Moral Ambiguity is of the Devil

Yeah, yeah, I'm late with the post. Sorry about that. But before you criticize me, just ask yourself: do you really think this snarking job is easy? Sitting in my pjs, eating junk food, guzzling Coca-Cola, and trying to think of new ways of describing just how utterly incompetent Nicky Drakensberg is? Really the only way Zod triumphs in this story is because the Father of All Lies is dumb.

Anyway in the previous chapter, Vicki and co. received an email from a GC military installation. The only reason I didn't mention it in the last snark was because I was so busy ranting and raving about how Nicky Entoto fails at basic villainy. I have a hard time believing he'd stay in power for seven minutes let alone seven years.

Anyway they bravely watch Token Jew on television talk about how a third of the stars and the moon and the sun will go dark and all that business about the mark of the beast. Once again, is it really that difficult to memorize the order of all the horrible shit that Zod's going to inflict upon the world? Not to mention with all the world's water poisoned, shouldn't everybody be pretty much dead by now? Why would we need anymore horrific disasters to finish us off?

Next day, the plot-induced stupidity temporarily releases its hold on Lionel, who wonders why Nicky Kilimanjaro is broadcasting the whole gathering. But Judd provides the answer to this question and as you probably guessed, it's pure weaksauce. He says Carpathia wants to keep track of what's being said at the meeting. Of course, I bet all my fellow snarkers can point out the flaws in this strategy. Such as apparently electronic bugs do not exist in the Left Behind universe. Also, apparently he can't have the guards he has protecting the RTCs at the Gathering report on what they see and hear. Also, seeing as Nicky Lebombo is the anti-Christ and must slavishly follow the plan as laid out by Zod, shouldn't he already know everything that the RTCs will say or do and everything that'll happen between here and when he gets punted to Hell?

Cornelius is there and he's starting to wonder if Judd's onto something. No! Run away from the RTCs! Once you join them, you'll stop being a compassionate human being and turn into an RTC automaton who only wins because the authors' are on your side.

Token Jew ends the gathering with another altar call and a repeat of that whole thing about the stars dimming because apparently an RTC's short-term memory is worse than that of the Drew Barrymore character in 50 First Dates

Anyway, well apparently Cornelius drank the flavor-aid because he now has the Super Special Awesome Secret Mark. But they don't have long to savor their triumph because gunfire breaks out. The GC are finally doing something sensible by trying to kill Token Jew. I would point out that they could do something more discreet, something that would result in less collateral damage such as having a sniper pick him off at another location or poisoning him or making him "disappear" or something a lot smarter than spraying the stadium full of bullets, but right now I feel like throwing a parade every time the GC does basic villainy.

Meanwhile on the home front, Vicki hears noises coming from Melinda's room and goes to investigate, only to find the dog bound and gagged. Oh and Melinda's escaped as well.

Next chapter, Cornelius was shot and killed in the confusion and the GC are very eeevilly trying to pin this on the RTCs. Why this surprises our heroes I don't know. You'd think, given how much they crave martyrdom, they wouldn't be so shocked when someone decides to give it to them. But Samuel, who was in this series several books from now and hasn't been mentioned until now decides to help Judd and Lionel escape. For those, who like me, have completely forgotten who the hell Samuel is, he's the guy Judd gave the videotape that revealed how Token Jew's family really died.

Meanwhile, Vicki and co. set in search of Melinda.

Samuel if you're wondering, still doesn't have the mark and says that his dad is with the GC yet he's still willing to help them escape. At first, when I read this, I cheered, thinking we we're going to get another Taylor but I should know better. First of all, even as Taylor proves to be more awesome than all the Tribbles combined, you can hear Ellanjay tsk-tsking about how he very eeevilly insists on trying to stop a worldwide dictatorship. Second of all, the whole "willing to help even though he's not an RTC and his dad's a member of the GC" thing reaks of moral ambiguity and you know how Ellanjay feel about moral ambiguity. They subscribe to the gospel according to George W. Bush: you're either with us or against us. So while I know some of y'all may protest, I'm going to tell the end of the chapter: turns out it was a trap and Samuel turns them over to his dad. This will probably come to nothing just like all the umpteen other times the YTF were captured by the GC. For a dictatorship run by the anti-Christ, they sure seem afraid to do something as basic as, say, waterboard their prisoners.

