Sunday, September 5, 2010

It's so Boring

It's so boring

I don't know if any of y'all are Nostalgia Critic fans but I had to post a link to his Boring Song because this book is so damn boring. It has less action than a nursing home. I'm dead serious here; never have I so longed for the screwed up sexual politics of the grown-up books: at least it would give me something to talk about, but I'll try to do what I can.

Anyway, Lionel apparently is the only one concerned about Ryan so he goes after him and we do get this brief acknowledgement regarding the fate of Ryan's parents.

"How do you know how I feel?" Ryan blurted. "Your family's in heaven. For all I know, my parents aren't just dead, they're in hell."

Which is where they'll be for all eternity, suffering without end because God can't apply the brakes. I know I say that a lot but some things need to be repeated again and again lest we forget.

I keep thinking about how my favourite heroes would handle this. Batman and Superman would respond by calling up the league and the various other god-like beings they have on their rolodex, and together they would mount a massive war against the heavens. In fact, that's about the only sane course of action for anyone in response to such events. And again, I am still accepting fanfiction if anyone wants to write it.

Basically what happens in this chapter is Ryan and Lionel set up a tent in Ryan's backyard because Ryan can't bear to sleep inside his own house, the police tell Lionel that his uncle is dead, and I'm bored to death with the whole thing. Let's see if the next chapter's any better.

[reads ahead]

9 pages of Judd and Vicki trying to move Judd's car out of the parking garage?! 9 pages devoted to Ellanjay's hard-on for transportation! 9 perfectly innocent pieces of paper that could have been used for so much better purposes such as wrapping marijuana cigarettes or writing hare-brained manifestos or something!


That's it. For now, I give up. Maybe next week I'll have renewed my strength enough to give these books the snarking they deserve, but right now, it's just so boring.


Anonymous said...

Courage, mon brave!

It seems to me that the RTC objection to your talk of heroes is rooted in their wish to deny human beings any agency in theur own lives. (Not just RTC, I saw much the same thing growing up as a Catholic.) If you try to do anything for yourself, they say, you'll just screw it up; hand over the controls to God, it's the only way to get through.

Better to be my own firedrake in Hell than a zombie puppet firedrake in Heaven? Except that the point of the RTC Hell is that it is forever ("and remember that it is forever"). None of these options is a good one. It's a thorougly hostile universe-view, in fact - no wonder they're so scared of science, that might show them more of it! I'm surprised they're not terrified of the night sky and the darkness outside the circle of firelight.

-- Firedrake

Mink said...

There's a web original story called 'Salvation War' which deals with what happens when humanity gets PO'd at the heavens. Granted, it's not the Rapture -- God gives humanity the finger, lets Satan loose on the world, and humanity basically goes >:[ and sallies forth into the multiverse to take down their newly-least-favorite Abrahamic supernal entities. It's a pretty good yarn, even if the place it's hosted on is less than pleasant, and may be worth a read if you can deal with the occasional flood of military jargon.

However, your challenge for fanfic about what a torqued humanity would do to a heaven that pulls a Rapture is accepted! =) Though I have no idea when it can be done (not a lot of free time these days...) but I shall try. =)

Apocalypse Review said...

I re-read that stuff about Judd and Vicki moving his car and OMFG WUT. Move these cars! Move that car! Vicki is too scared to get in a car! Judd is ~manly~ and can give orders!


Anonymous said... If you're still accepting fanfiction....