A Tale Told By Idiots

When we last left our brave heroes, they were facing down two teenage girls with guns. But one of them, Felicia collapses and it turns out, she drank the water. So the YTF are trying to treat her but despite their best efforts, Felicia dies and is in all likelihood burning in Hell for all eternity at the hands of a compassionate Zod. Then again Vicki did whisper in Felicia's ear about how much Zod loves her, so maybe there's the slimmest of chances that she had enough time to say The Prayer even though she was in all likelihood too busy dying in order to actually say it.

The chapter ends with Judd deciding to jump Melinda even though she has a gun. Ellanjay try to create a little suspense by having the gun go off and having the chapter end there, but it fails miserably because as stated many times before, Judd is a mini-Rayford: billions may die all around him but he'll remain blissfully untouched by all of it.

As you probably guessed, the shot misses, no one is hit, but we do get the satisfying spectacle of Vicki chewing out Judd for being a macho idiot by rushing someone with a gun. It is pretty sweet to read but at the same time, I know Vicki is eventually going to be punished for being a girl with girl parts.

Anyway following the incident with the gun, there's a debate about what needs to be done about Melinda. Judd wants her gone because she's GC, but Vicki wants her to stay because she thinks she can chalk one up for TurboJesus. Either way, they have to figure out what to do with her. Eventually, Vicki tells Melinda this: that the GC for some bizarre reason is after her and if she goes back, she'll die, but if she stays with the YTF, she has a fighting chance. Naturally faced with those choices, Melinda decides to stay and I have a feeling we'll witness her inevitable conversion.

Anyway after burying Felicia, Melinda abruptly changes her mind and decides to leave, believing that Vicki was only being so nice to her because they didn't want her to run to the GC and rat them out. Judd then receives a phone call from Taylor. Apparently he has a plane and is willing to take him and Mr. Stein to Israel. Naturally Judd, in a sterling display of leadership, decides to abandon the school and leave Vicki to deal with everything. Lessons in Leadership from Ellanjay: As a wise commentator whose name I've forgotten put it, leadership isn't defined by tough decisions or making sacrifices for the good of the whole; it's all about how other people see you. If they kowtow to you, then you are a good leader regardless of how your decisions play out.

I'm throwing in a third chapter because again, nothing happens. Anyway they discuss what to do about the plane and naturally it's decided that Judd, Lionel, and Mr. Stein will go to Israel. Melinda tells Vicki her story about how thanks to Zod, her life was shot to Hell following the disappearances and that she and her best friend Felicia decided to join the GC because in such chaotic times, Nicky's words of peace spoke to them. Melinda finally decides to stay but she tells Vicki that if she finds out that they're lying and/or using her, she'll leave.

Anyway there's not much more to say except that Judd, Lionel, and Mr. Stein outwit the GC dragnet and make it to the plane and our on their way to Israel. I would tell you how they did it except that I'm dangerously close to lapsing into a boredom induced coma so I'll just say that the stormtroopers in Star Wars were more competent and they kept hitting their head on the doorframe.