War is Peace

Yeah, sorry to be so late with this post. It's been a weird week. Not to mention a week so infuriating that I have come dangerously close to suffering a ragerysm (rage-induced aneurysm). But anyway forward into the breach fellow snarkers.

So we cut back to Vicki and co. They've been watching the entire gathering on TV and they are shocked! Not by the GC brutally taking care of a threat by opening fire on a stadium full of people, but by Nicky Cardamom using foul language! Violence is okay, but heaven forbid the incarnation of Satan use bad language. That might have scarred a few children for life assuming there are even still children in this world.

There's a brief interlude where Vicki explains to Melinda about the whole Jesus as the sacrificial lamb bit, of course ignoring the whole question as to why Zod couldn't change a rule that he himself wrote. Thankfully though we don't have to linger long on this when we can read about the YTF watching Nicky's response to the speech.

Anyway so Nicky decides to talk about what happened and of course, the YTF snicker and make sarcastic remarks the entire time, ignoring the unpleasant fact that Nicky is considerable more sympathetic.

Nicky talks about how all the other religions have managed to live in peace except for RTCianity. Then he describes RTCianity as a sect with its roots in historical Christianity and I roll my eyes and say, "Yeah, if by historical you mean dating back to the late nineteenth or early twentieth century. If by historical you mean say first century Christianity, you wanna be the one to tell Ellanjay or should I?"

Nicky also says the usual BS about how this is a perversion of centuries of Christian thinking and talks about how God is a god of love aka that typical hippie bullshit that leads to people assuming hippie bullshit like that Jesus ever said anything about the peacemakers being blessed by God. We don't go for that crap in the good ol' US of A.

Anyway Nicky Rocky says he encouraged this public gathering of people opposed to him and even televised it because he wanted Token Jew and his followers to join him. He says he would not have forced Token Jew to join him and I suppose we're supposed to roll our eyes over Nicky's duplicity, but would Token Jew really be any different if he was in Nicky's position of power? Would he really let those who disagreed with his views of God yet were otherwise peaceful live and practice their faith in peace and not persecute them in any way? Again as said before and will be repeated many times as necessary, Ellanjay and his followers don't object to a One-World Theocracy so long as the right person with the right beliefs is running it.

Out of curiosity, who wants to tell Ellanjay that while Spain and other Christian nations were torturing and persecuting the Jews, those Islamo-Commie-Nazis that made up the Ottoman Empire allowed freedom of religion?

I say this because even Nicky Denali points out that the Gruesome Twosome have killed more people who disagreed with them than Nicky. But even though he believes that Token Jew and the Gruesome Twosome along with their followers tried to kill him, he's still going to very eeevilly grant them permission to continue their gathering, complete with cameras and the full protection of GC security though only for 48 hours.

:headwall:

This is...I don't even need to get into how incredibly stupid this is, do I? I mean even that dude who ruled Turkmenistan and named a bunch of months after himself is smarter than Nicky. Preschoolers with their arms and legs tied together and armed with their safety scissors are scarier than Nicky. Wet cardboard painted hot pink and lime green presents more of an obstacle to the RTCs than Nicky.

Newsflash to aspiring writers everywhere: you don't create suspense by making your villain so stupid your average newborn could outsmart them.

I decided to do another chapter unlike next week in which I only did one. So the gang in Israel end up in the seamy side of town which contains such evils as bars, fortune-telling shops, tattoo parlors, and strip clubs all of which makes me go :yawn: :snore: Let me know when they mention something that isn't found in your average everyday reasonably sized city. It's like those recordings which claim to be of people in hell but really sound no worse than what you'd hear in a busy bar on a Friday night. Anyway they go to see the Gruesome Twosome rant like mental patients and said prophets torch some GC soldiers.

Not much to say except that we have yet another reiteration on how if you do one bad thing Zod hates you unless you kowtow and promise never to make him so mad again. So yeah, I know you've probably guessed it by now but according to God's prophets, Gandhi is in Hell and will be there for all eternity for the crime of being a Hindu and creating one of the largest democracies on earth without firing a single shot, whereas Fred Phelps will get a one-way ticket to Heaven when he dies because he after all, has said the words which makes him a Christian.

