Sunday, March 5, 2017

I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage

Hey everybody! How's life treating y'all?

As you guessed, I couldn't think of a title, so I went with a line mentioned in a rap song I linked to.

Well for those who missed the creepy sex stuff, you get some of it at the beginning.

OVER THE next several days, Kenny vacillated between the thrill of his relationship with Ekaterina— they had both professed their love by now and had begun enjoying brief good-night kisses— and a dread over what he was going to do about communicating with Ignace and Lothair Jospin. There would soon be no more putting them off.

I would say that this passage is a little racy for Christian Fiction™, enough that the Bluehairs would faint, but it feels wrong, calling a passage this creepy, racy. I'm having flashbacks to a strip from Something Positive. No points for guessing which character in that strip represents Kenny. I will assume however that every RTC house is decorated like Augusta's. That's my head canon and I'm sticking with it.

The next paragraph in Kenny's section...In an attempt to curb the relentless negativity, I will say that even though it involves phone calls :whimpers: they are told in narration, thus sparing the readers the boring back-and-forth. It's not much of an accomplishment, but I'll take it.

He had an idea, a fun one he thought Ekaterina would love, but also one that might help him find valuable counsel. He wanted to update Bruce Barnes, his parents’ old friend, on him and Kat and see if he was willing to officiate at their wedding someday. But maybe Bruce would be a good adviser too. Kenny got Bruce’s number from his mother and called him in Osaze. Bruce was in the middle of a project but promised to call him back that evening.

You're making plans for your wedding even though all you guys have done is held hands and kissed (briefly with none of that sinful tongue involved) and odds are, you haven't ever been alone together? Heck, everyone thought you two sitting together at a public event with thousands of people there, was racy.

Then again, given the mindset of the RTC subculture, which leads to them doing stuff like Purity Balls, this does make sense. :shudders: Like I keep saying, it always winds up being about sex with them. They hate and despise the desires of the flesh, even though it is something hard-wired into us by evolution. So they sublimate these desires in hopes of making them go away. But doing so, only leads to them coming out in even more disturbing ways.

I freely admit that I do not have kids. Given my history of mental illness, I find myself wondering if I should really inflict myself on an innocent child. Plus, with school or other jobs, if you wake up feeling like absolute shit, you can call in sick and spend the day lounging around. There's no such thing as calling in sick when you're a parent. Even if you have some kind of Martian death flu, you still have to get out of bed and take care of the kid, because like I've ranted before, even though humans made it to the top of the food chain, everything about small children seems contrary to the rules of survival.

Anyway, my point is if given a choice between Nelly and the Purity Balls' attitude towards sex, I would rather my kids side with Nelly. I would make sure they knew about contraceptives and condoms, but Nelly being all "Let's get it on, baby," seems a heckuva lot healthier mindset.

I wonder how long until Rap or HipHop stops being the eeeevil corrupt Negro Black African-American music that is corrupting our youth. Is the fact that White People like Eminem are performing in that style enough to de-evilize it or will we have to wait until my generation is in power for that genre to become edgy but safe enough not to corrupt the next generation, like what happened with Rock music. It's the age-old tradition: when it's a predominately a Black artform, it's an eeeevil, corrupting influence on the Youth of today. When White dudes like Elvis step in, it's still edgy and eeeevil, but when marketers start using it to prove that they are "hip" and "with it"*, in order to rope in young people, it gradually becomes interwoven into the culture. Until the marketed generation is in power and is doing the marketing. Then it's all, "Why can't the kids of today listen to nice, safe music like I did? Stuff like songs about shooting men in Reno just to watch them die or enjoying raucous sex?"

I know, I know, I talk too much. But high on my list, if I ever conquer the world is no more articles about the generation gap. They never say anything new and just serve as a source of welfare for lazy-ass journalists. Just change a few words, the name of the tech those crazy kids are using (which was developed by the previous generations) and type whatever bullshit name you're labeling them with, and you're done. Probably if we translated cave paintings, they would be ramblings that go, "Bah, those crazy kids with their bizarre insistence on walking upright and using fire. They'll never experience the joys of E.coli."

Because the chief thing all those generation gap articles ignore, is that the people writing them and whinging about the kids today, raised said kids. If those kids are really as spoiled and entitled as you claim, doesn't that reflect poorly on your generation? You were the ones who gave us trophies for everything, apparently. Though I keep wondering when I'm supposed to get all those participation trophies I'm entitled to. Apparently I was supposed to receive them for doing everything, including breathing, but all I ever got were stickers on my homework and the occasional ribbon. And when I did get those participation ribbons, I knew they were bullshit from a very young age, just as nearly every kid I've ever known. Kids aren't rock-stupid; we know which awards actually mean something and which are just "You participated."

