyRdVCgR-3Mu2DzgiceC4-kw_hJiGUeJ8c_4hGlvsyQKWrmHjfzNF_RA/s16000/B16C893E-3CC9-4F07-83F6-ECA790111DAC.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><p>It must never be forgotten that Captain America actually hates America. Bah, how dare he wear the red, white, and blue when he clearly only has love for one of those colors?</p><p>So yeah, my Captain America love runs deep. It’s why though it pains me to admit this, but I feel that ultimately the MCU failed his character. Don’t get me wrong: they did do some great work with his character. I’ll give you a quick heads-up: there’s going to be major gushing on <i>Captain America 2: the Winter Soldier </i>and <i>Captain America 3: Civil War</i>. Sorry, but I don’t make the rules and...okay, well, I do make the rules but still #sorrynotsorry</p><p>Though I’m wondering if in much of this review, I’m going to be in violation of my rule where each movie will be discussed based on the movies that had already been released. Like I said, the viewers of the current movie couldn’t have known X would be fleshed out in Movie Y, so to be fair, we are going to approach these films based on what the average movie-goer would have seen at the time. Well I have already broken this rule before and will likely do it again in the future. It seems to be something with rules, where laying one down all but guarantees it will be broken at some point, especially when it comes to discussion/debate.</p><p>Still, I feel that the MCU ultimately messed up when it comes to Cap and over the course of this series, I will make my case for it. It’s a damn shame, especially since they did do great things with the character, but they got scared and tanked everything.</p><p>And for the record, my unhappiness isn’t just because my ship didn’t become canon. I don’t deny that I am hardcore Bucky/Steve shipper, but I wasn’t really expecting my ship to become canon. I figured the people involved would be too wussy, but... :clamps hand over mouth:</p><p>Let’s just say I have fanfics to fulfill my needs and as always, I take refuge in Discontinuity. I recognize that canon has made its decision, but given that it is a stupid-ass decision, I’ve elected to ignore it. In fandom, you can reject reality and substitute your own without the negative consequences that come with trying to do this in the real world. It’s a privilege I intend to use to my advantage. Hence why I have my collection of fanfics. And I’ve also written a few of my own. There I said it. Whether I'll point you towards any of my fanfics remains to be seen. </p><p>Anyway, I probably shouldn’t use the fact that one half of my pet pairing is named after a president* widely suspected of being Gay to bolster my ship, but I will. Sometimes I wonder what the in canon explanation is for his name. Why would anyone name their child after a president whose main accomplishments, aside from being Gay, were putting away an insanely impressive amount of alcohol and being a complete and absolute wuss at a time when the country is most in need of strong leadership? Oh well, it could be worse. He could have been named after Millard Fillmore and can you think of a single nickname for Millard Fillmore that isn’t completely embarrassing?</p><p>As the film unfolds, no doubt you’ve quickly noticed one of the ways the film breaks with comic book continuity. If The First Avenger was accurate, then Bucky would be like twelve years old. Instead, his character has been cast as being a year older than Steve. This does make it easier for me to ship them. While some comic fans can probably pull up material of them being all shippy together, my personal opinion is that Steve would have a hard time thinking of someone he knew when they were, um, statutory, in that light.</p><p>From what I’ve heard, the reason DC Comics overflows with Robins and Superboys, whereas Marvel has almost no child sidekicks, is that Stan Lee, by all accounts, hated the child sidekick trope. And since he ruled the roost for so long, he continued to cast a long shadow even after he left. </p><p>But I also think it adds a nice dynamic to the relationship. Because as it’s shown, Bucky has spent his life saving Steve, so it’s kind of interesting when things are reversed: Steve no longer needs someone to save him, Steve is the one the girls are flirting with, that sort of thing. Plus, I get the feeling that Bucky has long waited for Steve to become famous just so he can publish a memoir called: “He Was Always a Stubborn Pain in the Ass: a memoir by Bucky Barnes.”</p><p>But I am getting ahead of myself just a little. </p><p>As I'm rewatching the Phase One films, I find myself noticing the shaky quality with many of them. The first Iron Man movie was a solid launching point for the MCU, but then it is followed by <i>The Incredible Hulk </i>which was all but completely unmemorable. <i>Iron Man 2, </i>while fun, was mostly a retread of the previous film. <i>Thor </i>was a bit more of a solid film, but as said before, the Thor movies don't quite fit in the MCU as well as the other characters; they have an insular quality, where few of the events feel like they spill into the larger universe. The Thor movies are generally considered the weakest films in the MCU and it kind of shows. </p><p><i>Captain America: First Avenger </i>is a much-needed step up in quality, easily possessing the best aesthetic of the Phase One films. Good call, getting the guy who gave us <i>The Rocketeer** </i>to do this movie. Joe Johnston clearly knows how to do 40s pulp like few others. <i>First Avenger </i>is a visual delight the way none of the other Phase One films are. But I wonder if that may be part of the problem. </p><p><i>First Avenger </i>is a very much romanticized view of the WWII era, falling in line with the general romanticized view people have of that era. Here's the thing: no one was calling WWII "the good war" while it was actually being fought. During that era, peoples' thoughts were the same as in any other war: "Can we win this?" "Are our boys going to come home?" Only when Vietnam went to hell, did we start referring to WWII as "the good war," fantasizing about an era of clear, unambiguous good guys and bad guys. </p><p>At the same time, though, I am a little conflicted. Superhero films are inherently about romanticization, the modern-day version of stories about the knight-errant. We all know reality would be much more complicated. The kind of person who would feel a need to put on a mask and beat the shit out of anyone they've deemed deserving, is much closer to the bully who would beat you up in gym class and take your lunch money than any noble do-gooders. The same is true of medieval knights where the romanticization masked a much grimmer reality. </p><p>However, while romanticization is often painted as a bad thing, to say that there's no value in it is very simplistic. Superhero stories, just like the knight-errant tales, are a way of exploring the nature of power, what it is and how it should be used. And the general moral of these stories is "that those who have power should use it to help other people, rather than abuse it and set themselves up as despots." That's generally a good moral that more people should be taught. </p><p>And more and more, I've come to believe that realism is overrated. We seem to live in a stunted reality, where we've lost the ability to dream of anything better. Try to suggest any advancement in the course of human rights, try to advocate for a brighter future for everyone, advocate for the government to provide services outside of fellating the rich and killing brown people, and you'll inevitably be greeted with choruses of "Be realistic." And I could go further with this, point out that the loudest voices for realism, tend to also be profoundly unrealistic in their own way, but I feel I'd be moving too far away from the subject of this post. So let's get back on track. </p><p>Anyway, I'm not sure to what extent things should have been depicted differently in this film. Like I already said, superheroes are an inherent romanticization, but I think leaning more in on some of the less noble features of the WWII era could have really added some flavor. Whether it would have really changed the ultimate approach to the character, I'm not sure. </p><p>And for the record, I'm not one of those people who are willing to accept any amount of insane tech, but throw fits over Steve Rogers not being racist and sexist. </p><div style="text-align: left;">Yes, the era he grew up in, was profoundly racist/sexist. But here’s the thing: there were people back then who knew it was wrong. It’s entirely possible for someone to come of age in that era, realize bigotry is wrong, and work to combat that attitude until they die. For example, <span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; text-size-adjust: 100%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Juliette Gordon Low, the founder of the Girl Scouts of America, came of age in the Deep South and grew up on tales about the Lost Cause. As a result, she had some regressive views of Black people. But at some point, she realized her views were wrong and spent the rest of her life trying to do better. When a troop of Black Girl Scouts weren’t allowed to march in a parade, even though the White troops were, Low pitched a fit and got them in.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; text-size-adjust: 100%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; text-size-adjust: 100%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In fact as a general rule, while the pervasive bigotry of the past is something that needs to be taken into account when discussing it, at the same time, it cannot and should not be used as an excuse to completely exonerate people. Just because a lot of people believed that something that is wrong was right, does not, in fact, make it right. And throughout history, there were always a handful of people who swam against the tide, your John Browns or Victoria Woodhulls, to give a few names. <br /></span></span><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; text-size-adjust: 100%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It also kind of goes in line with Steve Rogers’s “I don’t like bullies. It doesn’t matter where they came from.” attitude. But I freely admit that my view of Steve Rogers is colored in part by the delightful <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/series/175532">Steve Rogers vs. the Media</a> series (and yes, I do love the entry titled “Bucky Barnes is a Goddamn Menace”) and <a href="https://historicallyaccuratesteve.tumblr.com/">Steve Rogers is Historically Accurate</a>. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; text-size-adjust: 100%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>Anyway, I have my own reasons regarding Steve's views on race and gender. But first, I should probably talk about the damn movie, before you people contemplate coming to my house and beating lengthy Morse Code messages into my skull with a tire iron. </div><p>The movie establishes a key fact right off the back: Steve Rogers is and always will be, a rule-breaking little mothereffer. Basically, he's been trying repeatedly to enlist in the US Army <a href="https://youtu.be/ecGB5Q_24oA">by lying on his enlistment forms.</a> This is, for those not in the know, a felony. So yeah, not too surprising that a character whose first appearance has him committing multiple felonies will proceed to continue to treat rules as <a href="https://youtu.be/WJVBvvS57j0">more like guidelines, really.</a></p><p>But Steve's not having much luck and looking over his list of ailments, you kind of understand why. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCFnukyIMxljsJpGeTOzG-upv_U4JFVlvP6hNKsECa2wVILAt65Tmz7Ten95gyuSzMFPVUTthSGumz1nkXBkYZzcvNrYQKBu2IGgvcfFjT_GBbO7qR15VmTmcSAN_BYTcktisZ9848Gkw/s500/AnonUsagiSan+-+Hobbyist%252C+General+Artist+_+DeviantArt.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="245" data-original-width="500" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCFnukyIMxljsJpGeTOzG-upv_U4JFVlvP6hNKsECa2wVILAt65Tmz7Ten95gyuSzMFPVUTthSGumz1nkXBkYZzcvNrYQKBu2IGgvcfFjT_GBbO7qR15VmTmcSAN_BYTcktisZ9848Gkw/w472-h272/AnonUsagiSan+-+Hobbyist%252C+General+Artist+_+DeviantArt.jpg" width="472" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcwz49PRBpCwETvTUbbEwdz4d1mIoinsysYZxn0MULBU6plHB9VRIVm-8V8rBzP8SsP1MzYSoCoFcohg6A_OOMj19vL33eKQuk8dv4Z3EDP4y-71tdj6AR-CUnyxrSSSdC8k0yU50_KP0/s667/preserum+steve.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="667" data-original-width="500" height="350" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcwz49PRBpCwETvTUbbEwdz4d1mIoinsysYZxn0MULBU6plHB9VRIVm-8V8rBzP8SsP1MzYSoCoFcohg6A_OOMj19vL33eKQuk8dv4Z3EDP4y-71tdj6AR-CUnyxrSSSdC8k0yU50_KP0/w297-h350/preserum+steve.jpg" width="297" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div>The first list is the one seen in the movie, but the second is one seen in Disney promotional materials. Thought I ought to provide both just because. </div><div><br /></div>I've heard people say that Steve Rogers's list of ailments points to him having survived a very bad Scarlet Fever episode. Me, not having a medical degree, I can't give too much information on this. I do know that treatment for Asthma back then was mostly "Pray that it stops." There were treatments, but generally ineffective ones. Those handy-dandy little steroid inhalers are a post-war invention. I have heard that Asthma was also regarded as something of a somatoform illnesses, the wheezes supposedly representing the stifled cry of the inner child crying for its mother. <div><br /></div><div><a href="https://historicallyaccuratesteve.tumblr.com/post/90483251181/chronically-ill-steve-rogers">Steve Rogers is Historically Accurate</a> has a post discussing what these ailments would have meant for Steve and the kind of treatments, such as they were, that would have been used to treat them, but I think there is a more important issue to bring to the fore: Eugenics</div><div><br /></div><div>Yeah, this is a fun post, but I do feel it's something that should have been brought up in discussion of Steve Rogers's character. </div><div><br /></div><div>Because y'see, all of Steve's various ailments would have been seen as proof of his inherent inferiority. He would have grown up being called a burden on society, hearing from an early age about how his mother and the world would be better off without him in it. And Eugenics wasn't a fringe science, but one believed by just about every educated person growing up in the era, including the doctors Steve likely went to when he was sick. So yeah, the very people who are entrusted with his care, also believe he shouldn't, y'know, exist. In fact, there's ample evidence that the Nazis drew inspiration from America's campaigns against the Indians and programs related to forced sterilization of so-called undesirables. </div><div><br /></div><div>So if you're wondering why Steve's such a rebellious little mothereffer, it's because he knows from personal experience that the best and brightest can be horribly horribly wrong. And basically my headcanon is at some point, Steve was like, "If I can't believe what is said about me, can I believe what they say about the Blacks and Jews?" Hence his more enlightened views. </div><div><br /></div><div>All right, less historical discourse, more movie. </div><div><br /></div><div>Well, you gotta feel for Bucky Barnes. He's had to spend his life dealing with someone like Steve, saving him from fights he starts because he feels like it's up to his ninety-five pound self to save the world, and he's trying to have a nice night before getting shipped out, only for his friend to <a href="https://youtu.be/9XDLoa-vLT8">go behind his back and try to commit another felony</a>.</div><div><br /></div><div>Yeah, my personal headcanon is that everyone at that recruitment office basically sees Steve coming and is like, "Oh God, it's that guy," and immediately start have to arguing amongst themselves about who has to deal with that stubborn pain-in-the-ass. Because yeah, communication wasn't as instantaneous as the Internet makes it nowadays, but people did talk to each other. There was this marvelous invention called the telephone that while nowhere near as portable as a cell phone, it did make it so people could communicate over long distances. </div><div><br /></div><div>I know I am an obsessive weirdo who reads entire volumes out of random gestures. But I just can't help but get that vibe from the way the nurse whispers in the doctor's ear and how that guard makes a point of coming back into the room at the sound of the scale. And yes, I do believe that Steve was probably planning to futz around with the scale, because a guy willing to commit multiple felonies probably wouldn't feel too guilty about rigging the scale. In any case, Dr. Erskine had to have gotten Steve’s faked reports from somewhere. My guess is that the stations have started passing information around, warning about Steve.</div><div><br /></div><div>Luckily though, he makes the acquaintance of Dr. Erskine who is willing to give him a chance, and it's off to boot camp he goes. And he immediately proceeds to make the acquaintance of Peggy Carter, aka another character who causes me to question my commitment to heterosexuality. Then again, between all the time I spent drooling over Jennifer Connelly in <i>The Rocketeer</i> and Peggy, I wonder if I just have a weakness for 40s cheesecake. Though I've also long had a weakness for British accents, so there's that added benefit.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5Fb9tTJcRC8Ro4kB5fJ4LOXgWBjqATpgl2Vdk_88Irs241DLw3GRRaFX1bEMWaQFGXWgRZyMt5cMqshl32OcFRg1Q0qVJf3NC4rCdw_hkQOXNp5nvFyYBDcegR9uHQG5fJUIG2xmBw_M/s1344/peggy+hot+for+steve.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1344" data-original-width="530" height="1173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5Fb9tTJcRC8Ro4kB5fJ4LOXgWBjqATpgl2Vdk_88Irs241DLw3GRRaFX1bEMWaQFGXWgRZyMt5cMqshl32OcFRg1Q0qVJf3NC4rCdw_hkQOXNp5nvFyYBDcegR9uHQG5fJUIG2xmBw_M/w530-h1173/peggy+hot+for+steve.png" width="530" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div>Yeah, as far as I'm concerned, the above photo is totally canon. Peggy was totally going to eat that boy alive. So is the next photo...</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA7xsHwRaAKkWwtVAtmqRuKez89umVwLegFF2aVdUxSqKnT67spSS9K6f_aEDVrh2k8ww-a4_UMNR-xW_tIiul75NiQFAOc7-rD-cwV-gZuWeqVd-A3xtcFkR7MWIfUR7_CPgR6jn8kHY/s2966/peggy+carter+girlcrush.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2966" data-original-width="736" height="1422" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA7xsHwRaAKkWwtVAtmqRuKez89umVwLegFF2aVdUxSqKnT67spSS9K6f_aEDVrh2k8ww-a4_UMNR-xW_tIiul75NiQFAOc7-rD-cwV-gZuWeqVd-A3xtcFkR7MWIfUR7_CPgR6jn8kHY/w428-h1422/peggy+carter+girlcrush.jpg" width="428" /></a></div><br /><div><br /><p>All right, all right, I'll stop with the Peggy Carter pins and fangirling. Though, here's one more for the road: She is awesome and deserved better.</p><p>As you can imagine, boot camp for Steve goes about as well as you'd expect for a guy suffering from multiple ailments. </p><p><a href="https://youtu.be/mfDIiSALyLw">Tommy Lee Jones understandably has his doubts about all this</a>. And I know his character has a name--Colonel Chester Philips--but I refer to him as Tommy Lee Jones, because Tommy Lee Jones plays the same character in just about every one of his movies: the hard-bitten military man or the hard-bitten lawman. It's generally a good character, so you don't mind it too much. From the looks of things, Tommy Lee Jones is one of those people who was just born old. </p><p>A few things: One, I really hope that Steve doesn't believe that the US military regularly throws live grenades at its candidates. Though I kind of figure that he is well aware that he's not likely to last long in combat, so he's like, "If I'm going to go out, I'm going to go out as the hero." Who knows how differently the MCU might have played out if someone had said to Steve, <a href="https://youtu.be/wK1CoTopA5o">"Maybe you're the plucky young comic relief." </a></p><p>In all seriousness, Steve probably knows he won't last long in combat, but if in dying, he can protect at least one person, then as far as he's concerned, it's worth it. </p><p>Though yeah, Bucky, this is why you need a backpack leash for Steve. Because first he goes behind your back and enlists in the US military and before you know it, he's volunteering to be experimented on by a <a href="https://youtu.be/OdgrOdVBjBU">German scientist for his country.</a></p><p>Steve comes out of Mr. Stark’s machine a big slab of roast beefcake, but long story short, a Hydra assassin kills the doctor and rather than getting a whole squad of super soldiers, they’re just left with one. And what do they decide to do with him?</p><p>I’m probably cheating, <a href="https://youtu.be/DxRKwKJI_uI">but this will be presented mostly without comment.</a> Because there is nothing I could possibly say that would add to this.</p><p>Yeah, this movie probably gives you a questionable view of the US military. First of all, <a href="https://youtu.be/s2u0DPWDFR0">it was entirely too easy to assassinate Dr. Erskine.</a> But the biggest problem is that you get one kickass super soldier and the only things you can think to do with him is to either keep him in a lab or have him sell war bonds? It’s stuff like this that makes me question Tommy Lee Jones’s bonafides as a military man.</p><p>The tour ends rather abruptly when Steve hears that Bucky’s unit has been captured and the army has no intention of planning a rescue. And Steve, being the sensible thinker that he is, decides that the smartest thing to do is to single-handedly plunge himself behind enemy lines armed with the tin shield he uses in his act along with a chorus girl’s helmet. Steve Rogers: Master of Well Thought-out Decisions.</p><p>It’s why in the second episode of <i>Falcon & Winter Soldier</i>, when Bucky said, “Steve would have a plan,” I was like, “Bitch, do you know who you’re talking about?!” Because Steve’s plans often consist of “Step One: Throw Myself Into A Fight, Literally Or Figuratively.” SOB regularly throws himself out of planes without a parachute. You, of all people, should know better.</p><p>For the record, regarding the Disney+ series, I enjoyed <i>WandaVision </i>and so far, I’ve liked <i>Falcon & Winter Soldier. </i>But again, for the most part, the television series are off-limits, so this will be the extent of my reviews of the shows.</p><p>Well, it turns out that it is remarkably easy to creep around a German military base with an American flag on your back. So we’re also probably getting a questionable view of the German military as well. Though in my defense, that’s technically Hydra, not the German government. </p><p>And finally <a href="https://youtu.be/nrerl_jAeeE">our hero and villain meet.</a></p><p>Ah, I always found it to be one of the delightfully weird moments of the MCU, when Hugo Weaving takes off a Hugo Weaving mask to reveal Hugo Weaving wearing a mask...</p><p>Though Erskine, I kind of feel like this is something you should have brought up with Steve in your conversation. Even if it is really Schmidt’s fault for trying out something still in the beta version, this seems like important information, the fact that it might give you the body of a Greek god or it could melt your face and turn you into a nightmarish horror. Though that further calls into the question the original plan behind the super soldier serum. If the side effects run the gamut between “Oh God yes!” to “Dear God No!” why would you go through with the original plan to create whole squads of super soldiers? It just seems like too much potential for things to go horribly wrong. Granted Erskine had concluded that the serum did what it was supposed to, by enhancing what was there, so that good becomes great and bad becomes...well, the outside just matches the inside a little better.</p><p>But I suppose this is an opportunity to mention another area where this movie shines: the villain. The Red Skull is nowhere near as charismatic as Loki, but he is memorable in the way most of the other villains of Phase One aren’t; he isn’t just a man in a business suit. So he’s definitely not the villain I’ve dubbed as Zero. Feel free to keep debating who Zero is. Because Zero is completely lacking in any memorable traits and say what you will about the Red Skull, but he is memorable.</p><p>I’d give him a three. While he is much more memorable than a good chunk of Phase One and Two villains, while he does show some vestiges of his grand, operatic self, at times, the Red Skull comes across just as a jerk, rather than the over-the-top supervillain he is in the comic books.</p><p>FYI, the difference between a mere villain and a supervillain is one of grandeur and scale. Like <a href="https://youtu.be/4xgx4k83zzc">Nigel Tufnel</a>, supervillains go to eleven. If someone keys your car and your idea of revenge is to track down the guy who did it and key his car, you’re merely a villain. If someone keys your car and your idea of revenge is to track down the guy who did it, so you can drop a several ton piece of metal shaped like a key on his car, that’s super-villainy.</p><p>Following the rescue, well, before we get to the montage, we have to talk about <a href="https://youtu.be/oQOhi0DG1Ag">this scene.</a></p><p>One of the beauties of the worldwide web is that I am no longer confined to ranting about things to family members; I can inflict them on complete strangers as well. So sit back as I lay out just why I hate scenes like these.</p><p>The idea behind these scenes is that the female character in question is supposed to be doing a spunky “Girl Power! Don’t-take crap-from-no-man!” bit. But the problem with these kinds of scenes is that the heroine comes across less as a BAMF girl and more as an unhinged psycho. Because let’s look at it this way. </p><p>One, do you really think that Steve is the type of guy who would cheat on you? Two, even if he is, I’m fairly certain that he has enough sense to not do it when you’re only a few feet away from him. Steve may not be inventing things like perpetual energy, but he’s not rock-stupid. And finally, what if the shield hadn’t stopped the bullets? Then congratulations, you just killed your one super soldier all because you were in a jealous snit and couldn’t be assed to talk to him, like a normal person!</p><p>:deep breath: </p><p>Don’t get me wrong—<i>Agent Carter </i>forever sealed my girlcrush on her—but I still really hate this scene. We already got some good scenes showing off what a badass she was. This, like I said, just serves to make her seem like an unhinged psycho.</p><p>Anyway, the <a href="https://youtu.be/xsbRFybusyg">promised montage</a> ensues. </p><p>And once again, I find myself debating to what extent this movie should have been, regarding the less than savory aspects of the 1940s. Because for those not in the know, the US military was segregated until 1948. There were Black soldiers and Japanese-American soldiers serving in WWII, but they were in separate units from the White soldiers. </p><p>So yeah, a unit like the Howling Commandos wouldn’t have been a thing. Frankly, I think could have made for an interesting element if there had been some nod made about the unusual nature of this unit. I mean, two of them are fighting for a country that doesn’t see them as fully human and since one of them (Jim) is of Japanese ancestry, at the time he’s off fighting for his country, his country has imprisoned his family in concentration camps.</p><p>No doubt, there's someone out there who will be "um, actually, they weren't technically concentration camp," and well, I have a few things to say regarding that. One, if a society finds itself in a position where it has to debate whether or not something qualifies as a concentration camp, chances are pretty good that regardless of the answer, things have gone appallingly wrong. And two, it's a rule I have: if you ever say anything like, "Technically it's not," then chances are pretty good that it'll turn out to be exactly what someone says it isn't. Oh and "they're not concentration camps because the prisoners are dying from disease and neglect rather than being actively murdered," is not the sterling defense Conservatives seem to believe it is. </p><p>Yeah, I should stop interjecting recent politics into all this. Even if I stubbornly believe that all art is political, I should still try to stay on track. </p><p>Unfortunately, all good montages must come to an end, and arrive at a <a href="https://youtu.be/n1Ld1WWztI8">the scene</a> that will serve to set the tone for most of the final act. </p><p>This film is still very much a romanticization, but after train scene, it's never quite as triumphant as before. The death of Bucky just casts too much of a shadow for it to go back to before. Looking back on Steve's arc as shown in both the solo pics and the other films of the MCU, I am struck by the constant theme of disillusionment that keeps showing up. <i>The First Avenger </i>is relatively uncomplicated and straightforward, but in the rest of the MCU, Steve is constantly being betrayed or let down by someone or something. I would go into detail about this, but I've already violated that rule I've made and I should try not to push it further. Plus, this early on in the franchise, my analysis wouldn't make as much sense or have the same impact. </p><p>Though the conversation Bucky and Steve have about Coney Island before they get on the train, well, I do believe that Bucky does, at times, serve as 2/3 of Steve's impulse control, but I do like how it points out that Bucky isn't a complete nursemaid like the fandom has a tendency to paint him as. My guess is Steve spent his life dealing with people either treating him like he has the plague or like he is made of spun-glass and is tetched in the head. </p><p>Bucky was the one person who treated him like he was normal, because even though, he didn't want Steve to enlist and worried about him dying (not an unfounded fear between his "Come at me, bro!" attitude and numerous ailments), he did want Steve to have a life. So he didn't completely molly-coddle him. </p><p>Though I've heard it pointed out in the fandom that Bucky's serial number as given in the movie, points to someone who was drafted into the war, rather than someone who enlisted of his own volition. I don't know how true this is--not sure how to check on NY serial numbers for an enlisted man vs. a drafted one--but it could be used for some dramatic weight in later materials if the people involved so choose. Think of the character turmoil born of how Steve is so desperate to fight as to repeatedly commit felonies in an effort to do so, but meanwhile, Bucky is only going because he is being forced to and wants desperately to get out of it. Oh the dramatic fanfics that could be written!</p><p>FYI, my collection of Steve/Bucky encompasses just about all the fanfic genres: fluff, angst, high school AUs, etc. I have to admit in the past, I had been annoyed by the phenomenon of shipping in fandom, but now...like I said, I'm hardcore Steve/Bucky. </p><p>Slightly tasteless joke: Is it just me or did everyone else wonder if Steve's inability to get drunk would play a role in <i>Civil War</i>? Kept wondering if something like this would play out. </p><p>Character A: We need someone to drink Tony Stark under the table. </p><p>Character B: That's impossible! No man's liver could handle that amount of alcohol!</p><p>Steve: *ahem*</p><p>But you know <a href="https://youtu.be/z3SlXW7Y9mg">final fights have to happen</a> and long story short, Steve crashes in Antarctica and winds up frozen for seventy years. </p><p>This key plot element to Cap where he's "the man out of time" as he's often called, came about because for those of you unfamiliar with your comic book history, the Golden Age of Comics, which started with the release of Action Comics #1, ended with WWII. After the war, what followed was a precipitous drop in the readership of comic books, including superheroes. The Axis Powers made for great villains for the heroes to beat up, but once Germany and Japan have surrendered, bye-bye to using them as your Big Bad/Mooks. </p><p>So a lot of heroes who had dominated the era, were swept into the dustbin of history and for a while, Cap looked like he would be one of them. His title was discontinued and for years, he didn't appear in the comics. </p><p>Then Silver Age happens and at some point, someone involved at Marvel was like, "Let's bring him back." But you need to come up with an explanation as to where the hell he's been all this time. So they retconned it as to while he was presumed dead after a mission in the Arctic, in reality, he was just frozen in an iceberg. Storytelling-wise, from there, all you have to do is come up with some way for the characters to discover him and thaw him out and you're done. </p><p>And it worked. Cap quickly became a major fan favorite and just about every incarnation of The Avengers has him involved in some capacity, often as the leader. He is kind of the moral center of the Marvel Universe, the one character that all the heroes, regardless of their hangups/backstories, respect, which is probably why he winds up in the position of leader so often. When dealing with clashing egos and all the headaches which come with organizing, it helps to build around the one person everyone can respect. </p><p>The "Man Out of Time" angle also adds an interesting wrinkle to his character, putting him in a perpetual Fish Out of Water situation. The Fish Out of Water trope is, at times, overused to the point of becoming a cliché, but there's a reason it endures: like all tropes, when done right, it works. People relate to feeling alienated, where you thought you had some idea as to how the world works, only to be hit in the face with reality. Cap wakes up, only to have to face a new reality with a new history he needs to parse out, while dealing with the fact that everyone he knew best, either has one foot in the grave or is, well, in the grave. There's a shitton of dramatic potential and any writer worth their salt has the sense to plow this fertile ground silly. </p><p>Of course, this plot element might become trickier because initially, it wasn't too unrealistic for there to still be some of his former WWII buddies around, but as decades have piled up...it's not like Steve can't still be the "Man Out of Time" but some of the best aspects of this story element comes from when he interacts with people he knew back then, talks to Peggy Carter after she has had seventy years to move on and create a new life without him becoming a senior citizen with a completely different history, whereas for him, she is still the hot twentysomething agent he fought alongside. </p><p>There's no denying that the Internet is, at times, a dark and scary place. Gene Roddenberry believed that better technology would lead to better communication and thus, soothe over longstanding religious/ethnic hatreds, but unfortunately, he didn't realize that all the worst people would have just as much access to the tech as the good people. But more often than not, I am grateful for this amazing place for stuff like the picture below. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8bBA1qC1w3qDuk6CEwZzCi7gcGh1zHyKWynl0ytHRyqp6wL2wwck6mfvRO0zWthwcoGVn3kjjUH2U8LAATqEi_0og29rODje8piIGecLjKJMjXaogIMj9ZENgR2o_eud2PXElJ8U9oBA/s2035/Steve+Rogers+historical+wardrobe+headcanon.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2035" data-original-width="562" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8bBA1qC1w3qDuk6CEwZzCi7gcGh1zHyKWynl0ytHRyqp6wL2wwck6mfvRO0zWthwcoGVn3kjjUH2U8LAATqEi_0og29rODje8piIGecLjKJMjXaogIMj9ZENgR2o_eud2PXElJ8U9oBA/s16000/Steve+Rogers+historical+wardrobe+headcanon.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p>Because god knows where else would I get this kind of analysis. I suppose I could dig up textbooks about 40s fashion and learn on my own all the inconsistencies with the woman's wardrobe, but it would take longer and probably be nowhere near as succinct. </p><p>And I have no problem accepting this as canon, the idea that Nick was testing Steve, rather than it turning out that his costuming department really sucks. </p><p>And that's <i>The First Avenger. </i>I hope I didn't get too didactic or boring with all the history lectures. Next on the slate marks the end of Phase One, the movie that all these intro films were building towards: <i>The Avengers.</i></p><p>Credit Scene is just a promo for the upcoming Avengers film. </p><p>Stan Lee Cameo: <a href="https://youtu.be/HKtrMBH2uHQ">he's in the audience, waiting to see Captain America. </a></p><p>None of the deleted scenes really added anything. The commentary was mostly talk about how they made the props and sets, which may be interesting to some, but I prefer hearing more about the storytelling, why they made the decisions they did.</p><p>*When it comes to the debate, I’m on Team Buchanan Is Gay As Fuck. I believe that there is enough convincing circumstantial evidence pointing to it. Yeah, I know there’s no absolute solid proof, but short of inventing time travel, there really isn’t any way of getting absolute solid proof. Even if we did get solid proof, like filmed him and William Rufus King (the two men lived together for ten years and King is also widely suspected to have been Gay) getting it on, there would still be people who will try to dismiss said evidence, given how desperately people seem to want to rewrite LGBT people out of history. I can just picture them going, “Yeah, they’re just wrestling, just doing some totally manly heterosexual naked wrestling.” </p><p>Because it can get kind of ridiculous how people will try to write LGBT people out of history. I cannot track down the article, but I remember it talking about letters James I wrote to another man. The article gave the usual “the close friendship between the two men” line, even though the same article admits that James I referred to this man as his husband and built a secret passageway so he could visit him more often. That’s something completely heterosexual best bros do, refer to each other as their spouse and go to the trouble of building secret passageways to see each other. </p><p>Especially since if this article was referring to George Villiers, James I was pretty damn shameless about it, giving him just about every royal title he could, and regularly showed up to court functions with him on his arm. I wonder how the fundies would feel if they knew that the guy behind their favorite translation of the Bible was likely Gay or Bisexual. And of course, it couldn’t be possible that the translators had grievances against King James and some of that worked its way into their work.</p><p>tl;dr LGBT people have always been a part of history and didn’t spring into being with the passage of Roe v. Wade.</p><p>**There are movies that are just a pure joy to watch, that just serve to remind you why you love movies. <i>The Rocketeer </i>is one of them. There’s something so beautiful and charming about how warm-hearted and idealistic the film is, its complete sincerity a refreshing break from the ironic detachment that so many of our entertainment trafficks in. It is “Rah, rah, hooray for the USA!” and is unabashedly patriotic, but it does so in a way that isn’t jingoistic hateful towards anyone. Well, okay it is hateful towards Nazis, but it used to be that was considered a good thing.</p><p>Again, which is more depressing: the way “torture is wrong” was transformed into a radical statement or the way “Nazis are bad” was transformed into a radical statement?</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisaCQmXViQWPinA7NoAhDu_Q7svIRdL4uywIF32wFTdjhY-TEcPHmk7maVoliNquk8iVeMYHu3TMtcQZcEBHqqhtZ7D4RM8Lbe2xfNXoNwAKay5hAVjmEx2DA4X89PHIN5YOm00FQQ_cI/s750/98AF6CD9-A101-4358-B350-3B8F93112BF5.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="416" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisaCQmXViQWPinA7NoAhDu_Q7svIRdL4uywIF32wFTdjhY-TEcPHmk7maVoliNquk8iVeMYHu3TMtcQZcEBHqqhtZ7D4RM8Lbe2xfNXoNwAKay5hAVjmEx2DA4X89PHIN5YOm00FQQ_cI/w222-h400/98AF6CD9-A101-4358-B350-3B8F93112BF5.jpeg" width="222" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>I realize that not everyone has the same headcanons I do and generally, I try to respect other’s opinions, but as far as I’m concerned, you’re not allowed to make Cap a fascist or an antivaxxer. The fascist part has already been explained, but as for the antivaxxer thing, the mothereffer has likely had most of the illnesses vaccines can prevent. These aren’t abstract horrors to him. He’s had them and may have lost classmates to them. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbW-U_K2BvhAPKo-tFPDV6RhbRsCSvMU7Dgkm1SdTZXQdId5qs7_Lop_NQRRasWYPdsG4bac5WnGuggxpyzehAqeUOIcmTyBqivCs5HoLvi0b5oYLXaCF7RMIB29YskyUf04wkDXyQ7pY/s742/6B27C785-5F40-4331-AA12-8F0CC1295920.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="742" data-original-width="529" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbW-U_K2BvhAPKo-tFPDV6RhbRsCSvMU7Dgkm1SdTZXQdId5qs7_Lop_NQRRasWYPdsG4bac5WnGuggxpyzehAqeUOIcmTyBqivCs5HoLvi0b5oYLXaCF7RMIB29YskyUf04wkDXyQ7pY/w456-h640/6B27C785-5F40-4331-AA12-8F0CC1295920.jpeg" width="456" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpb6UnE9oZElYcEbCxTQN9SmdYEoWodW9P3doPWAGcQ7MMEEP4g2nKS-4XYQXcHviM4h72ALakyu4L-BFZcqrAnxn-_nPsakobdV02qHbMePE-rqNitLmErh2dtbRGJn6PqUAb1Kk9O5w/s689/A7991A69-6074-4F2F-9B68-92C587EBC2CF.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="689" data-original-width="374" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpb6UnE9oZElYcEbCxTQN9SmdYEoWodW9P3doPWAGcQ7MMEEP4g2nKS-4XYQXcHviM4h72ALakyu4L-BFZcqrAnxn-_nPsakobdV02qHbMePE-rqNitLmErh2dtbRGJn6PqUAb1Kk9O5w/w348-h640/A7991A69-6074-4F2F-9B68-92C587EBC2CF.jpeg" width="348" /></a></div><br /><div><br /><p>And in the unlikely event that any antivaxxers are reading this, as one of those Autistic people you hate and fear so much, I have this to say: Get bent. To live in a society, you have to pay your dues and vaccines are one of your dues. If you’re not willing to pay said dues, you can go off-grid, live in a cave and eat roots and berries, while the rest of us enjoy the perks of being a part of a society. </p></div>Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-22895058289020560682021-02-02T22:02:00.003-08:002022-04-04T22:47:10.102-07:00Thor or “Thunderstruck!”<p> All right, now we’re up for another intro film, this one featuring the God of Thunder and starring the first of the three Chrises who appears in the MCU (Hemsworth, if you’re wondering). </p><p>Your call as to why the casting agent of the MCU has such a thing for guys named Chris. Yes, I do believe that DC snatched up Chris Pine just to keep Marvel from having the full set. Marvel is so thoroughly smoking them in the cinematic universe department that DC has resorted to lashing out in petty ways. </p><p>Though let us be grateful to this brave soul who finally resolved the Four Chris debate in a satisfying fashion. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghXV9PM5BBoHE7FDXrwuFAssEeHVA3ch8kjdVUxsl18ud0r4lx_Lx72Wck_IDHpVbhyzGYJqcaxDGZILKzyo3owHiqLdftFbFFawgsAW_ONdxeEobcEq9gBzYa_AI5ETNYsOBDQrEXtKQ/s806/edd032753deed8b4f29cf6ee00d73662.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="806" data-original-width="564" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghXV9PM5BBoHE7FDXrwuFAssEeHVA3ch8kjdVUxsl18ud0r4lx_Lx72Wck_IDHpVbhyzGYJqcaxDGZILKzyo3owHiqLdftFbFFawgsAW_ONdxeEobcEq9gBzYa_AI5ETNYsOBDQrEXtKQ/w280-h400/edd032753deed8b4f29cf6ee00d73662.jpg" width="280" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">Though since Chris Hemsworth is both the largest Chris and the largest Hemsworth, obviously the</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">question remains: why doesn't he simply eat the other Chrises/Hemsworths?</span></div><div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, the Thor movies have a reputation as being the weak links of the MCU. Granted, The Incredible Hulk is the weakest MCU film, but that goes without saying. Generally, I agree with these criticisms of the Thor films. </div><div><br /></div><div>The chief weakness of Thor films is that there’s a rather insular quality to these movies. With the other Marvel films, the effects of what happens in the solo films more easily spill over into the other films which make up the MCU. But the Thor films seem to be relatively isolated from the rest of the franchise. Don’t get me wrong: some of what happens spills over into the main throughline, but not a lot. This movie’s sequel, <i>Thor: The Dark World, </i>could almost be completely incised from the franchise without too much impact on the main overall plot. </div><div><br /></div><div>I’ve already said that movie trilogies, especially ones related to superheroes, are like an expanded version of the three-act structure. Looking at the MCU overall, the structure with its phases and all, it’s like an even more expanded out version of this structure, with Phase One serving as the beginning, Phase Two as the middle, and Phase Three as the end. <i>Black Widow, </i>assuming it ever gets released, is supposed to be the first film of what is to be called Phase Four. I’m assuming that Phase Four will serve as the beginning in another three-act structure with subsequent phases serving as the middle and end.</div><div><br /></div><div>It’s rather hard to ascertain what to call the plot of Phase Four onward. I guess it’s like a sequel to the previous phases, thus making Phase Four on, a three-act sequel to the original massive trilogy of plots, and assuming they follow the pattern, Phase Seven will launch the ending act to the other prior groupings of phases.</div><div><br /></div><div>So what we have with this cinematic universe, is almost like boxes within boxes. You have the MCU as a whole, then the timeline gets broken down into the phases, which are further broken down into the individual films, which have their own individual three-act structures. </div><div><br /></div><div>Whew...this can be something of a headache when you think about it. The MCU is its own unique storytelling format that I’m not sure what to label it as. It’s not a frame story ala <i>Canterbury Tales </i>because the stories build on each other, rather than existing in their own separate little spheres. Series is the closest term, but while there are plenty of ones where each installment builds on or leads to another or various characters from different titles team up, I can’t really think of ones where each group of books is an act in a bigger overarching plotline. Even the Star Wars movies*, the prequels, the originals, and the sequels, while you have some degree of the trilogies building on each other, still don’t have a bigger plotline which puts the three trilogies together.</div><div><br /></div><div>Luckily, though, the MCU made another smart decision when it came to their cinematic universe that too many others have failed to do: it planned. Each phase was carefully laid out, so the people involved with the franchise knew what the franchise was building to and could plot the films accordingly, serving to provide an overall cohesive story/message. Obviously, real world events have forced the creative team involved to revise the plan, something bound to happen when doing storytelling on so massive a scale, and there are some plot holes, something only a few writers can manage to bat 1000 on, but for the most part, like I said, the overall story remains cohesive.</div><div><br /></div><div>This problem of planning is one of the things that has hamstrung the MCU’s rival, the DC Expanded Universe, or DCEU for short. They’ve tried various <a href="https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AuthorsSavingThrow">Author’s Saving Throws</a> to limited success at best. None of the films feel like they really belong together, because they’re so widely out of tone with each other. As much as it pains me to admit it, <i>Batman v. Superman </i>and<i> <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0770828/">that one movie</a> </i>do feel like they belong together, which is thanks in part to Zack Snyder’s aesthetic and use of storytelling tropes. Both movies still suck and are terrible, but you can see how they go together.</div><div><br /></div><div><i>Justice League </i>which is supposed to serve as the culmination film, is basically a Joss Whedon and Zack Snyder film frankensteined together in a desperate attempt to have them make sense (spoiler alert: it doesn’t). All the other films, regardless of their quality, seem disconnected from each other, off in their own reality from the others, resulting in a degree of incoherence if you try to mush them together. <i>Aquaman </i>is a good example of this incoherence. There’s the general throughline of “Aquaman has to learn that with great power comes great responsibility,” which is admittedly a cliched plotline, but can still be effective if used right. But the existence of <i>Justice League </i>causes it to not make any sense. Given that Aquaman had previously been shown stepping up to face down an alien invasion, it doesn’t seem to make sense for him to undergo a plotline where he has to learn that he can’t just lie around and do fuck-all with his powers.</div><div><br /></div><div>From what I can tell, the DCEU seems to have thrown up their hands, given up on doing an overarching movie universe, and settled for making stand-alones, which is fine by me. I would rather get a bunch of decent stand-alones than an incoherent mess of a cinematic universe.</div><div><br /></div><div>I know, I know, you’re all like, “Shut up and talk about the actual movie,” but looking back on the MCU has given me new insight into the overarching structure and when I started talking about it, things spiraled from there, something that happens to me a lot.</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, here’s our titular character’s <a href="https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxCy3y2-ZD2EOoROOUBTUu3YA_F3EYY9p">origin story.</a> Yeah, they’ve strayed more than just a little from the original setup. Some of the changes are for the best. Given that his main tactic is throwing the damn thing, the whole “Thor loses his strength when separated from the hammer” weakness is pretty damn stupid. It does make the dick jokes even more obvious, but the nature of the character already makes the dick jokes obvious enough on their own. I mean, his weapon is a hammer, which he has named. Obvious dick jokes are obvious.</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway our boy, Thor, is having his coronation, but unfortunately, well, you know how it is, you try to have some kind of shindig, <a href="https://youtu.be/kN7fRtG06u4">only for frost giants to crash it.</a> Asgard’s magic robot, which is called the Destroyer, but we’re going to call it Gort, because it amuses me, dispatches them, but Thor wants blood.</div><div><br /></div><div>So he, Loki, Sif, and the Warriors Three decide to single-handedly invade Jotunheim, the realm of the frost giants. They have Heimdall open the rainbow bridge, thus marking the first instance in which Heimdall commits treason against Asgard. Heimdall would go on to commit treason against Asgard in every one of the Thor movies, but my headcanon is that since he’s basically the only competent member of the Asgardian government, everyone’s pretty much agreed to just let him do whatever he wants.</div><div><br /></div><div>Not surprising the genius strategy of “Invade another realm with a couple of your friends, thus upsetting a thousand plus year-old truce” does not go well. <a href="https://youtu.be/_1OW1MX9B-w">Odin has to save their rear ends.</a> And he comes in on his eight-legged horse which as someone who knows something about the Norse mythos, makes me snigger like the dirty-minded pervert that I am. Suffice to say, I often wonder which aspects of the Norse mythology are canon in the Marvel verse. </div><div><br /></div><div>Because according to the original mythos, MPreg** is very much canon where Loki’s concerned. And I probably shouldn’t have said that seeing as Tom Hiddleston’s fanbase is already insane, but let’s be real: my not saying it wouldn’t have stopped them. Because Tom Hiddleston’s fanbase is large and insane, and I hope to God that the actor has the sense not to ever Google his own name.</div><div><br /></div><div>[TANGENT] In fact, while I have nothing really for or against Benedict Cumberbatch or Tom Hiddleston, I remain nothing but fascinated by the size and fervor of their fanbases. The insane level of passion they inspire, despite neither actor being what would be considered conventionally handsome. Hell, one of them has a name so stereotypically British-sounding that he might as well be named Nigel Crumpeteater.</div><div><br /></div><div>I’ve long wondered if there was a way of resolving which actor’s fanbase is more insane. I want to give it to Benedict Cumberbatch because his fanbase willingly refers to themselves as “the cumber-bitches” but that feels unfair to Tom Hiddleston’s fans; what are you supposed to do with a name like Hiddleston?</div><div><br /></div><div>Because I am that kind of person, I envision it all being resolved with a Naruto-style battle. With Benedict Cumberbatch, I’ve always gotten Gaara vibes, so that’s how I envision his fighting style, only rather than having a swirling shield of sand to protect him, he has one made of fangirls who instinctively leap in front of him to protect him. And yes, that does mean he has an attack called Fangirl Coffin, where he crushes his victims under the weight of countless fangirls, which probably ranks up there in terms of stupid or gruesome or gruesomely stupid ways to go. </div><div><br /></div><div>But I can’t get a handle on Tom Hiddleston’s parallel. I suppose the abilities demonstrated by his most famous role, might put him as Naruto, facing down Cumberbatch with an army of shadow fangirls, but Tom Hiddleston is most definitely not a hyperactive knucklehead who does his best thinking when he’s getting hammered like a stake into the ground. Their personalities don’t line up, but I have no idea which Naruto character to use. Kakashi? Sasuke?</div><div><br /></div><div>If you can think of which Naruto character to use, feel free to tell me. Though try to keep in mind that I refuse to acknowledge any canon past the Sasuke Retrieval Arc.</div><div>But take heart: no matter how the fight goes, it’ll all end in yaoi. Because I’m a long-winded pervert, that’s why. [/TANGENT]</div><div><br /></div><div>All right, all right, back to the movie.