The chapter ends with Judd talking to a GC guard, who is a lot more shaken by all the shit that's gone down despite no doubt being an eeevil heathen. Judd tries the typical God-loves-you and all this horrific suffering is him trying to get your attention spiel, but the GC points out that those comrades of his who confronted the prophets wouldn't be dead if it weren't for Zod. I'm going to name this dude Cornelius (why? Read the chapter of Acts after Peter receives the okay to eat shellfish) and add him to my list of favorite characters along with the Power Couple of Awesomenesss that is Hasina and Taylor.

Why Zygotes Are More Evil than Nicky Mountain Range

Couldn't help but be disappointed with last week's comments turnout. Sorry if I come across as an unpleasant whiner but I thought that post would garner a little more attention. Ah well, I guess "Ellanjay hates the poor" isn't as original message as I thought. That bit of whining out of the way, let's see what joys await us this week.

Nicky proves just how eeeevil and what a harden reprobate he is by daring to :gasp: give a speech at the Gathering about peace and love even going so far as to cite the words of some Islamo-Commie-Nazi who said some typical Islamo-Commie-Nazi bullshit about "Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the sons of God," when in reality it is the Captains of Industry who are blessed for they are the creators of jobs.

But we have little time to linger on the crowd's response to said speech, not when there's awesomenesss afoot. Judd meets up with Taylor "I'm too awesome for this story" Graham l. Taylor is planning to shoot down the helicopter Nicky rides in and naturally Judd is opposed. He justifies his newfound belief in the sanctity of human life by thinking that if the copter went down, the Two Witnesses would be blamed for it and killed, but though I don't claim to be an expert on Ellanjay's ridiculously convoluted interpretation of the Bible, don't the Gruesome Twosome eventually get martyred for their faith? So in short I fail to see the threat.

But I think the real objection Judd has to Taylor's plan is that St. Rayford may be piloting the helicopter. :cue dramatic prairie dog: Not Rayford! Everyone knows that kids everywhere bow to his innate superiority even though he's barely had enough screen time to qualify as a main character and the readers of this series can be forgiven for having forgotten he even exists.

But anyway Judd decides that he can't let Taylor shoot down the helicopter. Now to Lionel...

He's still in the stadium listening to Nicky Ahaggar very eeeevilly brag about how he's rebuilt infrastructure thus saving lives instead of letting everyone die as God intended. Okay he doesn't actually say that last part but it would be such a stroke of genius if he did, if someone pointed out that currently Zod is in the lead in terms of death count. I wish I could give exact numbers but so far Nicky, in order to consolidate his eeeevil rise to power, has killed two cronies plus a few bit players and a few that can be attributed to overenthusiastic soldiers rather than him. Zod, well, Fred estimated that there were an estimated 3 billion children dead at his hands and that's of course not including the pre-born which is a category so loosely defined that even fertilized eggs count (though they probably can't be defined as zygotes at this
point) plus taking into account those deemed "Christian" enough to be raptured and those killed in the massive worldwide quake, along with the flaming hailstorm, the ROD, and the whole poisoning the world's water supply, well, it's clear that Zod makes Nicky Cederberg (whose supposed to be worse than Hitler, Stalin, and Pol Pot combined) look like a rank amateur in comparison.

Okay, deep breath otherwise we'll never get through this.

So Nicky is all sweetness and light until someone gives him a bottle of water which turns to blood when he drinks it. Now if I was in that audience I would roll my eyes and go :yawn: Ozzy was doing that before Nicky's gay daddies.where achieving at a Level Five Blasphemy Level. But because all RTCs are basically variations on June and Ward Cleaver, everyone is shocked. Nicky then further spoils any villain cred he might still have by getting all petulant and pissy stomping around talking to the Two Witnesses about how he should have them killed, but since he hasn't gone so far as to make the worldwide media under his control stop broadcasting their message...well at this point, I think a shorter list would be of villains who were less effective than Nicky. There are freaking Zygotes out there who probably have done more evil than Nicky and they don't have worldwide control of the media, a gestapo, or the massive infrastructure that manages to survive several Acts of Zod back to back. They also don't have functioning brains either.

