Okay, as stated in a previous post, Pete wants Vicki to go south with him so she can instruct others on the Bible. They also talk about putting together a website, which naturally they'll link to Token Jew's website. How they're going to do this since Nicky Alps announced that he'll arrest anyone who goes to Token Jew's website, I don't know.
There's really not much to say about this first section, though there is this little bit about how they're going to find all the believers.
“That’s where Carl comes in,” Pete said. “We let the GC ferret out the believers and before they can arrest them, we tip the believers off and give some teaching.”
“Won’t the GC figure out there’s somebody working on the inside?” Conrad said.
“Maybe,” Pete said. “Carl will have to be careful.”
My response: Wasn't the whole point of this trip so as to teach others about the Bible? Why would they need to ferret out believers? Wouldn't they just be preaching to the choir? Not to mention, ugh, another double agent plotline...getting sick of Ellanjay's obsession with that plot line mostly because they never put it to any good use. There's so much dramatic tension that could be milked from it, but seeing as Suspense and Tension ran over their dog when they were a kid, Ellanjay strangle it before it can ever be born.
Anyway, in Israel, Judd and Lionel research locust stings and create a household mixture that looks like real stings and put it on themselves. There's mention of an email from Vicki asking Judd for permission to go with Pete, proof that Vicki's becoming a proper
Well I'll be...We actually get mention of Butt Monkey aka Ryan. I thought once he was dead and buried we'd never hear about him again, but we actually do. Basically Darrion talks about how Ryan showed her the light. It's not really that snarkable, though this part is interesting.
“I thought God was a force in the universe,” Darrion said. “I’d meditate and try to work myself into a spiritual state. That was empty. Ryan said God was a person, and when he prayed, he prayed to somebody who cares. That’s part of what turned me around and got me thinking that Ryan was right.”
As I recall, Darrion was a follower of the EBOWF aka Nicky Cardamon's vaguely defined faith. Only a few faiths would define God the way Darrion just did, but then again, remember in Ellanjayland, other faiths don't have their own ideas about God; they just hate Jesus. So I suppose, according to Ellanjay, they'd latch onto anything that'd give them an excuse to keep hating Jesus.
Now we're in Israel again. Judd and Lionel and Sam are at the hospital. Judd has apparently bowed to Lionel's wishes and agrees that he was wrong to do something to Deputy Woodruff and promises not to try anything again. They draw straws to see who gets to go in and who has to stay with the getaway vehicle. Judd draws the short one, leaving Lionel to stay with the vehicle. Surprise, surprise, the mini-Rayford gets to do the important job of trying to convert the heathens.
Apparently the GC have put up an electric shield to zap any locusts that try to get through. Didn't think that demon locusts could be taken out with electricity, but gotta hand it to the GC for thinking of it.
So Sam is there to see his daddy and tries to convince him of the truth. Naturally when told of this, Daddy Goldberg gives the same response that every other non-believer gives: "And this is evidence of God's love how?" Of course, even though we're like twenty books into the series, Ellanjay still don't have a good response to the question. Sam just goes "You need to convert," Daddy Goldberg refuses, but Deputy Woodruff sees them and triggers an alarm. That's where the chapter ends.
So the alarm has been sounded and Sam and Judd are running for their lives. Luckily a GC nurse, who, like all good people in this series, has the Zod-mark, tells them where they can leave. Sam and Judd find themselves in the laundry room and I roll my eyes as Judd tells Sam to tie some sheets together. Really the old knotted bed sheet escape? Are there any cliches left unused in this story?
I'll give you the short version since there's really not much snarkable material: Sam and Judd climb down the laundry chute and escape.
In America, Vicki makes preparations to leave. Also, apparently Mark used some Super Special Awesome program that turns their emails into a code that the GC can't crack. I roll my eyes.
I thought about doing a three-fer snark, but I've looked at the next chapter and there appears to be a decent amount of material there, so I think I'll leave you with what I've got thus far.