</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, Odin is like <a href="https://youtu.be/_IfYZZDTays">“Oh you are so banished!”</a> and punts Thor to our realm, Midgard, where <a href="https://youtu.be/zEaVF7O-ftM">Natalie Portman hits him with her car</a> and <a href="https://youtu.be/Pg9RbMLowCE">her assistant tazes him.</a> Then he winds up in a mental hospital where he is <a href="https://youtu.be/Oooj1ZaO7Ok">given a shot right in the bread basket.</a> So all in all, it’s been a rough evening for Thor.</div><div><br /></div><div>But it’s not all bad. Natalie Portman decides that she needs his help when it comes to her research on something called the Einstein-Rosen bridge. And I thought that this was a classic case of the movie using scientific-sounding gobbledygook, but I Googled it and it turns out to <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wormhole">actually be a thing</a> discussed among astrophysicists. Don’t quiz me on any of this—I just skimmed a Wikipedia article. I guess they wanted to use some more scientific-sounding jargon than “wormhole.”</div><div><br /></div><div>The rationale behind Natalie Portman’s character, Jane Foster, wanting to get his help, is so thin as to practically be able to read a newspaper through it, but honestly I can’t judge someone for wanting an excuse to spend more time with Chris Hemsworth. How did she manage to get herself to put a shirt on him instead of claiming that all her shirts had been snatched up underpants gnomes and forever outlawed?</div><div><br /></div><div>Fun fact: Chris Hemsworth is contractually forbidden from spending any movie shirtless from beginning to end. Because that movie would win ALL THE OSCARS! and the Academy feels they should give all the other movies a fair chance.</div><div><br /></div><div>Chris Hemsworth is high on my list of “People Who Make Me Want to Renew My Commitment to Heterosexuality,” whereas Natalie Portman ranks high enough on my “People Who Cause Me to Question My Commitment to Heterosexuality” list as to ascend to my Same Sex Top Five. So having them play characters who eventually become romantically involved with each other...I wonder if this is equivalent to putting a humidifier and a dehumidifier side by side and letting them battle them out.</div><div><br /></div><div>While Thor is going through his Fish Out Of Water bit on Earth, well, <a href="https://youtu.be/kNDEEYPx54c">Loki is having some issues.</a></div><div><br /></div><div>As already stated, until recently, Loki was the only interesting villain in the MCU; hence why he ranks as a Five on the One-to-Five MCU villain scale. And it’s not hard to see why. Loki is charismatic as fuck and has a style and flair that his a sharp contrast to most of the villains in the early phases of the MCU, which are generally old White men in suits.</div><div><br /></div><div>And there is a genuine sense of tragedy with him. Odin will repeatedly claim that he loves both of his sons equally, but the action and dialogue that plays out, demonstrates that Loki is more of a political hostage than his child, planning to put Thor on the throne in Asgard and Loki on the throne in Jotunheim and control the frost giants by proxy. </div><div><br /></div><div>Because the word choices Loki uses in the linked scene, the way he says “what I am” rather than “who I am,” going onto describe himself as “the monster parents tell their children about at night,” clearly indicates that he was raised to hate and fear the frost giants all the while actually being one, which is pretty effed up.</div><div><br /></div><div>And with his heir banished to Earth and his other child undergoing a massive identity crisis, and Asgard on the precipice of another war, clearly the thing for Odin to do is go into the Odinsleep, which is basically a healing coma. Further proof as to why Odin’s a dick.</div><div><br /></div><div>In fact, looking back over the MCU, I wonder if in terms of dickish dads, if Odin isn’t in the lead. Then again, since Harold Barton and Brian Banner are never mentioned nor do they appear in the films (but them being abusive assholes is one of the constants to the core identities), the contest comes down to Howard Stark vs. Odin vs. Hank Pym. And looking over everything, I think I have to give the contest to Odin. </div><div><br /></div><div>While all this is going on, apparently <a href="https://youtu.be/EdjMNDZb4_E">Thor’s hammer</a> has attracted a lot of attention with everyone, including Stan Lee, trying to get it. Frankly, I gotta scratch my head a little. Yeah, I know this is a small town in the middle of nowhere, but still. SHIELD immediately shows up and puts the place on lockdown.</div><div><br /></div><div>Naturally, Thor wants his hammer back. And yes, I did snigger a little when typing that. I'll try to control myself from here on out. </div><div><br /></div><div>So he decides <a href="https://youtu.be/Uv9_T0OOKI4">to bust in and get it.</a> </div><div><br /></div><div>A few observations: SHIELD would probably have an easier time stopping him if they used the guns they were actually carrying. Then again, I'm not part of some super-secret government organization, so clearly my words must be taken with a grain of salt. </div><div><br /></div><div>Though I have wondered if this wasn't on the orders of Nick Fury, if maybe he's like, "Wait, I wanna see what this guy does." I don't know why he'd do this, but hey.</div><div><br /></div><div>Though apparently, Hawkeye didn't get the memo, because he decides to, y'know, try to take out the guy rampaging through the base. And I thought about it, but decided to link to a review of <a href="https://youtu.be/VyZF6d652w0">Hawkeye's first appearance</a> for this entry, rather than the team-up, seeing as it's his first appearance in the MCU. </div><div><br /></div><div>Again, another character who got his start trying to kill Tony Stark. Tony, at some point, you need to look in the mirror and ask if the problem isn't you. </div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, Thor fails. He is further disheartened when Loki visits him and lies by telling him that Odin is dead. </div><div><br /></div><div>Surprise, surprise, the trickster god is, well, up to tricks. Turns out he helped the frost giants to bust into Asgard and makes a deal with Laufey, the king of the frost giants, to let him into Asgard so he can kill Odin. And to cover his tracks, he sends Gort to go kill Thor. </div><div><br /></div><div>As many have pointed out, Thor’s reform, where he goes from arrogant dumbass to <a href="https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BoisterousBruiser">Boisterously Brawling Dumbass</a>, seems to happen in the span of a weekend. I don’t doubt that getting a shot down there and the ethereal beauty of Natalie Portman can change a person, but really that quickly? Probably makes more sense than Naruto where to redeem someone, you need only to beat them within an inch of their life.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://youtu.be/mIhmaVJXCck">You can guess how this goes.</a><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Have to admit I still laugh at the part where it seems like Loki is going to listen to Thor’s little speech only to go, “DENIED!”</div><div><br /></div><div>Thor gets his hammer back, beats Gort, and goes to deal with Loki.</div><div><br /></div><div>But before we get to that, I just wanted to post this picture and talk a little.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEife8D8rX7j9aL9jxrRY2hd5fq05FpRjl5HMEAYsYtnDmGq-y0gFfm1Ziu3EG-_kxsmKD5QQgoljazuI2j5204l8cizJf4k7zMFj2UsNnpxyggfXzeRil1SOhvQvYdLmyB3WBRgPIhdUxQ/s1600/A555F0C2-0408-4C07-8B3E-9DBC3EAFAB08.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1066" data-original-width="1600" height="288" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEife8D8rX7j9aL9jxrRY2hd5fq05FpRjl5HMEAYsYtnDmGq-y0gFfm1Ziu3EG-_kxsmKD5QQgoljazuI2j5204l8cizJf4k7zMFj2UsNnpxyggfXzeRil1SOhvQvYdLmyB3WBRgPIhdUxQ/w433-h288/A555F0C2-0408-4C07-8B3E-9DBC3EAFAB08.jpeg" width="433" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div>I love it, because I am a Phil Coulson fangirl and you can practically see his thought processes here.</div><div>Coulson is all, “Yeah, I know I’m supposed to be intimidated by you, seeing as you have at least 50 lbs and nearly half a foot in height on me, and you’re all magic and shit, but I’ve dealt with Nick Fury before he’s had his first cup of coffee, so let’s cut through the BS.”</div><div><br /></div><div>Like I said, it remains fascinating how a character created to serve as a bit part, then make his exit, touched enough of a nerve that it forced the people involved with the movies to keep bringing him back, until he eventually got a TV show and ascended to the comic book canon. For those not in the know, if a character in a superhero adaptation created for another medium (radio, TV, movies, dirty limericks, etc.) joins the comic books, it’s a real sign of their popularity. </div><div><br /></div><div>Harley Quinn is another example of this phenomenon. She was created for <i>Batman: the Animated Series*** </i>and originally, she was intended to be a bit character, appear as the Joker’s moll in an episode, but she touched a nerve, so she kept coming back and eventually joined the comic book canon.</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, back to the movie.</div><div><br /></div><div>Well, Loki, who suffers from <a href="https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ChronicBackstabbingDisorder">Chronic Backstabbing Disorder</a>, <a href="https://youtu.be/soEdwkcI_vs">betrays his biological father</a> and I have to say when I first saw the movie, I was a bit confused. It seemed a perfect opportunity for Loki. He could let Laufey kill Odin, walk in on him, kill Laufey, then produce a bunch of crocodile tears about, “Oh, if only I had arrived here sooner,” which would make for an only slightly convoluted revenge scheme. And don’t tell me Loki wouldn’t be able to produce some crocodile tears: he’s the trickster god; I’m fairly certain it’s part of the job description.</div><div><br /></div><div>Instead, Loki has another scheme entirely. Basically his plan is to expand the <a href="https://youtu.be/-JPkvO1e1Gw">Bifrost into Jotunheim</a>, which would tear the realm to pieces and kill off the frost giants. In other words, basically this whole convoluted scheme is a desperate effort to win Daddy’s affections. He gets Thor out of the equation, so he can set himself up as the sole heir, then to further cement his status, he sets it up so he can save Odin’s life and destroy his long-standing enemies. And since Loki is a frost giant, he is basically genociding his own people. </div><div><br /></div><div>Eventually, Thor is forced to use his hammer to smash the Bifrost to bits, but in doing so, he’s made it so he can never return to earth and be with Jane, because the Bifrost is the only way of traveling between Asgard and Earth. At least it is until this sacrifice is immediately undone in the big team-up film.</div><div><br /></div><div>And I suppose I’m leaping ahead and I apologize for it, but it is another weakness of the Thor movies. Most of the other character films manage to, for the most part, have tight plotting, You can see how the trajectory of one leads to the other and there’s a sense of a strong infrastructure holding the whole thing up. But in addition to the insular qualities of the films, sometimes it feels like those involved didn’t really know where they were going and why. Yeah, this movie builds to the big team-up and that’s good, but Thor 1 doesn’t feel like it flows into Thor 2. I talked about how <i>Iron Man 2 </i>was a big batch of missed opportunities, but it does feel like a natural extension of its predecessor.</div><div><br /></div><div>I’ll have you know that I do watch the deleted scenes for the films. I haven’t mentioned them thus far, because for the most part, it makes sense that they were cut. Either they were part of a scene that was already long enough, are redundant, or out of tone with the rest of the film. Maybe they have some mildly amusing moments, but they really don’t add a lot. </div><div><br /></div><div>And that is true of most of the ones for this movie. But this is also the rare occasion where I was like, “Why weren’t these scenes left in there?” The trouble is I can’t really delve into them too much without breaking (not just bending) the rule I have for this project about leaping ahead. I know I probably will break this rule—I already have—but I feel I should put forth the effort to try to follow the parameters I set for myself. Don’t want to use up all my material regarding a film, before I’ve even made it to the film.</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, the scenes in question: <a href="https://youtu.be/z5sTE8d5Vuo">Scene One</a>, <a href="https://youtu.be/uk3t_jQvK4I">Scene Two</a>, <a href="https://youtu.be/G7p7cUib6qw">Scene Three</a>. I’m sure some of you will figure out the common pattern of these scenes. I have to say, while it wouldn’t completely solve all the problems of <i>Thor: the Dark World</i>, (the movie is too big a hot mess for that to work), it would help address some of them.</div><div><br /></div><div>I’ve already mentioned the Stan Lee cameo, so here’s the <a href="https://youtu.be/A5CU4HqQ5EU">post-credit scene.</a> Unlike most of the other post- credit scenes, which were mostly teasers for heroes who were going to show up, this one has a bit of plot in it, as Loki gets moving on his next scheme. Though that bit about unlimited power, uh, need I remind you that Tony Stark, in the previous film, basically invented that? It seems like something that should be touched on more. As said before, I’m not asking for detailed explanations as to how it all works, but it’d be nice to get a line or two about the effects said tech has had on the world. I’m a firm believer in the <a href="https://www.sfwa.org/2009/06/18/turkey-city-lexicon-a-primer-for-sf-workshops/">Turkey City Lexicon idea</a> called “the edges of the ideas” which is basically “don’t write so much about how technology X works; instead, show how it effects the people of the world where it exists.” </div><div><br /></div><div>So put in a line or two about how whole cities are now lit up thanks to the element Tony synthesized. If you really wanted to go into depth, you could explore what it would mean regarding all the military quagmires in the Middle East, now that we have a source of perpetual energy, but that may be too much for a popcorn flick franchise to take on. So I’ll somewhat let the people involved off the hook.</div><div><br /></div><div>And that’s it for now. Feel free to leave your comments and suggestions and continue to debate the identity of Zero at the end of all this.</div><div><br /></div><div>*Don’t get me going on Star Wars, because I could go all night if I have to. Suffice to say, I loved the original trilogy, hate the prequels, loved Force Awakens and Last Jedi, but hated Rise of Skywalker. I’m not going to go any further with my comments, because otherwise this aside will be longer than the actual review. Because I’m that obsessive.</div><div><br /></div><div>**I understand most fanfic tropes even if I’m not that into them, but I cannot get behind MPreg. It seems only a further reinforcement of gender roles, that you can’t just have two guys in love without forcing one of them into the part of the “woman,” having them display all the most regressive, stereotypical femme traits as possible. Just have your characters adopt or use a surrogate or something. Exception granted if one of the guys is a trans man.</div><div><br /></div><div>*** The biggest advice I have for the people involved with the DCEU: get the guys involved with the DC<b>AU </b>(the DC Animated Universe) to do your movies. They proved you can pull it off: tell deep, thought-provoking stories that appeal to both kids and adults (the Cadmus arc remains a masterpiece) and have the heroes be interesting and actually heroic, actually experience some real emotional pain outside the <a href="https://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/12/03/on-discomfort">“I smolder with generic rage!”</a> variety. For those wanting to peruse the DCAU in all its majesty, don’t be too intimidated by the massive amount of canon. While it is a joy to see the entirety of it (DCAU at its worst is loads better than most series at their best), just start wherever you see fit. You like Superman? Go with him. </div><div><br /></div><div>Avoid the episodes <i>Critters, Superman’s Pal, </i>and the early episodes where Batman gets his ass saved by annoying kids, and enjoy the ride. I also want to urge more people to see the sadly underrated <i>Green Lantern: the Animated Series. </i>The computer animation isn’t as good as the traditional kind, but the storytelling is amazing, almost as though the people involved with the show looked at the shitty movie and were like, “How ‘bout we show you how this is done?”</div></div>Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-29637604855995051832020-12-21T21:39:00.001-08:002022-04-04T22:48:01.899-07:00Iron Man 2 “Electric Boogaloo”<p>Usually the second superhero film is where the people involved, stretch their creative muscles. The general attitude is that given that anyone who sees the second movie, likely saw the first one, chances are pretty good that they know the hero’s general shtick and can cut to the action. Most trilogies seem to be like the three-act structure stretched out on a wider scale. Don’t get me wrong; usually each individual film is still able to stand on its own, with its own arcs, but overall, a trilogy is an expanded three-act structure.</p><p>A good example of this phenomenon can be seen with the original films that made up the Star Wars trilogy. Each individual film has a complete beginning, middle, and end of its own, and can be watched without having seen the others (though it adds to the show if you’ve seen the others), but overall, each film can represent the beginning, middle, and end structure of a wider story when zoomed out. <i>A New Hope </i>is Act One, introducing our heroes, before sending them off on their adventure. <i>Empire Strikes Back </i>is the middle, where basically, the heroes are put through the wringer, as they are really forced to deal with the complexities that come up as a result of the path they’ve chosen. Under these circumstances, the heroes can rise to the occasion and triumph over their demons, or be trounced by them. <i>Empire </i>breaks with the tradition of most mainstream films by ending on a decidedly melancholy note: most of the heroes escape by the skin of their teeth and for one, the future is even more uncertain. Then we have <i>Return of the Jedi </i>where the heroes overcome their struggles, triumph, and most of the important plot threads are resolved.</p><p>After <i>Iron Man </i>introduced us to Tony Stark, <i>Iron Man 2 </i>should have been a real chance for the writers to really put Tony through the psychological wringer and with Tony, there’s a wealth of opportunities when it comes to how you’re going to do that. As established, Tony is filthy stinking rich and hasn’t really ever had to struggle for anything in life; clearly, the thing to do is make the guy struggle. Force him to really have to experience the physical and psychological consequences of what he has to do, put him in a situation that cannot be solved by his usual tactics of “throwing money at it” or “blowing it up.” Tony’s always been something of an arrogant ass, so take the wind out of his sails and force him to have to scramble for a bit.</p><p>Instead, what <i>Iron Man 2 </i>gives us, is basically setup for the first Avengers film. It is still a lot of fun, due to Robert Downey Junior being charming as fuck, but there’s a wealth of missed opportunities here. And the sad part is, there are hints of a more promising story.</p><p>Iron Man fans could reasonably assume that at some point, the franchise was going to tackle its version of the classic “Demon in a Bottle” arc. The original nine issues, written by <span style="font-family: inherit;">David Michelinie<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; font-size: 16.15px; text-size-adjust: 100%;"> </span></span><span face="-apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Lato, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; font-size: 16.15px; text-size-adjust: 100%;">and </span><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Bob Layton</span>, introduced alcoholism to Tony’s history. And as I’ve said before, despite the dated aspects (it ran from March-November 1979) and the sublime silliness that only comic books can possess, it is a fairly solid depiction of alcoholism. The story works because the alcoholism feels like a natural extension of Tony’s character. He’s not merely acting like a stereotype of an alcoholic; he’s being Tony Stark while being an alcoholic. </p><p>Bob Layton said, regarding the arc, <span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; text-size-adjust: 100%;">"I'm gonna quote David Michelinie here, that it was never our intention to do anything relevant. We were paid to, basically, do the next episode of </span><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: italic; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: 100%; vertical-align: baseline;">Iron Man</span><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; text-size-adjust: 100%;">. [It's] just [that in] that particular issue, alcoholism was the bad guy. Instead of </span>Doctor Doom<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; text-size-adjust: 100%;"> or somebody like that, it was the bottle. That was our villain of the month. And that's really the way we treated it. We built everything up to that. But the point of it is, it was never... we never attempted to be relevant. It just... in the corporate world, what gets to guys? What causes the downfall? Usually it's greed, or it's sex and drugs, right? Well, we couldn't do the sex part, right? Alcohol wasn't talked about all that much, really, to be honest with you. Especially with kids, you know, in that particular era. But, you know, we treated it as we intended to, as the bad guy."</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; text-size-adjust: 100%;">Comic books often have a very loose continuity. There is a general core continuity that mostly remains true across the various adaptations, but outside the core, much of the character’s history can be considered optional. Working within the confines of the core, the writers can explore various ideas and maybe add onto the character background. If the ideas explored are generally well received, then the arc unfolds as planned. If the fans’ collective response to the new ideas is “That’s a bad idea and you should feel bad!” then chances are, at some point, the story will be retconned out of existence. Maybe it will be a formal retcon or the comic could treat it like a cat turd, where they just try to bury it and move on. But if</span></span> a story idea is really good, it can achieve enough status to ascend and become part of the core canon.</p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; text-size-adjust: 100%;">That’s what happened with Tony Stark’s alcoholism. Writers mined this trait for future plotlines and in nearly every continuity, his alcoholism comes into play at some point. Tony Stark is a recovering alcoholic. That’s who he is.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; text-size-adjust: 100%;">We can see vestiges of the “Demon in a Bottle” plotline in this movie. Tony’s tendency towards excess and fondness for alcohol is depicted in both this movie and the prior Iron Man film. This movie also has a character named <a href="https://marvelcinematicuniverse.fandom.com/wiki/Justin_Hammer">Justin Hammer</a>, just like in the original arc. Granted, the MCU version of Hammer is a far cry from <a href="https://marvel.fandom.com/wiki/Justin_Hammer_(Earth-616)">the version</a> in the original arc, but with some reworking, the arc could still work. And given Robert Downey Jr.’s history, he could really dig deep and add some personal touches to the storyline.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; text-size-adjust: 100%;">From what little I’ve gathered, the people involved with these movies had planned to implement the Demon in the Bottle arc, but the idea was nixed by Disney. I’m not really sure why. They’re okay with Tony becoming more riddled with PTSD as the franchise unfolds, but having him hit the bottle is apparently a bridge too far.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; text-size-adjust: 100%;">Anyway, I’ve talked your ear off. I suppose I should talk about the actual movie, which despite the missed opportunities, was still a lot of fun. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; text-size-adjust: 100%;">It’s been six months since our boy basically announced to the world that he is Iron Man, thus leading to the trend of the MCU generally discarding secret identities. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; text-size-adjust: 100%;">Tony has been keeping busy, running a massive Stark expo, and </span></span><a href="https://youtu.be/X5ge0pd7hMQ">testifying before congress.</a></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; text-size-adjust: 100%;">As you can probably guess, the US government is more than just a wee bit interested in Tony’s suit and really, you can’t blame them. You show something like that off and you better believe the US military is going to take notice, especially after that “training exercise” from the previous film. So the US government wants their hands on Tony’s tech.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; text-size-adjust: 100%;">Tony, naturally, is all, “I’m not going to.” This makes sense, seeing as Tony has long been written as something of a Libertarian “Keep the government out of my business!” kind of conservative, but also because he knows that once he hands this over to the government, he cannot control what happens next with these weapons. They could use them for whatever conflicts they want, sell them to whichever ally is willing to pay, and said ally could sell them off to whoever they want, and so on and so on. Having received a personal crash course in the reality of the weapons trade in his first movie, like hell is Tony going to turn it over. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; text-size-adjust: 100%;">Of course, there are obvious rejoinders to this argument, some of which are pointed out. First of all, there’s the most obvious: if Tony can figure this out all by his lonesome, what’s keeping some other citizen from a less human rights-friendly nation from doing so? Of course, in reality, there will be a few super geniuses watching the footage of the fight between Tony and Stane who would manage to piece together how some of the tech works and they’ll get together and manage to completely figure it out. Also, if SHIELD, which is a government organization, did the cleanup for the Stane vs. Stark fight, then they can probably study the wreckage and equipment left behind and work it out from there.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; text-size-adjust: 100%;">And Hammer is right to point out that Tony Stark is just asking everyone to trust that he will totally use this power for the greater good and will not abuse it in the slightest. It’s worth pointing out that later in this scene Tony says that </span></span><a href="https://youtu.be/yc8qbcIMZVg">he has privatized world peace</a>. This needs to be pointed out because privatization is an idea that keeps coming up again and again. </p><p>Under <a href="https://youtu.be/myH3gg5o0t0">Neoliberalism,</a> privatization is key. Basically their view of government is that they feel the government should provide as few services as possibly, with the bulk of services being carried out by private industries. At least, they believe this until corporations crap the bed spectacularly, because that’s what corporations do every time regulations are relaxed. Then suddenly corporations become unabashed advocates for government intervention. </p><p>But here’s the thing: <a href="https://youtu.be/xHrhqtY2khc">privatization generally results in shittier, more expensive service for everyone.</a> Because even defenders of corporations will admit that corporations exist to turn a profit. Therefore, they will do whatever they can to maximize their goals by cutting corners or jacking up prices or any number of tactics. And no matter how much the Rich market themselves as purely logical and honest masters of the universe, they can and will do whatever they can to increase profit, no matter how under-handed a tactic may be, regardless of the dangers it may present. All regulations that exist regarding worker and consumer safety, are written in blood. </p><p>The idea is that businesses are more efficient than government, but frequently what happens is incidents like when <a href="https://www.npr.org/2018/08/22/640815074/verizon-throttled-firefighters-data-as-mendocino-wildfire-raged-fire-chief-says" target="_blank">Verizon throttled the data of firefighters</a> during a major wildfire season, only relenting when the fire department upgraded to a more expensive plan. </p><p>Now this is legitimately anger-inducing, but this sort of thing happens when dealing with organizations that value profit above all else; they're going to do whatever they can to increase profit, acknowledging extenuating circumstances only when they are forced to. </p><p>Government gets a lot of well-deserved bad press, but it has also been so villainized that people forget that it can do a lot of good. </p><p>This can be easily illustrated by the COVID crisis. Vietnam organized almost immediately when the virus came to the fore, mandated masks, completely shut down their economy, save for places like grocery stores or other places associated with providing food, and did everything they could to make necessary testing and medical equipment as widely available as possible to those who need it, while having a strong social safety net support the public during this trying time. As a result, for them, the crisis is mostly over, and they can enjoy holiday get-togethers without the looming threat of a major pandemic. </p><p>Whereas the US...That sound you hear is me crying and laughing bitterly. Basically, we're burying on average some 3000 people every day, because of our dumpster fire-in-chief*. 3000, for those of you wondering, is close to the number of people who died on 9/11, so yeah, we're experiencing 9/11 over and over. </p><p>Also businesses, despite their reputations, tend to be bad at innovation. Because they exist to turn a profit and pretty much immediately have to start doing so, they don't have the resources needed to follow an idea that may take decades to come to fruition. People say, "Capitalism made your iPhone," but as <a href="https://youtu.be/8jTCBirELDU" target="_blank">this short video shows</a>, all the tech that makes up the iPhone came about from government-funded research. </p><p>So yeah, I understand all the objections to Tony's "You can't have this!" bit. We fearmonger about some crazed nut stockpiling guns, and question whether there should be restrictions on the ownership of some weapons. So technology like Tony’s armor would probably make some people pause. Granted, we can write pages about how much the US sucks at guns, how it operates under an appalling negligence, but I've typed enough rants for now, so I'll just link to a <a href="https://thismodernworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/TMW2011-01-12acolorlowres-copy-2.jpg">political cartoon</a>.</p><p>Before we move on, let's talk about something you guys have already noticed in the clips. Don Cheadle has replaced Terrance Howard as Rhodey and would continue to play him for the rest of the MCU. There are so many conflicting stories, but my understanding is that it came down to money. Like I said, Terrance Howard was the highest paid member of the cast in the first movie, making more than even Robert Downey Jr., the star of the film. </p><p>Downey had pretty much burned all his bridges in Hollywood, and Favreau had to fight to get him to play the part, so he wasn't really in a position to negotiate and demand to much while making the first one. Of course, the first one succeeded beyond even the most optimistic predictions in large part due to Downey's performance and ad libs, putting him in a much more favorable place when the sequel rolled around. And Downey, not being a fool, took the opportunity to ask for money, which cut into the money Terrance Howard would receive. </p><p>Howard threw a fit, but Marvel wouldn't back down and neither would he, so Howard was fired from the films and replaced by Don Cheadle. And since in subsequent years have revealed Terrance Howard to be crazy-crazy and not merely Hollywood-crazy, it might have been a smart move. </p><p>Because there's a difference between crazy-crazy and Hollywood-crazy. You really shouldn't romanticize any form of crazy, but Hollywood-crazy can be more easily romanticized: play it off as something akin to method acting, the actor giving his all to give a good performance. Crazy-crazy on the other hand, there's no romanticizing it. </p><p>This can be seen with Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson's anger and intensity had long been a part of his brand as an actor, but when all those tapes circulated showing just how deep and ugly his anger ran, that's when he crossed over and became crazy-crazy and not merely Hollywood-crazy. </p><p>Rhodey's line to Tony where he basically goes, "I'm here. Deal with it," feels like it’s as much for the audience as it is in service to the story. </p><p>In addition to the expo, Tony has <a href="https://youtu.be/OT2b5KzMoC0" target="_blank">a new assistant</a>. And since the movie barely tries to mask the matter, I'm not going to bother either. Basically, Natasha Romanoff is making her debut in the MCU. Here's a link to Linkara's take on <a href="https://youtu.be/AJxnNOh8bGw" target="_blank">her comic debut</a>. </p><p>It is a fairly solid story. Her first appearance has her trying to murder Tony Stark which is an entirely understandable reaction. Even Pepper and Rhodey probably fight the urge to choke him. But while there are some hints otherwise, Natasha is mostly the standard Russian femme fatale in her first story. The stuff about her redemption and becoming one of the good guys comes later, and I have to wonder what motivated the writers to invest such time and weight into her character. </p><p>Something about the character must have pulled at someone to convince Marvel to go through with this idea. Maybe someone realized what a sausagefest The Avengers were and decided to add a lady to the team. Or the character could have just tugged at someone for some different reason. As a writer, I've had moments like that where someone meant to be basically a spear-carrier or someone to move the plot along, wound up demanding more of my time and attention. And experience has taught me that a lot of the time, if your intuition is pinging on something, you should really pay attention to it. Maybe it won't lead anywhere, but often it does. </p><p>Hell, that's similar to what happened with Agent Coulson. As said in the review of the first movie, he was created to be a bit character, introduce SHIELD, try to do cleanup on Tony's hijinks, then exit, but he touched a nerve with the audience, which forced those involved with the franchise to bring him back into the story again and again. </p><p>But all isn't well. <a href="https://youtu.be/Jm97Rc6OpxI" target="_blank">Basically his arc reactor is slowly killing him. </a> </p><p>And as if it isn't one damn thing after another, he tries to do something incredibly dangerous, only to wind up in actual danger, as our boy, <a href="https://youtu.be/TN05EuY_Xmg">Whiplash</a> aka Ivan Vanko decides to make his move. </p><p>His shtick is well, Howard Stark, Tony's dad, screwed over his dad, so naturally, the key thing to do is unravel the secret to some insane tech and go kill Howard's son. Makes perfect sense. </p><p>A few things, Ivan Vanko, before we go on: one, what was your initial plan? As we saw in previous scenes, Tony decided at the last minute to drive the race car, so you couldn't have just assumed he would be literally on the track when you made your movie? And two, the whole shirtless thing, really?! When it comes to costumes for superheroes or supervillains, I have a general rule: if you wouldn't fry bacon in that outfit, you shouldn't have a character go into battle in said outfit. </p><p>Tony deals with him. Whiplash is hauled off to the pokey, only to be busted out later by Justin Hammer. </p><p>And from what I heard, Vanko's look with the Russian prison tattoos and gold teeth, was Mickey Rourke's idea, as is the bit with the cockatiel. It does give him something of an interesting aesthetic, but it's not that interesting, and Rourke can only add so much. It doesn't help that in the big climatic fight, his idea is much the same as Obadiah Stane's: do a slightly upgraded version of the hero's bit. He does change things up a little with all the drones, but that doesn't add much. </p><p>Really the biggest problem with Ivan Vanko is that he disappears for a good chunk of the movie. There's no sense of building tension as he's just kind of off-screen working on building robots. </p><p>Instead, the bulk of the movie is dedicated to two things: <a href="https://youtu.be/MnpGUPnh7Q0">Tony being a jackass</a> and <a href="https://youtu.be/JTc7xxextQk">Tony's Daddy Issues</a></p><p>Yeah, the party scene alone is reason why everybody would freak out about Tony's whole "No one else can have this!" bit. Because what's keeping Tony from abusing the heck out of all this, from doing something incredibly stupid with it. Heck, that's what winds up happening. </p><p>After Tony refuses to listen to Rhodey and Pepper trying to talk him down, Rhodey puts on some armor himself. <a href="https://youtu.be/gD4lLH18vjY">And hijinks ensue</a>. Once again, Tony winds up trashing his own house. This will be a reoccurring thing with him. </p><p>Afterwards, <a href="https://youtu.be/lHyktosgNCA">Nick Fury is on the scene</a>, ready to provide life advice and setup. </p><p>Given what follows is several scenes related to Tony's daddy issues, it does illustrate some of the missed opportunities with the villain of this movie. After all, Ivan Vanko's was screwed over by Howard Stark, so he shares a certain kinship with Tony, something that could have been played with. But as said before, Vanko all but disappears from a good chunk of the movie, showing up primarily at the eleventh hour, rather than being used to build up the tension.</p><p>:sighs: Part of me wonders if I should quote "This Be The Verse" by Philip Larkin again, but I think I'll pass. </p><p>But this is going to be a reoccurring theme in the MCU: daddy issues. Between Howard Stark, Brian Banner, Harold Barton, Odin, and Hank Pym, the Avengers can easily be called the "My Dad's a Dick!" club. Yeah, Team Daddy Issues is more concise, but I go with my name 'cause I like calling them dicks. </p><p>And you better believe there'll be a tag related to this, though for the ease of the matter, I'll only use it if dickish behavior is seen or openly discussed. Though regarding Thanos and Ego, mass genocide goes so far beyond the realm of mere dickery, that referring to it as such, feels appalling, so the title won't apply to them. </p><p>As for the father of our boy, Captain America, well, as I said before, outside a character core identity, some details can get fuzzy. In some versions, Joseph Rogers is a drunk who regularly beats his wife, so yeah, that qualifies him as a dick. However, according to the <a href="https://marvelcinematicuniverse.fandom.com/wiki/Marvel_Cinematic_Universe_Wiki">wiki</a>, the MCU opted to go with the version where he died in the trenches months before his kid was even born. So he's off the hook. </p><p>Though the dickish dads and moms on pedestals theme is something that comes up a lot in the MCU, enough that I find myself wondering about Stan Lee or Jack Kirby's childhoods. Then again, this is a fairly old motif; Marvel is hardly the originator of this trope. </p><p>It says something about the sheer ridiculousness of the MCU that everyone's just like, "Oh Tony, get to work inventing perpetual energy and BTW, can you do this in the span of a weekend?" and just continue to talk about this like it makes perfect sense. </p><p>But Tony gets to things, pouring over journals and video left behind by his father, when he stumbles onto <a href="https://youtu.be/reQs3g5LO8E">this video from his father.</a> </p><p>Because I am scarily obsessive when it comes to my fandoms, the type who will take one brief scene, one throwaway line, and start building elaborate backstories behind it, yeah, I have done some stuff regarding the Stark family. Though really my views can be summed up by a tumblr post that said, "They were a family of geniuses who didn't know how to communicate with each other, but there was a lot of love in that little family." </p><p>I have to say while I am into fanfiction, the Theodore Sturgeon "99% of everything is crap" aphorism really holds true. There are some gems, some stuff that will make you spend the rest of your life going, "The Horror...The Horror..."** but most of it is just mediocre. </p><p>But I can't hate the phenomenon of fanfiction. I cut my storytelling teeth on fanfiction, telling stories to my brother, and when my family got the Internet and I discovered that other people were doing this and there was a name for all this...mindblown. It's why whenever writers say that they don't support fanfiction, while I respect their right to their opinion and understand why they might feel that way, I find myself liking them a little less. </p><p> I could go for paragraphs talking about the racist and sexist tropes show up, because fanfiction, like all art, for good or bad, reflects something about the society that produced it. but I'll spare you for now. Instead, I'll bring up something that really bugs me where in fanfics, unless a character's parent is depicted in canon as being as a Saintly June or Ward Cleaver-type, the emotionally absent parent gets exaggerated into so monstrous a caricature as to make the mom in a "A Child Called It" seem restrained by comparison. </p><p>The MCU often has weird random little touches to their films, little quirks or moments that aren't really needed (not necessary for the plot or the characters), but they are just amusing. Like <a href="https://youtu.be/7LPqokP-Kqg">this scene</a>, where Tony tries to regain Pepper's trust, is important, but there's that bit with the stick sculpture on the desk and how it drives Tony nuts. We don't get any reason for why he hates it and we don't need one, but like I said, it's a nice touch, adding a little bit of color and humor to the scene. </p><p>And it seems to go in line with this pin, which speculates on Tony possibly having ADHD. Which I have to say, I have no problems with this headcanon. Granted, ADHD is one of my diagnoses, so I am biased.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwnhOnOsrPevrtiV9Fb6fEJop2XIspiLIKqvs7IyI-IqWRYmu10nPz57bHQNDTOocLOK-BM6NYNv0Jy7h_ajXslD1bN3-S37r2uE0Xc1IdVoIRPVXE7Q00EhoHaixgTfCSfvuNSk0oI9U/s750/5f2c99bc1c4b444330363bcf76304fc3.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="666" data-original-width="750" height="413" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwnhOnOsrPevrtiV9Fb6fEJop2XIspiLIKqvs7IyI-IqWRYmu10nPz57bHQNDTOocLOK-BM6NYNv0Jy7h_ajXslD1bN3-S37r2uE0Xc1IdVoIRPVXE7Q00EhoHaixgTfCSfvuNSk0oI9U/w549-h413/5f2c99bc1c4b444330363bcf76304fc3.jpg" width="549" /></a></div><br />One of the beauties of the loose/core continuity-style of comics is that you can pick and choose across the various canons and use whatever you want. Of course, I take this approach to most entertainment, holding onto what I like, throwing out what I don't, and mentally rewriting whatever I want. <p>From what I can tell, most people, consciously or unconsciously, do the same when enjoying entertainment. Every time someone partakes of an entertainment medium, as the narrative unfolds, the audience takes what is being given to them and starts crafting their own narrative along with the creator's. This "As you enjoy what is being created, you too, create" idea feels similar to Octavia Butler's Earthseed faith which tenets are: </p><p><span> </span><span> </span><span> 1. Everything you touch, you change</span><br /></p><p><span><span> </span><span> </span><span> 2. Everything you change, changes you. </span><br /></span></p><p><span><span><span> </span><span> </span><span> 3. God is change.</span><br /></span></span></p><p><span><span><span>But I could be reaching a little here. After all, not everyone has my obsessive nature. Maybe there are people who just watch something and don't go "Hmmm..." at a moment or line that interested them, and explore it in their heads a little. Maybe some people just mindlessly consume and don't think, but I do. Even silly, mindless entertainment is the product of authorial intent and sometimes it’s worth speculating why they made the choices they did.</span></span></span></p><p>I suppose I’ve strayed a little far from discussing the actual film and I apologize, but there’s not a lot to talk about. It is a shame because there was potential with this movie, a chance to really develop the character, but instead, they whiffed it and what we get is just setup for Avengers. </p><p>As you can imagine, Tony figures out what his Daddy was trying to tell him and <a href="https://youtu.be/Ddk9ci6geSs">synthesizes a new element like it’s nothing.</a> From there, it’s off to go kick some ass.</p><p>And I feel there’s another missed worldbuilding opportunity regarding Stark Industries. Okay, so now that Tony’s out of the business of making and selling weapons, what is his company making and selling? Does he create similar arc reactors for wounded soldiers or other people suffering from similar injuries? Though more importantly, Tony has basically discovered a source of perpetual energy, aka something that overturns several laws of physics and has the potential to upend the geo-political scene in who knows in how many ways. Now that we literally have a source of perpetual energy, what’s going to happen with all these saber-rattling wars in the Middle East once we’re no longer hopelessly dependent on oil to power our economy?</p><p>I’m not asking for a part by part, detailed schematics sort of thing, but a few throwaway lines or something would work. Alan Moore did something similar in <i>Watchmen </i>where because Doctor Manhattan can basically synthesized lithium out of nothing, electric cars are the standard. It probably wouldn’t completely alleviate the <a href="https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ReedRichardsIsUseless">Reed Richards Is Useless</a> trope that shows up often in the MCU and most comic book movies, but it would help a little.</p><p>Anyway, with the smackdown over and finished, let’s sum up what we got from this movie. </p><p>First up, the villain review. As said before, for much of the MCU, the villains were its weak spot. It isn’t until Phase 3 that we start getting compelling villains; until then, the only really interesting villain is Loki. This is why my villain scale runs from 1-5, 1 being the least interesting to 5 being the most interesting. Loki is, of course, at 5, but for the most part, Phase 1 and Phase 2 villains fall in the 1-3 range. There is one so uninteresting that they have been ranked as 0 as in there is nothing remotely memorable about them. I’ll let you guys debate which villain qualifies as Zero.</p><p>Anyway, Ivan Vanko had the potential to be a much more interesting villain, but he disappears for large sections of the movie. From what I heard, it was Mickey Rourke who came up with the decision to give his character Russian prison tattoos and gold teeth, which does add a little something to the character but not a lot. I’ll give him a two.</p><p>As for Justin Hammer, yeah, he’s a far cry from his chessmaster comic book version. Really, the thing about the character is that he wants badly to be Tony Stark, to be the charming a-hole, but he only manages one part of the equation. No points for guessing which part. Subsequent materials have revealed him to be Gay, but that doesn’t really add a lot. Representation-wise, it’s not <a href="https://youtu.be/eL12gNyHQ1c">Lefou from Beauty and the Beast</a>-level bad, but that’s not really saying much. I give Hammer a one, making the combine total three, and the average 1.5. </p><p>With the villains out of the way, what we got from the movie is setup for The Avengers, the debut of Natasha Romanoff, and the daddy issues that will become a reoccurring theme with Tony. The movie is still enjoyable due to Robert Downey Junior being charming as fuck, but really it is a heaping helping of missed opportunities. According to the trivia page for this movie, Jon Favreau had to deal with almost constant interference from the higher-ups at Marvel who demanded so many changes that the script was practically being written as the film was being shot. His experience with this movie would lead to Favreau declining to direct any future films with the MCU, though he would still play Happy Hogan, Tony’s chauffeur.</p><p>This is similar to what happened with the first movie which like I said, was practically being written and rewritten as it was being shot, with large portions of the film being ad libs from Robert Downey Junior, but while this worked with the first movie, it didn’t play out so favorably for the second one.</p><p>Stan Lee cameo: <a href="https://youtu.be/TZA7lItH8GQ">“Larry”</a></p><p>And our credit cookie is <a href="https://youtu.be/V3ex_iqmYJA">Setup</a> for the next film on the roster, <i>Thor.</i></p><p>Anyway, that’s it for now. I hope I am getting better at these reviews, but any advice will be appreciated. I’ll try to not make you wait so long for the next one.</p><p>*And this is why you don’t elect a guy who has no experience in government whatsoever into the highest office in the land and why the political outsider meme is just really stupid in general. With any other job, having experience in the profession is generally considered a good thing. If your toilet broke down and your choices are to go with a licensed plumber who has been doing this job since the Bush I administration and can take apart toilets in his sleep or this other guy who, well, he hasn’t ever actually worked as a plumber, but he’s used a lot of toilets which is about the same thing, you’d probably go with the actual plumber.</p><p>Yet people don’t apply this logic to politics for REASONS! Running a government is a far different creature from running a business, demanding an entirely different skill set AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HE WASN’T EVEN A GOOD BUSINESSMAN! </p><p>:clears throat:</p><p>Only in politics can you get elected with a complete lack of experience and while expressing nothing but contempt for the organization you want to work for. You try that with any other job and they’ll laugh you off the street.</p><p>But it must never be forgotten that the people actually wanted Hillary in office, not him. Trump only got in on a technicality. It’s petty of me to mention this, but I feel no real shame in it, seeing as Trump is the pettiest person alive. I’m still not entirely sure he’s an actual person and not just the avatars of the Seven Deadly Sins stacked on top of each other and wrapped in a Cheeto-colored wrapper.</p><p><a href="https://youtu.be/90RajY2nrgk">Why the Electoral College Ruins Democracy</a><br /></p><p>**There’s a reason large swaths of people on the Internet cringe at the mention of Elrond’s wife’s name. Because I’m feeling merciful, I’m not going to link to anything. Y’all can track it down yourself. I don’t want to be responsible for any trauma that might ensue.</p><p></p>Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-89970685723459597982020-10-10T20:57:00.006-07:002022-04-04T22:48:30.907-07:00The Incredible Hulk or “How You Solve Problem Like Hulk?!”Alternate Post Subtitle: "Hulk strongest hero there is! But Hulk movies not so strong!" <div><br /></div><div> [whining] Well I can't help but be a little disappointment with how little a response I got to my previous post. I type my fingers to bloody rags for you and this is the thanks I get?![/whining] </div><div><br /></div><div> Well, hey, you guys have busy lives and even by my standards, that post was longwinded as fuck. Well, I always strive to learn from my mistakes and do better. Hopefully this one goes over better. </div><div><br /></div><div> Honestly, I wonder if I should even review this movie, seeing as I'm not sure how much, if any of this movie is still canon. And yes, because I am a pervert, most of my questions relate to the whole "No sex" aspect. Does that also apply to flogging the bishop, dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters, greasing the flagpole, and...OW! Okay, okay, I'll stop. But I still feel it's a valid question. It would answer the "I'm always angry," bit in <i>The Avengers.</i> I'd be pretty angry too if all forms of sex were forever off the table, including typing with one hand, waxing your weasel, rubbing the pink eraser, and...okay that's enough.</div><div><br /></div><div> But I did agree to review the films that make up the MCU and technically, <i>The Incredible Hulk</i> is part of the canon. However, since it is probably only tangentially part of the canon, really this will be more of a half-snark. To supplement things, I decided to revist Ang Lee's <i>Hulk</i>, doing a compare and contrast between the two films to help us better understand the strengths and weaknesses of both. So really,you guys will receive two 1/2 snarks, which adds up to one whole, so you will get your money's worth. </div><div><br /></div><div> But first up, <a href="https://youtu.be/Tu_kh5eZwjg">the origin story.</a> Linkara's summation "Hulk strongest hero there is! But Hulk origin story not so strong!" is fairly accurate. A superhero origin story needs to be compelling from the getgo, providing what amounts to a miniature portrait of the hero: this is who he is, this is his shtick, and this is why he does what he does.