Anyway Judd rats Taylor out to the GC securit and oh, how my hatred for him continually grows. But the GC responds by finally doing some on-screen evil though only NPCs will die and their deaths will not be lingered on nor mentioned after this chapter and of course, you have to question the effectiveness of open-firing on a stadium full of people in terms of, y'know, PR, but finally some actual evil from the embodiment of the Prince of Darkness.

And if you're wondering, this provokes no form of reflection from Judd even though the eeevil GC was letting their enemies hold a public gathering denouncing their leader and probably wouldn't have attacked if Judd hadn't tipped off the authorities about Taylor. Our Hero, folks, already responsible for more deaths than the anti-Christ and he's only eighteen.

The Return of Token Jew or the Gathering

Vicki decides to tell Melinda her story in order to win yet another convert. Thankfully this is told mostly in a few lines of summary so we don't have to suffer through yet another reiteration of stuff we already know. I can't help but note that while Vicki is seen doing more conversions than Judd, it seems she's only shown converting other women. Guess Ellanjay take the whole "no woman should have authority over a man" very seriously.

Anyway Mark interrupts her before we get to the all-important prayer. Y'see he wants to put some parameters on who they allow to stay at the school, pointing out that unbelievers like Melinda And Charlie could endanger them, thus reminding the young RTCs reading this book that Christian hospitality means you only have to help your own; everyone else is an unperson, so you are under no obligation to rescue those left homeless or sick as a result of Acts of Zod because Zod hates everybody.

Another thing, since Zod poisoned everybody's water, shouldn't the YTF be trying to make their supplies of bottled water last as long as possible through rations? Baths and showers should be a thing of the past as water would be too scarce to use for anything but drinking. But then again, there I go again, worrying about silly things like the consequences of a world-shattering event.

But anyway, the manly men (Judd, Mr. Stein, and Lionel) are in Israel and like before, they see nothing worthy of note even though they are at one of the most holy sites in all of Christendom. They might as well have just saved money on airfare, stayed home, and gone to the local 7-11 for all the effect the Garden of Gethsemane has on them. BTW, who wants to tell Ellanjay that the keys to the Church of the Holy Sepulchre are wielded by the hands of a filthy Muslim. Every since Fred did a post on that I've wondered what would happen if someone told them. I'm betting there'll be some head-exploding action myself.

A man wearing a hat comes looking for them. But fear not, he has the Super Special Awesome Secret Marks that reveals he is a follower of the one true faith as laid out by God's prophet, Tim LaHaye. Said hat dude has what is possibly the most Jewy McJew names in the series, yes, dear readers, even more Jewy than Chaim Rosenweig. Don't believe me? Here's his name: Yitzhak Weizmann. Hat Dude (I'm going to keep calling him that, thank you) takes Our Brave Heroes to Hebrew University so they don't have to spend another night sleeping out on the streets (all hotels are booked apparently) because heaven forbid Our Band of Plucky Young RTCs be forced to suffer minor discomfort in the aftermath of a worldwide calamity. Remember if persecution required sacrifices beyond just being an asshole towards the overworked, underpaid cashier who has the gall to wish them a happy holiday or voting for Republicans in the hopes that they might eventually appoint justices who might overturn Roe vs. Wade, well let's see how long RTCs stand for their faith.

Okay so Vicki holds a meeting and to her credit, she and most of the YTF decide to open the school to anyone who wants to come. But Mark has reservations and decides to leave in search of his aunt for reasons that are not adequately explained. Back to the men.

Okay all they do is pray before this massive meeting featuring Token Jew and the Gruesome Twosome along with other RTCs from all around the world. I'm only assuming the reason that Nicky Chittagong is letting this worldwide gathering happen and not say arresting everyone or dropping a nuke when they're all at the gathering spot, is that he's got people recording the names and is informing the secret police in their home countries who needs to be made to "disappear." I have to believe this or else I'll go insane from how despite how Nicky Matterhorn is supposed to be worse than Adolf, Stalin, and Pol Pot combined, I can think of villains on Captain Planet, who were more of a threat than Nicky. Heck, Squatt and Baboo from Power Rangers were scarier and they had maybe one braincell between the two of them.

