Sunday, January 22, 2017

Screw It, I'm Bored...

Hey everybody!

I will try to keep from getting into rants about the events of January 20th. Though it is irritating that even the quality of our bloviating demagogues has gone downhill. Evil is supposed to be disturbingly seductive, a reminder that the line between good and evil runs through all our hearts, not just disturbing. Richard Nixon may be the closest thing we ever had to having a Bond Villain as president, but I find myself longing for his brand of villainy, because as glad you are that he was stopped, you have grudging admiration for the level of planning and effort he put into his schemes. Though that time you plotted (though he never carried it out) to kill a journalist by coating his steering wheel with seriously didn't get the hippies, like, at all, did you, Nixon?

I want to say the GOP of old is Tywin Lannister as opposed to the GOP of today which is Joffrey Baratheon, though I'm not sure how accurate that is. Just that Tywin has intelligence and planning to his cold-hearted villainy and isn't just a bratty sadist who would destroy his kingdom through sheer spite alone.

:sighs: I don't know what poem was read at the inauguration, but I will be very disappointed that some haxxor didn't do something to the teleprompter and replace the poem with "The Second Coming" by William Butler Yeats.

Though that poem, just like Sinclair Lewis's book, It can't Happen Here...I often want to invent time travel just to punch those guys for being so damn right.

Good news, well they're not just copying and pasting from Genesis to pad out the word count. Bad news, well I did a read through and I haven't seen any places where I can turn my inner pervert loose and liven things up that way. Worse news? As always, Ellanjay's ability to turn two pages of dialogue into a chapter. :whimpers:

First section, well apparently the kids are so keyed up from hearing Noah's copy and paste from Genesis, the Book of Enoch, and Kent Hovind, that they can't focus on anything else.

Kenny tried to get them to fashion model arks and line up toy animals, but these activities deteriorated into more fun and games. He was as excited as they were and had to wonder when things would get back to normal. And to think that other heroes of the faith were scheduled! Fortunately, no one knew when.

Children being exuberant and high-spirited? Such a marvel has never been seen before in the history of this planet.

Though shame Kenny doesn't list any of the other scheduled heroes of the faith. Guess I'll just have to wait and save my knowledge of the weird parts of the Bible for another day. Sorry, guys.

Though Smart!Aleck Me would be like, "Okay, you're just reciting passages from the Old Testament. If that's all you're going to do, then why don't we stay home and read our Bibles for ourselves, since that's all there is to your stories, apparently."

Though I know the answer to those kind of objections and probably nearly every kind of objection in this series is, A) the Bible is in the Public Domain, so we can use it all we like, and B)Filthy Filthy Lucre.

But I have to warn you, the next paragraph, well if any of you are blue-haired schoolmarms with heart conditions, well, I'm not sure how you found this blog, but you might want to look away. However much I like to swear, I don't want to have any deaths on my conscience.

Ekaterina was no less wired as they walked home, unabashedly holding hands now, even in front of others. Kenny knew the news of their being an item would soon get around. When they reached her house, her parents clearly noticed but did not raise a brow or say a word. He would have to ask Kat the next day if anything was said after he left.

"Two people of the opposite sex, unrelated to each other by blood and marriage, doing something as gauche as holding hands?! The level of Orthodox is most definitely Un!"

Though given that the RTCs have managed to sexualize hugging and kissing, you know at some point, they will speak out against hand holding, say something about how even if you are pulling someone from a house fire or something, you should never have skin-to-skin contact with someone unrelated to you via blood or marriage. From there are start to envision some enterprising individual creating special RTC Hand Holding Gloves, blessed by Jesus himself and covered in Jesus Fish.

Short interlude with Abdullah who is still all bummed out, because he wants to be an infiltrator, but he has a Glorified Body, and honestly, I'd been mostly ignoring his little subplot because I just assumed it would Go Nowhere and Do Nothing and, in all likelihood, that's what I still think would happen. But in the unlikely chance that it might go somewhere, I typed this. You're welcome.

Meanwhile, Kenny-boy and Creepy Raymie have a talk. There's all this talk about how Kat knows about the Millies and Kenny wants to nominate her for membership (probably as part of his ongoing quest to get in her pants). Raymie is all shocked about Kat knowing about the Millies and asks how she knew. Kenny tells her that Qasim spilled the beans. Raymie is not happy.