But the Hulk's debut issue is kind of all over the place. It's the kind of story that should have lean, mean plotline with strong pacing, but instead it's kind of a meandering mess. </div><div><br /></div><div>The Hulk's publication history has also been fairly shaky. When Avengers #1 was released, Hulk was the only team member who didn't currently have a solo title to his name, his having been canceled due to low sales. It somehow seems fitting that a character with a shaky comic book history would also have a shaky cinematic history. </div><div><br /></div><div> Some characters survive and ascend to major character status within their comic book universe, because they are just straight-up cool right out of the gate, but with Hulk, he survived because the concept behind him is so inherently interesting that the writers just can't let go of it. Everyone feels like a different person when they get mad, so a guy who turns into a literal monster when he gets mad, kind of speaks to us. And there are some interesting literary motifs to play with like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde or Frankenstein. As shown in the debut, initially the Hulk was grey, but he received the green dye job due to printing costs. While this may have been a stroke of penny-pinching, it also serves as an evocative form of visual storytelling, playing up the Frankenstein motifs. </div><div><br /></div><div> I have to say of the two films <i>Hulk</i> speaks more powerfully to me. Don't get me wrong: I understand the detractors' complaints. They went in expecting all-out, whiz-bang superhero action; instead, they got a moody art film about a guy who turns into a green monster when he gets angry. The titular character barely appears in the movie. But while I don't deny the film's goofy moments nor do I deny that it comes across, at times, pretentious in its attempts to be all deep, at the same time, it is way more interesting visually and thematically. </div><div><br /></div><div>People mock the arty angles Ang Lee uses, but I find it so much compelling than <i>Incredible's</i> Action Blockbuster Generica.
Though I freely admit I too, sometimes scratch my head at some of Ang Lee's angles and cuts. Like this one, in which <a href="https://youtu.be/uSZi8oPRUkE" target="_blank">a villainous character</a> dies, but it is undercut by the white outline around the character which renders it unintentionally hilarious. What was Ang Lee's reasoning behind all these cuts and angles? Was he trying to emulate the aesthetic of comic book panels? I did have a second DVD with some extras, which has some behind-the-scenes info, but my DVD player has completely crapped out on me. :pouts: I suppose I could have waited to do this post until my player was repaired, but I really wanted to get it out there. Even if this only matters to me and a handful of others, I still strive to do this justice. </div><div><br /></div><div> And there's no denying that <a href="https://youtu.be/uEMTQYe1ro0" target="_blank">dogs scene</a> is goofy as fuck, something that looks like it came from a Looney Tunes cartoon in the middle of what is supposed to be a serious film. </div><div><br /></div><div> But what I keep coming back to, the reason <i>Hulk</i> remains so compelling to me is the emotional core of the story, which can basically be summed up as "The Sins of the Father." It is a classic trope, but it is one that I am a sucker for. Basically, the whole movie centers around the question "To what extent, can Bruce escape the toxic legacy his father handed down to him?" </div><div><br /></div><div>It's a question that a lot of survivors of child abuse have to deal with, but even those who aren't survivors of abuse probably deal with this idea. It becomes kind of scary the more you think about it, how so much of your life, who'd you become, was shaped by stuff that happened before you were even a twinkle in your daddy's eye. It is true thar you still have choices that might change the legacy handed to you, but the question is to what extent do you have any choices.
Or to quote the classic Philip Larkin poem:
<blockquote>
'This be the verse'
</blockquote><p> </p><blockquote>
They fuck you up, your mum and dad. </blockquote><blockquote>
They may not mean to, but they do. </blockquote><blockquote>
They fill you with the faults they had </blockquote><blockquote>
And add some extra, just for you. </blockquote><blockquote>
But they were fucked up in their turn </blockquote><blockquote>
By fools in old-style hats and coats, </blockquote><blockquote>
Who half the time were soppy-stern </blockquote><blockquote>
And half at one another's throats. </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote>
Man hands on misery to man. </blockquote><blockquote>
It deepens like a coastal shelf. </blockquote><blockquote>
Get out as early as you can, </blockquote><blockquote>
And don't have any kids yourself.
</blockquote>
<a href="https://youtu.be/1cUiBUmH5-s" target="_blank">This scene</a> remains just masterful to me, even if given the state of his life, it's hard to tell how much of this is really Nick Nolte acting. </div><div><br /></div><div>
<i>Hulk</i> doesn't completely do justice to the weighty themes it takes on, but it deserves credit for attempting these themes in the first place. I enjoy superhero films as much as the next person, but even I admit that they can be the cinematic equivalent of a McDonald's meal: you generally know what you're going to get and as a rule, it delivers on what it promises. </div><div><br /></div><div>But superhero stories can do more, tackle weighty issues like alcoholism in the classic "Demon in the bottle" arc for Tony Stark which, despite the sublime silliness only comic books can provide and the dated fashions (it came out in the 70s), still managed to be a wrenching look at alcoholism and the effects of addiction, a storyline which has become part of the canon of Tony Stark.
Heck within the confines of the MCU, the movies have managed to tackle themes of PTSD and its effects, along with issues related to the post-9/11 security state. </div><div><br /></div><div> As of late, though, I have to admit that both comic books and comic book movies seem to have retreated from doing real analysis, content with facile, surface-level stuff that carefully tiptoes around making any real statement. I blame <a href="https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Gamergate" target="_blank">GamerGate</a> and its cousin, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comicsgate" target="_blank">ComicsGate</a> for this. Both of these campaigns*, which are actual Cancel Culture, <a href="https://youtu.be/1Khp8ibYkuU" target="_blank">not a rich TERF getting called on her BS</a>, drove a lot of artists, writers, and creators underground or out of the industry entirely for daring to :gasp: suggest that maybe entertainment not be so overwhelmingly White and Male. </div><div><br /></div><div> Fun Fact: There are actually just two genders--Male and Political--just as there are only two races--White and Political. </div><div><br /></div><div> Here's the thing: all art is inherently political, bitches. Every story, regardless of its message or intent, is delivering a message. It may not be as overt as propaganda, but there are still messages. If the writer have a narrative with heroes and villains, the writer is basically saying, "I find these traits to be desirable, but these not so much." </div><div><br /></div><div> For example, if your villain is a rich tycoon who dumps toxic waste into the river, rather than pay a little extra to dispose of it properly, in framing this in a negative light, you're saying that rich people have a responsibility to the communities they serve and having money doesn't give you the right to do whatever you want regardless of how it affects others. I'm afraid there a political messages wrapped up in that. </div><div><br /></div><div> tl;dr, all art is inherently political and complaining about messages in your stories is like complaining about there being any spice in your food. And trying to sidestep messages because you're afraid of controversy, results in stories that are toothless and weak. </div><div><br /></div><div> As for <i>The Incredible Hulk</i> really there isn't much to say about. It's more like an amusement park ride and given that this was done by Universal Studios, my assessment isn't too far off. I will concede that the effects are better than <i>Hulk.</i> You get more of a sense that the Hulk is actually there and there's some weight behind his movements, unlike Ang Lee's which comes across more as a cartoon.
I'll also concede that the fight scenes are better, even if they aren't as creative as some in the MCU. I especially like <a href="https://youtu.be/taLO2yKqxRg" target="_blank">the college scene</a> where the villain, Emil Blonsky, manages to briefly keep up with the Hulk. Once Blonsky becomes less human, he becomes much less interesting and he wasn't that interesting to begin with.</div><div><br /></div><div> In other words, I'd place him as a 2 on the villain scale. He has some interesting moments and becoming the Abomination is interesting but not that much. </div><div><br /></div><div> I also liked Ang Lee's version of General Ross better, where while he knows how sketchy it is, keeping a man locked up indefinitely without a trial, and genuinely respects Bruce, that doesn't change the fact that Bruce's practically a walking nuke that needs to be taken care of for the sake of the safety of others.</div><div><br /></div><div> Whereas <i>Incredible Hulk's</i> version doesn't make a lot of coherent sense. He apparently wants to catch Bruce and figure out his secrets, so he can make an entire army of Hulks, but what part of an entire army of uncontrollable rage monsters sounds like a good idea? </div><div><br /></div><div> But really, there isn't much there when it comes to <i>The Incredible Hulk</i>. It's just kind of okay, whereas say what you will about the Ang Lee version, but it is memorable. </div><div><br /></div><div> I'm told that in the comics, the character Samuel Sterns becomes a villain known as The Leader and it's probably for the best that there weren't any sequels made to this movie, because I would pretty much spend the entire movie going, "The Leader is good, The Leader is great, we surrender our will as of this date." And yes, I mentioned this solely as an excuse to do a gratuitous Simpsons reference. I thought you guys were used to that thing by now.<a href="https://youtu.be/IiV06MMsMW8" target="_blank"></a> </div><div><br /></div><div> Stan Lee Cameo: <a href="https://youtu.be/IiV06MMsMW8" target="_blank">The dude who gets the tainted soda</a> </div><div><br /></div><div> Credit Cookie: <a href="https://youtu.be/LLVylbi12jw" target="_blank">Tony Stark wants to talk.</a> </div><div><br /></div><div> *One of my biggest pet peeves is how people add the suffix -gate to the name of every scandal. It's just tiresome. The original made sense--it took place at the Watergate Hotel--but there's no reason every knockoff has to follow this trend. One day, there will be a scandal regarding an actual gate, and we'll be forced to sit through news about something called GateGate. </div><div><br /></div><div> If we must emulate 20th century political scandals, why not emulate the Teapot Dome scandal? Adding -Dome as a suffix immediately makes things sound much more badass, making it sound like a <a href="https://youtu.be/pmRAiUPdRjk" target="_blank">"Two Men Enter, One Man Leaves!"</a> scenario.
The exceptions to this naming pattern will be GamerGate and ComicsGate, which will be referred to as Pathetic Shitstorm I and Pathetic Shitstorm II, because that is what they were.
</div>Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-22687814509966834152020-03-22T16:51:00.002-07:002022-04-04T22:49:08.238-07:00Iron Man or "The Saga Begins"Sorry to take so long with this. It turned out trickier than I thought to write this. Some of it was perfectionism, a trait I have long struggled with, where I get so bogged down by trying to work out every possible contingency/flaw that I end up paralyzed and unable to get going, period.<br />
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However, some of it is due to, well, unlike many, I wasn’t completely off the clock during the massive quarantine. I work part time at a library, so we just worked on inventory while we were closed to the public. But working requires a different mindset than my everyday one and combined with the anxiety of a major pandemic while being governed by the worst (as in both awful and stupidest) people, my creativity dried up. <br />
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So here we are at the beginning with the first movie. <br />
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The MCU has pretty much settled into a nice, consistent groove, where the filmgoer generally knows what they're in for. Hollywood also takes comfort in knowing that said movie will safely recoup the money spent to make it and then some. But this steady success almost makes everyone forget just what a stunning accomplishment the whole MCU project was to begin with. <br />
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Basically, nothing like this had every been attempted. We had had superhero franchise films--<i>Superman</i>, <i>Batman</i>,<i>X-Men</i>, <i>Spider-Man</i>--but each franchise existed in its own little world. In each franchise, the title characters were the only ones who existed, so while in the comics, crossovers are as common as table salt, with heroes constantly dropping in to help each other out, this wasn't the case with the movies. <br />
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And you can kind of see why this wouldn't happen. There’s the obvious storytelling problem that come with being in a world with multiple superheroes. To be fair, this is something of a problem in comic books as well, where you often find yourself wondering why Superman or some other hero doesn’t pop in on another’s domain, just to see how things are going or be like, “You need some help? Looks like Headless Hookhands Pete has you on the ropes.” No, usually unless the character has a specific reason to be in City X, they generally leave each other alone. Like in the DCAU’s take on <a href="https://youtu.be/4l5RK4MSL-o">Batman fighting Superman</a>, which is much much better than Zack Snyder’s version, the reason the titular heroes cross paths is because Bruce Wayne has some kind of business deal to work out in Metropolis. Then again, maybe superheroes are fiercely territorial like dogs, and it’s just not worth getting mixed up in these fights if you don’t have to. Though this territorialism is kind of needed, otherwise Superman would just fly into every place in the DC-verse and just solve everything, leaving the other costumed heroes with nothing to do. <br />
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There's just too much coordination involved, having to explain who Character X is and why they battle evil, so the audience knows what the heck is going on. Because while comic book movies are popular, the truth is that comic books themselves, remain something of a niche entertainment, read, collected, and discussed by a devoted cadre of hardcore fans. The trouble is superhero films demand a considerable amount money to produce, so the bar is raised much higher when it comes to getting bodies in seats. The cadre of hardcore fans is nowhere near large enough for this, so the movie-makers have to find a way to draw in the casual reader (aka someone who maybe read a few series a while back, but fell out of the habit for whatever reason) along with those who generally haven't followed the heroes for whatever reasons. <br />
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So the people involved need to introduce the hero, so the audience know who they are and why they're doing the stuff they do, but have to in a way that doesn't require the viewer to have encyclopedic knowledge of several decades-worth of canon. By the time people started making superhero movies, most of the characters had been around for decades, giving the writers involved a vast sea of stories and plots to choose from. The problem is that this sea is almost too vast. Unlike movies, comic books don't have to worry about runtime or special effects budget. Comic books can swing for the fences and do whatever they want, without having to consider "Okay, so how are we going to demonstrate this massive brawl," because even with CGI, special effects still cost a whole lot to make happen. Comic books don't have to consider real-world realities of physics and other limitations, which is probably for the best. Real-world science hasn't managed to get us the futuristic tech of <i>Back to the Future II</i>, never mind intergalactic space travel.<br />
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With movies, the producers know that an audience is only willing to sit through so long a movie. If you're going to make them sit through something three hours+ in length, then they better have served up something to justify all that time. The <i>Lord of the Rings</i> films manage this by being massive, sprawling fantasy epics with dense mythos and worlds that need to be explored. People read and watch fantasy films, because they want to escape the real world and explore another. As such, <i>LOTR</i> does what it can to immerse us in the lavish, wondrous beauty of Middle Earth, while also having some of the best battle scenes put to film and truly great characters. I acknowledge the flaws of the movies (still salty about how they handled Lord Denethor), but on the whole, the films managed to find a nice balance between honoring the book while dealing with the limitations of film.<br />
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There's also the problem in that for the most part, superheroes have been regarded as silly, trifling material that most adults are far too mature to consume. And really, all superheroes, no matter how hard anyone tries to "ground them," are really kind of silly. There's nothing realistic about a nigh-invulnerable humanoid alien who has just about every superpower under the sun who battles evil, while wearing a costume his adopted mother made him. <br />
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It's this attitude that explains why so many superhero films of the past were so dire in terms of quality. It took Hollywood a long time to accept that while these characters are silly, there's a reason people love them so much. It took Hollywood an embarrassingly long time to acknowledge this love and realize that superhero films succeed more, when the film play the hero fairly straight: not turning the hero into a buffoonish caricature or stripping away so many comic book elements in the name of realism, as the render to character unrecognizable. While the fan freak-outs over costume designs or the casting of superhero movies, is a bit tiresome, at the same time, it's a little understandable. The history of superhero films is often a dark and scary one. Fans had to endure a lot before finally arriving in the era of today, the golden age of superhero movies. Bah, kids these days...they'll never have to know the agony of <i>Superman III</i>, <i>Superman IV</i>, <i>Steel</i>, or <i>Batman and Robin</i>, etc. <br />
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And the history of superhero films is even more dire when it comes to Marvel characters. The first feature-length theatrical adaptation of one of their characters was :shudders: <i>Howard the Duck</i>. And before that, what we had were mostly TV movies, failed pilots to series that never came to be, and looking at them, you understand exactly why they never came to be. Obvious dirt-cheap production budgets, combined with some of the worst acting around, along with scripts clearly written by people who maybe read one or two comics and considered the material beneath them, while also being so 70s in look and tone that you can't look at screencaps without hearing "Do the Hustle" in your head. <a href="https://geektyrant.com/news/marvels-early-movie-history-1944-to-1990">Link for those interested in entertainment history</a><br />
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The first Marvel hero to really succeed on the silver screen was Blade, played in all three films by Wesley Snipes. But <i>Blade</i> was more of an action-horror film than a superhero one and probably even fans of the films, didn't know about his comic book history. <br />
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At the time, Marvel embarked on this project, they also had to contend with the problem that they didn't own the film/tv rights to most of their characters. Spider-Man and X-Men were all in the hands of others. Since these characters were the most well-known in Marvel's stable they were already starting this project at a disadvantage, unable to use this cultural knowledge as a foundation to build on. While most of these characters weren't completely unknown to the general non-comic book reading public, with so many, the extent of the public's knowledge was that they knew the characters existed with a vague knowledge as to their shtick. <br />
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According to director, Jon Favreau, Marvel had used their characters as collateral when they asked for and received a $525 million, seven year deal, called a non-recourse debt facility, to get the funding needed to make films based on their properties. Basically if the MCU hadn't succeeded, they would have lost all the intellectual property rights to their library. Since they were already operating without their most well-known characters, if <i>Iron Man</i> failed, it would have been a real crushing blow financially. <br />
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And as if they felt they hadn't set the difficulty bar high enough for themselves, rather than start with a character people had more than a vague knowledge of, like Captain America or the Hulk, Marvel decided to begin their franchise with Iron Man, a character for whom most of the public's knowledge extended to "Yeah, isn't he that guy who flies around in metal armor?" if even that. The people of Marvel freely admit that the decision to start with Iron Man as opposed to one of the better known characters in their stable, was more because the character had greater toy/merchandise potential than many of the others they owned. Film may be an artform, but it's also a business as well. <br />
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Beginning your franchise with Iron Man aka Tony Stark was also a risky endeavor because, like I've said before, his creators, Stan Lee, Larry Lieber, Don Heck, Jack Kirby respectively, deliberately set out to basically create an unlikeable character then make the readers like said character, which is no easy feat. <br />
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To use Stan Lee's words:<br />
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<blockquote>I think I gave myself a dare. It was the height of the Cold War. The readers, the young readers, if there was one thing they hated, it was war, it was the military ... So I got a hero who represented that to the hundredth degree. He was a weapons manufacturer, he was providing weapons for the Army, he was rich, he was an industrialist ... I thought it would be fun to take the kind of character that nobody would like, none of our readers would like, and shove him down their throats and make them like him ... And he became very popular.</blockquote><br />
Even Robert Downey, Jr., who played our titular lead, admitted that his portrayal of Stark was "a challenge of making a wealthy, establishmentarian, weapons-manufacturing, hard-drinking, womanizing prick, into a character who is likeable, and a hero."<br />
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As the character premiered, the 60s counter-culture was beginning to take flight and through that perspective, it's easy to see why Tony would be a tough sale. Comic book fans always have tended to be the weird kids, those who were never in danger of being popular in high school. Heck, the superhero genre was practically created by nerds and dorks (ex. Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster who set everything in motion when they created Superman). As such, the readers tend to lean more towards the scruffy rebels*, side with the underdogs, over the classic clean, well-polished jock-types. So in the Silver Age 60s, that meant the readers were more on the side of the hippies, more apt to shout, "Hey hey LBJ how many kids did you kill today!" then sign up at their nearest ROTC. Granted, at the time of publication, the Gulf of Tonkin incident hadn't taken place, but my point remains. <br />
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Through this lens, it's easy to see why they would hate Tony Stark. Tony, to use the terminology of the time, is The Man. He's a filthy rich industrialist who made the bulk of his fortune selling weapons to the US military. With just those few lines alone, it's easy to the bar his creators had set for themselves. <br />
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Initially, Tony was in favor of the Vietnam War, but did eventually turn against it, like many of the other characters in Marvel's stable, and for the most part, Tony has long been depicted as the more conservative voice of Marvel's characters, though more Libertarian "Keep the Government Out of My Business"-kind of Conservatism, rather today's festering fucktangle of Neo-Nazis, child molesters, and war criminal fanboys.<br />
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Since often seeing the character's debut appearance goes a long way towards understand how they started and why they caught on, here's a link to <a href="https://youtu.be/s7CjCtTzdoQ">Linkara's review of it.</a> The debut is a fairly solid one, giving our hero a compelling origin. Unfortunately, it does have some Yellow Peril-esque traits that have not aged well and by tying Tony's origin to the Vietnam War, the creators are put in the position where his origin has to be constantly reupdated. Right now, the story is he was injured in Afghanistan in the War on Terror, but again, they will have to update it eventually. Then again, given how long the War on Terror has gone on, making it so that kids who weren't even born when 9/11 happened, are old enough to die in the military quagmires started in response to 9/11, yeah I might want to rethink that. <br />
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Anyway my point is that with Tony Stark, there was just so much potential for things to go awry and the MCU to wind up dying in the cradle as a result. Yet as the several years-worth of films that followed prove, it did not. Marvel opted to build a franchise on a character whose footing was already fairly shaky, and it succeeded like crazy. Tony Stark is, at times, a maddening character. There were so many moments where I wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him while shouting, "What the hell were you thinking?! What part of any of this sounded like a good idea?!" Yet despite how frustrating he could be, Tony still remained compelling: I still wanted to follow him and see what happened to him. Though honestly, most of my frustration about him was more towards the people around him, but I am getting ahead of myself. <br />
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So okay, how did Marvel manage to win us over to Tony?<br />
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Well, first of all, they hired Robert Downey, Jr. to play him, which is probably one of the smartest decisions they've made with the films. The success of the films has come to mask this, but hiring Robert Downey, Jr. was a gamble in itself. Robert Downey, Jr. is a gifted, charismatic as fuck actor, but at the time of the first Iron Man movie, he was persona non grata in Hollywood; it was hard to convince higher-ups involved in the picture to take a chance on him. As <a href="https://youtu.be/2ZEgfCXODgY"> this short documentary shows</a>, one of the key reasons Downey plays the part so well, is because he basically was Tony Stark for a while: gifted and talented, but nearly done in by his own demons. <br />
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During the 90s, it was something of a <a href="https://youtu.be/_QCgT1IWsNI">running joke</a> about how Downey was constantly in and out of rehab, having brushes with the law, and doing stints in jail. At first all this seemed merely part of the excess inherent among the twenty-something set of 90s Hollywood; back in the early to mid 90s, making a wild, crazy, drunken spectacle of yourself was practically part of the job description of a twenty-something celebrity. But as the 90s wore on and Downey racked up arrest after arrest, it soon became apparent that something darker and sadder was at work with him. <br />
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After a while, his arrests and his stints in rehab became a routine part of Hollywood gossip. Downey seemed destined to become another sadly common statistic in Hollywood: the talented, young actor done in by his own demons. Downey himself seemed to see the writing on the wall, at one point saying, "It's like I have a loaded gun in my mouth, and I like the taste of metal."<br />
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Downey luckily managed to escape becoming another River Phoenix, but after spending a decade getting into trouble with the law and burning bridges, it's understandable that Hollywood wouldn't want to take a chance on him. Hollywood is willing to tolerate some excess and craziness from its talent, but it will only tolerate so much. Jon Favreau was inspired to cast him after seeing his performance in <i>Kiss Kiss Bang Bang</i> and faced opposition from Marvel regarding the casting, but he held his ground and Downey received the part. Jon Favreau has openly admitted that he wanted Robert for the part because of his past. <br />
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<blockquote>"The best and worst moments of Robert's life have been in the public eye. He had to find an inner balance to overcome obstacles that went far beyond his career. That's Tony Stark. Robert brings a depth that goes beyond a comic book character having trouble in high school, or can't get the girl." </blockquote><br />
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It's a testament to how far Robert Downey, Jr.'s star had fallen in that he was paid $500,000 for his part in Iron Man. I know, I know, to us, $500,000 is a massive windfall, but not so much in Hollywood. Terrance Howard, who played Rhodey in this movie, was the highest paid member of the main cast. <br />
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So okay, we’ve got ourselves a charismatic-as-fuck actor in the part. How else does the film make us like Tony Stark?<br />
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Well, you can’t ignore the wish fulfillment aspects. Probably plenty of us, guys, gals, and our nonbinary peeps, fantasize about the life of the idle rich, being able to buy whatever you want, spending your days partying with all the vices that come with it—-gambling, drugs, sex, all that Jazz—-rather than toiling at some job that feels <a href="https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/david-graeber-bullshit-jobs">more pointless with each passing day.</a><br />
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Don’t knock the appeal of this kind of fantasy. The world at times is so bleak and dull that it’s nice to disappear into a world where problems can be solved with punching. The world is so much more colorful and prettier on the silver screen. Most movies, even bad ones, have a kind of internal logic they have to follow and are still more colorful and interesting than real life. It’s shallow, but TV and movies are inherently visual mediums, so the aesthetic is part of the job. It’s one of many many reasons why I hate <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0770828/">that one movie so much</a>, because as if they didn't completely botch the character**, all the shaky cam, zooming, and how the director seems morally opposed to light and color, made it so gorram unpleasant in addition to being bad. If I can’t enjoy the basic act of looking at your movie, you have majorly majorly failed. <br />
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But a movie character needs to be about more than wish fulfillment and charisma. So what else?<br />
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Anyone who has ever read any writing advice, will invariably hear talk about the importance of likeable characters or just likeability in general, when it comes to crafting a protagonist/hero. And while there is some good advice in there, too often, it is interpreted in an overly simplistic way, along with Ernest Hemingway’s infamous dictum: “Write what you know.” <br />
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Because while it’s true that if you’re expected to follow a character over several pages, episodes, or two-hour long films, that there needs to be something that compels you to stick around, this reason doesn’t necessarily need to be a heroic one. I am fascinated with Cersei Lannister in <i>A Song of Ice and Fire.</i> Does that mean I like her and want to be friends with her? Hell no! I will be more than happy when she loses the game, so to speak. But I also understand how Cersei wound up where she did, why she made the choices she does, even if they are incredibly bone-headed. And really she’s kind of a Dark Mirror to one of the more moral characters in the story, Catelyn Stark. Both women are mothers driven by a desire to protect their children, but Cersei is willing to go to lengths that Catelyn is not. Though ASOIAF is helped by its multiple protagonists.<br />
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For the record, just assume unless stated otherwise that when I talk about A Song of Ice and Fire or Game of Thrones, I'm talking about the books, unless stated otherwise.<br />
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Ultimately the reason why I kept coming back to Tony is that while he is, at times, an ass (a charming one, but still an ass), despite the mess of character flaws, despite how frustrating he could be at times, I never doubted that his actions were undergirded by a genuine desire to save the world and be remembered as something other than a merchant of death. He screwed up massively, but even when he did, no matter how much he made me facepalm and go, "What part of this sounded like a good idea?!", I still understood why he made the choices he did. His actions felt driven by a flawed moral compass, rather than the Idiot Ball. <br />
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While it was chancy to build the franchise on Iron Man, the decision worked so well that it's hard to picture it going any other way. And really, I'm not sure how it would have gone if they had opted to begin with any other character. Heck, one of the major defining traits of the MCU came about as a result of an adlib by Robert Downey, Jr.<br />
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Anyway, we got our hero. So let’s get this show on the road.<br />
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<a href="https://youtu.be/4wOlvx8igzk">Meet Tony Stark</a><br />
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Well, that’s the gist. Tony Stark as the male power fantasy.<br />
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Unfortunately, things currently aren’t going so well for Tony. <br />
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As the astute comment below points out, you know you're screwed, when a bomb lands next to you and it literally has your name on it. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZzpJfAoA_bnPDYZ7VxaC1mY94YHMcs87XLDiSFQ39FhWVdNWehjyCRYOUbbI6V-pW7MbdaMo3jr-HgYGY9wqxBQdc95G8RY84hOdKGY8wXAnWaBa2PPVDv9fSF_hulMM9AlgkFyb-3c8/s1600/funny-tumblr-1229-7.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZzpJfAoA_bnPDYZ7VxaC1mY94YHMcs87XLDiSFQ39FhWVdNWehjyCRYOUbbI6V-pW7MbdaMo3jr-HgYGY9wqxBQdc95G8RY84hOdKGY8wXAnWaBa2PPVDv9fSF_hulMM9AlgkFyb-3c8/s320/funny-tumblr-1229-7.jpg" width="269" height="320" data-original-width="640" data-original-height="761" /></a><br />
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<a href="https://youtu.be/k3kYms1Yhmc">But perhaps we should back up just a little.</a><br />
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After the attack, Tony Stark wakes up to find himself injured and the prisoner of a terrorist cell called The Ten Rings.<br />
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tl;dr, the terrorists want Tony and his fellow hostage, Yinsen, to build them the weapon he had demonstrated earlier: <a href="https://youtu.be/jBfo87raroE">the Jericho</a><br />
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I could question about two guys building all this in a cave, but that's the least of the unrealistic science in the MCU. The MCU, like most action franchises, has something of an uneasy relationship with science, regarding the laws of physics more as <a href="https://youtu.be/WJVBvvS57j0">guidelines, really.</a> In any case, there is a line later on that makes a nod at the ridiculousness of it. <br />
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Generally, when it comes to movie science, I don't care too much about how close it is to real-world science. I don't have much of a scientific background and chances are, neither do the fellow moviegoers. If a movie tries to explain it, chances are pretty good that they'll get something wrong (because Hollywood people generally aren't scientists, either), and thus lose credibility with those who DO know something, or bore the audience to tears. Just say some sciencey-sounding gobbledygook and get on with the story. So long as a movie's science isn't based super-obvious bullshit ala <a href="https://swallowingthecamel.me/2014/08/09/lucy-sci-fi-without-the-sci/">Lucy</a>, I'm willing to play along. <br />
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So Tony is currently going through some shit. He’s got a heart full of shrapnel which forces him to invent the kind of insane science that only exists in movies. But most importantly, Tony is learning that he has spent his career being a merchant of death. Or as Raza the lead terrorist puts it, in the grandiose style only movie and film villains possess:<br />
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<blockquote>The bow and arrow once was the pinnacle of weapons technology. It was used by Genghis Khan to forge an empire that stretched across Asia, from the wintry woods of Ukraine to the Eastern shores of Korea. Now, whoever holds the weapons manufactured by Stark Industries rules the world... and soon, it will be MY turn. </blockquote><br />
That's the painful reality Tony is learning. Many have written far more in depth about this problem, but the tl;dr is that weapons flow like water when it comes to the global trade. In fact, they may flow even more easily than water. Because the truth is while the Cold War technically never turned, well, hot, it really was more of an umbrella term for a series of proxy-wars fought between the US and the Soviet Union across a wide variety of fronts. Sometimes the USA was directly involved ala Korea or Vietnam, but more often than not, we fought wars by organizing and arming all kinds of insurgent groups. <br />
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The Soviet Union operated much in the same way, secretly arming their own factions to fight the US by proxy. Given on the scale of which both the USA and the Soviet Union operated, that means a lot of high-quality well-crafted military arms were scattered all over the world, and here's the thing: weapons don't disappear once the war is over. Even after both the US and the Soviet Union ended their war, these weapons remained. And since towards the end the Soviet Union was pretty much hemorrhaging money, they sold off their weaponry right and left, not caring too much about whom they sold them to. The people they sold the weapons to, then proceeded to use them to settle grudges.<br />
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To add to the mess, did I mention large portions of Africa and the Middle East were carved up and shaped by European powers who knew little about the culture/history of the area and generally were more concerned about access to resources than the people living there? As a result, ethnic/religious groups that had long hated and mistrust each other, are now being forced to share a country, and a group that had been a majority in an area, now get to be the minority in country X, and so on and so on.<br />
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It's probably due to this sort of "planning" that the Kurds, despite being a distinct ethnic group made up of some 3 million people, still has no real nation to call their own, and exists in a perpetual statelessness, despite their numbers. The Kurds ally themselves with the US and other western powers with the hope of someday being given their own land, but at this point, the Kurds probably know they can't count on said countries to keep their word, but these ties provide them with some protections from the various dickheads looking to kill them all. It's not a lot, but some hope and some protection is better than none. <br />
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As a result, decades-worth of conflict ensue with all sides having plenty of fancy toys with which to kill en masse. And don't even forget all the fun side effects of US's repeated interventions. <br />
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US Foreign Policy in the Middle East from the 1953 Iranian Coup Onwards:<br />
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1. Throw lit matches onto regional powderkeg, making no plans what to do when the powderkeg explodes.<br />
2. Be shocked when the powderkeg explodes. <br />
3. Repeat<br />
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Though this happened all over the world, not just the Middle, including in South and Central America where most of the US's asylum seekers are coming from, usually fleeing catastrophic environmental conditions making it impossible for them to make a living or narco/gang wars. MS-13 is one of the GOP's go-to political bogeyman, but here's the thing: MS-13 actually originated in the good ol' US of A, not one of those scary countries south of the border. <br />
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Initially, MS-13 was started in Los Angeles by Salvadoran immigrants so they could protect themselves from other gangs in the area. It quickly turned into a more traditional criminal organization. In fact, it began to turn into a more traditional, well-organized criminal operation when Ernesto Deras assumed leadership of the group. Deras, FYI, had been a part of Salvadoran special forces and had been trained in Panama by United States Green Berets, probably for the same reason the US propped up and trained so many other awful people in Central and South America: we were scared of communism. So we fought proxy wars in Central and South America by arming death squads. On gaining leadership of MS-13, he uses his military training and know-how to discipline the gang and improve its operations.<br />
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Eventually most of MS-13 was deported back to El Salvador, where they proceeded to take the training they had received in the US, both on the streets and in our prisons, and start recruiting citizens of the country. And carnage ensues.<br />
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Because here's the thing: until MS-13 started getting deported back into the country en masse, gang activity in El Salvador was pretty low. These deportations took place in the wake of the end of the Salvadoran Civil War in 1992. As part of peace treaties signed, the Salvadoran government was basically forced to disband their army/police forces and to curry favor with military allies, El Salvador delayed re-establishing said police forces. <br />
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As a result, when MS-13 arrived, there was virtually no armed forces to stop their takeover and given that El Salvador's Civil War spanned decades (1979-1992), there were almost infinite numbers of weapons ripe for the taking. Needless to say, carnage ensues, leaving many citizens in a situation where their choices are Stay and Die or Flee and Possibly Have a Chance. So they flee to the US, which paints MS-13 as just some bizarre organization which sprang up out of nowhere, born from the inherent criminality of "certain people," and absolutely has nothing to do with decades of US anti-communist interventions in Latin America.<br />
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And let us not forget stuff like the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ATF_gunwalking_scandal">ATF Gunwalking Scandal</a>, which the ATF authorized legal gun dealers to sell weapons to illegal straw buyers with the hope that in doing so, they would be able to track the guns to Mexican cartel leaders and arrest them. Spoiler alert, what wound up happening is that a whole lotta high-powered, military-grade weaponry wound up in the hands of the worst people. <br />
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Anyway, enough depressing real world stuff, back to the movie.<br />
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Tony Stark, naturally isn’t going to take this lying down and after building an infinite energy source in a cave with a box of scraps, decides to bust out. And most when faced with this kind of task, would, I dunno, secretly build a gun and make a move when someone’s back is turned or something, but we are not Tony Stark. For him, clearly the most sensible thing to do is build a high-powered suit of armor and unleash hell. Because God bless the over-the-top grandiosity that only shows up in so-called genre films.<br />
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Even if you hadn’t watched the video about Tony Stark’s debut issue in the comics, you probably already knew that his assistant/fellow hostage, Yinsen, was <a href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwjTmrjDrZvqAhUHCawKHcpPDPoQtwIwAHoECAUQAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DHAEXezSRbfs&usg=AOvVaw1PSoTwibmgrDCUa3rjdfsY">doomed.</a> Yinsen is the classic character who exists to motivate the hero with his noble sacrifice. It is a bit of a cliched part, but I feel the actor playing him does enough with the material given to him that we can understand why his death would have meaning to Tony and serve as a further reiteration of Tony’s desire to be remembered as something besides a merchant of death. <br />
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Besides, just because a storytelling trope is a well-used one, that doesn’t necessarily make it a bad one. If it is used badly, then yes, but sometimes characters like Yinsen don’t need complexity. It’s perfectly okay sometimes to just have a character be little more than a bit player needed to move the story along, and not be developed that much. They shouldn’t be too textbook in terms of archetype, but a story needs a focus point and that means not every character gets fleshed out. While I adore <a href="https://tvtropes.org/">TV Tropes</a> like so many other scarily pop culture obsessives on the Internet, it is too often used for sloppy reasoning. Like they say, the terms “trope” and “cliché” are not synonyms. A trope can become a cliché if overused or used badly, but at their core, a trope is simply a convention or building block, akin to how music notes make up a symphony. All stories, regardless of their medium or their quality, utilize tropes, the way all music has notes or beats. Maybe if you typed “purple monkey dishwasher” for three hundred pages, you can claim to have not utilized any tropes, but would it still qualify as art? <br />
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Though given how crazy-extensive TV Tropes is, they probably have a trope page for the equivalent of a creative product that’s just typing “purple monkey dishwasher” over and over. There’s no escaping tropes, my pretties. :cackles: <br />
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It seems akin to what happened with classical music in the 20th century. The 20th century was basically about screwing long-standing rules regarding composition and just going nuts. But in screwing the rules, so they can do their own thing, composers inadvertently wind up creating new rules for other composers to break.<br />