Okay so next chapter, they're at the stadium where everybody hears what's being said in their own language. The speaker gives a prayer describing Zod as a God of new beginnings and second chances which makes me, the surly, sarcastic reader of these books add, "excluding people who died as a result of the disasters caused by Zod because they died before they had a chance to take advantage of said second chance, not to mention, all the poor, who ate suffering because Zod's disasters destroyed what little societal infrastructure they had and now they can look forward to death by starvation or death from poisoned water." Either way, this gathering won't really reach them because they don't have radio or television so the desperately poor are screwed either way. But as RTCs know, the God of the Bible hates poor shmoes living in places like Somalia or Haiti. Why do you think he made them poor in the first place?

They then sing "Amazing Grace" even though given what they're up against "Be Still My Soul" might be more appropriate.

I would snark Token Jew's speech except that for the most part, it's a standard altar call speech you might hear at Bible Camp, which given that they are already believers (that's why they're at the speech) and they are going to have to live through massive suffering for five more years before the world finally ends, it seems a tad inappropriate.

But there is of course a part where he basically says, "you're either with us or against us," otherwise known as the gospel according to George W. Bush. He says this because he knows all those heathen Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists, etc. don't really believe in what they say; they just hate Jesus. Oh and Token Jew claims that those assembled in the stadium survived all the horrific Acts of Zod because Zod chose to spare them and give the middle finger to all those third-world nations because everyone knows Zod loves America above all other nations so naturally he'd make sure his chosen were either Americans or people who recognized the inherent superiority of America above all other nations. Why do you think the prophet John talks continually about how important America is in the book of Revelation?

But Leon Fortunado shows up, bringing the Super-Pope with him. But the Babelfish spell doesn't work on Leon and the Super-Pope so they're forced to rely on translators. The Super-Pope asks Token Jew to join the EBOWF. Naturally, it doesn't go over well, so Carpathia enters. The chapter ends with Judd spotting Taylor creeping along the back of the stadium. I would question how Judd can see one person in a hugeass crowded stadium, but to hell with it. I'm already excited because Taylor's going to appear in next week's snark and Taylor, by virtue of being the only one who does shit in this universe, is awesome. It can't be said enough.

The Waiting Game Sucks

When we last left Vicki and the rest of the characters not as important as Mini-Rayford aka Judd, they were in an underground tunnel.

I'm going to make this short so we can get back to Taylor and to a much lesser extent, Judd. The kids in the tunnel see a truck with a GC logo painted on it and hear a rumbling sound.

Now to Taylor and the rest of the gang. They've just arrived in Tel Aviv and waiting for them on the runway is one of Taylor's contacts, a young woman named Hasina Kamen. She is described as being of Arabic descent, but I don't know if Ellanjay actually gave her a plausible foreign name or if they did their usual "just make it sound foreign" bit like they've done so many times :cough: Ming Toy :cough: Anyway, she and Taylor banter a little which works so much better than any of the dialogue between Buck and Chloe. Anyway back to Vicki's group.

Well it turns out that nothing remotely exciting happens. Turns out all the freaky sounds were Z coming to check on them. Apparently the vehicle is one he's stolen from the GC and plans to use it to deliver supplies. I don't want to knock Z too much given that it's always nice to see the Tribbles actually doing stuff but wouldn't the GC have a tracking device on their vehicles or in the very least, they should be able to find it by license plate alone. There's brief talk about how the school was once part of the underground railroad. Ellanjay clearly want us to make the connection between the abolitionists and the YTF as they are both breaking the law in service of a higher one, but the abolitionists actually did stuff at great risk to their lives, while the most the YTF have done is publish a paper which was probably balked up and turned into spitballs.

Okay, we are now back in Israel. Judd talks with Hasina, who tells him about how her father was part of the resistance, who died in World War III. Judd tries to convert her but Hasina basically says, "I've been through the disasters, the meteors, the quake, the works, lost most of my friends as a result but have seen nothing that indicates there's any God of Love out there."

:wipes tears: This is truly beautiful. Hasina doesn't actually say it because the authors forbid it, but she realizes on a basic level that Zod, not the anti-christ is responsible for the misery the world is going through. She also vows to do whatever she can to stop the GC. Ladies and Gentlemen, we've found the other half of our power couple. Hasina and Taylor are what Vicki and Judd should be but can't due to Ellanjay's "Lie back and think of Zod" strategy. But before you get too hopeful, I've been to wikipedia and according to them, things don't turn out well for our power couple.