The nonstop excitement of Kingdom Come continues in Chloe's section. Chloe thought that the phony report on Kat had blown over, but just when she thought it was safe to check the inbox, there's another one.

But that day her in-box had brought another upsetting note. Unsigned, of course. Cameron had told her she ought to institute a policy that she look first to see if suggestions or complaints were signed and summarily trash them if not. “If a person isn’t willing to stand by what he says . .  .”

This note read: Kenneth B. Williams is your culprit in the Risto personnel matter.

:Dramatic Prairie Dog:

Ugh, when a guy who willingly wrote a line like "To say the Israelis were caught off guard, is like saying the Great Wall of China is long," is being a voice of reason, you know you have problems.

Because I feel a need to point out that with the so-called phony Kat report, Chloe had no difficulty finding it plausible enough to check into. If she didn't, she would have just looked it over, rolled her eyes, and thrown it away, because chances are, if Kat really was all lazy and such, Chloe would have caught her in the act or someone at the daycare would have said something to her.

Though given the insane amount of laziness Ellanjay demonstrate with every chapter, them ragging on people for being lazy, feels really rich, like Snowflame saying that you should cut back on all the cocaine. I thought about using a real world analogy like Woody Allen criticizing someone's bad parenting, but it felt wrong. So I went with Snowflame, because more people should know about that never-ending bit of WTF. Though said comic does fail, not only as a superhero comic, but as a PSA. It clearly demonstrates that snorting ridiculous amounts of cocaine gives you superpowers.

Yeah, another reason I'm not having kids: I'd be a terrible influence on the next generation.

Given that Kenny is, you know, Chloe's son, you'd think the letter would have even less concern for her. She's probably had to stop him from committing Onan's sin over Kat and therefore, knows he wouldn't try to get her in trouble.

But that would make too much sense.

That made no sense, of course. Ludicrous. And yet Chloe carried the crumpled note around all morning. What was she supposed to do with something like that? Finally she paged Cameron. “It’s not urgent,” she said. “But when you have a moment . .  .”

Now we cut to Abdullah, who is still on his Asshole for Christ campaign.

It felt weird to Abdullah to be strolling to “work” every day with a portfolio full of papers and his Bible, setting up shop, as he liked to call it, in the enemy’s lair. It violated every boundary of logic he had ever been aware of, and yet God knew. His ways are not our ways, Abdullah reminded himself.

I'd like to remind you that said enemy is letting you use his facilities to promote your views that God loves you which is why He must kill and torture you horribly for all eternity. Whereas you guys keep siccing the police on them whenever they try to exercise their right to free assembly. It will never stop being about Projection when it comes to the Right, will it? Like I keep saying, maybe it's comforting for you to believe that everyone is just as awful as you are, but it sucks for everyone else.

Though from the looks of things, even though Abdullah is in "the enemy's lair," I'm not sure what exactly he is doing. He seems to just sit in an office, rearrange papers, and talk to Mudawar and Sarsour. I had joked about how he was going to stand on a street corner and rant and rave about how they are all sinful sinners who will burn in Hell. He would be an Asshole for Christ if he were to do that, but it would be less lazy than sitting in an office. Standing on a street corner and ranting and raving would require some endurance and strong vocal cords and it probably wouldn't accomplish much, but it would still be some actual effort.

It's another thing I keep saying about the Modern GOP: they have all the prejudices of their predecessors, but none of the work ethic. Strom Thurmond holds the record for longest filibuster and what he was filibustering against, was Black people being able to vote, but at the same time, he did actually filibuster, rather than pout, cross his arms, and say he was going to do it. He may have been horrible, but he was willing to put forth some effort to fight for what he believed and polish his beliefs, however turdish.

I have similar thoughts regarding Richard Nixon. Yeah, he was a moral sewer of a human being, the closest we'll ever have to having a Bond villain as president, but given the amount of effort and planning he put into his villainy...again, you're glad he was stopped, but at the same time, you have some grudging admiration for him. Though that time you considered killing a journalist who criticized you by coating his steering wheel with didn't get the hippies, like at all, did you, Nixon?

I keep trying to think of a pop culture metaphor for the GOP of old versus the modern-day version. I can't find one that completely fits. The best I can come up with is, it's the choice of being ruled by Tywin Lannister versus being ruled by Joffrey Baratheon. They are both horrible and it would suck being ruled by either of them, yet Tywin Lannister has intelligence to his villainy, is one of the Magnificent Bastards in the Game of Thrones universe. He is cold and ruthless and has no qualms about using whatever means he has to, to destroy those who oppose him, but there is planning involved and he wouldn't just throw a massive hissy fit and commit over-the-top, meaningless brutality. He is horrible, but there is planning and design to his horribleness, not just brutality for the sake of brutality.