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Then again, I personally don’t care much for the avant-garde composers of the 20th century. Too many of them, I’m like, “Okay is this supposed to be actual music or is the pianist just bashing his head on the keys over and over?” Bah, call me a philistine if you must, but give me Aaron Copeland and the guys who compose film scores any day.<br />
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After being rescued, Tony Stark wants a few things: a Burger King cheeseburger and a press conference.<br />
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The cheeseburger bit is a creative touch that comes courtesy of Robert Downey, Jr. In other interviews, he has said that the moment that convinced him to turn his life around happened in 2003. He had a carful of drugs and he decided to get a cheeseburger. He got one from Burger King that was just so disgusting, it made him question all his life choices. He wound up dumping the drugs in the ocean and going clean. <br />
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A really bizarre note regarding this little anecdote is Burger King actually did the promotional toys for this movie and its sequel, a fact which amuses me to no end.<br />
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So Tony holds a press conference. <a href="https://youtu.be/czGVBgptknM"> And what a conference it is.</a><br />
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And regarding the fallout that follows, hell yeah, it’s realistic. Tony Stark just threw a massive wrench into everything and that’s probably sent everyone below him scrambling. Probably even the janitorial staff are freaking out a little. It’s the reason why in the real world, CEOs seldom have that level of power. Yeah, they can try to take the company in a new direction, but it’d be more of a case of “phasing out something over a period of months” rather than shutting things down overnight. I’m fairly certain however grotesquely monstrous corporations may be, there are checks on this. I don’t claim to be an expert on corporate law, but all those scenes in movies where a character is like, “I own fifty-one percent of the shares in this company, y’all my bitches now!” wouldn’t happen. There are laws in place that protect minority shareholders. Since this is like a more massive version of the shareholder scenario, yeah it wouldn’t happen. <br />
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Which is probably for the best. When you confer that kind of power onto an egomaniac, you wind up with scenarios akin to the time <a href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwi33OHVgbzqAhVJT6wKHYRSDecQFjACegQIDRAG&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.cnbc.com%2F2020%2F05%2F01%2Ftesla-ceo-elon-musk-says-stock-price-is-too-high-shares-fall.html&usg=AOvVaw2PSgBOuvMnXvWvVFVWWCdB"> Elon Musk tanked his company’s value with one stupid tweet.</a> And yes, I provided that link, so I’d have an excuse to do my “Elon Musk is not the real-life Tony Stark” rant. You’re welcome.<br />
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To start off the rant, Elon Musk didn’t actually found Tesla Motors. He bought the company and in doing so, bought the right to call himself the founder. The guys who actually founded the company, are legally forbidden from referring to themselves as the founders. Elon Musk is, for all intents and purposes, a marketer who has unfortunately come to believe his own <a href="https://imgur.com/gallery/hiXVzZd">bullshit.</a> Because yeah, he has talked big, but how much of this stuff has he actually done? How much of anything he’s done has actually gone anywhere beyond talk?<br />
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And oy vey, his stupid-ass publicity stunts. If he had really cared about the kids trapped inside the cave, then he would have just been grateful that they were rescued, even without his stupid-ass submarine. When he did that space car launch, he forgot to sterilize it before launching it, so if the car had followed its intended trajectory and made it to Mars, it would have forever contaminated the planet’s surface and ruined any searches for life.<br />
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Plus (and I freely admit that I am leaping ahead to be petty), say what you will about Tony Stark, but he gave his kid an actual name. Even by the low standards of celebrity baby names, X AE A-XII sucks. Poor kid already has it hard enough, being the son of a thinned-skinned egomaniacal douchecanoe.<br />
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Plus, however much I enjoy fantasies like Tony Stark, the truth is science seldom works that way. Real-world innovations are the product of years of mind-numbing hard work done by many many people. If we ever go to Mars, it will likely resemble how we got to the moon, via a government-funded agency with a veritable army of people working behind the scenes to make sure every “i” is dotted and every “t” is crossed, not because of the son of an Apartheid-era emerald mine owner.<br />
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Because despite memes painting governments as being stodgy and inefficient, most of society’s greatest innovations came about because of government-funded research. I cite as an example the smartphone where just about every part came about from <a href="https://youtu.be/TCBirELDU">decades of government-funded research</a> not massive corporations. Corporations, in general, are bad at innovation, because they exist to make money and as such, they must immediately start turning a profit. They don’t have the capacity to go down the rabbit hole and follow an idea that might take decades to come to fruition.<br />
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Why the overly long lecture? I am a firm believer in “All art is political,” a message which will come up a lot in these things. The truth is for good and ill, the messages we receive from any medium, have an impact and get interwoven into both the internal and wider culture at large. From there, important decisions that greatly affect the world as a whole are made.<br />
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For example, <a href="https://scripttorture.tumblr.com/">ScriptTorture</a> created her tumblr on the subject of torture, because most people get their “knowledge” on the subject from fictionalized portrayals like “24,” whereas the massive amount of evidence proving that torture doesn’t fucking work, tends to be found in ponderous academic papers that are usually shut behind paywalls. So she created the tumblr to make this information more accessible to the public at large, because both writers and consumers will, without given knowledge of the subject, base their stories/actions on what they’ve seen in other mediums.<br />
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And hey, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying escapist, unrealistic fantasies. The reason I am so obsessed with pop culture and fiction in general (I’m basically Abed from Community), is the escapist aspects, how the world makes so much more sense and is so much prettier in art than it ever is in real life. But we are receiving messages from these stories that need to be acknowledged.<br />
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Quick poll: which is more depressing, Bush II making “torture is wrong” into a radical statement or the dumpster fire-in-chief managing to turn “Nazis are bad” into a radical statement?<br />
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All right, all right, back to the movie.<br />
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After delivering that bomb of a conference, Tony decides to do the most sensible of activities: build an even better version of his cybernetic armor. Hijinks and montages ensue.<br />
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Along the way, we have <a href="https://youtu.be/r-QKsGUWZL4">this scene between Pepper and Tony.</a> <br />
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I chose to point out this scene because the subtlety of the special effects involved, but also because it demonstrates another key reason Tony Stark works as a character: the fact he keeps people like Pepper and Rhodey around. It demonstrates that for all his ego, deep down, Tony knows he needs people to keep him in check, people unafraid to tell him, “Tony, you’re being an idiot.” That seems to be a key flaw that winds up doing a lot of rich people in: they surround themselves yes men and from there, their egos become massively inflated. Things usually go south from there.<br />
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But Tony soon receives some bad news: the board has filed an injunction against him and someone has gone behind his back and started selling weapons again. <br />
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On a note that is surely unrelated, it’s a nice little subtle touch, having Obadiah Stane <a href="https://youtu.be/_FR_mpSoGxU">play a piece by Salieri</a>, when he shows up at Tony’s house to tell him about the injunction.<br />
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Clearly, only one option remains for Tony: fly halfway across the world in his newly-made armor and blow shit up.<br />
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After the shit has been blown up, <a href="https://youtu.be/NS79nqD_egE">there is this scene between Pepper and Tony.</a><br />
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Looking back after over ten years of films, after knowing how things work out for Tony, this scene acquired a certain resonance. Over the course of the MCU, Tony proceeds to become more and more riddled with PTSD to the point where it becomes increasingly obvious that being Iron Man has become an elaborate act of penance, a super-powered hair shirt. For all his ego, Tony feels a desperate desire for atonement, a sense that he must be punished physically and psychologically for all his sins, for every weapon that wound up in wrong hands, for every innocent life taken.<br />
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Since this is just the first movie, being Iron Man is still something of a thrill, but the exchange shows seeds of the penance motif to come. <br />
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Many times in the MCU, you’ll be forced to ask several times, “How many of this reality’s problems could be solved by getting Tony into therapy?”<br />
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Though that is another strength of the MCU: how the writers factor PTSD into the story. Tony’s case is the most obvious as he becomes more of a quivering mess with each subsequent film he appears in, but I think all the others have varying degrees of it, which manifests themselves in a wide variety of ways. The changes can at times be subtle, but if you pay attention, you can tell Hero Character isn’t quite the same character he was in his intro film. <br />
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There is stuff I think could have been done better and I’ll rant about it when we get there, but the fact that they attempted this, is quite impressive in itself. Usually with superhero films, too often the angst can be summed up as, <a href="https://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/12/03/on-discomfort">”I smolder with generic rage!”</a> There are probably a lot of factors behind this screw-up in storytelling, but I primarily blame <a href="https://thenib.com/toxic-masculinity/">toxic masculinity.</a> <br />
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The director or writer behind the project is aware that good characters have flaws, so naturally, they pile on the angst as a means of giving them flaws. But toxic masculinity opposes any real physical or emotional weakness. So the hero’s angst is expresssed by having them be a little unshaven, have them drink a little too much, or yell at people. Those are considered manly, masculine ways of expressing feelings. No one suffers panic attacks or chokes at the worst possible moment or breaks down sobbing, because all those are considered unmanly; the hero needs to be vulnerable, but not really, because that is all feminine and weak, and it might actually interfere with the hero’s chances at winning, forcing the people involved to put in extra effort to make the hero triumph. <br />
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Hence why we wind up with “I smolder with generic rage!” rather than anything truly compelling.<br />
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As if Tony didn’t have enough problems, he receives a Betrayal Five from his dear mentor, <a href="https://youtu.be/TwkSxGHnndg">Obadiah Stane.</a> And from there, <a href="https://youtu.be/qOFq4AlP0kM">the massive all-out climatic battle ensues.</a><br />
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Since it goes without saying who the victor is, I’ll take the opportunity to discuss one of the major problems with the MCU: the villains. One oft-heard complaint about these films is that the villains tend to be bland, and I agree with these criticisms. With the exception of Loki, it isn’t until Phase Three before we start getting colorful, memorable villains. Since a hero is only as good as his villain, that does hamstring the films a bit.<br />
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The MCU manages to overcome this deficit by making the heroes interesting, making them well-written and compelling. Even if the villains just seem to kind of be there, we still want to follow the heroes.<br />
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Ideally, when it comes to action movies, you manage to make both the heroes and the villains interesting. This is something that isn’t easily pulled off, but you have to at least make one side interesting. <br />
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You can have the villains be all colorful and dramatic with style and charisma out the wazoo, and have your uninteresting heroes react to them; in reacting, the setup forces the heroes to become interesting. This setup is often used when it comes to children’s TV and you can see why it works. The heroes are stuck being bland do-gooders, lest they be accused of corrupting the next generation, but the villains are under no obligation to be role models. As a result, the villains are better able to access the full spectrum of human emotion and have actual flaws, which winds up making them so much more interesting than the heroes. By reacting to them, the heroes are forced to develop and become a little more interesting.<br />
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Or you could do as the MCU opts to, have the heroes be colorful and interesting, so we’re invested in them, which forces us to care about the fight.<br />
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It’s one of the problems that has hampered the DC Extended Universe: neither the heroes nor the villains are interesting, thus rendering the movies bland messes. The DCEU seems to be finding its legs, but there’s no denying that those past cinematic farts of films still loom over the franchise.<br />
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Anyway, now let’s do some ranking. Ranking will be done on a scale of 1 to 5, 5 being represented by Loki because for a while, he was the only interesting villain of the MCU. Feel free to debate in the comments where everyone falls on the scale. For the record, there is one villain whom I’ve chosen to classify as a zero as in there is nothing remotely interesting or memorable about him as a villain. Feel free to debate the identity of Zero.<br />
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Anyway, grading is done based on plan (complexity, scope, and intention), personality, presentation (basically, style), factoring in possible wild card elements. Sorry, couldn't figure out how to keep up the alliteration with the last element. If anyone in the comments has any suggestions, feel free. <br />
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Obadiah Stane's plan is really simple: he wants control of Stark Industries. Tony stands in the way of that. Hence why he tries to get rid of Tony, first by having him abducted and murdered by a terrorist cell, then by doing the job himself via mech suit. <br />
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Simple motives aren't always bad ones; massive ones like "Rule the World!" can be so big as to be too abstract to envision. In fact, an example of this can be found in a later MCU film, Spider-Man: Homecoming. The villain of the movie, the Vulture, does not envision reshaping the world or ruling a massive empire; his motivation is more that for years now, he's been turning a steady, illegal profit and would like to keep this venture going, thank you very much. <br />
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But the script and Michael Keaton's performance adds layers to the character (how he is both a warm, friendly father figure-type and a gangster who has no problem with effing people up, and can switch between these modes fairly quick), which makes him considerable more interesting than Stane. <br />
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About the only interesting aspect of Stane is the role he has played for Tony as a mentor/father figure, but that emotional connection isn't properly mined in this film. I suppose you can make the case that it is explored in later films with Tony's repeated daddy issues, but again, when I do these reviews, I'm talking about the MCU as it currently existed at the time of the film's premiere. I may leap ahead a little, but again, we will generally stick to what the average moviegoer's knowledge would have been, because even though the MCU is a massive over-arching series, a good movie stands on its own. <br />
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If you need a bunch of supplemental materials to understand and appreciate a film, then it is a bad film. It's one of the reasons why in discussions about the Star Wars prequels, I don't consider the oft-heard defense of "Oh yeah, but that was all explained in the <i>Clone Wars</i> shorts," regarding the issues with character of General Grievous in <i>Revenge of the Sith</i>, his underdevelopment and blandness, to be a good one. Supplemental materials are supposed to be like a spice adding a little extra that makes the story a bit more enjoyable, not a rickety scaffold trying desperately to hold together a nonsensical mess. If your main material is good enough, it may make the consumer willing to seek out these supplemental materials and become a rabid fan, but you got to make the main material compelling and worth their time, be they a hardcore fan or a relative newbie. Both should be able to understand and follow the plot.<br />
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Basically, outside the father figure/mentor aspect, Stane really doesn't have much going for him personality-wise. His presentation isn't much either. He's basically just a corporate suit. In the big climax, when he faces down Our Hero, his plan is basically "Just like the hero, but more!" which isn't that interesting. Now if he had, to borrow from Nigel Tufnel, <a href="https://youtu.be/4xgx4k83zzc">gone to eleven</a>, then it might be more interesting. Like if Stane had really tricked out his mech, made it way huger than Tony's, added some really interesting elements (a better paintjob than the dull steel-grey color, different weaponry, etc.), this could have been way more interesting.<br />
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I will say that I love this moment of Stane's where he makes a nod at the <a href="https://youtu.be/q_HCUgtJGoI">sheer ridiculousness</a> of Tony Stark's tech, something of what Turkey City Lexicon calls <a href="https://www.sfwa.org/2009/06/18/turkey-city-lexicon-a-primer-for-sf-workshops/">A Signal From Fred.</a><br />
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But other than that, there aren't really any memorable moments/aspects to Obadiah Stane. Hence why I would give him a 1 on the scale. Those who disagree, may make their case in the comments. <br />
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After the big fight, comes the big clean up. Luckily, Agent Phil Coulson from SHIELD is here to help. <br />
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And yes, I am among those who are Phil Coulson fans. Suit-wearing government agent who is also a superhero fanboy and has dry sense of snark? I'm swooning. Like Harley Quinn from the DC Universe, Phil Coulson is a character that was created for a media adaptation that has ascended to become a part of the comics-verse, which is a big sign of his popularity. And the thing is, no one involved intended for him to become anywhere near as huge. Phil Coulson was created as a bit character; his role was to introduce Tony to the organization affectionately known as SHIELD, try to do cleanup for his big catastrophe, and shuffle off stage. But he touched a nerve and as a result, achieved <a href="https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AscendedExtra">Ascended Extra</a> status. <br />
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The alibi Coulson has given for Tony to read to the press is that Iron Man is his personal bodyguard, Tony was partying at his yacht when the big climatic battle happened, and had nothing to do with all this. Every hero has an alibi to protect their secret identity and that was the one used in the comics: Iron Man is merely Tony Stark's personal bodyguard, even though he is never ever seen with Tony and that kind of makes him a shit bodyguard. Well, okay, it is admittedly a better alibi/disguise than wearing a pair of glasses, but not by too much. <br />
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And now we can talk briefly about the secret identity trope. This is an old, long-standing superhero trope going back to the Golden Age, but nowadays, if it comes into play, it is usually with some nods at the ridiculousness of it (for all the flaws of that movie, <a href="https://youtu.be/lP8EYYjPEmc">Green Lantern</a> has a good example of it). Most heroes usually have a small cadre of people who know their identity and serve to provide backup, but the audience isn’t quite as welcoming to the trope as they used to be, leaving many writers spinning their heels, trying to use this trope because it is a traditional part of the lore, but times have changed and it doesn't really work anymore. <br />
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<a href="https://www.robot-hugs.com/comic/hero/">Robot Hugs</a> does a concise job of laying out the problematic aspects of the secret identity trope with pictures to make the learning go down easier. <br />
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The secret identity bit is one of the reasons I struggled to get into <i>The Flash</i> tv show. My brother convinced me to stick with it, saying it had fun comic book action, but lordy, the first season was at times excruciating. For some reason, Barry couldn't tell Iris, his closest companion since childhood, whose house he grew up in, for REASONS! Watching Barry and his cadre repeatedly gaslight Iris was just awful. They did finally let her learn Barry's identity, but she took this constant secret-keeping entirely too well. She should have at least shivved one of them. What really made it cruel, was how for some reason, Barry was willing to let everyone EXCEPT Iris know his identity. In one episode, he reveals his secret identity just so he can lord it over a guy who bullied him in high school, but while Iris's father knows as well as most of her friends, FOR SOME DAMN REASON, HE COULDN'T JUST TELL IRIS! SHIV 'EM IN THE EYE, IRIS!<br />
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The movie is clearly familiar with the trope and how it was used in previous films like Sam Raimi's <i>Spider-Man</i> with this exchange before Tony goes to the press conference:<br />
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<blockquote>If I were Iron Man, I'd have this girlfriend who knew my true identity. She'd be a wreck. She'd always be worrying I was going to die, yet so proud of the man I've become. She'd be wildly conflicted, which would only make her more crazy about me...</blockquote><br />
But keeping with Tony Stark's "Don't tell me what to do!" personality, he proceeds to ditch the alibi entirely, go to the press conference, and just go, <a href="https://youtu.be/FRIUhO4MdGU">"I am Iron Man."</a><br />
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And it is for this reason that while Tony Stark was a rather interesting choice to begin the franchise with, really it is now impossible to imagine the series going any other way, or anyone but Robert Downey Jr. playing the part. Because this is yet another one of Robert's ad libs. <br />
In doing so, Downey established what became one of the MCU's primary traits: with a few exceptions, the films mostly ditch the idea of secret identities. <br />
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Marvel Studios president, Kevin Feige says he chose to do this because he felt just ditching the cue card and going with it, was exactly the kind of thing Tony would do. He explained the impact of the adlib and how it affected the writing of the MCU this way:<br />
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<blockquote>"That success inspired us to go further in trusting ourselves to find the balance of staying true to the comics and the spirit of the comics but not being afraid to adapt and evolve and to change things," Marvel Studios president Kevin Feige told Deadline in 2018.</blockquote><br />
This change would mark the first of many changes, big and small, carried out in the MCU, but it also served as the foundation for one of the defining characteristics of the franchise in general: the MCU would choose to focus primarily on the main characters, not as their superhero alter-egos, but as people as they struggle to carry the weight of the world on their broad shoulders. Another example of this can be seen in the ensemble films, where even the characters themselves seldom refer to each other by their superhero monikers. You're more likely to hear something along the lines of, "Steve, can you help us out here?" rather than him being called Captain America. Thor is just Thor and doesn't even bother with the Donald Henry Blake identity. And Natasha and Clint are generally referred to as Natasha and Clint, rather than being Black Widow and Hawkeye. <br />
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One adlib and Robert Downey, Jr. forever altered the course of the franchise.<br />
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And that's <i>Iron Man.</i> Sorry again for taking so long with this, but a confluence of factors (crippling anxiety, world events, shitty executive functioning) just came together. Hand of God, I will try not to put my faithful readers through this again. Feel free to give advice/comments. <br />
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Stan Lee Cameo: <a href="https://youtu.be/UBhiuFd5kN0">"Hef" at Tony's party</a><br />
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Post-Credit Scene: <a href="https://youtu.be/2oKUsna2yvA">Nick Fury is here to talk about the Avengers Initiative</a><br />
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*Of course, now the scruffy rebels are somehow Rich White Men, because it's not enough for them to have everything, if they can't have the tears of losers as well. Hence why they have to act like that when it comes to suffering, they've got Jesus beat. But really, we mustn't overlook the horrific plight White Men experience. Maybe someday, God willing, 44 out of 45 US presidents will be White Dudes and they will make up most of the board of directors/CEOs of massive corporations, and basically control the world of entertainment, getting labeled the default, while everyone else is some bizarre special interest group. But until that day comes, they can only sob and sing, "We Shall Overcome." <br />
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**I really need to undergo that procedure in <i>Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind</i> when it comes to that movie, because I am in serious danger of alienating everyone in my life with my frothing "I will have your head on a platter of gold, Zack Snyder" rants. <br />
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But seriously, the DCEU's employment of Snyder is one of the things where I question if DC really wants their universe to succeed or if this is some elaborate The Producers-style scam. <br />
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Because first, they decide to hire a raging Objectivist who openly expresses contempt for idealistic superheroes, to direct a film about the most idealistic superhero of them all. But okay, that movie does have its defenders. I'm not one of them, obviously, but still. <br />
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And then after he screwed the pooch so spectacularly in <i>Batman v. Superman</i>, managing to so badly screw up such an inherently cool concept that it crosses the line into "How?! How did you manage to screw up this badly?!" Credit where credit is due: this massive a screw-up is proof that Zack Snyder does has some talent, because a screw-up on this level takes more than mere incompetence to happen. Have to admit, I didn't see the film because I hated that one movie so much, but I know the reception it received and the overall gist of it. And it makes me be all hipster "Posers. I hated Zack Snyder before it was cool to hate him." <br />
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But even after Snyder screwed up that badly, DC was like, "Y'know why don't we have him direct our big ensemble film." <br />
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For the record, even if the Snyder cut exists, it probably wouldn't save that wet fart of a movie, and I'm not sure why people think it would. I'm like, "You saw how badly he managed to screw up <i>Batman v. Superman</i>, right? <br />
Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-54365461287064490322020-01-03T18:30:00.003-08:002020-01-03T22:22:52.183-08:00New Project: MCU Obsessed! The Parameters Hello, is there anybody out there?<br />
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Well, okay, I don’t know how many or even if any of my readers remember this blog, but I decided to throw my hat back into the ring and get back to this. There’s no real deep reason behind it, except that I just felt like doing it again; I kind of missed having an excuse to do long-winded texts about pop culture. <br />
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I’ll probably pop over to Slacktivist and do some plugs, but that will be the extent of my shameless self-promotion. I figure, eh, I’m not getting paid for this, so there’s no real reason to go to too much trouble. I’m not sure how many people are even still into the blogging format—seems most have migrated to YouTube videos and podcasts—but blogs make it easier for me to supplement my personality with links from YouTube, so here I’ll stay.<br />
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Anyway, I decided to take on this project of chronicling and reviewing each film that makes up the collective known as the Marvel Cinematic Universe or MCU for short.It’s just an idea that has nagged at me for a while. I tried to resist, because I am a massive fangirl, and I wanted my posts to be of more substance and not just endless, “OMG! I love it so much!” <br />
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But the idea wouldn’t let me go and often, when it comes to writing, if an idea is hanging on you, there’s usually a reason for it. Whether it’s a good idea or a bad one, the only way to exorcise it, is to explore it. Maybe it’ll be trash, maybe it’ll be genius, or something in between, but it’s usually worth exploring that idea, even if it goes nowhere. <br />
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I, like many writers, have documents I call “my dead birds,” drafts for stories and novels that for whatever reason, failed to come together and fly, stalling out some pages in. However, I’ve never regretted the time I spent on my dead birds. With each project, I learned a little more about the craft and got even further, until now, I have two completed books and a partial third that’s driving me crazy. It’s meant to be the finishing book to my series, but endings are something I’ve always struggled with and the fact that the third installment of a trilogy is supposed to be the biggest, most solid ending of all, doesn’t help. Nor does the fact that the final installment is notoriously difficult, causing even good writers to fail to stick the landing. :deep breath: Still, I persevere.<br />
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But like I said, if I intended to take on this project, I want it to have value and substance beyond gushing praise. There probably will be plenty of gushing, but I will try to talk more about the nature of the craft, why it is good or bad. To better aid in this project, I thought I’d do a post listing the rules and parameters of the project as means of keeping me in check and given my few readers an idea what to expect.<br />
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First of all, we will go in the order of release date, starting with <i>Iron Man</i> and ending with [INSERT NAME OF WHATEVER RECENT RELEASE HERE]. We will confine ourselves solely to the films classified as part of the MCU and nothing else. I probably will bring up other Marvel adaptations outside the official MCU, but to the extent that I do, it’ll be to discuss how this film utilized this character or idea and how it compares to the MCU’s handling of it. <br />
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A bit of life advice: do not try to make sense of the chronology of the X-Men films. Therein lies the way to madness.<br />
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And while there will likely be some discussions of how this element paid off in a later film down the line, for the most part, we will treat each film as a stand-alone and talk about it as such. It’s a rule that will likely be repeatedly bent and broken, but I feel it’s important to try to treat the film as an individual unit. The film-goers at the time of the release may have had some theories about what might happen later, but they couldn’t know for certain what would happen, wouldn’t know that this would eventually be explained in this sequel. Therefore, we will bend our minds and try to approach it how the average movie-goer would have seen it, as much as we possibly can.<br />
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I will refer to the <a href="https://marvelcinematicuniverse.fandom.com/wiki/Marvel_Cinematic_Universe_Wiki">MCU wikia</a> and other supplemental materials like tie-in comics or deleted scenes, but those will be used more as a means of further exploring the characters/world. I am a firm believer in the idea that good art should be able to stand on its own. If you have to read a bunch of tie-in materials to understand what the hell’s going on, then the project has failed. Supplemental materials should be like a spice—the dish is still good on its own, but the spice just adds a little extra, like a cherry atop your sundae. Supplemental materials should not be a rickety scaffolding that has been krazy-glued together in a desperate attempt to support a structure about as solid as wet cardboard. I will also discuss behind-the-scenes info to explore how various acting or directing choices shaped the final product.<br />
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For the ease of the project, I will leave the various TV/streaming services out of the discussion. I may touch on them a little, explore how they handled various ideas, but that will be the extent of it. Though for the record, I will give some brief reviews here below.<br />
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<b>Agent Carter</b> OMG! I LOVED IT SO MUCH! It totally should have gotten six seasons and a movie! I could go on and on, but long story short, Hayley Atwell's portrayal of Peggy Carter is one of the items on my "Stuff That Makes Me Question My Commitment to Heterosexuality" list. <br />
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<b>Daredevil, Season One</b> A solid, well-crafted product from beginning to end, easily salvaging a compelling character whose reputation had taken such a drubbing in its previous outing. Not a weak point anywhere, great performances from everyone in the cast, especially Vincent D’onofrio’s turn as Wilson Fisk, creating a great villain with an involving backstory and charisma out the yin yang, while still managing to be a terrifying villain, the kind of person who can go from discussing art with the woman he loves in one scene to making it so a Russian gangster’s neck is now enjoying a pleasant breeze in another, and having it all feel like the natural extension of his character.<br />
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That’s one praise I will give to all the Netflix series. Since they aren’t bound by the MPAA, the creators can go all out with the violence and horror, not hold back at all. Because while I hate to sound like <a href="https://shortpacked.com/comic/buckets-of-blood">Buckets of Blood guy</a> from Shortpacked! but modern fight scenes are so neutered by MPAA regulations as to feel almost cartoonish. I’m not saying I want every film to drip with gore, but it feels ridiculous how the hero can mow down scores of mooks and the most ever seen, is maybe a spot of blood. <br />
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It was why <i>Logan</i> was such a great movie. The R-Rating meant the filmmakers didn’t have to hold back on the gore, so there’s actual meaningful bloodshed in the fight scenes, lending it a visceral feel lacking in so many other outings with this character. Yeah, it’s all choreographed since it’s, y’know, a movie, but the fights feel more real, like there are actual humans being wounded and thrown around. You cringe at the impact of the blows the characters receive. In doing so, it salvaged Wolverine, a character who had almost been rendered a cartoon by his previous outings, turning him into a sweating, striving, deeply compelling and very human character. It always felt kind of ridiculous, having a character whose most notable physical traits involve having massive knives fused to his hands, having there only be maybe a spot of blood in his fight scenes.<br />
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Once you’ve realized that PG-13 films have been proven to have even more scenes of violence than R-Rated films, it’s one more exhibit in a very long list of exhibits as to why the MPAA sucks and is terrible and sucks. For many many more, see the informative documentary <a href="https://youtu.be/FpbxzP2mkoA">This Film Is Not Yet Rated.</a><br />
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Anyway...<br />
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<b>Daredevil, Season Two</b> The stuff with The Punisher is great and amazing. I had always been somewhat dismissive of the character. It's not that I don't believe that you can't tell compelling stories using Frank Castle, it's just that for me, he's a very limited character, the kind you can write a miniseries about, but there's not enough there to build a franchise on. The Punisher is Batman without the style and morality that makes Batman interesting. He's pretty one-note; he runs into a bad guy/obstacle, he blows it up and keeps going without any qualms of conscience whatsoever.<br />
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But in this adaptation, The Punisher is still a conscienceless monster, but he's also a very human, striving, hurting character. I think he works best more as a foil to other characters, than as the MC in his own right. Or in other words, he can be used as a dark mirror for other characters or as a means of studying a more straightforward heroic character in a new light. <br />
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The trouble is the vast majority of the series is taken up with all this BS regarding The Hand and Elektra, and while this is material that is rife with interesting ideas, somehow it all winds up being so punishingly dull you're like, "Will you stop with all the secret evil society of magic ninjas and get back to the courtroom drama?"<br />
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<b>Daredevil, Season Three</b> managed to regain much of the series's lost momentum, bringing back Vincent D'onofrio who remains fan-fucking-tastic, but at this point, the various Netflix series had experienced their Waterloo and were spiraling down the drain, and it shows. <br />
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<b>Jessica Jones</b> was good, nay, great, but it was so viscerally uncomfortable on such an unbelievably disturbing scale that I couldn't make it past a few episodes, because it made my skin crawl so much. I know it's supposed to do that--I know it is a detailed exploration of abuse and its psychological effects--but at the same time, I'm just like, "Nope, nope, nope, I can't even!" It is great art and I understand why it is great and it works, but I just couldn't handle it. Probably if I had watched more beyond a few episodes, I'd be forever unable to resist punching David Tennant if I ever saw him out in public. Since David Tennant is, from what I've heard, actually a lovely person, not an asshole, and he played my brother's favorite incarnation of The Doctor, he's probably not deserving of random face punches. Save those for Nazis and alt-Right trash. <br />
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<b>Luke Cage, Season One,</b> was like the first season of Daredevil, a generally solid product, even if Mariah is never as compelling as Cottonmouth. Misty Knight was fucking cool and I would have loved to have her doing her own thing in her own series. <br />
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As for season two, by now the Netflix series had hit their Waterloo and it shows. I lost interest a few episodes in, because it was just scene after scene of people talking with some shocking, hardcore violence scenes in the last few minutes. It also didn't help that, well, maybe the problem was with the TV I watched it on, but I had such a hard time hearing what anyone was saying. I kept having to crank it up and spent so much time shouting, "Oh, will you people stop whispering like teenagers in homeroom and talk at a normal volume?" Then one of those hardcore violent scenes would show up and blast me with sound, thus making me regret turning it up so I can hear the dialogue and understand what the hell was going on. Though I freely admit that my perception may also be inaccurate because I spent much of my teenage years, blasting music at top volume through my headphones for hours on end, so yeah, there's that to take into account. <br />
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<b>Iron Fist</b> And here we have the Waterloo I keep talking about. I only made it ten minutes into the second episode, because I just wanted so badly to punch this smirking dude right in his stupid fucking face. I thought maybe the series suffered from the equivalent of having to follow Susan Boyle on Karaoke Night, aka the old "tough act to follow" bit. No matter how talented you may be at singing, if you're following Susan Boyle and aren't fucking extraordinary, you're going to seem piddling in comparison. So I felt like I should give the series a chance. <br />
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But Good God, it just sucked so much. I completely understand all the hate. All the other Netflix series were delving into some pretty heavy material related to power, race, and abuse, and meanwhile, here we've got Danny the Poor Little Rich Boy. Still, it does fascinate me, how that one series managed to sink the entire Netflix series roll-out. Until <b>Iron Fist</b>, the Netflix series were freakin' unstoppable, delivering hit after hit, but one bad series sank the whole franchise. <br />
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I couldn't really get too far into <b>The Punisher</b>--just got bored in the first episode--and I never checked out <b>The Defenders</b> because I heard all the bad buzz and decided, "Y'know what, maybe this time I should listen," and I did. I regret nothing. My watchlist is superlong as is. <br />
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As for <b>Agents of SHIELD</b>, well my feelings have shifted. I dropped out after the first season, because good god, Skye was such a godawful Mary Sue. Skye was the sun around which all the series's characters and events orbited, Skye's judgment was rock-solid and unshakeable. It pissed me off, because I was promised an ensemble show, dammit, not the All Skye Spectacular! It's a pity because I've always loved Coulson, even before he put Loki through a wall, May was a badass, and Fitz and Simmons were freaking adorable. It may be one of the unifying factors of the MCU fandom: everyone ships Fitz and Simmons. Probably even Hydra ships Fitz and Simmons because even though they’re a quasi-fascist organization serving a malevolent alien intelligence, they're not stupid. <br />
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Since season two of <b>AoS</b> was premiering at the same time as another show I really liked, I was just kind of like, "Nah…" and dropped out. Then I saw some clips from season four where they introduce <a href="https://youtu.be/QjNrIWaOY3E">Ghost Rider</a> and they were just so fucking metal that I was like, "I have to get into this series!" He's nowhere near as hammy as <a href="https://youtu.be/FrXKN9OB5Lo">the Nicholas Cage version*</a> but goddangit! it was so cool to see that character in all its true grandeur. Every time Ghost Rider was onscreen, I fought the urge to shout "FUCK YEAH!" and do the <a href="https://youtu.be/TP9_i41y_HE">Ronnie James Dio Devil Horns Sign</a>, because that's what you do in the face of something so damn metal. <br />
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I don't know who or what intervened in the subsequent seasons, but at some point, Skye not only got a name change and became Daisy Johnson, she also became much less of a Sue. She probably still ranks pretty high on Mary Sue Litmus Tests, but not as high, since the people on the show basically backed off and decided to let the other characters be awesome and do stuff. I've been watching the series since season four and it's been a pretty solid, decent product. I keep wondering if I should go back and view seasons two and three, but I can mostly follow along even with just my surface knowledge of the seasons and as said before, my watchlist is superlong as is. <br />
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Then again, I've come to really loathe the term "Mary Sue" and believe me, that is a rant we are going to get into at some point in this project, so brace yourselves. <br />
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I will strive to produce quality content for each and every one of you. For the record, there will be spoilers aplenty in all this. Since this franchise is ten years old, trying to avoid revealing spoilers feels pretty pointless, like trying to avoid revealing that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father. If you haven't seen the films and you don't want spoilers, don't read the reviews/comments until you have, simple as that. If it bothers you so much, go find some far corner to whine in. <br />
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I don't know how often these posts will come out, but I will try to produce them on a regular basis, even if it might be closer to once every two weeks or once a month. Again, I want to do these posts justice, so I will not only rewatch the movies, but I will watch the director's commentaries, deleted scenes, and track down other behind-the-scenes info on them. <br />
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My posts will contain most of the things my brave readers have come to expect from me: repeated, longwinded diatribes over stuff I care about that's only tangentially connected to the main discussion, gratuitous profanity, links to YouTube and other content (because the beauty of the Internet is being able to supplement your arguments with random links to other stuff), stuff revealing my scarily obsessive nature, and, in all likelihood, dick jokes because dick jokes improve everything. <br />
