Sunday, February 15, 2015

Exterminate All the Brutes!

I know, I know, I'm late, but truthfully, it's getting harder and harder to find the strength of will needed to go a few rounds with Ellanjay every week. Firedrake's right; once you've made it to the Epic Pig Ride, it's all downhill from here. Now instead of mind-melting insanity, it's the same stupid,dull lectures over and over again.

But I did vow to make it to the end and I've made it this far. Might as well get to it. So let's end the Self-Pity Party and put on some cheesy montage music to get us all pumped, shall we?

Anyway, last week ended with us learning something new, courtesy of Ellanjay. According to Ellanjay, when Muslims force people to convert or die and say things like, "Islam or the Sword!" that's evil and wrong. However, it is fine and dandy for Christians to say, "Jesus or the sword!" and kill those who don't convert. :grinds teeth: The things this series has taught us.

The chapter begins with Sam feeling really bad about all those people buried alive and cast into Hell because they had the nerve to complain to Token Jew about the theocracy he's establishing out in Petra. As you probably guessed, Sam only briefly touches on this before going back to the important work of trying to rack up more converts on his fuselage. So he goes to talk to Lev. For those of you who had a rage-induced memory blackout, Lev's father and sister were among those that Zod buried alive.

Lev, continuing to be all inscrutable and Jewish, has the nerve to be all upset over losing cherished family members, asking "Why God would do this?" and such. Sam makes a token display of sympathy, saying he's sorry for his loss. But Lev still doesn't take the bait and decides that he wants to find some of Nicky's miracle workers and see if they can bring back his father and sister, which is a reasonable step to take, seeing as yeah, the miracle workers have demonstrated the ability to bring back the dead, rather than letting them burn in Hell like Zod intended.

Sam's all "The miracle workers are fakes and God loves you!" but Lev has the nerve to respond by saying, “How can God love me if he takes away my father?”

It's a perfectly cromulent question and as you guessed, Sam's response is the kind of response that makes you do an Boondock Saints F-bomb supercut.

“Your father spoke out against God’s leaders. God is cutting out those who don’t believe. You must follow him before it is too late.”

Yeah, it's such a shame God created people He knew would never believe then was forced to kill them for not believing. I mean it's not like God is omnipotent or omniscient or omnibenevolent. Because God is not any of these things, then you understand why he (and his servant, Token Jew) couldn't simply win over dissidents by, I don't know, rearranging the stars in the Heavens to spell out "Jesus is Lord!" or anything like that. God simply had no choice but to "Exterminate all the Brutes!" Because as said before, he simply isn't omnipotent or any of the other omnnis listed.

Now if you don't mind, I'm going to post a completely unrelated link and step outside and scream until my throat is raw and blistered.


Okay now that I've gotten that out of my system, can we all agree that there's no doubt that Token Jew has established a theocracy out in the desert with him as the Grand High Inquisitor whose word is law and if you dissent, he brings in God on air support?

Like I said before, the only problems RTCs have with dictatorships/theocracies is when they follow the wrong person/religion. Nicky is evil; therefore, a dictatorship under his rule is evil. Whereas Token Jew is good; therefore a dictatorship under his rule is good..

Anyway Sam's infuriating section ends with Token Jew giving a speech about false prophets.

If you're wondering we cut to Judd and finally the Great Debate between Token Jew and Leon Fortunado takes place. As you probably guessed, the debate, such as it is, is pure weaksauce. Leon is all "Nicky is Lord!" and dares God to strike him down if he's lying. And even though RTCs are big fans of the Atheist Professor glurge and that if God did strike down Leon, it would be a powerful witness, but as you probably guessed, nothing happens. So in addition to not being any of the Omnis, God also isn't bigger than the Boogeyman. Damn Veggie Tales lied to me!

Token Jew's argument, if you're wondering, is essentially "Jesus is Lord and there are 109 prophecies that say so!" And if you guessed Token Jew would harp on and on about all the atrocities Nicky has committed while tacitly ignoring the ones his God has committed, well congratulations for being a longtime reader of this blog! Wish I could say it came with perks, but I'm afraid not.

“Mr. Fortunato,” Tsion calmly said, “would you tell the viewers how many people have died by the guillotine because of your loving god? Would you admit that Global Community troops and equipment were swallowed by the earth near Petra, and that two bombs and a deadly missile struck here, yet no one has been injured and no structure jeopardized? Will you not also admit that Global Community Security and Intelligence Peacekeeping forces have spent millions of Nicks on attacking all traffic in and out of this place, and not one plane, flier, or volunteer has been scratched?”

I keep waiting for Leon to say, "And will you tell how many people have died at the hands of your loving god? How many have died as a result of poisoned water, repeated asteroid strikes, earthquakes, nukes, lion-headed snake-tailed flying people killers and who knows what else? I mean if your God is as loving as you claim, couldn't He witness to his flock in a way that doesn't involve repeatedly killing them and condemning a sizeable portion to a place of never-ending torment?"