“Kenny, please. I’ve got half a mind to disband the whole thing. It’s getting out of control. Qasim is not even part of us, and I couldn’t have made that any clearer, yet here he is telling the Jospins that you’re some double agent, then telling a virtual stranger— at least to him— all about us and not even getting it right.”

The vibe I'm getting...I'll assume that Raymie is basically David Koresh. The Millies is his enclave of devoted followers who hang on his every word and see him as a prophet, fawning over him like he parted the Red Sea for Israel and in return...I'd make more jokes, but this is starting to feel just a little too tasteless. Just know that there's a reason I will keep calling Raymie, Creepy Raymie. The people who feel a need for that kind of rigid control over everything, tend to not be good people.

Creepy Raymie continues to earn his nickname as Kenny talks about how Kat went on :gasp: one date with Qasim, decided he wasn't her cup of tea, and is now going out with him.

For added amusement, I'll give you a quote:

“Hold on. I thought you said you and she were going together.”

“Right, well, their date sort of brought things to a head.”

"So Qasim is that lousy in the sack. Dammit! I told him to think about baseball!"

I know, cheap shot, but I need to amuse myself somehow.

Creepy Raymie is all "I'm kicking Qasim out." I've already made it clear that my sympathies are totally with him. Because again, he's being bullied by a bunch of sanctimonious turds who will find something to dislike about him no matter how hard he tries to curry their favor.

The section ends with this passage.

“If Qasim can be believed, they think I’m with them and working covertly at COT. Should I try to string them along?”

Raymie shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t like it. How hard would it be for them to learn how tight you are with your parents, who run the place? And what are you going to say if they ask about Qasim?”

No matter how hard they keep trying to use words like infiltrate and covert, nothing will change the fact that the Millies are, to use spiritplumber's words:

Also... Dear Millennium Force, you're not a resistance group. You are unofficial-but-permitted, volunteer additional enforcers for the regime. You are literally blackshirts/brownshirts. Sorry to break it to you.

That's basically the size of it. The Millies are just taking the cart-blanche endorsement they received from God and using it to go after the TOL for daring to believe slightly different things from them. For all their wargle-bargle about how eeeevil the TOL is, you don't hear about them sending in double agents to bring down the Millies from within or siccing the police on them for exercising their right to free assembly. The TOL seems content to live their lives in whatever manner they deem fit, while the Millies cannot tolerate another group's point of view. I wonder if I'll ever stop making references to the Swing Kids rebellion of Nazi Germany, any time soon.

However terrible the Tribbles were at being a resistance group (and they were terrible), they have more of a claim at being a resistance group than the Millies do. Nicky Rockies had outlawed all religions except for the poorly defined EBOWF or Carpathianism, and he was beheading and imprisoning RTCs. We can talk about all the things wrong with the Tribbles until the sun turns into a red giant and consumes the Earth, but again, they come closer to matching the definition of a resistance group.

:shudders: I just defended the Tribbles. What has this world come to? Next you'll be telling me that a bigoted, half-melted Oompa-Loompa is actually our president and...I has a sad now.

:reads further: Good God, this chapter is just pure white noise. Though that seems unfair: some people find the sound of White Noise to be soothing. This I'm like, "Someone was actually paid money for this," and then I start beating my head against a wall and crying. At least with Noah, I got to dredge up my knowledge of the weird parts of the Bible, because that's the kind of person I am: I can only seem to hold onto the weird stuff. Ask me to quote John 3:16? I'll be like, "For God so loved the world, that he gave us his only begotten self and in him we won't die and we'll have ever-lasting life and there's some other stuff in there." Ask me to cite the chapter and verse where Paul tells his enemies to go castrate themselves? Galatians 5:12. Though I can't judge Paul too harshly; we've all felt that way towards someone at some point in our lives. No need to reveal names and places, guys.

Anyway, the next day at daycare, Kenny notices Kat has a sad and asks what's up. My kneejerk cynicism just naturally assumes that any time Kenny shows concern or any interest in Kat at all, the first and foremost thought at the front of his brain is, "Will this affect my ability to get laid?"

Basically Kat had a fight with Qasim. Qasim was all upset about Kat dumping him.

“I told him about us, of course. He couldn’t believe that could have happened so fast. He accused you of moving in on him, undercutting him as soon as you heard about our date. I assured him I had been friends with you before him and that we hadn’t even realized how we felt about each other until later.”