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In the interest of disclosing any biases that may affect the project, I admit that I am a pretty hardcore Steve/Bucky shipper and have myself a nice little collection of fanfics and fanart related to it. I will try to be fair, and judge the films on their own merits, but again, wanted to disclose my inherent bias. Have to say even before <i>Civil War</i> forever cemented it for me, I could never really get behind Steve/Tony. It always felt kind of one-sided; never got the idea that Steve was anywhere near as obsessed with Tony as Tony was with him. And the obsession reeked mostly of daddy issues, something which is going to come up a lot in these films. <br />
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And no, I will not use pairing names, because even though Stucky and Stony aren't too bad, given what some other ship names are like. I am opposed to ship names. I will not bend on this issue. I will die on this hill, dammit! Is it so much work to type Character A/Character B even despite wordcount limits on summaries? I want to be able to read a summary, figure out who is getting paired up with who, without too much trouble. Too often some of these names have me going, "Okay is this a ship name, a typo, or did the person writing this have some kind of stroke?" If we had this stupid trend when Star Trek basically helped create modern fandom, we wouldn't even have the term "slash" to begin with. Even if, utilizing the ship name trend, Kirk/Spock would be rendered as Kock, which is both amusing and appropriate. <br />
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In keeping with my obsessive nature, I craft headcanons and fan theories like no one's business and will feel free to share them with everyone. The beauty of the Internet is I get to rant incoherently without anyone stopping me. Unless you click away, you all are my prisoners! :maniacal laughter: And as said before, I freely pick and chose from a wide variety of canons, weaving together bits and pieces as I see fit, to create my own personal canon regarding the characters. It seems like something comic book fans do either consciously or unconsciously as a result of the multiple canons. Outsiders may find the many canons in comic books daunting, but to me, the beauty of the genre is its multiplicity. You can hold onto what works, throw out what doesn't, and still be able to more or less follow along with the stories without too much trouble. <br />
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Though for beginning comic book readers, I recommend series based of animated series adaptations. The DCAU remains home to the greatest superhero adaptations ever and their spinoff comics are equally as amazing. Since the various series that made up the DCAU were, ostensibly meant for kids, despite the sheer tonnage of <a href="https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/GettingCrapPastTheRadar">How Did They Get This Crap Passed the Radar?</a> moments, the writers and artists were forced to work within the limitations in the interest of being kid-friendly and couldn't just coast by on over-the-top shocking violence or sex to grab the readers' attention. As a result, some of the most well-crafted stories are told in this little subgenre. <br />
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I know this somewhat goes against all my rants about how violence in films is so neutered to the point of being cartoonish, but my views are complicated and this is a longwinded discussion for another day. tl;dr version, there's a difference between being gory and violent for the sake of being these things and there's a difference in being gory and violent in service to the story and message you're trying to convey. Adding gratuitous sex and violence to a stupid story, doesn't make it deep. It's still a stupid story, just a lot more unpleasant to enjoy and lacking the wide-eyed WTFery of Silver Age comics, where there's something almost beautiful about the wild, crack-addled swing-for-the-fences insanity. <br />
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As always, I remain a big believer in discontinuity. The beauty of fiction is you can reject reality and substitute it with your own, without too many of the bad consequences that come with doing it in the real-world. If you liked this plot point, but not that one, hold onto what works, throw out what doesn't, and create your own canon, even if it exists solely as a shadow canon in the back of your head. Channel your inner Samuel L. Jackson and be all, "I recognize that canon has made its decision, but given that it is a stupid-ass decision, I've elected to ignore it!" and go from there. In fiction, the world is in your hands. <br />
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Anyway those are the parameters for the new project. If any of you have suggestions regarding it, feel free to share. As said before, I’m not sure how frequently the posting schedule will be, given that life’s complicated and the nature of the project, but I will try to be as regular as possible for the sake of my readers. Take care until then.<br />
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*Once again, I reiterate my theory that none of the people in that scene were acting. Because Cage really is that weird, and it’s very hard to fake that kind of genuine terror.<br />
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But I placed the asterisk for another reason: once again, I have crackpot idea to promote on the off-chance that someone reading this has any actual money or power.<br />
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We all know that both Nicolas Cage and Johnny Depp are hemorrhaging money, because they’ve decided to have EVERY expensive habit, not just one. It’s why Cage sleepwalks through so many obvious stupid movies and Depp will be Jack Sparrow until he dies. <br />
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Both of these men are known for their over-the-top acting and since both are in need of money, my proposal is a <i>Freddy vs. Jason</i>-style film that will serve as a showdown once and for all who is the bigger, better scenery-chewer. <br />
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Me, if I had to chose, I’d go with Cage, because he’s got that brand of old-school gonzo crazy seldom seen outside of questionably-run state asylums. When he decides to go all out and not just sleepwalk, he makes even absolutely terrible movies worth watching. For the record, regarding all those videos showing clips from <a href="https://youtu.be/Qjme5hh_bYY">Wicker Man</a>, the clips are just as hilarious in context as they are out of it.<br />
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Whereas Depp just constantly prances around, poking you in the eye with his crazy, being all, “Look at me, I’m so delightfully quirky, isn’t it amazing and whimsical how quirky I am?” managing to make you hate an already terrible movie even more than you thought was possible. He’s all Manic Pixie Dream Girl with his crazy. <br />
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Plus Cage went broke buying comic book memorabilia, castles, and T. Rex skulls, and there’s no denying the inherent coolness of those things. Whereas Depp went broke by being a wife-beater who spends the salary equivalent of some nation’s gross domestic product in a month on wine, and leading a life of such <a href="https://www.rollingstone.com/movies/movie-features/the-trouble-with-johnny-depp-666010/">Dionysian Excess</a> that even Dionysus is saying, “Dude, you need to cut back." The last part may have been cool when he was an up and coming twentysomething getting his first taste of fame, but as a grown-ass fiftysomething adult with a couple of marriages under his belt and a couple of kids, it just seems kind of sad and pathetic. Though the first part, the one about the wife-beating, that is and always will remain completely uncool at any age.<br />
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Though if we can get John Woo in on this thing, that would just be great. He gave us <i>Face/Off</i> a movie of such coked-up stupid insanity that it manages to cross the line separating genius and madness to become genius. The whole movie centers around the concept of “What if we hired two of Hollywood’s biggest hams and put them in a movie where they are forced to act like each other?” In this case, we got Nicolas Cage and John Travolta trading faces. It is grand and glorious in its insanity and I love it for that. It’s what served as the seed for my proposed Cage vs. Depp movie. Because even if my proposed film is terrible, it will at least be bad in a way that’s interesting, unlike the majority of films the other two actors are involved in.Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-22513534565892202282017-06-04T15:53:00.001-07:002017-06-04T20:37:47.011-07:00This is the End, My Only Friend, The End!Hey, guys! Sorry to be late with the post. I wish I could claim noble reasons, like I was busy receiving a congressional medal of honor or something, but really while some stuff was going on, it was mostly a combo of intangible mental stuff combined with general laziness. <br />
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I'm about to say something that well, I hope my readers with delicate heart conditions have their medication ready, because here's a shocking revelation: I like fan theories. Even if I don't agree with them (like I don't believe that Jerry Jenkins is a Poe, secretly lacing later books with subversive remarks about the PMD mythos), I still find them fascinating to hear about. It's interesting to watch people scramble to come up with elaborate rationales. Conspiracy theories are basically the same phenomenon as fan theories, but fan theories are better, because they involve entertainment and don't lead to actual people getting actually hurt, like PizzaGate* and the like. <br />
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In addition, I also enjoy creating fan theories. I am basically Homer Simpson: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ta0Sj05tjc">When I get bored, I make up my own movie.</a> For the record, while I'd never suggest that anyone take life advice from Homer Simpson, trust me when I say that he was really onto something with mixing bacon and chocolate; it's a combo that just works on so many levels. <br />
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It is one of the things I like about comic books: the multiple continuities. People find that intimidating about comic books, but the beauty of the multiple continuities is, if you don't like one part, you can jettison the part you don't like and put in something from another continuity that you do like. Plus, it will in all likelihood, get retconned eventually, so you might as well hold onto the canon you do like. It's one of the reasons that while I thought Hydra Cap was a fucking stupid insensitive idea ("Y'know what sounds like a good idea? Let's take a character who was created by two Jewish guys to be one neverending Take That against Nazism from day one and have it turn out he was a member of a quasi-Nazi organization all along. That sounds like a good idea," said no one ever) at the same time, I didn't worry too much. No matter how much comic book companies may be like, "Oh we're totally not going to back down from this," they eventually will. Maybe it's because said idea is costing them sales or maybe they'll just create a new title, where that part of continuity doesn't apply. If the new title sells, while the other one doesn't, then the other one's continuity contributions will die an ignoble death. <br />
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Have to say, I was pleasantly surprised that they backed down from Hydra Cap so quickly. I thought they would limp along for a few more issues, before admitting defeat, but they retconned it in the next issue. As a service to my readers, who, like all creative and snarky people, probably struggle with self-doubt and deep-rooted self-esteem issues**, well, let's just say the guy who created Hydra Cap, tried to do a <a href="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/f6/5b/87/f65b87e11fa4deabc65ba7fb52f5c47e.jpg">Take That</a> against his critics. As you can probably tell, it was nowhere near as epic as <a href="https://static.comicvine.com/uploads/scale_large/11/117763/2677627-captainamericacomics01.jpg">the one done by the character's creators.</a><br />
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Every time you guys start to question your aptitude as a writer, be it of fiction, fanfiction, or dirty limericks on bathroom stalls (not judging any of y'all), click on the Hydra Cap Take That and take comfort that nothing you've ever created, however bad it may be, is nowhere near as cringe-inducing as that. <br />
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The long, belabored point is that the canon for the LB-verse is so bad, riddled with gaping plot-chasms, that making up a head canon becomes pretty much an act of survival. The beauty is that any canon you create for the LB-verse, no matter how nonsensical, it will actually make more sense than the actual canon, even if said fan theory is, <a href="https://thetommywestphall.wordpress.com/">"It's all the dream of some autistic kid shaking a snow globe."</a><br />
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As I've pointed out, even the "It was all a dream" theory makes more sense. Most of the time, <a href="http://www.worldsfinestonline.com/WF/batman/btas/episodes/perchancetodream/">unless properly utilized</a>, the "It was all a dream" ending is such a cop-out because it means that nothing that occurred, actually mattered. Here, though, it would make complete absolute sense if this whole series was a dream created by Rayford, as he dozes off on a break. In his dream world, Rayford is the single greatest, most important human to have ever existed, unlike the real world, where he's a graying sky bus driver who can't get any respect, not even from his own kids. All the inconsistencies could easily be explained away by the surreal, incoherent nature of dreams. <br />
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Though I admit I am having some doubts as to "It's all a dream of Rayford's" fan theory based on a quote from the previous chapter. <br />
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<blockquote>“You know what I want?” Rayford said.<br />
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“Tell me, Dad,” Chloe said.<br />
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“I want a picture of the original Tribulation Force.”<br />
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Chloe rounded up Bruce and Cameron, and the three glorifieds posed behind Rayford’s chair.<br />
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The instantly produced photograph stunned even Rayford. It depicted three robust young people frozen in the prime of their lives and a long, bony man with drooping jowls, liquid eyes, and no hair, weighing barely over a hundred pounds, veins prominent on the backs of his hands, bundled in a sweater despite the desert heat.<br />
</blockquote><br />
Do you really think the fantasy of a guy with Rayford's ego, would have him not be the pinnacle of physical fitness/attractiveness? <br />
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So the canon I'm going to go with for this last chapter, is based on one suggested by Spiritplumber in the comments of the previous chapter: <br />
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<blockquote>“REHEMA, I need you to call my wife and assure her and the others that I am well. And, of course, I need to know the same is true of them.”<br />
<br />
“And why would you think I would do that for you?”<br />
<br />
“Because I would do the same for you. You are a mother. You have family. You may see yourself as an operative of the rebellion, but-”<br />
<br />
“Bullshit. You wouldn't lift a finger for me. We looked into you, you know. A century ago you had every opportunity to stop Carpathia and didn't lift a finger to.”<br />
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“I tried to shoot him!”<br />
<br />
“After years of flying him around. All you had to do was crash the plane. You had literally hundreds of opportunities. I love my son. More than you can imagine. Certainly more than you love the Ken doll that yours has become, or you would be single-handedly storming the Ultimate Temple to get back the childhood that was denied to him. You? You love only yourself. Here I am, ripe for conversion, and the only argument you can come up with is self-preservation. Have you ever considering doing what's RIGHT for once in your life?”<br />
<br />
“You're mad! I AM doing what's right!”<br />
<br />
“No, you're doing what your boss told you to. You're - what was the expression? Just following orders.”<br />
<br />
“So are you!”<br />
<br />
“No. Satan is, as you pointed out earlier, in no position to order anybody around. And that's just how I like it, me. We are doing this for the sake of humanity, and we are doing this because it's the right thing to do. Oh,and one more thing.”<br />
<br />
“What?”<br />
<br />
“Sandwich? Spiked. Enjoy your LSD trip. It should last long enough to prevent you from going to Siwa even if you figure out how to leave. I'll enjoy mine, but then again, I've got a clean conscience.”<br />
<br />
Rehema took a swig from the water bottle, threw the rest of it roughly in Rayford's direction, and sat down against the wall waiting for the acid to hit.<br />
</blockquote><br />
Basically that's my headcanon. All the events of this chapter exist in the head of Rayford as he trips out in a prison cell, while the TOL with combined help from the League of Awesome take back the world.<br />
<br />
Okay, done talking. I'll get to the actual book. Just try and convince me that the "This is all a dream by Rayford while he's tripping balls" theory doesn't make more sense. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>THE EARTH teemed with billions of people, and the end of the Millennium was vastly different from the beginning. That was no surprise to Rayford, who kept up with the news, often sitting before the television with Chaim Rosenzweig. “We don’t have one trained soldier,” he said. “And we don’t need one. Not a hair on the head of a believer will be harmed by the biggest fighting force the world has ever seen.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
I have to question how exactly the earth is teeming with billions of people. We can talk about how nearly every event of the Tribulation would be an extinction-level one, but Ellanjay don't know/don't care, so we'll somehow assume that there was some population left behind after all this. Obviously those over the "You Must Be This Tall To Get A Free Pass" line who didn't say The Prayer, were pitched into Hell at the end of all this. So the vast majority of the population are, to use the books' words, Glorifieds or Naturals. Glorifieds, despite being kept perpetually at prime reproduction years, no longer have any desire for sex. Heck, they probably lack the ability. No matter how many oysters or blue pills they eat, they're still as impotent as a Nevada Boxing Commissioner. I suppose I should apologize for making you think about the genitals of LB-verse characters, but I won't. <br />
<br />
But okay, it is revealed that Naturals like Kenny and Kat, who were safely under the "Free Pass" line at the time TurboJesus showed up, are still capable of physical desire and reproduction, with last week's chapter proving that Kenny and Kat produced a whole passel of K-slaves, who in turn, produced a their own. For the record, if any of my readers wants to take on the task of coming up with names for all the K-slaves, well, I would be like, "Seriously?! Don't you have anything better to do, like at all?" but I would still be willing to listen. I just assume that Kenny and Kat are basically the LB-verse equivalent of the Duggar family, except everyone's name begins with K; hence why I refer to the kids as the K-slaves. <br />
<br />
Still even assuming a good population of Naturals, the rest of the chapter seems to imply that they are vastly outnumbered, meaning that the TOL, in addition to distributing a <a href="http://mousehole-mouse.blogspot.com/2016/11/there-are-always-men-like-you.html">Manifesto dripping with Strawman Has a Point</a>, they also devoted a good portion of their time to sex, lots and lots of raucous headboard-banging sex. They did what they could to produce enough children and raise them to be hardened eeeevil heathens, and said kids, in turn produced their own and on and on and so forth. Though the "Outbreed the unbelievers!" strategy sounds like something the RTCs would utilize more than the heathens. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Daily for the past three years, the news had abounded with stories of millions of adherents to the Other Light, growing bolder by the minute. Their printing presses and electronically transmitted messages blanketed the globe, recruiting new members, amassing a weapons stockpile and training a fighting force a thousand times bigger than had been aggregated for the Battle of Armageddon a millennium before. <br />
<br />
Rayford was amazed that God allowed such a brazen, wanton act of defiance on the parts of so many as they symbolically thumbed their noses at Jesus and the earthly rulers He had chosen from the ages. Even in Israel, tanks rumbled through the streets, uniformed soldiers marched, and missiles and rockets were paraded before the faithful.<br />
</blockquote><br />
Because we all know that RTCs are appalled by violence and don't have a collective hard-on for the military***. It's why they are among the loudest of voices, protesting Putin's invasions and the way he runs roughshod over the rights and lives of his people. They are opposed to oppression regardless of whatever reasons are used to justify it, and they aren't obsessed with projecting an air of hypermasculinity. <br />
<br />
Though, spiritplumber, you have earned the right to strut to whatever music you like, because your headcanon of the TOL being the Kids Next Door is totally canon. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Television broadcasts from around the world showed the same and worse— what seemed like entire people groups dressed in the all-black uniform of the fighting forces of the Other Light. Of course they were all younger than one hundred and thus relegated to the status of children— rebellious, articulate, passionate, defiant, furious children. But they were also brilliant and had written songs and poems and speeches anticipating the day their leader, the Other Light personified, would be— in their words—” foolishly released” by his captor.<br />
</blockquote><br />
"They use their innate capacity for language to express their views in hopes of better being understood and showing support to those who believe as they do. They really are monsters!" <br />
<br />
And like I said, the TOL is totally the Kids Next Door. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>That became obvious soon enough when the countless followers of the Other Light announced that their centuries- long project to manufacture weaponry unlike anything that had ever been seen on earth had resulted in all that could be seen, blotting out much of the landscape of Israel and surrounding the City of David. <br />
<br />
For a thousand years there had been no wars or rumors of wars, no nation rising against nation; now TOL had emerged with a highly organized, trained, precision-tuned army of hundreds of millions. It finally became obvious that God had released Satan, according to the Scriptures, when the warriors from all over the world, “whose number is as the sand of the sea,” were finally in place, gathered for battle.<br />
</blockquote><br />
If anyone wants to do some fanart of this, I am totally on board. Me, I can't draw decent stick figures. Remember, no matter how bad your stuff may be, it won't be as bad as the actual canon, so go nuts. Create fanfiction, fanart, and even dirty limericks about the LB-verse. <br />
<br />
Of course, Ellanjay do what they can to milk the suspense, pretending like this all matters, despite being as choreographed as a WWE match. Though that feels unfair to the WWE. While it is all choreographed, the athleticism demonstrated by the wrestlers is very real. They did have to go through quite a bit of training to be able to do all that without getting hurt. Like clowns in a circus, it takes a lot of training to look gracefully ungraceful and do all those falls without actually breaking something. And the WWE, no matter how bad it may be, it still has better writing than anything in the LB-verse. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>“And now,” he shouted, somehow able to be heard for miles, “I come to claim what has been rightfully mine since the dawn of time: the very throne of God!”<br />
</blockquote><br />
Yeah, tell me that line doesn't sound like the setup to a WWE match. I don't really follow WWE that closely, but if any of my readers do, feel free to figure out which wrestlers would play Satan and TurboJesus. <br />
<br />
Satan is all, "Charge!" TurboJesus goes "I AM WHO I AM!" and zaps the TOL into Hell. He pauses to gloat over Satan for a bit, before punting him in as well. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>A seam in the cosmos opened before Satan. Flames and black smoke poured from where the Beast and the False Prophet writhed on their knees screaming, “Jesus is Lord!” <br />
<br />
Satan cried out, “Jesus is Lord! Jesus is Lord!” <br />
<br />
Jesus closed His fingers and Satan was thrown into the abyss, the seam sealing to muffle the screams of the three who would be tormented day and night forever and ever in the lake of fire and brimstone.<br />
</blockquote><br />
Congratulations, Ellanjay, you have successfully created a final battle even more disappointing than the one in <i><a href="http://cleolinda.livejournal.com/630806.html">Breaking Dawn</a></i> and that takes some doing. <br />
<br />
For those of you too lazy to click on the link, yet not too lazy to read on through, the final confrontation is between the Cullens and the Volturi. The Volturi are like this super vampire council and are all mad because they think the Cullens have created a vampire child (i.e. turned a kid into a vampire). The kid is actually a human-vampire hybrid, but let's not get into that. <br />
<br />
Anyway, we get all this buildup to the confrontation, the Cullens preparing and recruiting other vampires to fight with them, yet when the big confrontation comes, here's how it goes: <br />
<br />
Volturi: You created a vampire child! That's against the rules!<br />
<br />
The Cullens: But she's not a vampire child!<br />
<br />
Volturi: Oh, then we've got no beef with you. <br />
<br />
After which, they leave. <br />
<br />
But again, even that is still better than KC and when you manage to be worse than a Twilight novel, you need to hang your head in shame. <br />
<br />
[TANGENT] Though I can't judge Twilight fans too harshly. I was outside the target demographic when that series came out, but I freely admit that if I had been part of said demographic, aka between the ages of 10-15, I would have eaten that shit up with a spoon. Obsessive love sounds romantic, not scary as hell at that age. Part of growing up is acknowledging that you had crap taste as a kid. [/TANGENT]<br />
<br />
After all this, it's mostly a bunch of biblical copy-and-paste which I will ignore. Quoting the Bible doesn't automatically make your shitty writing deep, people!<br />
<br />
But I will quote this part: <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Arrayed before Jesus were three great books: the Book of Life, containing the name of every person who had ever lived; the Book of Works, containing every righteous or evil deed they ever committed; and the Lamb’s Book of Life, containing only those who had trusted in Christ for their salvation. Rayford’s glorified mind allowed him to understand that he was, of course, listed in the Book of Life, but he had been forgiven for any misdeed associated with his name in the Book of Works. And that he and everyone with him in the beautiful city of God were listed in the Lamb’s Book of Life, while all the desolate souls hovering about the throne were not.<br />
</blockquote><br />
Uh, who exactly are the desolate souls in this scenario? Because the TOL were all zapped into Hell, while the RTCs got into Heaven. So who would be the desolate souls hanging around? I thought maybe they could be people who were bad and didn't say The Prayer, but not too bad. The kind of people who <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/KickTheDog">Kick the Dog</a>, but stop short of the crossing the <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MoralEventHorizon?from=Main.RapetheDog">Moral Event Horizon.</a> But that would go against what Ellanjay have already established that they believe that all crimes, regardless of devoting yourself to charity work but not saying The Prayer or being Genghis Khan, to be equivalent. Heck, you can basically be Genghis Khan, yet be completely off the hook, so long as you said The Prayer. <br />
<br />
Anyway, everyone goes inside and Ellanjay copy-and-paste their description from Revelation. If you want to save yourselves some money, read the last few chapters of Revelation and save yourself some money. <br />
<br />
And that's it. Like I said, I don't know really know what I plan to do next. I want to rest on my laurels for a bit, but I am more than willing to hear some suggestions. <br />
<br />
*I am so sick of the trend of adding -Gate to the end of every scandal. It's just so played out. In any case, the original Watergate was referring to an actual place, the Watergate Hotel, the trend makes even less sense. One of these days we will have a scandal about an actual gate and if we keep up with this trend, we'll be forced to discuss something called GateGate. If we must borrow from twentieth century political scandals, why not use -Dome in reference to the Teapot Dome scandal? Adding -Dome to the end of anything automatically makes it sound more badass, like we're in a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmRAiUPdRjk">"Two men enter, one man leaves!"</a> kind of scenario. Henceforth I decree that all scandals have -Dome at the end, rather than -Gate, with the exception of GamerGate which will be called Pathetic Shitstorm because that's what it was. <br />
<br />
**It seems to be a requirement for the job, unfortunately. Being creative and being sane seldom go together. It's even worse if you're funny. Nearly every comedian worth a damn has issues out the yinyang. <br />
<br />
***As always said hard-on applies to drooling over fancy toys that cost a shitton of taxpayer money and don't really do much in a war where the enemy fights primarily via asymmetric warfare or guerilla warfare. Also, said hard-on means that while they support the troops in the abstract, they most definitely don't intend to do something silly like fund VA hospitals and other services to take care of wounded vets when they come home. Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-34009695667649476162017-05-21T15:20:00.000-07:002017-06-26T08:02:11.501-07:00By Your Powers Combined, Rayford is Captain Bullshit!Hello and happy Sunday! We're in the penultimate chapter of this book. Maybe we'll get lucky and I'll throw on the next chapter, but it seems unlikely. In all likelihood, I will be done with Kingdom Come next week. As to what happens next, well first, like I said, I want to do some laurel-resting. As for afterwards, I have no idea. I am open to suggestions. <br />
<br />
As for the post title, I couldn't think of anything, so I went with 90s cheese because I have a weakness for it. :shakes head: That show...how many other shows would have the protagonists literally meet Hitler? <br />
<br />
I have said many times that Rayford and Buck are the most powerful forces in the LB-verse, at the tippity-top of the hierarchy that governs this world. Because Ellanjay can't possibly envision a world without a hierarchy and since they assume they'll be at the top of it, so must their Mary Sues. I've also said that the only reason there isn't a scene where Zod or TurboJesus sobs and talks about how they wish they could be as manly as Rayford and Buck, is because Ellanjay were too chicken to write it. <br />
<br />
As you can probably guess, I stand by all those remarks and will do so until the end of time. In fact, I might find a way to do so beyond time, because Rayford is the Worst. It's a bad sign when a fan theory--about this whole series existing as a dream Rayford's having on his lunch break--makes so much more sense than what is actually there. Worst of all, said fan theory is the "It was all a dream" fan theory, aka a trope that's more often than not, one of the biggest cop-outs ever. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>“REHEMA, I need you to call my wife and assure her and the others that I am well. And, of course, I need to know the same is true of them.” <br />
<br />
“And why would you think I would do that for you?” <br />
<br />
“Because I would do the same for you. You are a mother. You have family. You may see yourself as an operative of the rebellion, but I know better. I can see in your eyes that you know the truth. I have told you everything I know about God and Christ and faith and prophecy, about the world as it once was and now is, and about my family. You know God is real, and you know He will somehow get me out of here in time to get back to my people and my assignment.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
If I was lazy, I would just make my entire response to this chapter just be <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Otj1RRiaOqc">Linkara's hate laugh.</a><br />
<br />
We all know how much concern Rayford has demonstrated when it comes to the needs and feelings of others. Though to be fair, zero is a percent, as The Simpsons have pointed out.<br />
<br />
Okay, how much does anyone want to be that if called upon, Rayford would not be able to say anything about his family, like what is their favorite color or what is their favorite hobby (besides praising TurboJesus and being obsessed with sex)? Heck, I'm willing to bet that Rayford probably wouldn't even recognize his own family. It's not that he suffers from <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prosopagnosia">Prosopagnosia</a> because face-blind people are capable of demonstrating genuine concern for the lives/needs of others. It's more like he suffers from Rayfordagnosia, where he's completely incapable of seeing anyone who isn't him or, in the very least, doesn't have anything he needs at that given moment. You can come up with a better name for Rayford's, ahem, unique condition. I just assume that in this conversation with Rehema, all Rayford can perceive, are a bunch of shapes and sounds in a vaguely woman-like silhouette. We all know that if asked to say anything about Rehema, he'd just say, "She's female, brown-skinned...I think she's a carbon-based lifeform that can't survive without oxygen." <br />
<br />
I suppose I could make a crack about how Zod ignores starving kids in Africa, so Rayford won't know a moment of discomfort, but to be fair, this is the MK, so there's no poverty, war, disease, and famine. But I will point out that Token Jew, Chaim, Saintly Irene, Mac, Mr. and Mrs. Bruce Barnes, are all going to this talk, so is there a reason why it will be a total wash without Rayford there? <br />
<br />
<br />
I know--Rayford is one of the most powerful beings in the LB-verse--but because I'm that person, I'll assume <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZZv5Z2Iz_s">they need him to form the head.</a> Also, because I'm that kind of person, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7pHy2MB6HM">I'll post a gratuitous Power Rangers clip</a> mostly because I was way more into Power Rangers than Voltron as a kid. I'll let you all make the call as to which part of the Megazord Rayford is. Though at least, both shows are at least bad in a way that's entertaining. Though that Power Rangers theme song is like the ultimate earworm in that you only need to hear one part of it once to have it lodged in your brain until you die. <br />
<br />
Rehema calls Saintly Irene and they talk for a bit. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Irene Steele was, of course, puzzled by and suspicious of the call from the young woman who identified herself as Rayford’s guard. “He’s wondering where we’re hiding?” Irene said slowly, carefully considering whether she should reveal anything. <br />
<br />
She decided she could do Rayford no harm. “Tell him that he will find us where he left us. We will wait in plain sight.” <br />
<br />
“You are crafty people, Mrs. Steele,” Rehema said. <br />
<br />
“If you wish to think so. But it strikes me that God has blinded your compatriots, as we have not moved since my husband left us. And would you remind him that we must be on the road to Siwa by no later than one in the morning if we wish to fulfill our obligations there?”<br />
</blockquote><br />
Okay in a sense Saintly Irene is right in that telling Rehema all this wouldn't do Rayford any harm since IT'S THE MK AND HE'S SAID THE GODDANGED PRAYER SO THERE'S NOTHING BAD THAT CAN HAPPEN TO HIM! <br />
<br />
Though at the same time, given how badly Saintly Irene just failed a basic level of OPSEC, it makes me wonder if the RTCs could be brought down via politeness. Look all clean-shaven, be all nice, and polite, and be like, "Would you please tell me in exhausting detail all the plans you have in place?" then sit back and collect the information. Or you can be like, "Hi, I'm a wallet inspector. I'm going to need your wallet and your pin." Offer, of course, is void to anyone who can't pass a paper bag test. No matter how good you look in a suit and tie, how polite you are, you will still be seen as a dangerous threat. They've probably called security on you already. <br />
<br />
Though a more sensible reason as to why they haven't moved, would be that because they're in an RV and those, under the best of circumstances, have the same steering/fuel efficiency as the Lincoln memorial. So they would be an incredibly dumb vehicle of choice to go through the desert in. <br />
<br />
Then there's this bit, which is just really, really sad. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Irene chuckled. “He has convinced you of the error of your ways, has he?” <br />
<br />
“Very nearly.” <br />
<br />
“We will welcome you warmly into the family of God, dear.” <br />
<br />
“What?” Irene could tell Rehema was overcome. “Did you not hear me?” <br />
<br />
“I heard you, Mrs. Steele. It’s . . . it’s . . . it’s just that no one has ever said that to me before.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
Seriously, is there anything sadder than the just quoted passage? Only drowning puppies and there'd have to be a lot of them. <br />
<br />
Though for my readers who believe that Jerry Jenkins is a Poe, I'm sure you're leaping all over this quote, because it seems to imply that RTCs are a bunch of intolerant stone-cold hypocrites, unwilling to associate or show basic courtesy to anyone outside their subculture. <br />
<br />
Back to Rayford and Rehema. Rehema is all "<strike>Rayford Steele</strike> TurboJesus is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life." and "Okay, if I get you out of here, can we stop to pick up my son?" <br />
<br />
But Rayford is all "I could not allow you to release me and go get your son while other believers remain here." <br />
<br />
Meta-Rehema is like, "Okay, so how about I go get my own son, seeing as he's, y'know, my kid, then I come back here, release you and all the other RTCs." At least that's what my version of her says. <br />
<br />
Of course, given that these people are all RTCs and none of them can die and TurboJesus will eventually punt all his enemies into Hell, anyway, THERE'S REALLY NO GODDANGED REASON WHY A PRISON BREAK HAS TO TAKE PLACE! NO ONE IS IN ANY ACTUAL DANGER!<br />
<br />
Though we do have to admire the courage and steadfast will of Rayford Steele. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>“What kind of a zealot would I be to escape and leave others to whatever fate awaits? If we do this, we take everyone.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
And the fate that awaits them, is mild discomfort until TurboJesus shows up and kills everyone! Because so far, all they've done to Rayford is take away his shirt and shoes, made him miss a few meals (though that was quickly null and void, because Rehema gave him her sandwich), and forcing him to sleep in less than ideal conditions. Pretty much every torture victim in the history of the world, is laughing and laughing bitterly. <br />
<br />
Given that this is what an RTC considers to be torture, well, should the US end up in some kind of dystopian hellscape (a very real possibility these days, given whose in charge right now), how quickly do you think they would fold in the wake of actual oppression? <br />
<br />
Of course, the sad truth is that the Christian Right and pretty much everyone on the Right, sold their souls for money and power decades ago and don't care. Whatever horrible stuff that comes to pass, won't affect them or anyone they care about, so why should they care? As I tell people, if Donald Trump screws up, he'll be able to GTFO without any trouble. Money buys a lot of things, including escape hatches. He'll GTFO to some other country and start over, while everyone else is left behind to clean up the mess he's made; it's what he's spent his entire career doing. <br />
<br />
Stuff like that makes me wonder if we should encourage the Right to Go Galt. Maybe once all the self-centered, arrogant, rich a-holes are gone, we can actually get to work and have a government that does something besides Fellate the Rich and Kill Brown People. Plus, we all know <a href="http://www.angryflower.com/atlass.gif">this would be likely outcome</a> if they Go Galt. <br />
<br />
:sighs: Like I tell people, it's not the conservatives kneejerk opposition to change that irritates me; it's how inconsistent they are with said opposition. Since the Founding Fathers were saints among men, if they're really so opposed to change, they should live like them. Travel via horse and buggy and when they get sick, have their humors balanced. It'd work for the some of the same reasons as the Go Galt scheme. While the Right is busy dying of easily preventable illnesses while in their forties, everyone else could get stuff done. <br />
<br />
Or we could, like I've suggested before, give RTCs one-way tickets to Saudi Arabia or North Korea or China. If they manage to escape, maybe once they've experienced actual persecution for their faith, they won't throw hissies over being told "Happy Holidays." And since they had been refugees, maybe they would be more sensitive to their plight. And if they don't get out, they'll be trapped in third-world hellholes with atrocious human rights records, so, again, Liberals can take advantage of their absence to get stuff done. <br />
<br />
Ishmael and co. finally get all pissy about how nice Rehema is being to the prisoner. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Stripped of her weapons and ammunition belt as well as her boots, Rehema was shoved into Rayford’s cell and shackled both to him and to a steel ring embedded in the wall. She was shuddering, but he drew her close and whispered, “The better for us to be able to pray.” <br />
<br />
And with the withdrawal of TOL troops, they did pray, and Rehema became a child of God. <br />
<br />
“My son is in a TOL day care center six miles from here,” she said. <br />
<br />
“God knows,” Rayford said.<br />
</blockquote><br />
Yes, I did have all kinds of pervy remarks regarding this situation. Though it does feel kind of wrong to make them. Rehema is 90, which is underage by the MK standards. Though she also has a four-year-old son, so...you know what, I'm just going to bail out. There are more productive things I could do with my time, than try to figure out what Rehema would (physically) resemble at age 90. Like Heroin. I've always been meaning to take up a Heroin addiction. I should do that instead. It's probably psychologically healthier. <br />
<br />
It's ten. Rehema is getting all upset and female, instead of being all resolute and male like Rayford. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>The old man and the young girl turned carefully and sat next to each other, backs against the wall, manacled arms raised. “This is the best part of being on the right side,” Rayford said. “Waiting and watching to see what God will do when there seems no possible solution.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
And that sound you hear is pretty much every Christian martyr pointing and laughing. Again, how quickly would the RTCs fold when faced with actual suffering for their faith? You guys can bloviate all you like, but <a href="https://thinkprogress.org/why-this-pastor-who-tried-to-assassinate-hitler-has-become-a-hero-to-the-anti-lgbt-movement-4327ea50a4dd">you're not the heirs to Dietrich Bonhoeffer.</a> You guys aren't even worthy to clean the skidmarks off of Bonhoeffer's underwear. <br />
<br />
Anyway, for those of you wondering when the deus ex machina will show up, Anis the Angel shows up, busts everyone out without any difficulty, even giving them cars, so they don't have to use those wiggly things located on either side of their sin zone to get around. It wouldn't even be that rough on them, going on foot, <a href="http://mousehole-mouse.blogspot.com/2016/03/character-doesnt-count.html">because they have super special awesome super speed.</a><br />
<br />
Anyway, Rehema picks up her son and the RTCs are a big hit at Siwa. <br />
<br />
Then we get a time jump. But first, a listing of the people who have died. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Qasim Marid was, of course, fired from the Children of the Tribulation ministry, and he died at one hundred. <br />
<br />
He was replaced by Abdullah Ababneh’s friend Sarsour, who endeared himself to the staff and Cameron Williams’s extended family over the next nine centuries. <br />
<br />
Ignace and Lothair also died at one hundred— as did Mudawar— and became the Other Light martyrs, still revered by billions of adherents more than nine hundred years later.<br />
</blockquote><br />
It's probably safe to assume that Sarsour managed to endear himself to the COT daycare and Cameron WIlliams's family, by being aware of his place and displaying a suitable amount of submission. Because Qasim really is the worst, going out with a girl Kenny Williams was interested in, even though Kenny never gave any sign that he was, and Kat did accept his invitation. How dare he react in an immature manner after being dumped for no real reason? Qasim should have done a better job of kissing up to the bullies and born their emotional abuse with pride, dammit! <br />
<br />
As you probably guessed, when it comes to my headcanon, as far as I'm concerned, Qasim, Ignace, Lothair all faked their own deaths and they're hanging out with Cendrillion. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Kenny and Ekaterina Williams’s wedding was performed by Bruce Barnes, and the couple produced eight sons, six daughters, and more than eighty grandchildren over the next two hundred years.<br />
</blockquote><br />
Why am I not the least bit surprised that Kenny and Kat basically became the Duggars? Personal Headcanon: Just as the Duggars pretty much strip-mine the alphabet for J-names, Kenny and Kat do the same with K-names. I'll let my readers list the names of the K-slaves. Just call me paranoid or whatever, but I have a general mistrust of families where every member has the same initials. Maybe there are some families out there where everyone's name begins with, let's just say, the letter A, and they're normal, but experience has taught me that the kind of people who insist the kids all having names beginning with the same letter, see their kids less as freethinking individuals who will eventually move out and form an identity apart from them, and more as boxsets. <br />
<br />
Though if Kenny and Kat manage to avoid naming a kid, <a href="http://www.freejinger.org/">Jinger</a>, they're still better than the Duggars, much as I hate to admit it. Seriously, you couldn't name her Julie or Jeannette or something? Though Kenny and Kat are better than the Duggars primarily because they're fictional, so no real people are being harmed by all this, whereas the Duggars...I'm not going to say anymore. It's just too sad. Here's to hoping someone manages to bust out of the compound and write one helluva tell-all memoir. <br />
<br />
