Sunday, January 9, 2011

Nothing Happens in these Books

For those of you who think that nothing happens in the adult books, I have to warn you: even less happens in the kids series. I just thought I'd explain in case it seems like I'm doing more summarizing than snarking that I'm doing it because nothing happens that's really snarkable.

Anyway that Deacon guy calls Vicki and tells her that the guy she was hitch-hiking up to proselytize, her brother's friend, Bub, is dead. I do not see the point of this unless it is to be touched upon in a later chapter I haven't gotten to yet. The only point I see is Ellanjay possibly trying to do a "This could have been you!" sort of message to scare young readers into converting but since we never meet Bub and said death occurs off stage, it ruins the effect they were going for.

We do get Wallace Theodore's interview with Chaim Rosenzweig and all they talk about is Nicky Appalachian and how humble and perfect he is. Oh and we get some mention of Russia's attack on Israel.

WT: Many say God supernaturally protected you against the Russian attack. With God on your side, do you need to barter with Nicholae Carpathia for protection?

This is problem numero uno with the Russian attack story: it offers incontrovertible proof of the existence of a God, maybe the Judeo-Christian one but that can still be debated, yet the characters still act like it was nothing special when they should be shakened to the core.

They also discuss Nicholae's plan to destroy 90% of the world's weapons while keeping 10% for himself.

WT: But Carpathia doesn't believe in war.
CR: He also knows that the best way to keep the peace is to have the weapons to enforce it.

[loud primal scream about the sheer amount of wrong packed in that passage] You have to remember that Ellanjay thinks that all pacifists are wolves in sheep's clothing despite the fact that most wars were caused by wolves in wolves' clothing. Therefore again, Ellanjay must be terrified whenever they're in Amish country.

Next chapter, well it's back to school. Yeah, I know there are numerous problems with the fact that school's back in session so soon. First of all, since the Young Trib Force (YTF) knows that Earth has less than seven years left, why are they bothering with school? This would be the perfect time to start stockpiling canned goods and preparing for when the sea turns to blood. In fact, thinking about homework would be damn near impossible under circumstances like these.

Also, shouldn't all these teachers be either gone or panicking? They should be worrying about their futures once all the remaining children grow up.

Once again, I find myself wishing I was watching that Kiwi drama, The Tribe, again. It may not have been a perfect show but it at least knew better than to make the elementary mistakes Ellanjay make.

But of course, since Mount Prospect, now Nicholae High, is an eeevil government institution, we get some persecution when the principal, :gasp: :choke:, forbids discussing the Rapture theory. Because you can't talk about Christianity in school. Except that you can. According to the law, students can carry and read Bibles, so long as it doesn't interfere with their schoolwork, pray at their desk, and talk about whatever they want in the lunch room. So let's add this to the long list of things Ellanjay is wrong about.

Anyway that's all that happens. Sorry I can't provide the finest snark this week. I leave it in your hands.


Rubyfruit said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rubyfruit said...

(Reposting because I can't edit comments.)

You just pointed out everything wrong with the Kids Version of Left Behind: It's so incredibly boring. I would gladly take the epic failure to understand how women, men, non-RTC!Christians work, and just about everything else wrong with the adult novels to the crushing boredom of the kids' novels.

Then again, this is what happens when the "bad" kids can't really do anything bad, and when an author thinks that writing kids' books is "easy", I suppose.

I'm waiting for Ellanjay to write Left Behind Chick Lit, if only because it'll go back to the hilariously bad writing instead of the boringly bad writing.

Mouse said...

Well, I hate to break it to you, but I will try to keep on doing this snarking barring any acts of god that leave me dead or crippled, though if enough people lose interest, I may be persuaded to stop. Other than that, I'll do it: all forty books of them.

:whimpers: Please kill me.

Mouse said...

Sorry about the snippy tone of the last comment. I meant it mostly tongue-in-cheek but I realize that it can be hard to determine tone via the internet. I just wanted to post to tell you that I've read ahead and next week, I'll have some grade A snark, none of this half-assed variety I've been giving you. To give you a hint as to what we're looking forward to next week, I'll tell you what the post title will be: The Persecuted Hegemon

Firedrake said...

"Russian attack"? What about the Ethiopian Air Force, eh? L&J put this crap in in the first place, they might as well be consistent about it...

Actually I think a pacifist RTC would probably take this approach - "I have the biggest gun, so everyone else better be peaceful". That's certainly what their god seems to do.

If schools are back up and running, I'd think that whatever government department deals with children living on their own probably is too - and they don't have as many to worry about as before! How are our "heroes" managing to stay out of adult supervision?

Mink said...

So there really is some sort of conspiracy to not discuss the Rapture throughout the world's entire education system? Does that go for colleges, too? (Probably, considering how anti-education Jenkins and LaHaye are.) But even if it was just primary, K-12 education, then that is a whole lot of principals in the world who are In On It. That's some conspiracy!

Rhoadan said...

Whether or not the school can forbid religious discussion really depends one whether it's still considered an USian school, or if it's officially a Global Community school, no? There's no First Amendment protections in the One World Government, after all.

Muenchner Kindl said...

Actually, opening the schools quickly again does make a lot of sense for the rest of the world that doesn't have the special gnostic knowledge of the TribForce, that is, who don't know that the world will end soon.

In the real world (which Ellenjay don't bother even visiting occasionally), whenever there's been a natural catastrophe - flooding, earthquake, nuclear power plant blowing up with tsunami added, or "just" war - the aid organisations try to give school lessons as soon as possible, often while people are still in the refuge camps. (They also give hurriedly special courses to the teachers in how to deal with the traumatized children therapeutically).

The first thing usually started are therapeutic sessions, playing with dolls, painting, simple handicraft, but later come school lessions. (UNICEF even has a "school in a box" set, for poor regions as well as for camps after disasters).

The reasons are: without school, the kids will sit around all day without anything to do (that's bad enough for the adults in those refuge camps, without work waiting for the delivery of food, water and clothes from swamped organisations through difficult terrain). Since the kids went to school before, school starting again is a sign of returning to normal life. Being together with other kids and teachers allows the opportunity of venting about the trauma instead of sitting around with your equally traumatized family.

Actually, what the Young Triblets should be doing is not only stockpiling food, but learn survival skills in the wild. They need to learn to cook anyway, so now they can learn how to cook dandelions and skin squirrels. Surely there are enough milita groups out there that weren't RTC enough to get raptured willing to give such courses.

A fun idea for a fanfic would be some side characters taking those courses given by a gay, non-pedophile scout master who wasn't raptured. Like the fanfic recently posted in Fred's comments about Meta-Lorraine and Chloe organizing nursing classes and other practical stuff in preparation for the "message of doom and gloom".