"How dare Qasim be upset over having his heart broken? He really is the worst!"

Kenny is such a Nice Guy™. But then again, he probably would define "She gives me many erections," as being friends with Kat.

Qasim, now that the Millies have started their No Qasims Club, like I keep saying, just ditch these a-holes. Kat can't be the only attractive girl in the MK. Given that this is supposed to be Heaven, probably everyone is a dish. No stretch marks or cellulite or scars and you're like perpetually twenty-five. All you have to do is find an interested partner. If Kenny-boy has a shot at getting laid, you will do great, because right now, Kenny sounds about as sexy as Christian Grey. I would have so much respect for E.L. James if she just flat-out admitted that she wrote the entire series to promote their virtues of abstinence. Christian Grey makes you want to cross your legs and keep them crossed until you die. Christian Grey is a crotch kick. Having boiling hot gravy poured onto your genitals, is more enjoyable that sex with Christian Grey. Looking at photos taken of people in the latter stages of Syphilis will get you more hot and bothered than the words of Christian Grey.

All right, I'll stop with the ranting, though I stand by the general sentiment. I am wondering if I should have put a NSFW warning or something. Oh well, as a service to my readers, I'll give you guys a clip to serve as a breather before continuing. I'm honestly curious about that cartoon, even if it's probably nowhere near as epic and cool as Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes*, but it might be fun.

Kenny and Kat talk some more and it's so dull, I honestly can't remember much of it. Just lots of talk about Qasim and how Kenny and Kat still want to do each other and that's bad and I start considering reposting all those links I've done in the past about Sexual Abuse in the RTC subculture. Like I will keep saying until I die or the sun becomes a red giant and consumes the Earth, whenever a scandal dethrones someone on the Religious Right, it's always about Sex. RTCs are willing to forgive anything, so long as sex isn't involved.

Kenny goes home and cheeks his email. Ignace Jospin, one of the eeeevil leaders of the eeeevil TOL, has sent a message asking to meet up with him. But Kenny very "cleverly" responds with "Give me a couple of days and I'll get back to you." The excitement never stops.

Bahira, aka the only other girl member of the Millies due to their No Girls Allowed policy (which only allows for one), calls Kenny and they talk some more about Qasim.

“Well,” she said, “frankly I think dealing with Qasim is overdue. Not that Raymie didn’t try to stifle Qasim long ago. This is Zaki’s creation, a fiasco he could have fixed early. So do you get the impression that Qasim finally understands he’s not associated with us in any way?”

Yeah, how they defend this as not being bullying or emotional cruelty...I shouldn't ask questions I don't want to hear depressing, infuriating answers to.

I'll just assume that Qasim is going off to start his own group with blackjack and Hookers. Because really, fuck you, every last member of the Millies. As said before, the TOL is just living their lives in a manner they deem fit. They aren't interfering with your lives in the slightest. They're just like, "Yeah, you guys sit around and praise Jesus. I'm going to go out and actually enjoy Heaven."

The end of the chapter has Kat and Chloe talking. Kat wants to transfer away from recreation, so she can work with Kenny. I suppose I could make some joke about handjobs, but I don't think I will. It just seems a common trend with RTCs: they're so prudish about sex that even the Amish are like, "Seriously?" and so obsessed with it that even porn stars are like, "Dude, you need nothing but cold showers," and those two conflicting attitudes end up forming a toxic mess of a belief system and people get hurt.

That's it for this week. Maybe I should have thrown on another chapter, but next week's looks to have much more juicy content, stuff that deserves my full attention when I give it a teardown. Sorry, guys. You'll just have to amuse yourselves with dick jokes for a bit.

*Yes, I am cheesed about that series' cancellation. It had nothing but promise, dammit!


Firedrake said...

I think it's fair to say that I have held hands with my now-wife in a decidedly non-platonic manner, even if there was nothing for an outside observer to see.

"He's a rival for a woman one of my loyal followers wants, so I'm kicking him out". David and Uriah much?

I am more likely to quote the Revelation 3:16. "So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth."

50 Shades is fanfic of fanfic of the Book of Mormon, with badly-done BDSM pasted in. Naturally it has to be a success.

spiritplumber said...

Yay, I contributed!

Kingdom Come sidefic weekly spam follows.

Left Beyond Quest update:
After removing the repeated strategy prompt posts, the quest is now officially longer than Kingdom Come.

Cendrillon's Story update:
Three new chapters.