Everyone is all old now. For those of you wanting some specs regarding aging in the MK, here's a bit for you. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>By the end, the ministry was maintained by the glorifieds, as the naturals finally saw the ravages of time catch up with their bodies. When the naturals reached ages higher than about seven hundred, they began to slow and notice the diminution of their senses, particularly hearing and sight.<br />
</blockquote><br />
I've said it before and I'll say it again: you guys ever heard of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tithonus">Tithonus?</a> Then this will all be new to you. <br />
<br />
Though Wikipedia's quote about what happened with Tithonus does seem to accurately reflect what happens to the RTCs. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>but when loathsome old age pressed full upon him, and he could not move nor lift his limbs, this seemed to her in her heart the best counsel: she laid him in a room and put to the shining doors. There he babbles endlessly, and no more has strength at all, such as once he had in his supple limbs.</blockquote><br />
Though even before old age sat in, the RTCs lied around and babbled endlessly, so maybe this isn't entirely accurate. <br />
<br />
Anyway, all the characters from other books who have died, show up and the Original Tribbles have a group photo, but I'm bored to tears. <br />
<br />
Sorry, but we're not going to get the next chapter until next week. Kind of figured that was how it was going to go. So have fun until then. Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-80799155069680944532017-05-14T17:14:00.005-07:002017-05-14T17:14:58.354-07:00The Man from R.T.C.Happy Sunday, everybody! Though also Happy Mothers' Day! Hope y'all did something nice for your Mom, because she's probably put up with a lot from you. Though I apologize if some of you have shaky relationships with your moms. I thought about posting <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUkE9qaVgmo">the infamous wire hangers</a> scene from <i>Mommie Dearest</i> for those of you whose Moms were terrible, but I worried about whether that would seem insensitive. But ah well, happy mothers' day to good moms, boo to bad ones, and don't forget to celebrate same-sex couples because they deserve some love too. <br />
<br />
Last week, we finally made it through Chapter 30. Hopefully Chapter 31 won't take as long. :crosses fingers: <br />
<br />
Rayford is still being held in the KK...well, I thought about calling it the Keystone Kidnappers Kompound, but that felt more than just a wee bit wrong. So we'll shuffle away from that joke. <br />
<br />
As you can probably guess, Rayford is working with Rehema to chalk up another Saved on his fuselage. And for some reason, she's just going along with this instead of punching him in the throat or tasering him in the dick, either of which I would do. If I couldn't do either or both of those things, well, you know The Simpsons episode with the parody of The Amityville Horror? I would totally be like that house, destroy myself rather than have to spend another minute in the presence of Rayford Steele. <br />
<br />
But he may have more of a hope of converting Rehema than any of the other KK, because while she is dark and swarthy, she's not as dark and swarthy as her compadres. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>She was fairer-complexioned than most in the compound, despite her dark brown eyes and hair so black it could have been dyed but clearly wasn’t.<br />
</blockquote><br />
I would love to see how Ellanjay would defend this as, y'know, not being racist, but I should really stop indulging that masochistic tendency I have. It never ends well and I should accept that. Plus, given that Tim LaHaye is dead, if he were to show up again, I think we'd have bigger problems to worry about and my question would probably seem kind of piddling and insignificant. <br />
<br />
Out of curiosity, in the event of a Zombie Uprising, what would you all use as your weapons? Obviously, the smartest thing to do, would be to hunker down and let the National Guard take care of this via tanks and machine guns. Be nice if that bloated military budget was finally put to good use. But okay, suppose for some reason, hunkering down isn't an option. What are your weapons? <br />
<br />
For close quarters, I'll go with a baseball bat with nails hammered into it. As cool-looking as katanas are, they require specialized training to use properly and at the End of the World, I'm a firm believer in Keep It Simple, Stupid. As for ranged weapons, obviously, guns are the best, but they need reloading (which can only be done with bullets) and they make a helluva lot of noise. So while I'm okay with having them around in the Zombie Apocalypse, I do feel that we should have some quieter ranged weapons. I'm leaning towards a crossbow, myself. You don't get the range and force of a bow and arrow, but crossbows require little, if any, training to shoot and use. Plus, they do look cool. I may be about Keeping It Simple, but even I'm willing to acknowledge the Rule of Cool, just so long as it isn't ridiculously impractical. <br />
<br />
Anyway, regarding Rehema, well, I'm trying to envision some kind of Character Morality Spectrum and where each character would fall. I thought about trying to draw one as part of the post, but couldn't figure out how. Sorry, guys. Y'all will either have to make one yourselves or use your imaginations. <br />
<br />
Anyway, it would be a spectrum with the left side of it (natch) representing the evil of the LB-verse; the closer you get to the right, the less evil a character is. Of course, Nicky/Satan are at the very end of the evil spectrum, because they're supposed to be the greatest evil in the LB-verse. We can and will quibble about it, but let's just go with Ellanjay's interpretation for now. Characters placed in the middle at 0 are basically NPCs: they appear in one or two scenes, maybe even say a line, but overall, hang in the background. Though furthest right, I'm wondering if I should place Zod or TurboJesus or since St. Rayford and Cam-Cam are the greatest forces within the universe, does that mean even on a morality spectrum they outrank Zod and TurboJesus. <br />
<br />
My long, rambling point is, based on this spectrum idea, I keep trying to figure out where Rehema would fall. She is female, which makes her somewhat suspect in the LB-verse. But women in the LB-verse tend to be more Ineffectual Irritating Evil, rather than of the pure, cold-hearted variety. She is brown which further pushes her towards the Evil end of the spectrum, but that mention of her being lighter-skinned than her compatriots makes me wonder how an LB character determines the Brown factor. Do they keep paint samples with them and compare them against a character's skin? Though a slightly lower melanin count does put Rehema closer to the right. <br />
<br />
I suppose I could quibble some more with my calculations, but I don't think I will. Like I've said before, math scares the crap out of me. Though if everyone is considered a child until they reach the age of 100 in the LB-verse and Rehema is 90, I find myself wondering what she would look like. I imagine it as being like Tolkien's elves where they age very slowly until they reach adulthood, after which they just stop all together. In fact, Tolkien's elves do sound very similar to citizens of the MK, minus the long tragic history, the pointed ears, and the cheekbones that are to die for. <br />
<br />
Anyway, for Tolkien's elves, puberty is over when they reach the age of fifty. Before that they look like and resemble children; in their twenties, they physically resemble seven-year-olds. Like the MK citizens, Tolkien's elves are considered full-fledged adults at the age of 100. <br />
<br />
But all that speculating, doesn't help me get much of a picture as to what Rehema looks like. I harp on this point so much, because later in the conversation, she mentions having a four-year-old son, even though she isn't :gasp: married, so I find myself wondering if she had a kid when she was barely out of puberty or was the conception the product of statutory rape or what? Though I suppose it could have been a consensual affair. Rehema, after all isn't an RTC, and thus would view sex as an act of love, rather than a grim necessity needed to produce more believers. Though having a child out of wedlock does put her further to the left on the spectrum. <br />
<br />
Anyway, poor Rehema is stuck with Rayford until midnight and I sympathize. In a just world, she would have a taser or something to use on him, but this is the LB-verse, so no go. Just that I would totally sympathize with her tasering Rayford in the balls after this line: <br />
<br />
<blockquote>“Poor girl. You’re going to know more about me than I know about myself, because I plan to talk until I cannot go on.” <br />
<br />
She chuckled. “That will keep me awake. Keep me out of trouble. But I am supposed to be talking to you, propagandizing you, selling you on the inevitability of our cause and the certainty of our victory in the end as evidenced by all the work you see being accomplished on the screens. This will continue for centuries until we are invincible.” <br />
<br />
“Oh, dear one,” Rayford said, “you have already lost. Victory is ours. You have so little time, really. Follow your heart and mind, change your course, join the forces of the one true and living God before it is too late.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
I'd ask if there was a way Rayford could sound like anymore of a patronizing jackass, but experience has taught me that every time in the LB-verse where you're like, "Okay, that was bad, but it'd be hard for things to get any worse," Ellanjay rises (or falls) to the occasion and produces something that makes you fondly long for moments like Rayford smirking about an unsaved coworker who committed suicide in the wake of losing his family. <br />
<br />
Okay, I'll assume that Rayford probably can't be killed. He said The Prayer by the time TurboJesus showed up to burninate the heathens, but does that mean there still aren't ways to take him out? Like could we encase him in concrete and bury him underground? He'd still be alive, but the weight of concrete and earth would leave him unable to walk around and be a patronizing ass towards everyone. It'd take some work, but frankly, the benefits would far outweigh the costs. <br />
<br />
Of course, what keeps me from having too much sympathy for Rehema (though I do have some)is again, the KK's scheme is even more poorly thought-out than the Underpants Gnomes' path to riches. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Rehema turned and faced Rayford. “You are a nice and well-intentioned man. But it is you who are out of time.” She looked at her watch. “In fewer than seventeen hours, your God will have been shown incapable of delivering you from our hands in time for your meeting. Then we will know whose god is worthy.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
Uh, guys, you do realize that even if Rayford isn't there, Saintly Irene, Token Jew, Chaim, Mac, Mr. and Mrs. Barnes will be, so I'm fairly certain they will still be able to rack up converts and do damage to the cause. Though wait, that would be going against the rule of the LB-verse: Our Buck and Rayford are the single, greatest forces in the LB-verse. So much so that when either character isn't onscreen, I have a hard time believing that anything goes on. Probably everybody just hangs in the wings, waiting for them to show up so the play can continue. Or maybe when they're not in the scene, the LB-verse resembles the world before the creation, as told in Genesis chapter 1, which describes the world as being formless and void. But then again, even when they're onscreen, it's formless and void.<br />
<br />
The section ends with Rehema being all "Tell me about your family," and I'm shouting "NO! Please don't give him an opening to recite any more non-specific generalizations about the people he's supposed to love above all others!" <br />
<br />
Anyway, after all this, we're back with Abdullah who is still working on his Sooper Sekrit Mission to <strike>Be an Asshole towards </strike> convert Mudawar and Sarsour. Based on the dialogue at the beginning, I feel like maybe I've missed something, but not enough to want to go back and reread everything. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Abdullah sat across from Mudawar in his office, leaning toward him earnestly. “So you feel, as you have expressed it, that you ‘owe me one.’ ” <br />
<br />
“Yes. You earned it. You deserve it. One for your side. What will it be?” <br />
<br />
“I have no idea what you have in mind. You know my heart’s desire: that you and Sarsour come to faith.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
And my heart's desire is that the TOL Panthers or the TOLstapo show up and tear gas the living hell out of you, but we're not likely to get that, are we? <br />
<br />
For the record, of the two names, I prefer TOL Panthers. It seems to better fit with the TOL motif of fighting for their right to exist and express themselves in whatever manner they see fit, so long as it harms no one else in the process. The Gestapo weren't known for their sterling beliefs in the rights of others, I'm just sayin'. <br />
<br />
Though I suppose I will have to console myself with fantasies about the TOL Panthers coming in and dragging Abdullah off. Because like I've said before, Mudawar and Sarsour have been ridiculously tolerant of Abdullah, allowing him to hang around and use their facilities to loudly proclaim that they are horrible people deserving of nothing but hellfire and damnation. This building is their property and as the owners/operators, they have the right to say, "I don't want you around. Get out before I call the authorities!"<br />
<br />
If nothing else, if the TOL Panthers did show up in full tactical gear and go to town on Abdullah, he would at last have experienced some actual suffering for his faith, which would give him all kinds of street cred and boost him further to the right on the Good-Evil spectrum. Of course, being beaten with a nightstick probably pales in comparison to the very real anguish and suffering experienced by White Christian Males when the over-worked, under-paid cashier :gasp: :choke: :pearlclutch: wishes them a "Happy Holidays," but still. <br />
<br />
Mudawar offers Abdullah a chance to be able to preach in front of a large gathering of TOL. And I'm like, "Finally!" Because I thought this whole scheme of Abdullah's was that he would go to the TOL and hang around and preach at them in an office or on a street corner, if needed. Yet all he's done so far is hang around an office, sit on his fat ass, and harass Mudawar and Sarsour. <br />
<br />
Once again, the Satanic-Worshipping Godless Heathens are way more respectful of the rights of others. Because can you imagine one of the RTCs allowing a member of the TOL to hang out on their property and try to win converts. :Insert So Much Bitter Laughter Here: <br />
<br />
Though at the same time, you do feel like shouting at the TOL, "Oh come on! Stop being such pushovers!" <br />
<br />
Much of the conversation is taken up with, well, I suppose this is supposed to read as high-tension sly spy manipulations, but lordy... There is so much stupid that I may just do a linkstorm, dump a whole lot of spy-related clips/songs, starting with <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iaR3WO71j4">Secret Agent Man</a>, seguing into <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90h2gLgTz5g">Austin Powers</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-JHfXVlkik">Inspector Gadget</a>, and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ankXUaWqQgM">Maxwell Smart.</a><br />
<br />
And I really wish I could just keep going at this for all time, bringing in <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OPc7MRm4Y8">The Pink Panther</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khkGSKHwkIE">The Avengers</a>, and just about any other spy/espionage show theme I can think of, but I should probably show some work ethic and get back to the review. I'll let you pick your spy music of choice to read these scenes to. Just know that any fictional spy, even Inspector Gadget, is way more competent than any character in the LB-verse. <br />
<br />
Though of the themes I've just linked to, have to say The Avengers is my personal favorite for its grandeur. Then again, it was composed during an era when people gave a shit about TV show theme songs. <br />
<br />
I have to admit that the overwhelming amount of stupid kept me from getting much of the conversation between Abdullah, Mudawar, and Sarsour, but from what I can tell, he's still all "Kenny might be an infiltrator!" and Mudawar and Sarsour are vaguely blackmailing, threatening to make it look like Abdullah is working for them via editing and such. Given what we've seen with Kenny proves that RTCs have no problem immediately believing the worst about someone they've known and cared about for a long time, they might actually be able to set up Abdullah and have it work. <br />
<br />
Anyway, we might need to have a candlelit vigil for Abdullah, because just think of the immense amount of suffering and pain he's going through. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Abdullah’s mind was too jumbled to even think about crafting a message. Soon it would be time to make his daily run for Mudawar’s coffee and Sarsour’s snack. Should he continue to do that, to serve his enemies out of love while they stabbed him in the back?<br />
</blockquote><br />
Poor Abdullah...Jesus was only repeatedly whipped and scourged, before being nailed onto a cross to die a painful, excruciating death for the sins of humanity. Whereas you may find yourself enduring something far worse: buy coffee and snacks for people who don't like you. I mean, sure, crucifixion was the kind of death where, if the Romans felt like being merciful, they'd send someone out to break your legs with a club, so you die from asphyxiation, rather than linger for days on end, but you face being mildly inconvenienced and having spend an amount of money that probably doesn't add up to $20. <br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhnPVP23rzo">:hums "We Shall Overcome" for Abdullah while playing the world's smallest violin:</a><br />
<br />
On an unrelated note, if I keep communicating in brutal sarcasm, how soon until I won't be able to communicate in any other form? <br />
<br />
There's an interlude with Cam-Cam and Chloe. Chloe is all weepy and female, but believes that Kenny-boy isn't a traitor. Cam-Cam is all steadfast and manly, but still unsure about whether Kenny-boy is a traitor. Like I said, given how quickly everyone's willing to accept the worst about Kenny, I feel like telling him to give everyone the finger, meet up with your boyfriend, and attend a Black Sabbath concert. Kenny is such a moral prig, but the nature of all the stupid, forces me to have a quark-sized amount of sympathy for him. <br />
<br />
After the interlude, Sarsour shows up. He and Abdullah talk and surprise surprise, Abdullah's steadfast assholishness has earned him another convert. He also tells Abdullah that the eeeevil TOL infiltrator is Qasim. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHjFxJVeCQs">:dramatic prairie dog:</a> <br />
<br />
Again, since the RTCs have been just such absolute shitstains towards Qasim, I totally have no objections to him working for the other side. In fact, I'm looking for my pom-poms so I can do a proper cheerleading routine on his behalf. <br />
<br />
Mouse's Life Lesson to Anyone, Young or Old, Reading This Post: Don't reshape or completely change yourself, just so shitstains will stop bullying you and let you live your life with some peace and dignity. One, it never works, and two, bullying is always wrong, regardless of the victims age/sex/race/orientation, regardless of how terrible their fashion sense is, regardless of how weird and socially awkward the victim is. Don't waste time and energy trying to make shitty people like you. They never will like you and it's never worth it. <br />
<br />
There's a brief interlude with Kenny-boy that I'm quoting because, well, if I'm going to be doing Beavis and Butthead laughter until I die, so should the rest of you! I'm a firm believer in Misery Loves Company. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Kenny had sketched out some handicraft projects for the kids that would help drive home the current lessons from the life of David. It hadn’t been easy to concentrate. There had been times when he slid off his chair to the floor, moaning in frustration and crying out to God for relief. A knock at the door made him wipe his face and straighten up. He peeked out to see Ekaterina. Thank You, Lord.<br />
</blockquote><br />
...<br />
<br />
Like I said, if perverted thoughts could ever be converted into a viable fuel source, a Utopia may ensue. <br />
<br />
Based on the contents of this paragraph, I'm assuming the handicraft projects for the kids involve making a diorama of when David saw Bathsheba on the roof. :wicked grin: <br />
<br />
The rest of the paragraph...I want to say it reads like a letter to Penthouse, but given that there are kids in the room with him, I'm like, "Oh for the love of God, Kenny! Either think about baseball or grab a box of Kleenex and duck into the men's room for a bit!" Do something before the kids starting going, "Why are Kenny's pants bulging like that?" <br />
<br />
OW! Okay, that's as far as I was going to take it, thank you. <br />
<br />
After that brief bit, we're back with Sarsour, Mudawar, and Abdullah. Sarsour announces to Mudawar that he's converted. Mudawar is all angry and pissy. <br />
<br />
Then we cut to Kenny-boy and Kat. Apparently Kat has finally rubbed together her two braincells and realized that the email is :gasp: fake. Granted this decision took place entirely off-screen as we were given no indication that Kat had found something that might convince her to stop automatically believing the worst about Kenny, but hey. I'll just stop ranting and raving and make more sex jokes. That's what you guys are here for, right.<br />
<br />
<blockquote>She rose and approached him, but before he could stand, she sat on his lap and buried her head in his chest. “I just want the truth to come out so everyone will know. You know the others are suffering too.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
"So is that a Bible in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" <br />
<br />
The chapter ends with Kenny-boy getting a call on his skull phone. I'm assuming it's Abdullah telling him that Qasim is the mole, but I'm more focused on how Kenny called Kat, hon. Which is totally something one twentysomething says to another. As if he wasn't enough of a patronizing jackass. <br />
<br />
And that's it for this week. Take care until I see you all again. For those of you wondering we've got two more chapters until this is all over, though there is an afterword from Tim LaHaye. I don't really have much planned after this book. I think I'll finally go through with my threat to do some copy and paste, cut out the mothereffin' front matter and the passages with the Biblical figures reciting copy and paste from the Bible, just to see if this book's wordcount would even qualify it as a novella, never mind a novel. Maybe I'd make my Kingdom Come Abridged available to everyone else, but I'm not sure if I should. Sounds like a good recipe for a lawsuit. <br />
<br />
Afterwards, I'm not sure what I'll do, though I do want to rest on my laurels for a bit. If anyone has any suggestions, feel free to let me know. <br />
Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-62870155146344999752017-05-07T18:10:00.002-07:002017-05-07T18:10:45.816-07:00Rayford Endures the Mildly Uncomfortable TOL Inquisition (Chapter 30, Part III)Well, I celebrated a birthday a few days ago. :grumbles: They made being an adult sound like a step below being a superhero and I fell for it. That and people always talk about growing up as a conscious choice, that one day you decide, "It is time for me to become a responsible adult and do adult things like-" okay, I'm not entirely sure what adults do, besides hold jobs and have kids. Thing is, what they don't tell you is that you don't conscientiously decide to put aside childish things. Just that as you get older, all the toys and stuff start to interest you less and less, until one day, you realize you haven't played with or done X in ages. Growing up just seems to be a background thing, where it mostly goes on without you realizing it and when you do, you realize at some point you crossed a line and there's no way of going back. <br />
<br />
It's one of the many many reasons <i>Inside Out</i> may be the best damn Pixar film ever. Yeah, in growing up, you gain things, but at the same time, you're also losing stuff you'll never get back and it always hurts to lose things, even if you know it has to happen. <br />
<br />
As long as we're talking about Pixar, while I haven't decided whether or not to have kids (still have mixed feelings about it), I have decided that they will not see the Toy Story films until they are in college, because if they see them before, I won't ever be able to throw out any of their toys because they'll be like, "But then they'll think I don't love them anymore!" The same goes for that insidious <i>Velveteen Rabbit</i> book. <br />
<br />
Oh, all right, I'll try to see if I can finally finish chapter 30 this week. <br />
<br />
Last week, I was grudgingly forced to somewhat be on Rayford's side, something that I still feel disgusted and dirty about. Well, this week, I don't have to worry, because with every single line...I'm trying to picture what Rayford looks like. I've already decided he has terrible fashion choices, but he must also have the smuggest, most punchable face ever. Were it not for the fact that he is more powerful than God in the LB-verse, people would be punching him in the face constantly. Even his own mother wouldn't be able to stop punching him. <br />
<br />
Our dear Fred Clark has this bit of <a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/slacktivist/2015/11/06/iso-the-artist-who-drew-this-wonderful-thing/">delightful fanart</a> and while I totes picture Chloe looking like that, being all Lindsay Weir from <i>Freaks and Geeks</i>, I'm not sure if I can approve of comparing any LB-verse character to Zapp Brannigan from Futurama. Zapp may be an overconfident buffoon, a description that fits most of the characters in the LB-verse, but he had kind of an oily charm and some good words of wisdom. Pro Tip: the way to a girl's heart really is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in. <br />
<br />
Rayford, on the other hand, is as charming as Herpes. At least when you open Pandora's box, you get some hope to go with all the misery; with Rayford, you only get misery and a never-ending burning sensation. <br />
<br />
Rayford has been picked up by the Keystone Kidnappers. They call themselves, The Only Light, but trust me, when I say they deserve to be called the Keystone Kidnappers. Henceforth that shall be their name from here on out. Anyone who disagrees shall be punished by catapult. <br />
<br />
Rayford is like, "You guys have been born in the MK and have actually seen TurboJesus and Zod walking around plain as day." <br />
<br />
And we get this exchange between him and the Keystone Kidnappers (KK). I'm with Firedrake. These guys are the chaff, used by the TOL resistance to keep the Millies distracted while the competent people get shit done. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>“We don’t, and we will prove it, as we also are advertising. We have publicized that our god will keep you from appearing in Siwa, proving once and for all that you claim to represent a God who is capricious, unjust, and nonexistent.” <br />
<br />
“He does not exist and yet He is capricious and unjust? Detaining me will prove nothing. God will do what He chooses.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
This is something we've seen again and again with Ellanjay. They operate like the LB-verse is like ours, where God and the like are mostly taken on faith or as Paul would define it, "the assurance of things hoped for, evidence of things not yet seen." The problem is the LB-verse has numerous, incontrovertible proof of God, the kind of proof that would make even Richard Dawkins pause. God is a full-fledged character in this series, so again, the problem the heathens would have isn't that there isn't proof of his existence; it's the nature of the deity in question. Most people would consider the guy who sends people to a place of eternal misery and torture, without taking into account any extenuating circumstances or allowing such legal niceties such as a trial where the defendant can either represent themselves or :gasp: have legal representation provided for them, to be a bad guy. <br />
<br />
Yeah, I know even if they had trials and such, the very concept of Hell is nothing but problematic. No matter what horrible tortures Hitler or some other genocidal a-hole puts a person through, there is a natural end to it. Even they can only do so much to a person for so long, before the poor schmoe finally dies. The idea of someone torturing a person without end, is so monstrous as to be beyond thought whatsoever.<br />
<br />
So yeah, the problem here isn't that the TOL doesn't believe in God; the problem is, according to Rayford and co., is that they refuse to worship someone who tortures their family and friends in Hell for all eternity and will eventually punt them into Hell for refusing to worship him. And we also must not forget, that God in the MK has a loyal army of Brownshirts who arrest and harass people who haven't committed any crime. Because, and we must never forget this about the Right, Christian or otherwise, they have no problem with oppression, so long as it's done by the right people for the right reasons. Nicky Appalachians was eeeevil, but that was because he tortured people and stamped out dissent in the name of EBOWF or Carpathianism. It would be perfectly all right if Nicky had done his monstrous deeds in the name of the RTC subculture, but he didn't, which makes his actions wrong. <br />
<br />
Anyway, the KK talk about how keeping Rayford from the meeting will help them sway people towards who they worship, who is (Reader with Heart Conditions should have their medication close by so they can handle the shocking reveal) Lucifer. <br />
<br />
The KK talk about how Lucifer will release himself from the pit and lead them to victory against Zod. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>“He will lead us to overcome all who oppose him. Even now, centuries before he is released, massive preparations are under way.” <br />
<br />
“Released by whom?” <br />
<br />
“We believe he will release himself.” <br />
<br />
“From confinement by whom?”<br />
<br />
“He incarcerated himself to prove a point.” <br />
<br />
Rayford laughed aloud. “If he did that, he’s proved my point!” <br />
<br />
“Your point?” <br />
<br />
“That you’re idiots. Now who’s capricious? You really believe your all-powerful leader locked himself away for a thousand years and will eventually emerge to prove he’s in charge?” <br />
<br />
Ishmael shook his head. “When you see what is happening in his name, you will not be so cavalier.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
Within the next paragraph, you will see the horrors being committed in Lucifer's name. Once again, if any of my readers have heart conditions or something that would make swoon like a 19th century Southern Belle if they read or hear anything shocking, I ask that they brace themselves. I don't want to be responsible for any hospital stays. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Ishmael finally slowed about a half mile from a lonely intersection, then turned right onto a road lined on either side by black-uniformed, armed soldiers. They stood at attention and saluted as the sedan passed. Ishmael waved and waved. The route led to an underground entrance wide enough for the car, and Rayford was intrigued by the quick plunge into utter darkness and a coolness he had not experienced for years.<br />
</blockquote><br />
When even the RTC characters are like, "Y'know I miss darkness," only one word can summon up this Utopia: FAIL!<br />
<br />
Gotta commend the TOL for managing to get organized so quickly, enough that everyone has uniforms and arms, despite Zod constantly zapping their soldiers when they reach 100. Granted as a rebel group, they would work much better without uniforms. Rebel groups usually lack in funds, weapons, and numbers. What binds them together isn't a look, it's an ideology. Because as the <a href="http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html">Evil Overlord List</a> points out, having your mooks wear distinctive uniforms or have a specific tattoo, makes it hard to do covert operations. Rebels are therefore better off wearing whatever clothes a mission dictates. So long as they have an ideology that each member is willing to fight and die for, they can keep going indefinitely. <br />
<br />
[Long historical Lecture about Strategy that Only Tangentially Ties Into the Book]<br />
Or in other words, think of Vietnam, where technically the US won every battle fought there, but ultimately failed to win the war. They failed because the Vietnamese, while lacking in tech, they had an ideology that united them, that they would bleed and die for. This was their home, their lands, and their people they were fighting for, whereas for the US, this is some muddy backwater thousand of miles away from the people and places they care about. As such, all the Vietnamese had to do, was keep the fight going until the US lost the will. The war was never winnable, because for every soldier we killed, we wound up making more, because it turns out the way to winning someone's heart and mind, isn't through dropping bombs on their village and killing just about everyone they care about. <br />
<br />
Apologists for the Vietnam War will do things like point out how the infamous Tet offensive was quickly routed and the North didn't hold onto the bases for very long, but like I've said before, the Vietnamese strategy wasn't to conquer territories, but to wear their opponents down. The Tet Offensive wasn't meant to be a lasting victory; it was meant to prove something to the civilians back in the states. For weeks, average Joe Blow American was being told by military and government officials that the enemy was losing its will to fight and the war was drawing to a close, but the Tet Offensive proved that all to be a lie. The enemy still had plenty of will to keep going and most Joe Blows realized what the military stubbornly refused to: that while the Tet Offensive had been quickly routed, all the Vietnamese had to do, was lay low for a while then try again, then repeat. <br />
<br />
Though for those of you wanting an example that doesn't involve Southeast Asia, let's talk about the good ol' American Civil War. First of all, it was about Slavery. Every state that seceded published a document announcing their reasons for doing so and they all cited their belief in slavery and the North's encroachment on it, along with their failure to enforce the Fugitive Slave Act*. To use the wise words of Jon Stewart, saying the Civil War was about slavery isn't politically correct history; it's correct correct history. <br />
<br />
It is true that the North wasn't entirely united in the fight against the South. They did have border states who did practice slavery and had to deal with uprisings in Missouri and the NY Draft Riots of 1863. But those divisions were fairly isolated and eventually resolved. <br />
<br />
But the South suffered from deep-rooted divisions from the very beginning, ones that only continued to grow and grow as the war went on. First of all, the South's combined population was 9 million people, 4 million of which were slaves. Since their ideology couldn't dare let the slaves fight alongside the Confederates, that meant so many of the troops had to be used to keep a major chunk of the population under control, keep them from taking advantage of the chaos to GTFO. As a result, this didn't endear the cause to many of the poor Southern Whites who (correctly) were like, "You're sending us to die for some rich a-hole's slaves." The South was an aristocracy where the one percent made all the decisions, while the majority had little, if any, say in how things were run.<br />
<br />
As a result, it may have ultimately been ideology that did the South in. Yeah, the South had a lot of disadvantages when it came to men and arms, but they did have some advantages. If they had had a consistent ideology to unite them, they might have been able to pull off what the Vietnamese did, draw out the fight until their opponents lost the will to keep going. But there were deep fissures in their ideology from the get-go. The Civil War wasn't a United North against a United South; it was a mostly United North against a bitterly divided South. General Sherman's army, on his infamous March to the Sea, actually grew in numbers with not only many escaped slaves running off to join in the fight, but plenty of poor southerners and Confederate soldiers deserting to join in as well. [/Long Historical Lecture]<br />
<br />
Again, were it not for the fact that Ellanjay have stacked the deck, the TOL probably could win, if they have an ideology that unites them. Because as spiritplumber points out, when the Big-Ass Totally Final Battle for All Time comes, the TOL vastly outnumber the Millies. Because I am a pervert, my theory as to why, is pretty much Sex, lots and lots of headboard-banging, mind-blowing Sex. Because while Naturals like Kenny and Kat still seem to have the desires of the flesh, the vast majority of RTCs brag about how they know longer desire anything, content to have mutual admiration societies. So by default, the RTC population is going to have a precipitous drop.<br />
<br />
Okay, back to the book. Rayford is taken underground and oh Lordy...I have posted <a href="http://cust.idl.net.au/fold/Left_Behind_series/Torture%20and%20the%20Virgin%20Army.html">this link</a> many times to make fun of the "torture" Chloe endures at the hands of the GC. Again, though he runs a Satanic NWO and wants to crush all who dissent against him, Nicky is awfully respectful of the rights of others, going so far as to allow a group advocating his overthrow, to have a big massive, televised meeting so they can acquire more fighters for the cause. Granted they don't do any actual fighting, but still. <br />
<br />
The point is, for all the wargle-bargle, the enemy really sucks at torture and oppression. Just look at the horrors Rayford has to deal with. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>“When did you last eat?” Ishmael said. <br />
<br />
“About six hours ago.” <br />
<br />
“Good. Let him wait another eighteen for just enough food to keep him functioning. And take his shirt, shoes, and socks. Chilly, Mr. Steele?” <br />
<br />
“Of course.”<br />
<br />
“Your slacks and undershirt should be enough. A little chill will keep you alert.” <br />
<br />
Rayford was led to a cavernous opening that proved incongruous, as it sported walls bearing huge flat-screen TV monitors and high-tech desks and workstations but was ringed by dirt-floored cells enclosed by prison bars. Each cell bore a prisoner— a man, a woman, or a young person, all sitting on steel mesh beds. Each wore an expression of fear and resignation. And each had one armed guard posted outside his or her cell.<br />
</blockquote><br />
Anyone whose heard of Abu Ghraib, never mind was imprisoned or worked there, is laughing and laughing bitterly. Because these are the horrors Rayford Steele is enduring: missing a few meals, being forced to stay in conditions that are sparse, rather than the luxuries of the Ritz-Carlton, and not being able to wear a shirt, shoes, and socks in a place that while a little chilly, is not likely to be so uncomfortable that he's risking frostbite. Me, I like being barefoot and mostly wear shoes because society says I have to. Though maybe I'm underestimating the KK; maybe they've scattered Legos all over the floor of their dimly-lit underground prison. That would truly be horrible!<br />
<br />
Though if the imprisoned RTCs have expressions of fear and resignation, I have to wonder how strong their beliefs are. Again, they have incontrovertible proof as to the rightness of their beliefs. Shouldn't they be all joyous and confidant, singing hymns because they know that nothing the TOL does will hurt them ESPECIALLY SINCE THIS IS HEAVEN AKA A WORLD WITH NO PAIN AND DEATH IF YOU SAY THE PRAYER BEFORE AGE 100!<br />
<br />
Well, okay, the no pain part is somewhat debatable. Since Ellanjay suck at World-building, I still haven't worked out whether pain and death still happens before age 100. Sometimes I think, "Okay, it does," but because consistency is for godless heathens, then they'll have something that contradicts it. But I still stand by the previous ragedump because like I said, they have incontrovertible proof as to the rightness of their beliefs. They know without a single doubt that God and Jesus exist and will free them from bondage and punish their captors. So again, FAIL!<br />
<br />
Rayford decides to put the moves on Rehema. For those of you curious, she's all weak and female and was the one who undid his cuffs in the previous chapter, because she was concerned about him being in pain. I suppose I should apologize for using the phrasing "put the moves on Rehema" but were it not for Ellanjay's deep-rooted and creepy disgust towards the desires of the flesh, I would totally assume a porno was about to take place, based on the dialogue. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Rayford found himself grateful beyond measure that his guard was Rehema. “You know what your name means, do you not?” he said as she gently guided him inside, removed his handcuffs, and pulled the cell door shut. <br />
<br />
“Do tell,” she whispered, her face a mask of boredom but her eyes dancing. <br />
<br />
“ ’ Compassionate.’ And you have already proven to be that.” <br />
<br />
She shrugged and sat with her back to the bars, her weapon tucked between her knees. Rayford sat on his metal frame, already beginning to shiver, and talked loudly enough so only she could hear. He asked her to tell him about herself, but she demurred.<br />
</blockquote><br />
I can't be the only one starting to hear bow-chicka-wow-wow music playing. Please tell me I'm not. Though I know, no sex in the MK, unless you're a godless heathen (hence their greater numbers). Sex with Rayford or any Millie would probably be unpleasant and leave you feeling dirty afterwards anyways, because every interaction in the RTC subculture is always about power. Therefore, a couple doesn't decide to have sex, because they love each other enough to surrender themselves completely to another person; they grudgingly have sex because pastor says they have to in order to produce babies. <br />
<br />
It may be one of the reasons why they're so opposed to Gay sex. Not only can no babies result from it, but when two guys or two girls get it on with each other, it's two people roughly of the same standing in the hierarchy making love to another of the same standing, rather than a higher-up (aka a big, strong manly man) <strike>dominating</strike> having sex with someone further down the hierarchy (aka a lesser, weaker female.) <br />
<br />
I keep saying, "It's always about Sex," when it comes to the RTCs, because whenever there's a scandal in that subculture, so long as Sex isn't involved, RTC celeb might have a shot at surviving it, so long as they play their hand carefully. They won't have the same cachet as before, but they'll be able to survive. But really it could probably more accurately be called, "It's always about Power," rather than "It's always about Sex." Because their creepy obsession with power and hierarchy invariably gives birth to their creepy views of sex which leads to said scandals. Maybe they don't wear the fancy robes and funny hats like Catholics, but the RTCs do invariably believe in an elaborate hierarchy, the same as they do. They may talk about how we're all equal before God, but it's always with the silent Orwellian corollary, "But some are more equal than others." <br />
<br />
Though some props to Rayford. While I know most Baby Name websites cannot be trusted when it comes to the meaning and history of names, according Behind The Name.com, Rehema is of East African origin and means "mercy" in Swahili. So he is kind of right there, though I'm still going to call BS. I will accept Rayford knowing the meanings behind common, white snowy white names like John or Anne, but Rehema is fairly uncommon and do you really think Rayford has the intellectual curiosity needed to read through an issue of TV Guide, never mind a book listing Baby Names. <br />
<br />
Anyway Rayford tries to <strike>put the moves on</strike> convert Rehema. I fight the urge to go, "Convert her all night long," and laugh like Statler and Waldorf from The Muppets. <br />
<br />
Apparently the RV has some kind of cloaking device because Rehema talks about how even though she saw Rayford leave it, neither she nor the other KK-ers could ever find it. <br />
<br />
Rehema talks about how monitoring and tracking are done at this underground base and they have munitions plants all over the world, manufacturing stuff in anticipation of the Big-Ass Totally Final Battle for All-Time. :sighs: I should really think of a new name for this battle, because I sure as heck am going to get tired of typing all that out, yet I don't know if using the acronym BATFBAT would be memorable enough. I made up the name to mock how Ellanjay have so many crucial final battles and TurboJesus coming back so many times, all the while asserting that this will be the final one. They're worse than the Rolling Stones when it comes to these things. <br />
<br />
Again, I'll assume that Rehema and the KK are chaff like Firedrake and spiritplumber proposed because really you kidnap and imprison an enemy and your first move is to show them all your secret tech and the locations of your munitions factories? At least Bond Villains have style to go with all the stupidity, thus making it so we get some awesome stunts. <br />
<br />
For the next material I'm about to post, well, I must provide a warning, not just to readers with heart conditions, but really just readers in general, because this is likely to make you laugh until you injure yourself. So you might as well come up with a good story to tell the ER ahead of time, before reading onwards. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Rehema hunched her shoulders as she seemed to throttle a laugh again. “I know how it sounds,” she said. “But the battle is against the believers in the God who is not there.” <br />
<br />
“But we believe so deeply that we have obeyed His edict against weapons of war. You and yours would attack an unarmed people?”<br />
</blockquote><br />
...<br />
<br />
So far, I have been remarkably restrained in my use of YouTube links for this post. But in the wake of all this, I think I'll break down and provide a few. <br />
<br />
We'll start with <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYJzsunO9yY">Roger Rabbit</a> than dip our toe into some <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwbnvkMRPKM">Monty Python.</a> <br />
<br />
Because we all know how committed Rayford and the other RTCs have been to the cause of peace. They believe so strongly in that they do what they can to help work towards a more peaceful world and lend their support to the politicians who work for peace, rather than a perpetual, never-ending war with [Insert Whatever Country We've Always Been At War With]. So strongly do they believe in peace that they resisted Nicky's violent oppression by...well, not by nonviolent resistance because that would be wrong, but by doing nothing, which in no way, lends tacit support to Nicky's regime. <br />
<br />
RTCs have always been on the side of peace and justice. Hence why they were some of Martin Luther King's strongest supporters, why they were the most horrified by Vietnam War-era atrocities such as My Lai and Kent State. <br />
<br />
Okay, I think I've been brutally sarcastic long enough. It's again, an example of how the Right isn't opposed to oppression so long as it's done by the right people for the right reasons. In the scenario proposed, the TOL would be massacring innocent people in the name of their poorly-defined ideology; if they were doing it in the name of RTC-ianity, it would be okay, but they're not. <br />
<br />
Of course, this is all beside the point as in the final battle...you want to know what happens? Lucifer gets let out of Hell, the TOL assembles, and with a wave of his hand and no effort on the Millies or God's part, they get punted into hell to burninate forever. It's really said when even <i>Breaking Dawn</i> aka a novel from the Twilight series, has a better final battle and their final battle is a cocktease as well.<br />