But I have a feeling I'll be waiting till the end of time for any of Ellanjay's antagonists to give that kind of response. Because as I've said and many others have as well, Ellanjay have insulated themselves in a nice Criticism-proof bubble for so long that they don't know what actual criticism sounds like. That's why all the debates between Believers and Non-Believers are pure weaksauce.

Yeah, I feel a need to post Matthew 23 right now. I must particularly insist on verses 23-24.

Judd's section ends with a weird little passage that I'm guessing Ellanjay put in there in order to prove that they're totally not anti-Semites even though their deepest desire is for the Jews to stop being Jewish, which most would consider to be anti-Semitism.

Anyway, Leon basically says "Didn't the Jews kill Jesus?" thus allowing for Ellanjay to attempt to prove they're not anti-Semites by having their mouthpiece character say that the Gentiles did it. In addition to bolster his argument, they have Token Jew quote from the Old Testament. Token Jew quotes from Zechariah, specifically Zechariah 12:10 and Hosea 5:15.

I posted links to the entire chapters because being an English major/thinking human being, I sort of believe that context is important and that quote mining is bad. But basically Token Jew is yanking out those verses and using him to bolster his argument which is this:

“The offense? Rejecting the messiahship of Jesus. We repent of that by pleading for his return. He will come yet again and set up his earthly kingdom, and not only I but also the Word of God itself predicts the doom of the evil ruler of this world when that kingdom is established.”

And since earlier on, Token Jew specifically said that "Israel must confess a specific sin against the Messiah before we will be blessed," it should be abundantly clear: Jews, it's all your fault. All the pogroms, inquisitions, and to top it all off, the Holocaust, it's all your fault for being so FUCKING INSCRUTABLE AND JEWISH!

:goes outside and screams some more:

For those of you wondering, I didn't put that line about "Israel and the specific sin" in Token Jew's mouth. It's right there in the FUCKING BOOK IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME! towards the bottom of 3467 in the eBook. I know this is the standard "He beats me but it's my fault for making him angry in the first place and I'm real sorry, Mister Lord, for making you so angry in the first place!" abused spouse logic they've used before, but the way they used it this time, implying that all the millions who've died over the centuries...yeah, for a moment all I could see was red. About the only way this could be worse was if they said something about how the Jews were asking for it what with their insistence on walking around in the dark in that sexy miniskirt.

Judd's section ends with him saying that Leon never answered any of Token Jew's arguments, again tacitly ignoring that Token Jew didn't answer any of Leon's arguments either.

And we cut back to Sam. As you probably guessed, the "debate" so to speak, has now degenerated with Token Jew interrupting Leon by saying "Jesus is Lord" every time Leon tries to get in a word edgewise. Remember kids, interrupting someone isn't a sign of a weak argument; it's proof that you're a manly Alpha Male who doesn't need to actually know the opposition's argument before knocking it to the ground. Because that's exactly what your heroes, Jesus and Paul believed. None of that wussy crap of actually listening to your opponents, hearing their story, and meeting them where they are. Yeah, I'm going to post this link. Once you've read it, you'll understand why. List of Fallacies.

Anyway, the debate finally ends when the GC cuts off Token Jew's mic, proving how eeevil the GC is in that they don't allow freedom of speech/dissent. They cut off his mic after allowing him to spew out his dissent for several pages, unlike Token Jew, who has God bury anyone who disagrees with him. There's clearly a difference.

Token Jew gives a few words to his people about y'know about Being wary of False Prophets who twist scripture to their own ends.

Sam walks off to check on Lev. Lev is clearly shaken by what has happened. Lev talks about how the GC will still let them take the Mark, but that he needs to stay with his mother and look after her, now that his father and sister are gone. Sam, remembering the tenet of evangelism which is Always Be Closing, is basically like "What will it take to get you to take home a brand spankin' new Jesus today?!"

But Lev continues to be all inscrutable and Jewish, still says he has questions regarding his sister and father. The chapter ends with him deciding to climb a high place, saying that if what Sam says is true about the GC, he'll convert.

And that's where I'll leave you this week. I know, only one chapter, but this one really got under my skin and besides this snark's hella long as is.


aunursa said...

The chapter begins with Sam feeling really bad about all those people buried alive and cast into Hell... For those of you who had a rage-induced memory blackout, Lev's father and sister were among those that Zod buried alive.

I thought Petra was supposed to be a place of refuge, of safety.

It sounds as if Tsion and God are just like Martin Luther, who turned against the Jews of his time when they refused to convert.

Mouse said...

Silly aunursa, Petra is a place of refuge. So long as you obey the Grand High Inquisitor's orders without question and give up on such foolish ideals as democracy and freedom to dissent.

Firedrake said...

I hope we get the demon locusts back soon. (Things I didn't expect to say when I woke up this morning.)

As I said in Heathen Critique recently, this is anti-situational-morality: if you are a Good person, your actions, whatever they are, are also Good. And ditto for Evil. (I know people who watch soap operas this way too: they've decided X is a villain, so that nice thing he did most have been for villainous reasons.)

Killing their friends is the only language these people understand.

"Now you are free! Free to do as we tell you!"