Anyway Z gives Vicki's group a Super Special Awesome TV but after they receive it, they realize that Melinda aka the GC Morale Monitor they're holding hostage because if she goes back to the GC and squeals, the GC will kill her then raid the school, is gone.

Next chapter finds Melinda standing over the grave of her partner, Felicia. Melinda decides to tell Vicki her story. Apparently before Zod slaughtered the kids, her parents liked to drink and party, but on the night of the Rapture, a preacher lady told her mother about Zod. Mother apparently converted and tried to convert Melinda, but Melinda shoved her, accidentally sending her tumbling down the stairs. The Rapture happened before her mother landed at the bottom and Zod slaughtered her. Melinda tried to tell her father what she had seen, but he didn't believe her and Melinda remains traumatized. Needless to say, Vicki decides to try to chalk one up for Zod and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see the inevitable conversion scene coming up.

The chapter ends with Nicky Alps talking with Moishe and Eli. It really is quite boring so I won't linger long on it except that it further underscores how utterly screwed by Zod Nicky is. As said before, Nicky was created by Zod to be the anti-christ and is basically unable to do anything except be Zod's puppet, yet at the end of all this he will be punished and suffer for all eternity for doing exactly what he was created to do.

Once again, Taylor is Awesome

Once again, every time Taylor's on stage, he proves just how awesome he is especially when compared with a posturing idiot like Judd. He's what the hero of an End-of-Days novel should be: tough but brave and willing to do whatever it takes to stop the worldwide dictatorship. Of course, given that the novel can never really take off because everyone, including the villains, must follow the word of Zod as laid out by his prophet, Tim LaHaye, I know something horrible will eventually happen to Taylor.

Anyway, Judd's all "How many people did you kill in order to get this plane?" Taylor responds by essentially saying, "uh, they're enemies remember...why do you care?" As stated many times, and I'm not afraid to state again, Judd's belief in the sanctity of life is really puzzling given that by this point, he's seen who knows how many people, both RTC or otherwise, die and hasn't shed a single tear over them. I've listed several theories for Judd's sudden belief in non-violence in previous posts, but given that the simplest explanation is usually the best one, I'm just going to assume that he's threatened by Taylor's overwhelming awesomeness.

Before I post Taylor's response to Judd's "You need TurboJesus" spiel, first I gotta warn you: it is nothing but awesomeness in its most pure, undistilled form. So awesome that you'd better have your lighter, imaginary or otherwise, raised in salute. This much awesome has killed lesser people so be careful, if you have heart problems or if you're an RTC who stumbled onto this blog by accident.

"I know you all want to tell people about Jesus and do good stuff so God will like you and all that. I've told you before, if that rings your bell, go ahead. But I've seen what the GC does to good people. They're destroying everything I know and love. They talk peace, but they're armed to the teeth. They talk freedom, but they send people to prison. Oh, sorry. They call them reeducation camps."

Did I not tell you that Taylor was awesome?

BTW, Taylor remains the only one to point out the gap between the GC's words and actions. All the other RTCs seem to naturally assume that being a pacifist and a worldwide dictator go hand in hand that every pacifist, while they may preach non-violence, secretly longs to rule with an iron fist. Why do you think after slaughtering the brave British Christians, Gandhi proceeded to install a brutal dictatorship, the effects of which still linger today in India? Thank God a Hindu extremist stopped him before the full effects of Gandhi's master plan could spread beyond the Indian border.

Judd is all, "You can't do this alone," and how I wish this book was told from Taylor's perspective as he and his group of guerrilla fighters struggle against the tyranny of both Zod and the GC. That would be epic. Instead, Taylor essentially says, "Yeah, but I can at least give them a good run for their money."

Taylor talks some more about what he's willing to do to stop the GC. He says he knows that there's the prospect that innocent lives could get caught in the crossfire, but he will try to do whatever he can to minimize civilian casualties. Judd's response is, "You could do more damage on our side." Taylor's response is essentially the same as mine, which is to laugh derisively. Yeah, because just look at the mighty blows dealt by the YTF. Nicky Simien quakes in his thigh-high stiletto boots whenever he hears that the YTF have published another edition of their paper. Why thigh-high stiletto boots? Because everyone knows that they are a must for any cartoonishly evil supervillain on the go.

