Saturday, February 9, 2013

May the Snark be with You

I know you've all been biting your nails raw, just quivering with anxiety wondering how Judd and Kasim and Nada are going to escape, so I'll get right to the point. They do. They sic the locusts on the GC and make their getaway in the confusion.

Meanwhile, the YTF are debating what to do about Chris Traickin. Me, I'm wondering just why the GC haven't already shown up. There's not really much that happens--it's resolved in a pretty boring fashion--but Traickin does say something which makes me fangirl him a little. He's no match for the Power Couple of Awesomeness in terms of awesome, but it is pretty nice.

Basically one of the YTF attempt to convert him by doing a "Zod doesn't want you to suffer which is why he's sending demonic locusts after you" speech, but Traickin says this in response.

“Stop,” Traickin interrupted. “If you’re going to throw me out of here, do it.
Don’t preach.”

I point it out because it's nice to see the YTF called on their BS even if it's only in a small way.

Meanwhile, we finally here from Lionel, who receives an email from Chloe. There's not really much to snark: Chloe basically talks about being pregnant and all the work that comes with putting together the co-op. The only interesting part is the mention of Hattie Durham. Something tells me we're getting close to the part where she gets killed by the sun. Judd, Kasim, and Nada join up with Lionel, they talk but decide to wait on contacting Nada's parents.

Pavel's father shows up and they talk about the memorial service to be held. Apparently the SuperPope is going to be in attendance. And I know I promised not to talk so much about how bored I am, but really, something happen, please!

Next chapter is the funeral and apparently the SuperPope isn't going to be there, just a woman wearing the ceremonial garb of the EBOWF. We can tell the EBOWF is eeeevil because they ordain women. The woman gives a speech that, like all of Nicky Swartberg's speeches, is full of bland pleasantries and cliches, yet all the non-RTCs ooh and aah over. Then Leon Fortunado appears via video link. There's a brief laughable moment where Judd worries that Leon will remember him from his high school graduation as though Leon's going to remember one smart-alecky kid from the thousands of places he's been in the past few years, but Judd has since grown a beard so there's no need to worry. Leon presents Pavel's dad, whose name is Anton, with a certificate of merit in his son's name, then Anton gets up to speak.

Basically, he delivers your standard altar call speech, which isn't worth snarking as I've already snarked those before. The GC, rather than arresting him on the spot and dragging him off to a gulag, generously allow Judd, Sam, Lionel, and Anton time to escape via chartered plane.

Vicki and the others arrive safely back at the schoolhouse and they talk to Omer, who tells them that most of the believers they witnessed to, have been arrested. Omer, having not sipped the RTC flavor-aid, is actually doing something working on a plan in order to smuggle the prisoners out. Vicki's all "They'll kill you," which makes me headdesk. Some resistance group they are, too scared to actually do some resistance. Besides, given that if they die, they get bamfed into Heaven instantly, you'd think that martyrdom wouldn't scare them so badly. Okay, currently Omer is an unbeliever, but still.

He calls Vicki on it and makes yet another Strawman has a Point remark about how all this misery doesn't exactly scream loving God.

I'll throw in a third chapter for you.

Judd and the others pick up Kasim and Nada and they get the heck out of New Babylon thanks to a pilot named Hank Keller. I have no idea if he plays a larger part in the adult books but it seems there's no such thing as a walk-on character given how one-shots keep coming onscreen. Still, I won't waste too much grey matter on remembering his name.

Basically Hank tells his conversion story, which I won't waste too much time on, except for the mention about his RTC dad. Apparently dear ol' dad was a cab driver who was bamfed while driving his cab. He mentions that the couple riding in back survived and I can't help but scream, "If they hadn't they'd be in hell because Zod can't apply the brakes for some reason!" over and over again. Anyway, they arrive in Israel without a hair harmed on their RTC heads.

Meanwhile, at the schoolhouse, they are debating the future of the schoolhouse. Lenore wants to turn it into a hospital/school using the hospital part to treat the non-RTCs, while using the school part to teach those interested about God. But Vicki decides to go talk with Melinda and Janie aka the godless heathens.

Basically, Melinda and Janie have been kept locked in a dark room, which is somewhat understandable--they are a danger to themselves and others--and it would make sense that the kids wouldn't exactly know what to do with someone in their situation. Janie is her usual argumentive self but Melinda is more dour, saying she wished she'd drunk poisoned water like her partner, Felicia. Vicki tries to get them to convert by telling them something worse will happen but when they ask what exactly will happen, she says they're not ready to know.

Mark is not onboard with this hospital/school idea but he's outvoted so Vicki and the others decide to make a run into town to gather people for the school.

The chapter ends with Nada and Judd arriving at her parents' house and that's were I'm going to end my snark. Maybe you'll have better luck snarking this than I did.


aunursa said...

"The only interesting part is the mention of Hattie Durham. Something tells me we're getting close to the part where she gets killed by the sun."

In the LB series, Chloe gives birth at the end of Book #5 (after the locusts are finished.) Hattie is killed early in Book #9.

Mouse said...

D'oh...sorry about that screwup...don't really know the adult books that well. Thanks for pointing it out.

aunursa said...

No problem. I don't expect you to have my encyclopic knowledge of the series. (Oh, and the Hank Keller guy? He never appears in LB.)

It's nice to have a LB Kids post to read, since we were denied a Left Behind Friday post on Slactivist.

Firedrake said...

The message that these books are hammering into me again and again is "being on the side that calls itseld Good does not make you a good person". Which I guess is the exact opposite of faith-before-works.

If I were building an evil pseudoreligion and were worried about people standing up and preaching the Wrong Stuff, I'd set up a great big tesla coil so that they could be conveniently struck by lightning when I pressed the button. Eh, maybe it's just me.

"Vicki tries to get them to convert by telling them something worse will happen but when they ask what exactly will happen, she says they're not ready to know."

I am speechless. (Typeless?)

Mouse said...

Re: Vicki:

That was essentially my response, Firedrake. You'd think if she told them what would happen, then it happened, it would go a long way towards dealing with Melinda and Janie's skepticism.

aunursa said...

That's almost as bad as in the main LB series, where they decide that they can't tell people about Jesus and warn them to avoid the Global Community and ESPECIALLY DO NOT TAKE THE MARK. Because it might expose them to danger (even though they're already saved and guaranteed to go to Heaven)...

"It suddenly hit Buck that he had taken a huge risk. It wouldn't be long before Verna Zee learned that he had, at least at one time, been a full-fledged member of New Hope Valley Church. He had been careful about not taking a leadership rule there, not speaking in public, not being known to very many people. Now [Verna] would have knowledge that could ruin him, even cost him his life."