Sunday, September 4, 2011

Earthquake! Part Two

Hi everybody! I just thought I'd warn you before we start that next week, I start a six-week gig with Walmart, so I may be late with next week's snark. Now I know Walmart is evil but when you're poor and live in a small town, you can't afford to be too choosy when it comes to jobs.

Now Evil Paul brought up an interesting question in the comments of last week's snark which I think warrants a little discussion.

So wait, is Lionel's being in the child soldier camp (pacifists use child soldiers? Whaaaa?) treated as a bad thing in and of itself, or bad because he's a child soldier on the wrong side?

Now I'm not sure how to answer it, but in a previous post, Judd objected to another character joining the militia movement, so it's possible that Ellanjay think that Child Soldiers equals bad, but I wouldn't bet the farm on that one.

Okay, enough delays, now to the snark.

Vicki's car is caught on a branch and she tries to save the eevil Mrs. Jenness but fails. And Our Compassionate Heroine doesn't even feel the slightest twinge of guilt over the fact that Mrs. Jenness is suffering without end all because she wouldn't kowtow to Zod. I know I say these kinds of things a lot but they need to be said, dammit.

But we get a moment of questioning and doubt. It's a brief flicker but it's there and it's nice to see the characters behaving less like Elsie Dinsmore clones and more like humans.

Did you bring me through all that's happened to let me die in an earthquake?Vicki prayed.

Granted you'd think she'd leap at the prospect of death because she'd get to be with Zod and be spared the horrendous suffering that will follow, but I still cherish these rare moments where the characters act like humans.

Now Judd'n'Taylor are still escaping and start discussing the quake. Judd is all "It's in the Bible" and Taylor's like "ORLY" but this attempt at conversion ends when Taylor is rendered unconscious when the ground opens up.

Lionel meanwhile, is struggling under a pile of rubble. Unlike Vicki and Judd, he demonstrates a little concern for his fellow man by planning to escape with Conrad and tell him about the Bible. Granted it's probably just to chalk up another on his fuselage and win bragging points, but these characters make me want to throw a parade every time they do something good. But there's a gas leak and an explosion follows.

Ryan is trapped. Now to Chaya. Her father is trying to free her and she tries to tell him about Zod, when another quake happens and there's no response from her father. Darrion meanwhile prays and that's all that happens on the minor characters' end.

Next chapter, apparently Ellanjay remembered the verse about stars falling to earth because meteors start hitting. Frankly I'm still disappointed they didn't take the Simpsons approach to that verse.

We get a vignette that's horrifying for all the wrong reasons. Vicki sees a survivor coming towards her and offers to help him, but he throws himself into a flaming crater. Now in a lesser human, this would be a horrifying experience that causes one to question the justice of Zod, but Vicki is an Ubermensch and is above paltry concerns. As Fred has said before, previous apocalyptic literature was about warning people, but Ellanjay are more concerned with going "HAW-HAW! Be glad this isn't you!" and yes you do have my permission to use a Nelson voice if you want.

Judd meanwhile tries to rescue Taylor. While doing so, he thinks of a skit on a comedy show that ran after Our Buck published his article. Basically in this skit, a lamb went on a rampage and killed everyone and I'm picturing it being like the bunny from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.Again, Judd's attitude is essentially "HAW-HAW!" Then the meteor slams and the asphalt melts and they have to run into the water.

Lionel meanwhile escapes with the other boys from the soldier camp. Ryan is still buried. Chaya's father meanwhile, is buried and begs Zod to kill him and starts ranting, saying, "If you are so good and merciful why are you doing this to us?" which is a justifiable reaction, but Chaya is all "Do not blame God," and I just noticed that none of the Jewish characters use contractions. I wonder if for some reason, Ellanjay thinks that contractions aren't kosher.

Chaya is all, "God is merciful and gracious and is calling to you." But her father says what we're all thinking:

"Mercy and grace are poured out with an earthquake?" Mr. Stein said. "Death and destruction are a display of love?"

Darrion meanwhile gets out of the shelter and sees the owner of the house flattened by a huge tree and thinks, "At least she didn't suffer," and if that doesn't make you :headdesk: then you're an idiot.

And that's it for this week.


aunursa said...

I just noticed that none of the Jewish characters use contractions. I wonder if for some reason, Ellanjay thinks that contractions aren't kosher.

Actually the Jewish characters are all androids who were created with the inability to use contractions ... in order to distinguish them from the Gentile androids.

Firedrake said...

Not using contractions seems to be a lazy writer's trick to signify "I don't speak English very well". I've been guilty of this myself.

I still reckon that fusion bombs make for more plausible "stars falling to earth" than meteors. Ho hum.

"Why is God doing this to us?" "Look over there, it's Elvis, I mean Jesus!"

Apocalypse Review said...

@Firedrake: Some interpretations of End Times stuff I've seen from the 1970s attribute the effects described to modern weaponry as well as biological and nuclear weapons.

hidden_urchin said...

" least she didn't suffer."

Unless, of course, she didn't convert in which case she got pitched into Hell to be tortured forever. So...yeah.

Ruby said...

Jenkins rips off his own self here. In the adult series, Buck sees an old man throw himself into a pit right after the earthquake.

Evil Paul said...

Kewl! I get quoted in the Post! :D

@ Firedrake & Apocalypse Review: I suppose coming up with something that makes sense would require the authors to be willing to treat parts of the Bible as metaphor and symbolism, and filter it through a genuine understanding of human nature instead of some upside-down John Bircher worldview....
....I'm thinking, if we could distill the contents of all of these blogs into some kind of fluid, and inject it directly into the base of L&J's spines, we might have readable literature.

So we got disasters, and (attempted) conversion scenes all rolled into one. Please tell me that the sales pitches are happening _while_ they're doing practical things to save each other. As opposed to just standing around talking Jesus while the world falls apart:
*Frantic Digging* "I just want you to know! If we don't make it!" *More digging* "You gotta accept Jesus as your personal saviour!"

Also, I totally want to see the "Killer Lamb Jesus" Rampage!

Apocalypse Review said...

*Frantic Digging* "I just want you to know! If we don't make it!" *More digging* "You gotta accept Jesus as your personal saviour!"

That still seems kinda hokey and silly. Then again, Jenkins would find a way to screw even *that* up if he wrote it. :P

Shameless plug: Mouse has put my story on Right Behind :P