Next, it's Lionel's turn to explain why sitting on your ass is the only strategy when it comes to dealing with the anti-christ.

"Our goal is to change people one at a time," Lionel said. "From reading the Bible, we know we can't overthrow the system, but having people on the inside I will help."

How will it help? Because I know for a fact that St. Rayford and Our Buck are both on the inside, yet they haven't done anything with their positions except take advantage of employee perm's. We don't hear anything about them using their positions to distribute aid to those suffering the most under Nicky's reign, or smuggle political prisoners to freedom, or see to it that important orders get "lost" in the tangled channels of bureaucracy. Why it's almost as though the TF love the cheap, vicarious thrill that comes with martyrdom and being a double agent without the risks that come with it. But that can't be the case.

Anyway to wrap up this overly long snark, let me just say that all that happens on Vicki's side is that they find a secret passage. I hope we can all agree that Taylor is pure awesomesauce (sorry to overuse the word awesome but it really fits Taylor) and that's it for this week. BTW, if you want to read children struggling against an evil government done right, read the Tomorrow series by John Marsden. Word of warning though: the author is an Aussie and as such, uses quite a bit of Aussie slang. But other than that, it's good reading complete with a kickass main heroine.

A Tale Told By Idiots

When we last left our brave heroes, they were facing down two teenage girls with guns. But one of them, Felicia collapses and it turns out, she drank the water. So the YTF are trying to treat her but despite their best efforts, Felicia dies and is in all likelihood burning in Hell for all eternity at the hands of a compassionate Zod. Then again Vicki did whisper in Felicia's ear about how much Zod loves her, so maybe there's the slimmest of chances that she had enough time to say The Prayer even though she was in all likelihood too busy dying in order to actually say it.

The chapter ends with Judd deciding to jump Melinda even though she has a gun. Ellanjay try to create a little suspense by having the gun go off and having the chapter end there, but it fails miserably because as stated many times before, Judd is a mini-Rayford: billions may die all around him but he'll remain blissfully untouched by all of it.

As you probably guessed, the shot misses, no one is hit, but we do get the satisfying spectacle of Vicki chewing out Judd for being a macho idiot by rushing someone with a gun. It is pretty sweet to read but at the same time, I know Vicki is eventually going to be punished for being a girl with girl parts.

Anyway following the incident with the gun, there's a debate about what needs to be done about Melinda. Judd wants her gone because she's GC, but Vicki wants her to stay because she thinks she can chalk one up for TurboJesus. Either way, they have to figure out what to do with her. Eventually, Vicki tells Melinda this: that the GC for some bizarre reason is after her and if she goes back, she'll die, but if she stays with the YTF, she has a fighting chance. Naturally faced with those choices, Melinda decides to stay and I have a feeling we'll witness her inevitable conversion.

Anyway after burying Felicia, Melinda abruptly changes her mind and decides to leave, believing that Vicki was only being so nice to her because they didn't want her to run to the GC and rat them out. Judd then receives a phone call from Taylor. Apparently he has a plane and is willing to take him and Mr. Stein to Israel. Naturally Judd, in a sterling display of leadership, decides to abandon the school and leave Vicki to deal with everything. Lessons in Leadership from Ellanjay: As a wise commentator whose name I've forgotten put it, leadership isn't defined by tough decisions or making sacrifices for the good of the whole; it's all about how other people see you. If they kowtow to you, then you are a good leader regardless of how your decisions play out.

I'm throwing in a third chapter because again, nothing happens. Anyway they discuss what to do about the plane and naturally it's decided that Judd, Lionel, and Mr. Stein will go to Israel. Melinda tells Vicki her story about how thanks to Zod, her life was shot to Hell following the disappearances and that she and her best friend Felicia decided to join the GC because in such chaotic times, Nicky's words of peace spoke to them. Melinda finally decides to stay but she tells Vicki that if she finds out that they're lying and/or using her, she'll leave.

Anyway there's not much more to say except that Judd, Lionel, and Mr. Stein outwit the GC dragnet and make it to the plane and our on their way to Israel. I would tell you how they did it except that I'm dangerously close to lapsing into a boredom induced coma so I'll just say that the stormtroopers in Star Wars were more competent and they kept hitting their head on the doorframe.