Whereas Joffrey Baratheon is a spoiled brat sadist who does nothing but throw over-the-top hissy fits that lead to people being horribly maimed and killed, which does not help morale at all, and only serves to make his position and life in the Seven Kingdoms even more precarious. Were it not for the fact he was surrounded by good advisors who did their best to ameliorate the problems he created, Joffrey would have been overthrown pretty fast. He is an older version of the kid who rips the wings off butterflies for the fun of it, except that most butterfly-rippers don't have the resources to do more than that. The same cannot be said about Joffrey.

Though I am being somewhat inaccurate. Abdullah is doing something. He brings Mudawar coffee just the way he likes it from his favorite vendor. As for Sarsour, he brings him his favorite hummus. In order to provide y'all with an opportunity to laugh at people who deserve it, here's how Ellanjay describes Sarsour's favorite kind of hummus.

To win over Sarsour while stringing him along daily with snippets of his own story of his raptured wife, Abdullah discovered Sarsour’s love for a particular kind of hummus, a mash of chickpeas and sesame seeds flavored with garlic and lemon. When he ducked out for Mudawar’s drink, he would also bring back that treat for Sarsour.

Uh, Ellanjay? According to the dictionary, hummus is basically mashed chickpeas and sesame seeds flavored with garlic and lemon. So what you guys are saying, makes about as much sense as saying, "Abdullah brought Sarsour his favorite kind of water, a mixture of two parts hydrogen with one part oxygen." Okay, I am exaggerating, but still.

I would commend Abdullah for taking time out from being an asshole to be considerate of the needs of others, but given that he is only doing this in order to rack up converts, rather than to just be kind, he's still an asshole.

Though given that one of the LB-verse has Token Jew taking Our Buck to a restaurant in Israel, which serves him such exotic, tradition Israeli cooking as bread and sliced apples, this is something of a step up for Ellanjay. It's not much of a step, but hey.

We cut to Chloe and Our Buck talking about the eeeevil letter in the report box. Much as I hate to admit it, Our Buck continues to make good points, basically saying, "Just throw it out." Though he promptly loses whatever points he has gained with the next paragraph.

Cameron sighed. “Before the Rapture, I would have blamed it on the wiles of the devil, devising time wasters to keep us from what’s important. It’s almost worse to know he has nothing to do with it. This is the flesh. Why don’t you ask Kenny if he knows of any enemies who might have some motive for getting him into trouble?”


Egads...I'm not even sure where to begin with all this.

Though yeah, you guys did spend a lot of time doing what was important during the Tribulation. I mean, someone had to escort Nicky around the world so he could commit horrific atrocities and serve as his personal propagandist. But to be fair, occasionally the Tribbles thought disdainful thoughts in Nicky's general direction, which totally counts as bravely standing up to tyranny.

Ah, Nicky, you probably could have defeated the RTCs if you just stuck Scratch-and-Stuff stickers at the bottom of swimming pools, or wrote "Want to keep an idiot busy all day? See other side for details" on both sides of dollar bill. Given that an anonymous report is Serious Business! can any of you deny the inherent truth of my previous statement?

Kenny and Kat are walking around :gasp: holding hands and we get this nice bit from Kenny.

That seemed to satisfy Kat, and they spent the dinner hour with her parents, talking openly about their future. Nothing was official yet, of course, but their conversations had progressed even to the logistics of where they would live. Kenny wanted to make his actual proposal something dramatic and special.

"She is of the opposite gender and tolerates my presence. Clearly that is a sign of undying love!"

Kenny-boy goes to meet up with Creepy Raymie who is holding a meeting. But Zaki, the guy who recruited Qasim (aka the Worst Person in the World**), hasn't been sipping the right brand of Kool-Aid.

That night Raymie called a meeting of the Millennium Force, and it was clear Zaki was not happy. “You still pining over your buddy?” Raymie said. “I don’t get it. All of us except Kenny here have glorified minds, and you’re still obsessing over what I had to say to Qasim.”

Zaki shook his head. “I felt ganged up on, and I know Qasim did. I want to go on record that you overreacted and that you had no right to ban him from our meetings.”

Yeah, I'm sure you really had to be emotionally cruel and kick Qasim out of your Sooper Sekrit Clubb for being somewhat hot-headed, because...:cue tumbleweed gif: I'm sure you really felt great anguish over that decision.

But Bahira has some words for her wayward brother.

“He didn’t belong here!” Bahira said. “He was never a member, and Raymie made it clear he was not to even pretend to represent us, but still he did just that! He called himself our TOL infiltration expert!”

"He committed the greatest crime of all: showing support and trying to help us! History must never forget Qasim's atrocities!"