<br />
Rayford asks her age and Rehema talks about how she is 90 and I fight the urge to have Rayford breathe a sigh of relief, because at least, she's not statutory. OW! Okay, I'll stop. <br />
<br />
Anyway, he points out that you've seen people older than you get punted.<br />
<br />
<blockquote>“It does tell you something, doesn’t it? How do your fearless leaders explain that one? The God you claim does not exist— and yet whom you oppose— somehow curses those who reject Him for a hundred years, and no one gets the picture?” <br />
<br />
She shook her head slowly. “No wonder you call us idiots.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
Not only can Rayford not be punched enough, he can not have the words, "Fuck you, Rayford!" yelled in his direction enough. But don't worry: Rayford is suffering from some terrible, mild discomfort at the hands of his captors. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Again she was quiet for several minutes. Rayford knew he shouldn’t be hungry until morning, but just knowing he would not be given any food until dinnertime the next night gave him pangs. And he was shuddering. He rubbed his arms and brought his knees up to his chest, wrapping them in his forearms.<br />
</blockquote><br />
Never has anyone experienced so much mild suffering. We must hold a candlelit vigil and pray on Rayford's behalf. <br />
<br />
Then we face discussion. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>“We’re not all atheists, you know,” Rehema said. <br />
<br />
“Of course I know. How could you be?”<br />
<br />
“I couldn’t. You’re right. I’ve seen friends and relatives die, right on schedule. Only a fool denies that.” <br />
<br />
“So you believe in God.” <br />
<br />
“I believe He exists. I just don’t like Him much.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
And if you guessed that Rayford will never at any point address Rehema's valid points, congratulations, you've won a No-Prize, redeemable for either No-Money or No-Points that you may use however you see fit. <br />
<br />
But first we get what can only be described as Sandwich porn. Someone comes by and drops off Rehema's lunch. But Rehema, feeling that Rayford has suffered enough mild discomfort, gives her sandwich to him. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>But Rayford had underestimated the power of her simple sandwich. He smelled it as if it lay under his nose, and he imagined every bite. He looked away, tried to think of something else, and concentrated on his recitation of history— especially his own. He talked of his life, his family, the Rapture, being left behind. And while Rehema appeared interested and even at times enthralled, she furtively passed the last few bites of her sandwich through the bars to him.<br />
</blockquote><br />
...<br />
<br />
So many jokes...so very many jokes. <br />
<br />
Every joke I think of, branches off and spawns even more jokes, thus making it so that if somehow you can convert my perverted thoughts into something that can be used as fuel...well, congratulations, we've just discovered a never-ending renewable resource that leaves us no longer hopeless dependent upon Middle Eastern oil and may usher in a new era of peace and prosperity. If it was possible, thanks to me, the Indians would no longer have to protest pipelines cutting through land they consider sacred. <br />
<br />
<br />
But since there's not enough time to type all these jokes, I'll just make one: Rehema's sandwich must go really well with <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGL2rytTraA">Kelis's Milkshake.</a><br />
<br />
Rayford expresses some concern that Rehema might get into trouble for giving him her sandwich :snickers:. It's kind of sad how I feel like throwing a parade whenever an RTC expresses concern about the welfare of others, though it is dampened by the fact that if Rehema gets in trouble, there won't be anyone to bring him sandwiches so Rayford would :gasp: have to go a few hours without food, and again, he's only doing this to rack up another convert. <br />
<br />
Rehema is like "Whatevs. They won't mind. They still need me and hey, I'll be dead in ten years anyway." <br />
<br />
The chapter ends with this conversation where <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFdgjYoBMIg">Brave Sir Rayford </a> bravely avoids addressing any of the points Rehema was actually making, like any true RTC. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>When Rayford began telling her of his own salvation and all his experiences during the Tribulation, Rehema finally turned to face him. He surprised himself by how much Scripture he had committed to memory over the years, and as he held forth, he quoted passage after passage of prophecy that had come true just as the foretellers had predicted. <br />
<br />
Finally Rehema said, “How could anyone doubt God after all that?” <br />
<br />
“They couldn’t,” Rayford said. “To oppose Him they had to acknowledge that He existed but that they simply wanted to go their own way. Like you.” <br />
<br />
With that Rehema stood and turned her back, pacing before his cell.<br />
</blockquote><br />
If Ellanjay really intended to use this series to rack up converts, you think they would show the actual conversation between Rayford and Rehema, citing the actual scriptures. Granted, an atheist probably wouldn't read this far into the series, period, but as if we didn't have enough proof that Ellanjay are doing the RTC equivalent of The Requirement, there's this. <br />
<br />
Though oy vey, the old "Atheists Hate God!" canard. Because we all know that someone who doesn't even believe in the existence of a thing, spends all their time sitting around and hating that thing. Hence why RTCs spend all their time hating leprechauns, unicorns, fairies, dragons, and any other mythical creature. I thought about listing Hindu deities or the Norse and Greek Pantheon, but from what I can tell, they devote an awful lot of time, trying to prove non-Christian faiths wrong. You'd think if they were that certain the Christian God existed, they wouldn't feel the need to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d91DJm0OnMw&list=PLuI7ruqihRHy8_bTmEFqpGU-mAYg89zmt&index=63">repeatedly proclaim</a> that <a href="https://youtu.be/K4UMi7WdcPc">God's Not Dead</a> and <a href="https://youtu.be/3SMFmmmUjbI">they're not ashamed</a>, but it's the old repeat of the Alpha wolf thing I talked about in another post. <br />
<br />
Despite the reputation/image has people have on an alpha wolf as the strutting bully, actual studies of actual wolves in the wild, have proven...well, I'm just going to quote from an <a href="http://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/alpha-male-wolves/">article</a> because they say it better: <br />
<br />
<blockquote>“The main characteristic of an alpha male wolf,” the veteran wolf researcher Rick McIntyre told me as we were watching gray wolves, “is a quiet confidence, quiet self-assurance. You know what you need to do; you know what’s best for your pack. You lead by example. You’re very comfortable with that. You have a calming effect.”<br />
<br />
The point is, alpha males are not aggressive. They don’t need to be. “Think of an emotionally secure man or a great champion. Whatever he needed to prove is already proven,” he said.<br />
</blockquote><br />
The obvious parallel is that if the RTCs were really certain that they were right, that their God is the realest, most manliest, awesomest around, they wouldn't need to loudly proclaim it and constantly us the worst vitriol to assert their beliefs. If they were really secure in their beliefs, again, they would be like Paul who, as a Roman citizen and a Jew, <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts+17">he knew the beliefs of said cultures and wasn't afraid to face and address them.</a> He was secure in his knowledge of those cultures and secure in his belief that not only was Jesus the long-proclaimed Messiah, he also believed that Jesus died to save everyone, not just the Jews. That belief was the foundation of Paul's ministry, which helped him endure all kinds of horrible punishments which culminated in him literally losing his head over the Christian Faith. Paul has his faults and I, as a liberal Christian, do feel they need to be pointed out and addressed, but at the same time, he had his virtues as well and his beliefs, while not completely in line with 21st Century Values, were much more nuanced than RTCs would have you believe. <br />
<br />
A part of that article about wolves that I really liked, was how it talked about 21, an alpha wolf they came to refer to as "super wolf" by the researchers who observed his life. 21 never lost a fight with a rival pack and was fierce in his defense of family, but his favorite activity, according to a researcher, was to wrestle and act goofy with the little pups. <br />
<br />
Real alpha wolves lead by example and know that the most important part of being a leader, is taking care of your people. Hence why even though they may play a key role in bringing down game, often, afterwards, they'll step back and let the rest of the pack eat first before having his share. In fact, the researcher in the article says that in his twenty years of study, he has very rarely seen an alpha male act aggressively towards his fellow pack members. Packs tend to be family groups, made up of the Alpha, his mate, their offspring, and a sibling or two, and generally, families that tear each other apart don't do to well. <br />
<br />
In fact, while nature at times is rough, usually altruism wins out. A species that spends all their time fighting each other, generally doesn't last too long. Hence why while animals may fight each other for mating/territorial battles, they mostly focus their aggression on other animals and when they focus their aggression on other animals, even the fiercest predator has a natural limit. You can parade the juiciest, most succulent sheep right in front of a tiger, but if he's eaten recently and is all nice and full, tiger would be like, "Nah, I'm good." <br />
<br />
Well, we're done. Finally made it through Chapter 30, though I probably lectured everyone into submission with all my talk about the value of ideologies in War and all this talk about wolves. Take care until next week. <br />
<br />
*The Fugitive Slave Act is one of the best examples as to something I've come to believe, that States' Rights are the last refuge of the legal scoundrel. It's the argument resorted to when bigots have no other leg to stand on. The Antebellum South had no problem overriding the States' Rights of abolitionist states like Pennsylvania by using the federal government to pass the Fugitive Slave Act making them have to return escaped slaves to their owners. Only when the tide was irrevocably turning against them, did the South suddenly be in favor of limited government power, meekly crying, "States' Rights."<br />
<br />
Also went through this with the Civil Rights movements. They had no problem using the federal government to enforce segregation via decisions like Plessy v. Fergusson but as soon as the tide turns against them and the government says they have to let Black kids go to school with their kids, then they cry, "States' Rights." <br />
<br />
Though a non-related race issue is when it came to Gay Marriage, for a while, the bigots were all "We don't need a law from the federal government. Let the states decide and work this out for themselves." But as soon as states like Massachusetts and Vermont vote in favor of letting Gay people get married, then they start championing for a ban on Gay Marriage at the federal level, even though doing so would override the popular will of states like Massachusetts and others who voted in favor of Gay Marriage. <br />
Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-15523006551867813682017-04-30T16:40:00.002-07:002017-11-19T21:32:06.064-08:00We Fart We Fart Right in der Rayford's Face (Chapter 30, Part II)Hello and welcome! We're still in Chapter 30. Whether I'll finish it off this week or if this will be a three-part snark remains to be seen. But let's focus on the important stuff, which is talking about how dumb Rayford is. While neither he nor Buck come anywhere close to the magnitude of awful that is Shitstain Stepola, let us never forget that they are still pretty damn awful. Kirk Cameron may be the only actor who can portray both of those characters, because they really are both about the same and Cameron's innate smugness means he doesn't have to do much work to pull off the part, a descriptor which seems to accurately describe his career as an actor. It's one of the reasons why Movie!Rayford, as played by Brad Johnson, is much more bearable than his book counterpart. He's doing basic, workmanlike acting, but Johnson is still trying to flesh out the character he was given and in doing so, actually makes the character kind of sympathetic. <br />
<br />
Don't know how Nicholas Cage did as Rayford. I may be morbidly curious, but I'm not sure if I'm that morbidly curious. From what I heard, Cage pretty much sleepwalks through the film, which is disappointing. C'mon Cage, if you're going to take on all these terrible movies because you're a spendthrift with nearly every expensive hobby under the sun (Cage's Likes: comic book memorabilia, getting married, and having bigass houses. Cage's Dislikes: Paying his Taxes) at least commit and be the gonzo insanity we saw in <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qjme5hh_bYY">Wicker Man</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qjme5hh_bYY">the Ghost Rider movies.</a> <br />
<br />
For the record, that clip I posted from Ghost Rider 2, I don't think anything Nicolas Cage was doing or saying in that scene was in the script and I don't think the actors in that scene, the thug or the lady, were acting. It's kind of hard to fake that level of genuine terror. Hence why Ridley Scott, for the infamous chestburster scene in Alien, while William Hurt knew what would happen in that scene, Scott kept it from all the other actors. So when <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdBu6VAESeI">it happens</a> the actors in that scene weren't acting; they were genuinely freaked out.<br />
<br />
Though while Ghost Rider 2 is a terrible movie, like I keep telling people, that scene with the excavator...For that brief moment, Ghost-Rider 2 is the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Qlrq9ETjzc">best Marvel movie ever!</a><br />
<br />
All right, we'll get to talking about how dumb Rayford is, so dumb that all the dumb blondes of the world deserve an apology. However dumb they may be, they're still smarter than Rayford. <br />
<br />
Many of my commenters keep trying to sell me on the theory that Jerry Jenkins is some kind of Poe, that while he's basically being Tim LaHaye's stenographer, he's lacing his story with subtle attacks on the very subculture and philosophy he was hired to promote. I, myself, remain unconvinced; I've seen no indications that Jerry Jenkins is capable of that level of awareness. When I do, I might be more open to it, but until then...all answers point to No. <br />
<br />
Though I'll admit paragraphs like these almost makes me wonder. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>For some reason, despite how long Rayford had lived in this new world, it still surprised him to emerge from the heavily curtained mobile hotel to a moon brighter than the sun had once been. But with a wide-brimmed hat and dark wraparound sunglasses, he could pretend. And an hour’s amble at midnight often cleared his head.<br />
</blockquote><br />
Again, even the RTC characters are like, "Y'know I miss the moon and stars. And the increased rate of cataracts and melanomas due to the intense amount of UV radiation, is also really irritating." Again, a disturbing lack of imagination. For as long as humans have been on this earth, the stars had served as a source of spiritual comfort, but Ellanjay are like, "Nah, what's really comforting is having a giant stadium light blasting at your eyes all the time." <br />
You'd think the stars would be even more amazing in Heaven, because light pollution would no longer be a thing, yet here we are. <br />
<br />
For the record, as Rayford is going for his midnight stroll, I'm totally picturing him in Bermuda shorts and wearing socks with sandals, along with the wide-brimmed hat and sunglasses. I have no difficulty believing that Rayford has the worst fashion sense ever. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>This night, however, after whispering his intentions to Irene, Rayford found the night wasn’t much cooler than the day had been. He rolled up his sleeves as he moseyed along, trying to pray, trying to imagine the future, and, yes— despite the interest and challenge and novelty of the Millennium, longing for heaven. Such complications as the clearly bogus charges against Kenny would not invade such a paradise.<br />
</blockquote><br />
I know Rayford's whispered intentions were probably what was said in last week's selection where he's going to weasel out of work For Reasons! but because I'm a dirty-minded pervert, I've already come up with some other ideas in my head. Though given that Saintly Irene sounds about as fun as the Church Lady, Phyllis Schlafly , and...okay I haven't thought of a third name yet. Just that it sure is a shame that Rayford doesn't have another wife he could seek out, one who might be just a little less preachy and more willing to experiment, but I think Amanda White was carried off by attack pterodactyls or something, because she hasn't been seen or heard since the beginning, even though there's no reason she can't live under the same roof with Saintly Irene and Rayford. <br />
<br />
The Amanda option also ignores again, how Rayford and Buck show more of an attraction to each other than they ever do towards any of their designated love interests. <br />
<br />
The part of this paragraph that makes me laugh the hardest, is usage of the word "moseyed." Were it not for the fact, he died five years before this book came out, I'd say <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPHnfcg6sPA">Waylon Jennings</a> may be the best reader for the audio version of this book. <br />
<br />
As you probably guessed, that Rayford Steele's about to get into a whole heap of trouble. But before we get to that, I'm going to provide one last paragraph for my readers to laugh at until they dry-heave. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Rayford had learned much about the Lord and about the future, yet still he did not understand God. Why was it that some days He seemed closer than even His throne in Israel, answering Rayford before his prayers were voiced, and other days— like now— He seemed distant and silent? Perhaps heaven would provide those answers.<br />
</blockquote><br />
Yeah, you can understand why Rayford would have a hard time seeing and understanding God, given that THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE HEAVEN WHERE EVERYONE GETS A FRONT ROW SEAT TO GOD ALL THE TIME AND IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ANYTHING, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SHOUT, "HEY GOD! WHO DID PUT THE BOP-IN-THE-BOP-SHOE-BOP-SHOE-BOP?!"<br />
<br />
<br />
I know, I know, disturbingly unimaginative and Rayford is dumber than many kinds of dirt, so dumb that all the paint-chip eaters of the world point and laugh at him, but it still felt satisfying to do that ragedump. <br />
<br />
Anyway, now to the trouble. <br />
<br />
What happens is while moseying about, a car pulls up beside him and is like, "Hey, can you help us out? Some believers are being persecuted." And Rayford gets into the car, despite seeing dark green blankets covering lumpy mounds in the backseat. Like I said last week, Rayford would probably climb right into a windowless van with the words "Free Candy" written on the side, no matter how old he is. Though maybe that's his strength. Given how dumb he is, maybe even the most depraved of serial killers would hesitate when it comes to Rayford; a newborn baby presents more of a challenge to them. Then again, his innate smugness probably cancels that out and would probably make anyone, not just serial killers, be like, "Eff it!" and go to town on him. Maybe it'd play out like <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ken_McElroy">Ken McElroy*</a> where there may have been 30-46 witnesses to his death, all of whom mysteriously went deaf, dumb, and blind when the crime was committed and clearly suffered from serious deficits in their memories when questioned about it later. <br />
<br />
Anyway, some guys appear out of the blankets and stick a gun against the back of Rayford's neck, being all, "Hands behind your head." Rayford is all smug, but much as it pains me to admit it, I think he's kind of right to be. :shudders: I feel so dirty for saying it, though. He's like, “You could shoot me through the brain or I could leap from this car and still God would spare me.”<br />
<br />
The driver, Ishmael, is like, Well do it, then," and while it sickens me to keep being on the side of Rayford Steele, have to admit he does have a point. We're some 93 years into the MK or something like that, so you'd think Ishmael would have noticed by now that RTCs are basically Deadpool, minus the potty mouth and the sense of humor or anything that makes Deadpool worth watching. <br />
<br />
Though I'm not entirely sure about this. I still suffer hemorrhages trying to work out the rules of all this. Initially, I thought in the MK, pain and death weren't a thing, unless you didn't say The Prayer before your 100th birthday. But then Cam-Cam talked about how if Cendrillion had died in an accident, it would be easier to understand, so apparently fatal accidents are still a thing. Though maybe fatal accidents can only happen to anyone under 100, meaning Rayford is safe, like he said. But if 100 is the Age of Accountability in the MK, meaning that if you die before reaching 100, you can't be held accountable and get a free pass into Heaven, does that mean if Cendrillion's parents had killed her at any point before her 100th birthday, Cendrillion would get a free pass into Heaven and all the Jospins have to do, is ask God for forgiveness and they'll be in the clear as well. <br />
<br />
But I'm one of those weirdoes who believes that if you have to resort to weaselly logic like the Age of Accountability to soften the blows of your horrible theology, maybe you should ask why you have said horrible theology. <br />
<br />
Rayford, in a rare show of intelligence, actually considers doing this. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Rayford considered it. What a message that would send! He could envision himself tumbling and rolling in the dirt, then jogging unharmed back to the others. But the Lord suddenly spoke quietly to his heart. “Comply. I am in this.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
And by the Lord, the text means "the Writers" because clearly this little plot cul-de-sac is only there for padding. But then again, this entire book is just padding. However bad the other LB books were (and I'm not saying they weren't), at least there was some fragile hope for a conflict or something happening! If nothing else, it was easier to disappear into my League of Awesome headcanons, and the Tribbles were legitimately being persecuted for their faith. Granted it happened mostly off-screen and mostly to NPCs, but still. <br />
<br />
Anyway, here's the kidnappers eeeevil incoherent plan regarding Rayford. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Ishmael shushed her with a raised hand. “Do not speak to the hostage,” he said. <br />
<br />
“I’m a hostage now? And who do you think will pay a ransom for me?” <br />
<br />
“We have no need of ransom,” Ishmael said. “We require only you.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
Okay, if you're not going to try to get money out of this or make demands like, say, ask for your incarcerated buddies to be released, why exactly are you taking him as a hostage? When you take someone hostage, you're going to all this trouble to get something out of it. <br />
<br />
One of the Keystone Kidnappers realizes that the cuffs are hurting Rayford's hands, undoes them, then puts them back on him. Ishmael chews her out (of course, it'd be a her.) for this.<br />
<br />
For those of you biting your nails raw wondering what exactly they intend to do with Rayford, here's their foul, sinister, intricately-plotted plan: <br />
<br />
<blockquote>“What am I here for?” Rayford said. Ishmael kept his eyes on the road, now moving at more than a hundred miles an hour. <br />
<br />
“You are here so you will not be there.” <br />
<br />
There? “And where is that?” <br />
<br />
“Siwa.” <br />
<br />
“You intend to hold me the entire weekend?” <br />
<br />
“Perhaps longer.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
The Siwa thing is a reference to last week. Rayford and Co. are supposed to go to Siwa, but Chaim had warned them that there might be protesters and for some reason, they aren't using any of the traditional Rightwing strategies for dealing with protesters such as, <a href="http://mousehole-mouse.blogspot.com/2016/11/there-are-always-men-like-you.html">shout at them and make sure they can't get a word in edgewise</a> (because your argument is so strong, it doesn't need to stand up to inquiry), <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTkFU4MtubU">cutting their mics</a>, allowing them to protest but only while safely shut away in <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_speech_zone">Free Speech Zones</a>, and if all else fails, resorting to the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occupy_Oakland">Occupy Oakland</a> or the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dakota_Access_Pipeline_protests">Standing Rock</a> strategies.** Remember, tear gas and nightsticks are okay, but <a href="http://www.ahnell.com/images/cartoons/Ted_Rall-20030503.gif">never waste ammo,</a> however tempting it may be. All other forms of brutality are okay, a mere cakewalk, but shooting someone is a bridge too far!<br />
<br />
But for some reason, Rayford and Co., despite being Brownshirts for Theocratic Dictatorship, despite having arrested people who haven't committed crimes before, can't do any of these strategies. <br />
<br />
Anyway, back to the lamest, most nonsensical kidnapping scheme ever. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>“And may I ask for what purpose?” <br />
<br />
“To prove our god is greater than yours.” <br />
<br />
Rayford couldn’t stifle a laugh. “Good luck.” <br />
<br />
“So far, it’s working.” <br />
<br />
“How will keeping me from Siwa accomplish anything?” <br />
<br />
“You made the mistake of advertising.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
Again, Rayford keeps actually making a point. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0w6L93kD3xw">Oh, Sideshow Bob,</a> I understand exactly how you must feel. I might join you in some rake-stomping when this is all over. <br />
<br />
Because if these guys really want to keep Rayford and Co. from going to Siwa and racking up converts, couldn't they shove a bomb under the RV or :gasp: kidnap all of them, rather than just Rayford? We all know that said kidnapping would go about as well as the one in <a href="http://fiction.eserver.org/short/ransom_of_red_chief.html">The Ransom of Red Chief</a>, but still. <br />
<br />
Oh yeah, they singled out Rayford because he is the single, greatest force in the LB-verse, outranking even Zod, and his <strike>dick</strike> knowledge of God is so persuasive that if he was at Siwa, who knows how many banal praise choruses and altar calls they may have. <br />
<br />
Rayford says, “All of our visits are advertised. We want the people to know we’re coming so they can prepare their hearts and minds, not to mention mustering teams of volunteers to help us improve their cities.”<br />
<br />
And because Rayford, like all good RTCs, believes strongly in Free Speech, even for those with whom he disagrees, these advertisements are also done to demonstrate to any protesters that they are open to honest debate. Like the great evangelist, <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts+17">Paul</a>, the RTCs aren't afraid to address the arguments of others, because they have immersed themselves in the protesters culture, listening to and reading the works written by writers they hold dear, and therefore, know how to address their arguments. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Otj1RRiaOqc">:hate laugh:</a><br />
<br />
As always, remember that it is a great stroke of bravery and courage for <a href="http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-irredeemable-arrogance-oklahomas-markwayne-mullins/">a rightwing politician</a> to wuss out and refuse to face protesters, because they've said mean things about them, but if Anita Sarkeesian*** cancels public appearances because people have doxed her name and address and made numerous threats to rape and kill her (and not necessarily in that order) or show up to said appearances with freaking guns, then she should really toughen up because it's just the Internet, so it doesn't mean anything, and they were just kidding; God, why do you have to be so sensitive about everything?<br />
<br />
For those of you wondering whether gin-scented tears are rolling down my cheeks, don't worry; we've reached the point where Rayford stops making some semi-decent points and I, like everyone else, will resume hating him. <br />
<br />
First up, well, do I need to point out how the Strawman has a point, here?<br />
<br />
<blockquote>“You have done nothing more than frighten the people into believing God will strike them dead if they don’t comply with His wishes.” <br />
<br />
Rayford shook his head. “It seems God Himself may have persuaded them of that. So you are with the Other Light.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
Again, the heathens are stating an actual fact here. Though the paragraph that begins with "Rayford shook his head" Because I am a pervert and someone who believes in spreading pain around, I'll assume that when they refer to Rayford's head, they don't mean the one on his shoulders, but the one located further south. Because I can't imagine Rayford being able to get off on anything except the sufferings of others. Maybe that was why, before he became an RTC, he strung along Hattie and emotionally abused her. Since he wasn't an RTC like Irene, he couldn't get off on the thought of all those sinful sinners burning in Hell, but he needs some form of suffering to get off on. I suppose he could just use news footage from recent disasters talking about <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61CsqFrbSHg">how there were thirty thousand crushed to death and even more were buried alive</a>, but maybe that's too abstract for him. Whereas he has an easier time picturing Hattie's suffering. Thanks to Dante, John Milton, and pop culture, Rayford can picture Hell, so it provides the necessary visuals and imaginable physical and emotional suffering needed so he can beat off to it. <br />
<br />
:shudders: Okay, for once, I will apologize for writing the stuff I just wrote. I think I'll go in battery acid and wipe myself off with some steel wool if it's okay with the rest of you. <br />
<br />
Anyway, Ishmael is of the TOL, just not what you think. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>“We don’t call ourselves that.” <br />
<br />
“You don’t? You’re not TOL? I was unaware there were other rebel factions.” <br />
<br />
“Oh, we are TOL, but our O does not stand for other. It stands for only. Consider us the enforcers, the hard-liners. We aver that we are not fighting your God. We treat Him as if He doesn’t exist.” <br />
<br />
“So you’re pretty much idiots.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
Before I get to the teardown, I will admit that Rayford is somewhat right. Seeing as they get nothing but conclusive proof that God exists, they are being idiots. <br />
<br />
But Rayford is an idiot because again, these rebels are clearly doing the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-rBH4qSF0w">"I believe in you. I'm just not afraid of you."</a> strategy from <i>Rise of the Guardians</i><br />
<br />
:sighs: That clip remains so cool no matter how many times I've seen it. DreamWorks's oeuvre is pallid when compared with Pixar, but <i>Rise of the Guardians</i> has that mix of magic, wonder, and darkness that makes for many a great kids' movie. Still like how ultimately the key to defeating Pitch, aka the source of all darkness and misery in the world, was by turning him into a goddanged joke, by doing stuff like hitting him with snowballs in the middle of his villainous monologue, showing how pathetic he is, despite all his posturing and shows of strength. There's a clear moral here, but you know the Right will never get it. Sometimes the best way to defeat Hate Groups isn't by getting in their faces and yelling, <a href="http://www.cracked.com/article_23152_5-clever-ways-people-trolled-hate-groups.html">it's trolling</a> the living hell out of them, revealing the cartoonish, pathetic, insecure buffoon beneath that mask of strength. <br />
<br />
And while I don't object to this rebel group's strategy, I must object to the name. You guys realize with you calling yourselves, The Only Light, while there's another rebel group calling themselves, The Other Light, and using the same initials, it's only going to lead to confusion. Though hopefully both of you realize you share a common enemy and proceed to unite to do battle. <br />
<br />
Though because I'm that kind of person, I'm having flashbacks to the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WboggjN_G-4">Peoples' Front of Judea vs. the Judean Peoples' Front</a> bit from Monty Python. <br />
<br />
And I'm afraid we still haven't finished this chapter. Since this snark is hella long as is, you have even more of Chapter 30 to look forward to next week. Take care until then. <br />
<br />
*Seriously, that guy...how an idiot redneck hillbilly managed to be untouchable for so damn long...it just boggles the mind. Though while I am generally opposed to vigilantes murdering people, with this guy, I can't shed too many tears over it. It's the age-old story: piss off enough people and eventually some of them will come looking for you. <br />
<br />
**I've said this in other posts, but while I do think racism is a key factor in the treatment of some protesters versus others (think Ferguson protesters versus the Malheur Reserve idiots), I still wonder if the political nature accounts for it as well. Take over federal property in the name of some rightwing BS and make explicit threats to murder anyone who tries to stop you? The authorities are like, "It would be better if you'd stop, but in the mean time, I don't want you to feel too stressed out about it." <br />
<br />
Whereas protest peacefully against the destruction of the environment or against economic inequalities, aka causes traditionally associated with the Left? Say hello to tanks and tear gas, mothereffers! <br />
<br />
My theory is that as irritating as Rightwing protests like the kind done by the Bundyistas are, the potential violence or upheaval is mostly contained within the societal pyramid and pose little to no threat to traditional systems of power and control. <br />
<br />
But Leftwing protests are explicitly directed towards the top of the pyramid, posing a threat to these systems, by calling them out. Hence why cops in military gear and swat vans come out to play. I admit I am paraphrasing my argument <a href="https://newsfromthefront.wordpress.com/2015/04/29/riots-revelers-teams-and-tribes/">from this webpost</a>, but while he talks about Sports Riots versus political protests, I think his general message can be applied in the great Rightwing versus Leftwing protest debate. <br />
<br />
***I freely admit that I am not that into video games, so I don't follow her videos that closely. I will concede that maybe there are some valid critiques to be made of her (such as cribbing from Let's Plays), but the GamerGate shitstains have so poisoned the well that I am forced to side with Anita out of spite. Heck, she mentions several times in her videos that it's okay to enjoy a form of media, despite its problematic aspects; she just feels these aspects need to be acknowledged. <br />
<br />
Though given that Anita Sarkeesian's feminism is the standard, boiler-plate kind that just about every feminist supports, you wonder how really freaked out the shitstains would get if we pointed them towards someone really radical like Andrea Dworkin or something. Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-82933704420555355752017-04-23T14:58:00.000-07:002017-04-28T08:58:52.141-07:00This Song and Everything Else Is All About Rayford! (Chapter 30, Part I)Happy Sunday, everybody!<br />
<br />
I should learn to watch what I say, not just because I swear too much or make too many juvenile "Character X is Gay" or "That's what she said" jokes. A mere couple of weeks ago, I said this: <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Thing is, we haven't actually seen much of Buck or Rayford in this book. Yeah, we've gotten some cameos here and there, but most of the time, if Kenny-Boy isn't the POV character, Creepy Raymie is. So this makes me wonder if I need to rethink the great chain of being in the LB-verse. Do Rayford and Buck lose their standing once TurboJesus kills everyone? Though it could be since Kenny-boy has the blood of both Buck and Rayford flowing through his veins that makes him a veritable LB-verse Voltron, where the combo makes him even more powerful than Rayford and Buck are individually.</blockquote><br />
I know it's very unlikely that Ellanjay wrote this book with me in mind, but I wonder if they somehow anticipated my complaints. Because this week, it's nothing but Rayford Steele. :whimpers: <br />
<br />
I freely admit that I need to cut back on my swearing, but I also believe in using the simplest, most concise word to describe something, and the simplest, most concise word that describes Rayford, is Asshole. He is just such a goddanged insufferable Asshole, so much so that I have to believe that he shapes the very reality he inhabits, simply because if he didn't, well, even his own mother would punch him in the face every time he smugly strolled towards her. In fact, while I try not to overuse words, the word "smugly" should be placed in front of every verb if the sentence is about Rayford. Something like, "Rayford smugly walked down the street, smugly thinking about how hard it is to be humble, when he's perfect in every way," or "Rayford smugly sat on the toilet and smugly took a crap." I'm exaggerating because that's how I roll, but it just so aptly describes Rayford. <br />
<br />
As I've said before, you can have asshole characters in entertainment. In <i>Seinfeld</i>, pretty much all the characters are assholes, but it worked because the people involved, both on the writing and acting side, knew that these characters were assholes. Or you could have a character who is an asshole, yet is so over-the-top and audacious in his/her assholery that in doing so, they achieve a certain grandeur. Think of <a href="https://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/72:_Classhole">Black Hat Guy from xkcd</a> or <a href="http://www.shortpacked.com/index.php?id=152">Mike from Shortpacked!</a>. <br />
<br />
Or for those wanting a character who isn't from a webcomic, think Doctor Doom. Comic Book! Doctor Doom is so theatrical, so over-the-top and operatic when it comes to the scale of his plans that there will probably never be a movie version that would capture him in all his glory. <a href="http://www.dorkly.com/post/75943/doctor-doom-comics">Doctor Doom</a> isn't content to merely go to eleven; Doctor Doom goes to twelve!<br />
<br />
Whereas Rayford, like so far every film adaptation* of Doctor Doom, is a lazy, whiny pissant who never comes close to justifying the worship/awe everyone seems to have towards him. <br />
<br />
Now that I've lectured everyone's ears off, let's get to the actual book. I won't deny that at points, the sheer amount of fractal wrongness in this chapter causes me to stroke out for a bit. So if I place a quote with little, if any, commentary attached, understand that I know it's wrong, but there's so much wrong I don't know where I'm supposed to begin dealing with it. <br />
<br />
Anyway, here's the opening: <br />
<br />
<blockquote>THE UNIQUE ministry the Lord had assigned Rayford Steele and his team in Osaze had gone more swimmingly than any project Rayford could recall, but that very fact niggled at him every spare moment. Had he erred in believing that this period, this millennial kingdom with Jesus on the throne of the world, would be a time of unmitigated peace?<br />
</blockquote><br />
So things are going well, but that bothers Rayford because it's a confirmation that this era is indeed, one of peace and prosperity? At least it is, so long as you don't dissent from the party line, but we already knew that. <br />
<br />
I know Ellanjay and by extension, their Mary Sues, consider peace to be inherently evil, but I thought they were like Hank Hill, all "It's Jesus-Peace, not Hippie-Peace." <br />
<br />
People everywhere are lining up to hear the words of St. Rayford Steele and convert in droves, but that bothers him for some reason. Because I'm that kind of person, I'll assume what bothers him, is that because they convert, they won't wind up in Hell, and Rayford won't be able to think about all those sinful sinners burning forever as he masturbates. Yeah, plenty of other people will wind up in Hell, but the mass conversions mean that there won't be as many agonizing screams of the damned for Rayford to get off on. <br />
<br />
I suppose I should apologize for having written the above remarks, but I won't. <br />
<br />
On a similar joke, I'll let you guys guess how long I laughed juvenilely at the next line I'll quote.<br />
<br />
<blockquote>For if the Lord Himself was in charge, why did Rayford and his little band need a rear guard? From whom were they being protected?<br />
</blockquote><br />
No matter how old I get, part of me always has the same juvenile sense of humor as a thirteen-year-old boy. Though in my defense, the previous line had a clause in there about how "that angelic visit from Anis had both inspired and rattled Rayford." And given how much Anis sounds like Anus...:several minutes of Beavis and Butthead laughter: <br />
<br />
Okay, to be fair, Anis is an actual Arabic name, but it's just one of those things where that phrase followed so soon, by a sentence asking if Rayford and his little band need a rear guard? :more B&B laughter: Hey I already admitted I have the sense of humor of a thirteen-year-old boy. It's like a panel cited by Superdickery, where as if the character being named The Gay Desperado isn't snicker-worthy enough, they follow it up with the line, <a href="http://www.superdickery.com/the-gay-desperado/">"He's coming through the back door."</a><br />
<br />
Next paragraph has a line about how "Everyone had been affected by the drought and famine that had resulted from Egypt's disobedience." I spend several minutes, not making juvenile sex jokes, but rolling my eyes and going, "Yeah, I'm fairly certain that an area having literally no food and water, would be affected somehow by all of it." And by affected, I mean, people would die in droves. Though as said before, since the boundaries of countries are determined more by political maneuverings and not by there literally being massive alligator-infested moats on said boundaries, again, why have the Egyptians stayed? Again, it sucks being a refugee, but dying of thirst or starvation sucks even more. If it comes down to A) Stay and Die or B) Flee and Possibly Live, most would choose option B. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>It soon became apparent to Rayford, however, that those with natural bodies— himself, Chaim, and Mac— had way less stamina than the glorifieds. Without consulting anyone else, Rayford began planning a long break after what he expected to be a huge meeting in Siwa the next evening. The naturals needed it, and perhaps some respite from the work would calm his troubled mind. <br />
<br />
Successful as it was, the work was not easy, partly because Rayford and the others remained committed to living in the motor home. They could afford to stay elsewhere, but crowded as it was, it seemed the most prudent use of their resources.<br />
</blockquote><br />
Yeah, I really believe Rayford is planning a long break despite all the work that needs to be done, because he has less stamina and is genuinely tired. We all know what a modal of good work ethic he's been throughout the series. <br />
<br />
Though never let it be said that St. Rayford and the others aren't being martyred for their faith. They have to stay in a motor home with all the comforts and amenities of home! The Egyptians have it easy, living in a desert environment where every drop of water has to be rationed, because Zod took away all the water, and there's so little food that...I'm thinking the situation in Egypt is basically like conditions in Leningrad during the Nazi Siege, only on a wider scale with much less ice involved. For those of you who don't know just how freakin' bad the Siege of Leningrad was, let's just say when the authorities find themselves classifying Cannibalism into two categories, one being Corpse-Eating and the other being People-Eating, you know shit has gotten unbelievably, appallingly real. <br />
<br />
Continuing with the general trend that the MK is a more amped-up version of all the annoying nuances of Earth, of course, they can't check into a hotel room because they have to conserve their resources. Ellanjay are probably giving themselves big thumbs up for having Rayford and Co. stay in an RV, but I'd bet that a hotel room would be a heckuva lot more efficient, providing much more comfort and sapping fewer natural resources than the camper. RVs, after all, are about the size of the Lincoln Memorial and have pretty much the same fuel efficiency of the Lincoln memorial. <br />
<br />
Also, the batteries need to be hooked up and recharged, unless the characters plan on living without AC or electric stoves or any comforts of modern life. Some have a shower and a sink, but the water for those isn't magicked up out of the ether; they do have to be periodically refilled and with Rayford, Chaim, and Mac alone (ignoring the various glorifieds with them), they would probably burn through their water pretty fast. In a country where there's no water, that would kind of be a bad thing. And most RV toilets are chemical ones which have to periodically be cleaned out. I'll be charitable and say that maybe the Glorified have transcended the need to poop and pee, but Rayford, Mac, and Chaim haven't. <br />
<br />
I looked it up and apparently in addition to the three characters mentioned, we've got Irene Steele, Token Jew, and Mr. and Mrs. Barnes along for this trip. I've seen some bigass RVs, but housing seven people under one? It is possible, but I can't help but think that the amount of fighting, over who hogged the bed sheets or who took too long in the shower and used up the water, or who ate the last of what...Let's just say the WWE wishes it could be this raw. <br />
<br />
I suppose someone will point out that Hotels are considerably bigger than RVs, but I still stand by my statement that if you crunched the numbers, taking into account the amount of space along with the number of bodies it can hold, it would still be more efficient than an RV. If not, it would definitely be much more comfortable. <br />
<br />
Chaim talks about the upcoming meeting in Siwa and how there will be protestors. I roll my eyes, because we all know Ellanjay would, in true Rightwing fashion, either shout over their opponents and refuse to let them say anything (we've already seen Token Jew do that in an earlier chapter), cut their mikes, bar them any kind of entry, or cancel the meeting entirely because of some bullshit safety concerns. <br />
<br />
For the record as a citizen of a state that's pretty much the buckle of the Bible Belt, governed pretty much by the Good Ol' Boy Network, where one of our representatives is <a href="http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-irredeemable-arrogance-oklahomas-markwayne-mullins/">this fuckwit</a>, I know what I'm talking about. Again, for people who so loudly champion Free Speech, they always seem to turn tail and run as soon as anyone says, "You're being a fuckwit." For all their railings against Safe Spaces and SJWs, the Right is made up of the most whiny, hypersensitive bunch of crybabies ever. <br />
<br />
