Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Why Zygotes Are More Evil than Nicky Mountain Range

Couldn't help but be disappointed with last week's comments turnout. Sorry if I come across as an unpleasant whiner but I thought that post would garner a little more attention. Ah well, I guess "Ellanjay hates the poor" isn't as original message as I thought. That bit of whining out of the way, let's see what joys await us this week.

Nicky proves just how eeeevil and what a harden reprobate he is by daring to :gasp: give a speech at the Gathering about peace and love even going so far as to cite the words of some Islamo-Commie-Nazi who said some typical Islamo-Commie-Nazi bullshit about "Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the sons of God," when in reality it is the Captains of Industry who are blessed for they are the creators of jobs.

But we have little time to linger on the crowd's response to said speech, not when there's awesomenesss afoot. Judd meets up with Taylor "I'm too awesome for this story" Graham l. Taylor is planning to shoot down the helicopter Nicky rides in and naturally Judd is opposed. He justifies his newfound belief in the sanctity of human life by thinking that if the copter went down, the Two Witnesses would be blamed for it and killed, but though I don't claim to be an expert on Ellanjay's ridiculously convoluted interpretation of the Bible, don't the Gruesome Twosome eventually get martyred for their faith? So in short I fail to see the threat.

But I think the real objection Judd has to Taylor's plan is that St. Rayford may be piloting the helicopter. :cue dramatic prairie dog: Not Rayford! Everyone knows that kids everywhere bow to his innate superiority even though he's barely had enough screen time to qualify as a main character and the readers of this series can be forgiven for having forgotten he even exists.

But anyway Judd decides that he can't let Taylor shoot down the helicopter. Now to Lionel...

He's still in the stadium listening to Nicky Ahaggar very eeeevilly brag about how he's rebuilt infrastructure thus saving lives instead of letting everyone die as God intended. Okay he doesn't actually say that last part but it would be such a stroke of genius if he did, if someone pointed out that currently Zod is in the lead in terms of death count. I wish I could give exact numbers but so far Nicky, in order to consolidate his eeeevil rise to power, has killed two cronies plus a few bit players and a few that can be attributed to overenthusiastic soldiers rather than him. Zod, well, Fred estimated that there were an estimated 3 billion children dead at his hands and that's of course not including the pre-born which is a category so loosely defined that even fertilized eggs count (though they probably can't be defined as zygotes at this
point) plus taking into account those deemed "Christian" enough to be raptured and those killed in the massive worldwide quake, along with the flaming hailstorm, the ROD, and the whole poisoning the world's water supply, well, it's clear that Zod makes Nicky Cederberg (whose supposed to be worse than Hitler, Stalin, and Pol Pot combined) look like a rank amateur in comparison.

Okay, deep breath otherwise we'll never get through this.

So Nicky is all sweetness and light until someone gives him a bottle of water which turns to blood when he drinks it. Now if I was in that audience I would roll my eyes and go :yawn: Ozzy was doing that before Nicky's gay daddies.where achieving at a Level Five Blasphemy Level. But because all RTCs are basically variations on June and Ward Cleaver, everyone is shocked. Nicky then further spoils any villain cred he might still have by getting all petulant and pissy stomping around talking to the Two Witnesses about how he should have them killed, but since he hasn't gone so far as to make the worldwide media under his control stop broadcasting their message...well at this point, I think a shorter list would be of villains who were less effective than Nicky. There are freaking Zygotes out there who probably have done more evil than Nicky and they don't have worldwide control of the media, a gestapo, or the massive infrastructure that manages to survive several Acts of Zod back to back. They also don't have functioning brains either.

Anyway Judd rats Taylor out to the GC securit and oh, how my hatred for him continually grows. But the GC responds by finally doing some on-screen evil though only NPCs will die and their deaths will not be lingered on nor mentioned after this chapter and of course, you have to question the effectiveness of open-firing on a stadium full of people in terms of, y'know, PR, but finally some actual evil from the embodiment of the Prince of Darkness.

And if you're wondering, this provokes no form of reflection from Judd even though the eeevil GC was letting their enemies hold a public gathering denouncing their leader and probably wouldn't have attacked if Judd hadn't tipped off the authorities about Taylor. Our Hero, folks, already responsible for more deaths than the anti-Christ and he's only eighteen.


Firedrake said...

Well, Christ healed the centurion's daughter, not the thousands of other people who were ill and dying...

At this point, hasn't someone already tried to kill the Two Witnesses and got crispied for his effort? So why should anyone worry about someone else trying it?

Rayford flies helicopters? How the hell does he get in the hours to keep up that certification as well as being an airline pilot?

Now that's what I was talking about over at Soon - when there's a paranoid security state in place, the easiest way to murder someone is to cause him to come to its attention.

rikalous said...

My Om, Nicky's a punk. Any halfway decent Antichrist would just laugh (indulgently, maniacally, or otherwise depending on preference) and chug the red stuff.

In the Alvin Maker series, William Henry Harrison (it's an Alternate Universe) was cursed to have bloody hands if he didn't tell people about his culpability in a massacre. He successfully goes on the campaign trail, making jokes about it.

aunursa said...

don't the Gruesome Twosome eventually get martyred for their faith? So in short I fail to see the threat.

The threat is that the Gruesome Twosome aren't supposed to die until the midpoint of the Tribulation. Their premature demise would form a rift in the Left Behind/Kids Series universe that would cause Jesus' head to explode. Or Jerry Jenkins' head. Or both.

Fred estimated that there were an estimated 3 billion children dead at his hands

I think it was 1.5 billion children raptured. The RTCs would say that you can't count them because they're Not Really Dead.

and those killed in the massive worldwide quake, along with the flaming hailstorm, the ROD, and the whole poisoning the world's water supply

Don't forget the millions like Ryan's father whose premature trip to Hell was a direct result of the disappearances. And his mother, whose demise was an indirect result.

Apocalypse Review said...

Judd is officially a jerk and a dick. Ratting out Taylor because he did more for the anti-Nicolae cause than anything he did? God, talk about insecurrity issues.

PS. I had a good laugh at some of the lolarious comparisons you made in this post, Mouse. XD