Though I do feel a need to point out that Qasim was the one who brought you the TOL's manifesto. Granted, said manifesto was dripping with Strawman Has a Point, but he still actually brought you useful information. What has Bahira and Creepy Raymie done in the great battle against the TOL's tyranny? :cue tumbleweed gif again: It's probably a case of Qasim thinks he's a Main Character and is doing Main Character stuff, despite not being a Main Character. This is something the Millies can't let go unpunished! Kenny-boy and Creepy Raymie can act like Main Characters by virtue of having St. Rayford and Our Buck's blood in their veins, but Qasim isn't related to either!

Though in fairness, Creepy Raymie only has St. Rayford's blood and is only related to Our Buck by his sister's marriage to him. Since Kenny has both Rayford and Buck's blood in him, does that give Kenny-boy a higher ranking in the LB-verse hierarchy or what?

They talk for a bit and there's this moment, which confused the hell out of me.

“Guess that means a green light from us,” Raymie said. “Be careful and keep us posted.”

“Of course,” Bruce said. “Kenny, I would be honored. And I agree it’s a nice touch, tying your wedding to that of your parents. But you must get Ekaterina on board. She may have another idea. It has to be her call. I won’t be offended either way.”

While they were connected by their implanted cellular phones, Kenny filled Bruce in on the situation with the Other Light in Paris.

This through me because I thought Kenny was at a meeting with Creepy Raymie, Bahira, and Zaki all hanging around. So when they mentioned Bruce, I was like, "WTF?! When did he show up?" Did he just beam in there like something on Star Trek? Has he been quiet the entire time, not even making breathing noises?

Then I realized that Kenny-boy is communicating with Bruce over the skull phone and I'm like, "Okay so did Kenny put Bruce on speakerphone somehow?" Because the dialogue seems to imply that Kenny had been talking with Bruce, but nothing before gives any indication, no part where Kenny is like, "Hey I'm going to have to put you on hold here?" or he says, "Hey I'm talking with Bruce. Maybe he can help us," before going to speakerphone. This kind of error is so bad, I can't even find the words for it. If I try, my keyboard will probably go on strike and all I'll be able to do, is type nonsense like apsodinf;aosijfab.

Though the MK having skull phones...given that spiritplumber said that Jenkins considers the LB-verse to be a sequel to the Shitstain Trilogy...well, I'd wonder if there's a deeper meaning behind the skull phones, but that may be giving Ellanjay too much credit.

Though it probably is some kind of telepathic uplink ala the Borg. Bruce, as a servant of TurboJesus, is allowed to be a part of said link, the better to disseminate orders, lest the drones forget their place. And Bruce is in turn monitored by others who all answer to TurboJesus. The only ones who aren't linked, are St. Rayford and Our Buck, because they outrank everyone in the LB-verse, including Zod and TurboJesus. As such, the arc of the universe bends to their will and they have no need of the telepathic uplink.

The section ends with Chloe talking to Kenny-boy. Even Kenny-boy is like, "Seriously?!" in response to all this. They talk for a bit about Who Could Have Done Such a Horrible Thing? but Kenny is like, "Just forget about it." In my head, Kenny leaves and he and Our Buck start making plans to have her put in a home, because Dementia has clearly set in. Before anyone says, "But Mouse, this is supposed to be Heaven!" given that it's already been shown that Heaven has all the annoyances of Earth, is it too much of a stretch to believe that Dementia is still a thing?

And that's it. Have fun and stay out of trouble.

*Yes, you may say them like Doctor Evil would, complete with the finger quotes. In fact, you would be remiss in your duties if you didn't.

**You have to admit that this video with Keith Olbermann laying into Glenn Beck, feels kind of quaint given that we're now in the Trump-era. Trump could unhinge his jaw and devour a live newborn baby in front of its terrified mother, and he would still have supporters. They would be like, "Hey, babies are a well-known source of protein, which he will need if he plans to solve all our problems forever." Though if the baby devoured, is a PoC, good luck getting them to express any opinion on it.


Firedrake said...

Brief good-night kisses. Of course. Wouldn't want you to think they were enjoying themselves, 'cus if they do they'll have to get married. (Yay, let's make marriage as joyless as possible by forcing you into it!)

But RTCs are all about the anonymous accusation! It's a way of life! How can you be so culturally insensitive?

Skullphone app: it constantly murmurs Bible verses to you, 24/7. Only the good ones, obviously.

Melvina said...

For someone who has been through the end of the world, Chloe sure does get worked up over inconsequential things...

Firedrake said...

"If you want a picture of the future, imagine petty office politics and point-scoring — for ever."

spiritplumber said...

Maybe it's a side effect of being Glorified.

Which is too bad, because Chloe is pretty badass throughout the series (although this happens mostly offscreen).

For example, she manages to get back home to Chicago right after the Rapture, faster than her dad, and having more ground to cover.

Later on, she also ends up running about one fifth of the world's economy through the Commodity Co-Op... clandestinely, at that.

The various Right Behind fixfics usually have her struggle noticeably with the Glorified engram.