For those who clicked on the link, Cracked really isn't exaggerating Markwayne Mullins's awful by much and I say that as someone represented by him. Also, while I know Cracked isn't the bestest, most scholarly news source around, I do feel that they should get more credit than what they are given, because they've taken on some pretty serious shit that most media sources wouldn't touch with a thirty-nine and a half foot pole, like <a href="http://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1658-5-ways-were-making-pedophilia-worse.html">this article on pedophilia</a> and how our unwillingness to even talk about it, beyond a superficial "It's Evil!" makes the problem even worse. To quote the opening paragraph to the article, which can be applied to a lot of issues: <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Before we get started, can we all agree that there's a difference between trying to understand something and condoning it? There's nothing on Earth so awful that we should avoid talking about it completely. If anything, the more scared you are of a thing, the more you should try to understand it. Talking about a subject like pedophilia isn't going to make it worse. But refusing to talk about it -- or accusing those who do of glorifying it or normalizing it -- definitely will. No problem has ever been solved with ignorance.</blockquote><br />
But as they're hanging out, the awful news about Kenny-boy arrives via, and I shit you not, fax machine. I suppose I could go to madness trying to work out how a fax machine on an RV would work, but I'm more like, "Uh, I'm fairly certain email was a thing when this book was published." :goes to Google: According to Google, it was released on April 3, 2007, so hell yeah, email was a thing! But for some reason the news couldn't be sent via a mass email; it had to be done via tech that only a handful of people use anymore.<br />
<br />
The general failure to anticipate basic advances in technology, is nothing new when it comes to Ellanjay. As I've said before, no one writing a story set in the future or the not-so distant future, manages to bat a thousand when it comes to technology, but Ellanjay fail at so many things that I'm sure as heck not going to give them any slack about this. <br />
<br />
After everyone reads the document, probably with plenty of "Oh mys" and pearl-clutching, Rayford says this bit of dialogue, which is so clunky, I pretty much have no choice but to post it. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>When the others had read the document and Rayford had told them what Chloe had said, he added, “There is no question Irene and my daughter and I are biased, so I would ask that we simply accede to my grandson’s request that we covenant together in prayer and seek the Lord over this.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
And by covenant together in prayer (whatever that means), Rayford means "Everyone clap your hands if you believe in fairies!" <br />
<br />
Okay, that's probably unfair to both Peter Pan and J.M. Barrie. They both have a more coherent theology. <br />
<br />
Though of course, we can't have something like this. <br />
<br />
Rayford: Hey God, is any of this BS about my grandson true?!<br />
<br />
God: NO!<br />
<br />
And from there have them resume their ritual self-flagellating over how hard it is to be humble, when they're perfect in every way. <br />
<br />
Instead, we get this: <br />
<br />
<blockquote>And so it was that Rayford and Irene and Chaim and Tsion and Mac and the Barneses knelt and prayed. Tsion began, and then Chaim, and soon all were praying at the same time. Several minutes later they prayed in succession again, but Rayford noticed a change. Whereas they had begun haltingly, seeking God’s wisdom, asking Him to shed light on the truth, now they seemed to be praying for Kenny, for strength, for endurance. One by one, those with glorified minds and bodies— those who had been in heaven— expressed in their prayers that the charges against Kenny did not resonate with them.<br />
</blockquote><br />
I'm assuming Ellanjay mean for this to a grand <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKCmyiljKo0">"I am Spartacus!"</a> moment, but it doesn't work. Spartacus and those standing up for him, were legitimately underdogs, as in they were slaves being brutally oppressed by a massive empire risking their lives with their defiance, not underdogs as in the Mighty Ducks sense. Since the RTCs are pretty much running everything and occupy all the places of power, serving as Brownshirts for the Theocratic Regime, this wargle-bargle about how they are just sooo persecuted at the hands of others, what with their demands for the rights afforded to them as citizens, comes across much like a playground bully who, even as his undersized victim lies on the ground, spitting up blood, whines about how much it hurt their fists to whale on said victim. Or to put it in song by Weird Al form, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61CsqFrbSHg">Why does this always happen to me?!</a><br />
<br />
Again, when <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVsmJTBT8bU">a show geared towards sugar-high eight-year-olds</a>, understands and pulls off the "I am Spartacus!" moment better than you, you need to hang your heads in shame. <br />
<br />
Bruce Barnes's Still Nameless Wife actually speaks, using actual dialogue, not just narrative summary, leading them all in prayer on behalf of Kenny-boy. Ellanjay still can't be bothered to give her a name or make any mention of what happened to Bruce "Useless" Barnes's kids (as I recall, the wife and kids were raptured), but hey. <br />
<br />
:looks ahead: Given how I've managed to type this much about just a few pages and we have many, many more to go, I think I'll just call it quits this week, even though we haven't finished the chapter. I try to keep my snarks at a readable length and this one...let me just repeat what I said earlier about how Rayford Steele is the smuggest smugger that ever smugged. Probably even his stream of urine is smug somehow. <br />
<br />
Though for those of you quivering in Antici-Pation about what comes next, I'll provide a brief spoiler as to what you have to look forward to: apparently Rayford Steele is so dumb that you could write "Free Candy" on the side of your windowless van and he'd fall for it for all eternity, not just when he's a kid. He would die if you put scratch 'n' sniff stickers at the bottom of a swimming pool, whether it had water or not. He would sell both his kidneys on the Internet and be proud of the deal he just made. And he does all this without saying, "Hold my beer," to someone first. <br />
<br />
*I've been wondering if there isn't some kind of curse on the Fantastic Four franchise, making it impossible to make a good movie out of those characters. Because when the shitty unreleased Roger Cormon version is considered to be the best film adaptation, you know a franchise has problems. I'd wonder if it's the Angry Spirit of Jack Kirby interfering, but they've managed to make good film adaptations of some of his other characters :cough: Captain America :cough: so maybe it's not that. <br />
<br />
Though even if Jack Kirby had gotten all the credit/royalties due to him, I can't help but think that his spirit will still be angry. I'm totally on Team Give Jack Kirby Like All The Royalties! because nearly every character in Marvel's stable who wound up being worth a damn, was created at the hands of Jack Kirby. Jack Kirby was so damn influential in the comic world that the comic book era should be divided up into BK and AK or Before Kirby and After Kirby. <br />
<br />
Guy was such a character-creating, artistic machine that I've wondered if he wasn't some kind of alien android or something sent to Earth to show what our world could be like, if we embraced Kirby and his ideals. But instead, we screwed him over, so the aliens are like, "Nope. We were going to give you cars that get hundreds of miles to the gallon, intergalactic spaceships capable of reaching the farthest limits of space within hours, robots that can pass the Turing Test, AND a cure for all forms of cancer, but clearly you're not worth of it. Enjoy your world of shitty reality TV shows and wars created as paybacks for problems that resulted from previous wars. Because throwing matches on a regional powderkeg will totally work this time!" Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-32616928897529279512017-04-16T14:59:00.000-07:002017-04-16T14:59:18.707-07:00Kenny's Gonna Go Out, He's Gonna Let Himself Get, Absolutely Soaking Wet!Hello and happy Sunday everybody! I haven't gotten around to my annual viewing of <i>The Last Temptation of Christ</i>, but I will eventually. Again, the RTCs who got up in arms when that movie came out, clearly didn't see it, because Scorsese's film is a deeply reverent story. It has great respect for who Christ was and what he represented, and it may be the only movie Jesus, who didn't seem about as lively or charismatic as cardboard. Willem Dafoe is probably entirely too Aryan to play a Middle-Eastern Jew, but you understand why people would want to follow his Jesus. Too often, media adaptations of Jesus have him as lively as cold gravy, woodenly reciting lines copied and pasted from the Bible. <br />
<br />
Okay, now that I've sung the praises of some good art, now I'll talk about some bad. And yes, for all those wondering, I did interpret the first few lines of this chapter in a dirty way. I thought by now you knew I was a dirty-minded perv who loves adding more Yaoi to the LB-verse!<br />
<br />
<blockquote>CAMERON WILLIAMS sat steely eyed and somber in Kenny’s living room as Chloe wept. He didn’t know what to think.<br />
</blockquote><br />
I freely admit I may be reaching here, but c'mon! I can't be the only one thinking that all these tears and strum und drang is because Kenny had just come out as Gay. At least that's my head canon, because again, I love adding Yaoi to the LB-verse. Though it's entirely too easy to add Yaoi to the LB-verse. No matter what they may say, Rayford and Cam-Cam show considerably more chemistry with each other than they ever do with their designated love interests. As said before and will be said again, writers of Christian Fiction™ are the best creators of unintentional Ho Yay around. <br />
<br />
Okay, the next few lines means the Kenny's "I'm Gay" scene exists only in my head, but there's a reason they call it head canon. Hence all the stuff about the League of Awesome. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>His son was denying everything, which he would do whether innocent or guilty. Admittedly, the document that Qasim Marid claimed he had retrieved off Ignace Jospin’s desk in Paris had so many glaring incriminations in it that it could easily have been a setup. But who would do such a thing, and who would know enough details to pull it off?<br />
</blockquote><br />
Between this paragraph and subsequent ones, where Kenny is "That's not true!" and Chloe's like "I'm all weak and womanly, but I believe him" then Cam-Cam says, "Of course you do, and I want to, too,” I'm forced to have sympathy for Kenny simply because of how quickly his friends and family are to immediately believe the worst about him. I know said sympathy will last about as long as a drop of rain in the Mojave desert, but still. <br />
<br />
For the record, my exaggeration of Chloe's line, is barely an exaggeration at all. <br />
<br />
Heck, even Kenny calls Cam-Cam out on all this. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>“You want to, Dad? My word is not good enough for you? You always taught me to live in such a way that if someone brought a charge against me, no one would believe it. What have I done, how have I lived, that makes no one but my mother believe me?”<br />
</blockquote><br />
It is admittedly a satisfying line, but you know Kenny's going to face consequences for this, as he just questioned the word of Cam-Cam, aka his father, aka one of the most powerful beings around which this universe revolves. <br />
<br />
Because seriously, Cam-Cam, can you point to anything that might raise questions about your son's faith? Did you find some dirty magazines of girls without clothes on, hidden underneath his mattress? Or worse, dirty magazines of boys without clothes on? Did you find some bottles that prove Kenny's been drinking something much stronger than grape juice? Did you find copies of Richard Dawkins's oeuvre, Christopher Hitchens' oeuvre, <i>The Origin of Species</i>, along with fiction that acknowledges the very real suffering that comes with being alive, stories where sometimes people do bad things not just because they're Baddy McEvilpants, but because humans are flawed creatures who do not always behave well under times of physical or emotional stress or both? Or did you find a box of condoms and proof that Kenny has committed the greatest sin of all, having sex with a willing participant and :gasp: Enjoying it, even though wearing a rubber greatly reduces the likelihood of children being produced from the sinful act of coitus. <br />
<br />
Even Chloe, the perfect Stepford Wife, is like, "What the hell, Buck?!" But fear not, Cam-Cam continues to be an asshole. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Cameron sighed. “Maybe I know something you don’t, Chloe.” <br />
<br />
“Oh, great!” Kenny said. “There’s more?” <br />
<br />
“I got an anguished call from Abdullah this afternoon. He saw you at TOL headquarters in Amman today, Kenny.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
I suppose Cam-Cam had to step up to the plate. His son is being all willful, trying to defend himself against unjust charges, rather than just meekly apologize to Daddy, even though he hasn't done anything. And Chloe is forgetting her job is to be an obedient Stepford Wife and a convenient beard, by defending Kenny. But Chloe's judgment is probably considered suspect, what with those pairs of X chromosomes warping his brain. <br />
<br />
Kenny is like, "Hello! I was infiltrating!" <br />
<br />
But Cam-Cam points out that a nameless techie (your call whether it's Chang Wong or Donny Moore) discovered that the eeeevil email from the previous chapter, was sent from Kenny's computer, thus proving that Kenny is even more eeeevil that Adolf Q. Stalin-Pot. Whether he out-evils the Greatest Eeeevil of all in Kingdom Come, aka Qasim, remains to be seen. <br />
<br />
Kenny continues to have my sympathy, by defending himself and pointing out quite obviously that "You know we don't keep our doors locked around here." Also, again, this is a computer, not Fort Freakin' Knox they're talking about. I doubt Kenny has even the most basic of protections on his computer, like a password or a PIN that has to be entered. If he does, they're probably idiot ones like "password" or "1234."<br />
<br />
Kenny is all, "Is this a case I can take before a judge?" I, like everyone else, is like, "This could be solved in all of five seconds!" All Kenny has to do, is something like this. <br />
<br />
Kenny: Hey God or Jesus, am I a traitor?<br />
<br />
God or Jesus: No!<br />
<br />
Kenny: [turns around] See, I told you. <br />
<br />
Most Idiot Plots could be solved in five minutes by having the characters talk to each other. Given how very little time it would take to solve this one, Idiot Plot feels entirely too meager a descriptor. We may have to invent an entirely new word in order to fully capture the overwhelming amount of Stupid. <br />
<br />
Chloe and Cam-Cam tell Kenny that they are putting him on a suspension until all this is worked out. Kenny continues to defend himself and :gasp: Have a Point!<br />
<br />
<blockquote>They sat in silence a long time. Finally Kenny spoke. “It seems that with all the people you know, all the people you’ve worked with, we have access to spiritual power few others have. If everybody who’s worked with you and believed in you and supported you in the past would cooperate in prayer, I don’t believe Jesus would let this injustice stand. Do you?” <br />
<br />
Cameron and Chloe looked at each other. Then Cameron addressed his son. “They would all have to know everything, Kenny. They would have to see all the evidence.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
"Which neither would have any problem doing, since they are Omniscient beings capable of seeing everything that goes on in the world." <br />
<br />
That's what my version of Kenny says anyway. Of course, my version of Kenny by now would have just given his parents the finger and left to meet up with his boyfriend, Carl, to go watch Black Sabbath perform. <br />
<br />
Before anyone says anything, I'm terminally unhip, so I don't know what rock band the RTCs are all up in arms about. When I was in high school, it was Marilyn Manson and Eminem who were warping and corrupting the youth of today, turning us all into sociopathic mass murderers. But I don't know who it is now. So I chose Black Sabbath, because of how they made so many RTCs lose their collective shit over them. Since this is Heaven, they are all aged down, so Ozzy is still the Prince of Darkness, rather than some barely coherent former reality TV star. <br />
<br />
Oh fine, because I'm endlessly self-referential, he's actually going to see <a href="http://mousehole-mouse.blogspot.com/2013/12/z-van-is-rapidly-becoming-favorite.html">Z-Van</a>. Haven't worked out how Z-Van escaped being punted into Hell, but I don't really care, so long as everyone remembers that he looks like <a href="https://indd.adobe.com/view/b08220ef-4a9f-48e3-9e35-4959dddff2ca">Madonna Dahmer.</a> I respect everyone's right to choose their own head canon, except where that's concerned<br />
<br />
As for the name of Kenny's boyfriend? Just gave him the first guy name that came into my head. I thought about pairing him with Qasim, but given how shitty Kenny and everyone else has been towards him, Qasim could do so much better. Then again, maybe some of this stems from the deep loathing Kenny has towards his own sexuality. Once he gets away from Cam-Cam and Chloe, gets some decent counseling, he'll come to terms with his homosexuality. Then he'll seek out Qasim to apologize and...<br />
<br />
Oh fine, I'll stop with the Yaoi head canons. At least for now, anyway.<br />
<br />
Kenny ends his conversation by saying this. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>“Dad, I’ve got nothing to hide. What have I got to lose? I believe Jesus is here and on His throne and that lies will be exposed. I’m open to anything.”<br />
</blockquote><br />
:shakes head: As said before, all Kenny has to do is shout, "Hey God, are any of those rumors about me true? And by rumors, I'm not referring to the ones about my love for Liza Minnelli, leather, and musical theatre." <br />
<br />
Then God would shout, "No!" <br />
<br />
And Kenny would turn around and be like, "See?" <br />
<br />
Then God would say, "But you do look damn good in leather, though." <br />
<br />
Yep, my vow to stop with all the Yaoi head canons didn't even last the section. I should probably be ashamed of myself, but I'm not. I just hope I'm not stoned to death by the QUILTBAG crowd for all the stereotyping/cheap jokes. Though at least if I am, I should take comfort in knowing that they will be some fa-abulous-looking stones. <br />
<br />
Kenny goes back to his room and writes two emails, one to the other Millies and one for Kat. Then, and I kid you not, Ellanjay basically copy-and-paste <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13">1 Corinthians 13</a>, aka the love chapter, aka probably the best part of Paul's writings, the one where he comes the closest to conveying the life-changing magic and love of Christ. They somehow got paid for doing this, even though your average drug dealer demonstrates better work ethic. Yet for some reason, the drug dealer is the one who goes to prison. A massive Bible quote won't make your writing seem even more deep by comparison!<br />
<br />
:runs outside to scream for a while:<br />
<br />
Well, now that's done, let's see what else we have to deal with. Well, there really isn't much more. There are a few bits and pieces with Abdullah and I have a feeling we'll eventually revisit his Asshole-for-Christ campaign. Other than that, there is a short section with Kenny, where I make juvenile jokes until he gets to the part where he compares himself to Jesus, then I'm like "Seriously?!" As a fun activity, I'll provide the paragraph in question. Think of it as being like one of those paper placemats some restaurants have to entertain the kids, while they wait for their food, only instead of a wordsearch or a maze, this one is called "Mark the spots where Mouse made juvenile remarks and snickered like Beavis & Butthead." <br />
<br />
Though I am not kidding about how Kenny-boy compares himself to Jesus. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Kenny arose not refreshed but with an interesting new outlook. It was as if the Lord had spoken to his heart even as he slept. It was the strangest feeling— something that those like him were unlikely to grasp without an ordeal such as the one he was enduring. He was getting a taste— albeit a very small and entirely less violent one— of what it must have been like for Jesus to be betrayed and abandoned by His friends. Of course, Jesus was mocked and spit upon and struck, had a crown of thorns thrust into His scalp, had His side riven by a sword, and was eventually put to death.<br />
</blockquote><br />
Well, I'm going wind up in Hell. Do I at least get to trick out the handbasket I'll be traveling in? I've thought about putting flame decals on mine as a joke, but it may be one of those things that's so on the nose, it'll make the demons poke me harder with their pitchforks. <br />
<br />
If you're wondering, the original title I had in mind for this post was "RTC-Man Has A Point" in reference to all my usages of "Strawman Has A Point." But then I kept making all those Gay jokes and well, :points at post title: that's where I wound up. So I'll give my readers an informal poll. You can say it's another activity for Mouse's Fun Activity Book for Dirty-Minded Pervs and Already-Corrupted Youths. <br />
<br />
Question is, should I have gone with the original post title instead of diving headfirst into Gay jokes? One last one for the road from <a href="http://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/2012-11-01">Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.</a>Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7882696241406815138.post-48859569533283486312017-04-09T17:18:00.000-07:002017-04-09T20:44:54.907-07:00Fractally Wrong... So Very Fractally WrongWell, it's Sunday and I'm all out of bubblegum, so <a href="https://youtu.be/gDKdHuyQpHY">let's kick some ass.</a><br />
<br />
Oh and Melvina? Last week you asked if this was going to be an Idiot Plot where everything could be resolved if the characters would JUST FUCKING TALK TO EACH OTHER! Congratulations, you're right. Feel free to collect your No-Prize at the door, but if you're not interested, it can be redeemed for No-Money! It really is nothing but that. This book is the equivalent of someone writing 300 pages about how someone :gasp: stuck File B in the slot for File C. There is seriously nothing going on! I referred to a previous chapter as <a href="http://mousehole-mouse.blogspot.com/2017/01/god-said-to-noah-theres-going-to-be.html">the Millard Fillmore of chapters</a>, but I'm just going to have to cut to the chase and say this book is just the Millard Fillmore of books in that not only is it bad, it's not even bad in a way that is memorable or interesting. Like Millard Fillmore, it's so punishingly dull that it makes you hate it even more than you think it is possible to hate it!<br />
<br />
All right, I'll stop ranting about our 13th President. Don't know if anyone even knows or cares about the guy anyway. Let's just say between Andrew Jackson and Abraham Lincoln, there were a lot of low cards in the presidency, with the possible exception of James K. Polk. <br />
<br />
I'm well aware that many consider Andrew Jackson himself to be a low card and he does deserve to be forever shamed for the Indian Removal Act, but I'm hesitant to say too much. By all accounts, <a href="https://youtu.be/SupNaQeJrq0">Andrew Jackson</a> is probably the most terrifying man ever elected to the presidency. He's been in 13 duels that we know of, but suspected of having done a whole lot more, and well, when an assassin made an attempt on his life, it was the rare case where they had to save the assassin from the president, rather than the other way around. I highly suspect the reason the US Mint dragged their feet regarding the twenty, was that they were terrified as to what his angry, vengeful ghost would do to them. After all, he was plenty terrifying when he was of flesh and blood and capable of being killed. Though when he got to the White House, he did celebrate by kicking off a massive kegger and inviting everybody, rich or poor, politician or outsider, to come. And apparently people really liked massive wheels of cheese back then. <br />
<br />
Oh fine, I'll stop talking about US presidents. For those of you wondering, I learned so much about the combat/fighting skills of dead presidents from <a href="https://www.amazon.com/How-Fight-Presidents-Defending-Yourself-ebook/dp/B00FDS798A/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1491772718&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+fight+presidents">this book.</a> It's a bit depressing to say that the only ones I stand a chance against, are ones widely considered to be the worst.*<br />
<br />
I don't really feel sorry for Kenny-boy, but given how quickly his friends and family are willing to assume the worst about him and how they do so without any hesitation...okay, I'll be honest: I do feel maybe a, uh what's the smallest measurement of weight in existence? Because that's how sorry I feel for Kenny. <br />
<br />
Kenny's going home with a skip and a hop, probably thinking about how he's finally going to get laid, but to his surprise, Kat isn't around and her parents seem kind of cheesed off at him. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Imagine his surprise when her parents greeted him with less than enthusiasm. They appeared grim, preoccupied. Kenny remained upbeat, exulting over the change in his schedule that allowed this. “Is something wrong?” <br />
<br />
“Well, we don’t know,” Mrs. Risto said. “Ekaterina sounded rather upset, said Mr. Steele had called an emergency meeting of some little group of yours and asked her to be there.” <br />
<br />
Kenny almost blurted the name of the Millennium Force, but he was surprised enough that Raymie would have invited Ekaterina. What in the world was up, and why hadn’t he heard directly from Raymie? Raymie knew that Kat knew about the Force, because Kenny had told him himself.<br />
</blockquote><br />
Of course, Kenny would remain upbeat. Like any good LB protagonist, he only cares about the feelings of others if their feelings inconvenience his. <br />
<br />
Though this whole bit about the secrecy of the Millies...I can understand why they would keep it from the TOL, but why do they have to keep it from the Millies? It's probably just Alpha-Male posturing. If others knew about their Sooper Sekrit He-Man Woman-Haters Club, they would want to join and it would no longer be all secret and special. Okay, y'all know my love of creating head canons, so any of you want to help me out, come up with something similar to the earlier LB books, where we had Loretta the Off-Screen Badass? <br />
<br />
Again, theory is that Loretta has organized the rest of the congregation to get stuff done, but keeps the Tribbles out of the loop, because they would only slow her down. She let's them hang out and posture about how they are the Tribulation Force, because Rayford and Buck need to feel like the biggest, most important people around, while she and the rest of the congregation are getting stuff done. Oh and that earthquake? She and Verna took advantage of it to fake their deaths and get away, so they can get even more stuff done. #League of Awesome headcanon. <br />
<br />
But given that the Tribbles were supposed to be rebels and do come closer to matching the definition of a resistance group than the Millies, who are again, God's Brownshirts, it's probably not going to work. <br />
<br />
I am really fighting the urge to post this entire chapter, because it is so chockfull of stupid that there will never be enough time for me to take apart everything. Ellanjay are wrong at the <a href="http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Fractal_wrongness">fractal level.</a> In fact, Ellanjay are a Fractal Wrongness Hydra where if you cut off one head, two more equally fractal wrongness heads only spring up to take its place. I am trying to hold back though, because my snarks get hella long as is. <br />
<br />
I may decide to, a few times, just post quotes with little, if any, commentary, because Fractal Wrongness has a tendency to be paralyzing. I'd say it's like a Zen Koan in that it robs the mind of conscious thought, but Zen Koans help you to find the way to enlightenment. The same most definitely cannot be said about Fractal Wrongness, where trying to take it on, only leaves you stupider than when you started. Again, not really much you can do about the Willfully Ignorant. Until something shatters the Ignorance Dome that surrounds them, they aren't going to change. Maybe you'll be the one who shatters it, but odds are you won't. So try not to waste too much time on them, says the snarker who gets into long-drawn out debates on the Internet. Ugh...me telling people to stop debating idiots is like Boris Yeltsin saying "You know you should really cut back on all the drinking. I think you have a problem." <br />
<br />
So anyway, first of Fractal Wrongness Quotes. If any of you want to comment and try to take them on, feel free: <br />
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<blockquote>The Ristos shook their heads. “We don’t appreciate this, you know,” Ekaterina’s father said. “This whole period is supposed to be a time of peace and tranquility. I don’t know what this little group is all about, but it can’t be positive if it has to have emergency meetings that its members— specifically you— know nothing about, and that an outsider— specifically Kat— is asked to attend, and which upset her so. She’s enough on edge because you were gone. Now what is all this?”<br />
</blockquote><br />
Kenny-boy tries calling everybody, but doesn't have any luck until he reaches his mom. I must warn all my readers to brace themselves for the shock of the impact to follow. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>“Oh, Kenny! Where are you?” <br />
<br />
He told her. “What’s going on, Mom?” <br />
<br />
“I wish I knew. It’s like our office has been vandalized.” <br />
<br />
“What do you mean?” <br />
<br />
“Well, those silly things like the phony personnel report on Kat and the ridiculous note about you could have come from anywhere within the interoffice mail system. But someone walked off with our employee list, and now we’ve gotten another crazy report.” <br />
<br />
So the list Kenny had seen in Paris had not been the result of a computer hacking; someone had provided the actual printout. He didn’t even want his mother to know that yet.<br />
</blockquote><br />
Oh, there is just so much stupid...I freely admit that I do not know anything about hacking. The extent of my computer problem-solving abilities is 90% Turn It On-Turn It Off and 10% Panic When That Doesn't Work and Start Wondering What Sacrifices I Need to Make to Appease the Angry Internet Spirits. <br />
<br />
But I'm fairly certain if the TOL got the list via hacking, it is much more worrisome. Hacking means they have access to your computer and can gather information about your search history, your passwords, etc. For the record, it's very difficult to destroy a hard drive so badly that law enforcement can't get some information out of it. And you know the RTCs would have all kinds of disturbing stuff in their search histories. Remember, like I said before, it's always Sex that dethrones someone on the Christian Right. The TOL could probably do some real damage simply by printing up search histories along with names and addresses. I'll let you speculate on how disturbing the porn in their histories is. <br />
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Because even if that directory is the only one in existence, about the only way to keep anyone from getting access to it, is for it to basically be like the Nuclear Football and be forever kept cuffed to Chloe's wrist. Because you guys have an insane amount of kids and people going in and out of that building and you mean to tell me that no one gets curious, picks it up, and is like "Oh what is this?" I suppose I could do my rant about how the COT daycare is probably more poorly-run than a Communist Romanian Orphanage, leaving no one capable of keeping any eye on the kids, but I'll spare you. <br />
<br />
Or here's the obvious: maybe when Biblical Character X is wowing everyone with his copy-and-paste, a TOL slipped inside the office and took it. Or better yet, they could basically be <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Hanssen">Robert Hanssen</a>, take the directory, make a bunch of photocopies on the Xerox (don't tell me Ellanjay would have the characters use something more modern), leave the original behind, and walk out with the copies. <a href="http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html">Ellanjay really need a five-year-old advisor to help them.</a><br />
<br />
Also chances are the employees have their own versions of said documents and while maybe they're all loyal RTCs (with the exception of Qasim, the greatest eeeevil the MK has ever known), couldn't they leave it lying around and somebody grabs it when they're not looking or a TOL goes into the house either by breaking and entering or via deception (false repairman, etc.)<br />
<br />
Though maybe this all-important directory is written in code making it so that it cannot be read without the special ring or...I'm not buying it. Especially since Ellanjay's idea of an unbreakable code would be something along the lines of Loe-Chay Eele-Stay Ife-Way of Uck-Bay Illiams-Way<br />
<br />
Chloe talks about how she has received another report and how it is so upsetting that her delicate heart can barely take it and she apparently can't talk about it over the phone, it's that bad. <br />
<br />
Kenny tries to get her to talk about it, but fails. He leaves his stuff in his room, when he notices something truly unspeakable. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Kenny dropped his stuff in his room and noticed something strange. The chair before his computer was out, away from the desk. He tended to be fastidious about stuff like that. He always pushed the chair back in and left the mouse in the same position. It looked skewed too. <br />
<br />
<i>Great; now I’m imagining things.</i><br />
<br />
</blockquote><br />
Seeing as I am anal-retentive on a level that can only be accurately described with "As Hell" attached to the end, I suppose I probably shouldn't judge. But I think I will anyway. Because unless Kenny-boy basically possesses Rain Man-like level recall...okay, I'm just going to call BS. Since Kenny-Boy is as inobservant as any good RTC, I don't think he would notice if his computer chair had turned into boa constrictor and started strangling him, never mind someone leaving it in a different place. Though it does amuse me a little, imagining Kenny as Charles F. Urschel. I'm with <a href="http://www.cracked.com/article_24496_7-perfect-crimes-ruined-by-brilliant-detective-work.html">Cracked</a>: the F in that guy's name clearly stands for "Fuck Anyone Who Tries to Kidnap Me!"<br />
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Kenny tries calling everyone, but to his surprise...I'll just post the damn quote. <br />
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<blockquote>He tried calling everybody again. What were the odds they had all turned their phones off without it being on purpose? They didn’t want to hear from him! Why? They couldn’t have known he was going to be home earlier, or he would have been invited to the meeting. Wouldn’t he?<br />
</blockquote><br />
I've said it before and I certainly will say it again that Rayford and Buck are the single-most powerful, important entities in the LB-verse, outranking even Zod and TurboJesus. There is ample proof to back that statement. <br />
<br />
Thing is, we haven't actually seen much of Buck or Rayford in this book. Yeah, we've gotten some cameos here and there, but most of the time, if Kenny-Boy isn't the POV character, Creepy Raymie is. So this makes me wonder if I need to rethink the great chain of being in the LB-verse. Do Rayford and Buck lose their standing once TurboJesus kills everyone? Though it could be since Kenny-boy has the blood of both Buck and Rayford flowing through his veins that makes him a veritable LB-verse Voltron, where the combo makes him even more powerful than Rayford and Buck are individually. The only hope Buck and Rayford have of overpowering Kenny's influence is if they, Chloe, and Token Jew, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwkwKoZropI">let their powers combine.</a><br />
<br />
I should apologize for the 90s earworm you'll have until you die, but I don't think I will. <br />
<br />
Kenny finally finds the Millies. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Kenny arrived to find them in the back room with, of all people, Qasim Marid. In an instant, Kenny knew something was terribly wrong. Raymie was pale and appeared grim. Zaki looked shell-shocked, as did Bahira. Qasim appeared stunned to see Kenny, but of course Kenny was most curious about Ekaterina. Her face was red, her eyes puffy. As soon as she saw him, she gathered up a sheaf of papers that appeared to be the same as everyone else’s and bolted from the restaurant.<br />
</blockquote><br />
Wait, I thought Qasim had been kicked out of your Sooper Sekrit Club for the crime of liking a girl Kenny was interested in (though he never gave any indication to her or Qasim), reacting in an immature manner when said girl dumped him for no real reason, and trying to help the cause however he can, including :gasp: trying to recruit others he felt might be able to help them. <br />
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In fact, merely by running Qasim's name through the search bar on my own blog, here's some quotes that were in the actual book, which I used in my snark. <br />
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Here's one from Creepy Raymie:<br />
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<blockquote>“Kenny, please. I’ve got half a mind to disband the whole thing. It’s getting out of control. Qasim is not even part of us, and I couldn’t have made that any clearer, yet here he is telling the Jospins that you’re some double agent, then telling a virtual stranger— at least to him— all about us and not even getting it right.”</blockquote><br />
And the other member of his Mutual Admiration Relationship, Bahira. <br />
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<blockquote>“Well,” she said, “frankly I think dealing with Qasim is overdue. Not that Raymie didn’t try to stifle Qasim long ago. This is Zaki’s creation, a fiasco he could have fixed early. So do you get the impression that Qasim finally understands he’s not associated with us in any way?”</blockquote><br />
Quotes were taken from <a href="http://mousehole-mouse.blogspot.com/2017/01/screw-it-im-bored.html">this post.</a><br />
<br />
And here are two more quotes from another snark, both by Creepy Raymie:<br />
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<blockquote>Raymie, whom Kenny had always found both wise and decisive, did not disappoint. “I don’t know what Qasim is telling anyone else, but I have totally distanced myself and the Millennium Force from him. I told him he has no standing with us, and that regardless what he chooses to do in relation to the Other Light, we don’t want so much as a report from him, not even a secondhand report through Zaki.”<br />
<br />
“Of course not. He was angry, which showed me his true colors. And Zaki is not happy either. I had to tell him that he would be next if he couldn’t see the wisdom of our totally parting ways with Qasim. I feared offending Bahira if I did that, but she has never trusted Qasim, and I suppose you know we have a sort of mutual admiration society.”</blockquote><br />
For those of you wondering, those quotes were from <a href="http://mousehole-mouse.blogspot.com/2017/02/historys-greatest-monster.html">this post</a> and both the posts mentioned, were on the first page of the search results so in short...I'm totally Bill Paxton in <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsx2vdn7gpY">Aliens</a> right now. <br />
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Kat is all "I don't want to see you again, Kenny!" and Kenny is like "Why? What's going on?" and Bahira is like "You've been found out." <br />
<br />
Creepy Raymie is like "We've got the printout of an email you sent." And since, like I said, even though they are his friends and family, they have no problem instantly believing the absolute worst about Kenny, though he has been nothing but a good RTC. As for that email, consider it another Fractal Wrongness Quote dump. Even Snidely Whiplash is saying, "Aren't you being a little too over-the-top in terms of cartoonish villainy?"<br />
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<blockquote>To: Ignace Jospin, Executive Director <br />
<br />
The Other Light International <br />
<br />
Paris, France <br />
<br />
From: Operative 88288, Kenneth Bruce Williams <br />
<br />
Israel <br />
<br />
Re: Progress<br />
<br />
First, Ignace, it was great to reunite with you and your brother despite the sad occasion of your cousin’s death. It had been too long, and communicating like this is never as good as in person, especially when we share such a bond. <br />
<br />
I very much look forward to seeing you and Lothair in Paris and thank you in advance for making available to me the lovely Nicolette again. The nights can otherwise be lonely in a strange city, even one as beautiful as your capital. <br />
<br />
You’ll be pleased to know that my parents remain wholly in the dark. It’s nice that they are so naïve. I don’t doubt their sincerity, but the blind devotion believing parents have in their offspring makes duping them so easy. My dull-witted mother remains convinced that I share her beliefs and points to the night she claims to have “led” me to Jesus. Well, Mom, you have to mean it if you pray that prayer. <br />
<br />
I trust you got the personnel printout. My mother is making noises about putting locks on the doors; my access to her office won’t cross her mind this Millennium. <br />
<br />
My uncle Raymie suspects nothing. I’m sure he was brought in on the Risto personnel matter, plus the later defaming note about yours truly. Imagine if they even dreamed I planted both those myself. <br />
<br />
Rest assured your fears over the new girlfriend are unfounded. She’s no Nicolette, but she’s cute enough and more naïve than my mother. Her parents are homely, swarthy little people who worship the ground I walk on. Her father was apparently a spectacularly unremarkable tradesman, and her mother is basically a nondescript homebody. They will not be an issue. I may even go through with marrying this girl, which will only make my work for you at COT that much easier. She is in another department, which merely broadens my reach. <br />
<br />
I’ll provide a virtual core dump of other vital information when I arrive. Keep Nicolette warm until I get there. I’ll see you soon. <br />
<br />
Loyal to the Other Light forever, <br />
<br />
KBW<br />
<br />
</blockquote><br />
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FtNm9CgA6U">You know that 80s Anti-Drug PSA?</a> That's basically my brain right now. There is just so much wrong that I'm fighting the urge to go fetal. Though you know the parts that the Millies object to most, probably isn't the treason, but all this stuff suggesting that Kenny-boy may be enjoying S-E-X with an attractive, willing female partner. The only way it could be worse is if it was an attractive, willing MALE partner. Though given the last line of the first paragraph where it says Kenny, Ignace, and Lothair share such a bond...I'll let my loyal readership of dirty-minded pervs go from there. Rest assured, I am not judging any of you; If you've read most of my other posts, you'd know I am in no position to judge any of you. <br />
<br />
Of course, rather than use some basic intelligence to point out the obvious BS, Kenny does this: <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Kenny was nauseated. Where did one begin to try to defend himself against such a detailed, devastating document? He scooped up the pages and stood, woozy and feeling utterly alone. His parents would visit that evening. That loomed as an oasis. Surely they wouldn’t believe a word of this. <br />
<br />
But who wrote this, and where did they get their information? The nuances, the detail, made it so much worse. And yet it was so dead-on that Kenny was surprised someone didn’t see through it. What were the odds that almost every line would incriminate him? <br />
<br />
Naturally Kenny had never faced a crisis like this, but in the past when he had what now appeared minor, petty issues, he’d turned first to his mother, then maybe to Raymie or his dad. Who could he turn to now? For all they knew, he was what the document purported: a turncoat. Hardly anyone had been spared.<br />
</blockquote><br />
And like the brave persecuted pastor of that great RTC film, <a href="https://heathencritique.wordpress.com/category/persecuted/">Persecuted</a>, Kenny doesn't bother to do the basic act of defending himself, instead opting to slink away without a word, because that, in no way, will make him seem even more guilty. <br />
<br />
As he's slinking away, being all glum, that Nicolette, aka Hattie Durham II, shows up. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>And what was that vehicle that had crossed at the corner ahead of him? It looked like the van that had delivered him back to Israel. When it stopped, turned around, and came toward him, he stopped and stared. The window was lowered and Nicolette leaned out. <br />
<br />
Kenny wanted to run, to warn her to stay away from him, but he couldn’t jeopardize his cover with TOL, regardless of whether they were behind trying to ruin him. <br />
<br />
She jumped out and approached. “We missed our turn,” she said. “Ignace wants to fly out of Tel Aviv.” <br />
<br />
“Back the way you came,” Kenny said, still reeling and desperate to cover. “That’ll take you to the main route toward Tel Aviv and the airport.” <br />
<br />
“You’re a peach,” Nicolette said, leaning close to kiss him on the cheek.<br />
<br />
“Yeah, yeah, see ya,” Kenny said, only realizing as she pulled away from him that Lothair had been hanging out the window and had shot a picture of the kiss.<br />
</blockquote><br />
Since any brain-damaged five-year-old can see what's coming next, I'll let you all speculate on what Kenny is doing to punish himself for his sinful thoughts. Sex is the greatest sin of all, remember. I suppose you could make the classic cold shower joke, but given how disturbing the RTC subculture is, I'll assume ritual flogging is in order, though probably all that would do, is cause him to develop a weird association regarding sex and pain and...you know, what I'm done. I'm going to go take several, several showers now. <br />
<br />
*Don't bring up FDR. I've put him in a special class, because no matter how that fight with him goes, I don't come out looking good. If I win, I beat up a man in a wheelchair with polio and people are like, "I hope you're proud of yourself, you monster!" If I lose, I get to go to the Pearly Gates and explain to Saint Peter how I got pwned by a polio-stricken man in a wheelchair. <br />
<br />
I suppose you could say similar things regarding Woodrow Wilson, because he was so debilitated by health problems that by his second term, his wife, Edith, was pretty much running the country, making historians wonder if she should be considered the first female president, because she was president in all but name. But Woodrow Wilson was really racist, like even more so than some of our actual slave-owning presidents, so maybe I can pound on him with less guilt. <br />
<br />
But FDR was one of the best presidents this country ever had, so I don't know how to justify whaling on him. Yeah, he did the Japanese Internment thing and he deserves to be shamed, but he did a whole lot of good. His establishment of Welfare and Social Security and the positive effects both continue to have on society, probably cancels out a lot. Mousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11936002393931074811noreply@blogger.com12