Posts
All right, now we’re up for another intro film, this one featuring the God of Thunder and starring the first of the three Chrises who appears in the MCU (Hemsworth, if you’re wondering).
Your call as to why the casting agent of the MCU has such a thing for guys named Chris. Yes, I do believe that DC snatched up Chris Pine just to keep Marvel from having the full set. Marvel is so thoroughly smoking them in the cinematic universe department that DC has resorted to lashing out in petty ways.
Though let us be grateful to this brave soul who finally resolved the Four Chris debate in a satisfying fashion.
Though since Chris Hemsworth is both the largest Chris and the largest Hemsworth, obviously the
question remains: why doesn't he simply eat the other Chrises/Hemsworths?
Anyway, the Thor movies have a reputation as being the weak links of the MCU. Granted, The Incredible Hulk is the weakest MCU film, but that goes without saying. Generally, I agree with these criticisms of the Thor films.
The chief weakness of Thor films is that there’s a rather insular quality to these movies. With the other Marvel films, the effects of what happens in the solo films more easily spill over into the other films which make up the MCU. But the Thor films seem to be relatively isolated from the rest of the franchise. Don’t get me wrong: some of what happens spills over into the main throughline, but not a lot. This movie’s sequel, Thor: The Dark World, could almost be completely incised from the franchise without too much impact on the main overall plot.
I’ve already said that movie trilogies, especially ones related to superheroes, are like an expanded version of the three-act structure. Looking at the MCU overall, the structure with its phases and all, it’s like an even more expanded out version of this structure, with Phase One serving as the beginning, Phase Two as the middle, and Phase Three as the end. Black Widow, assuming it ever gets released, is supposed to be the first film of what is to be called Phase Four. I’m assuming that Phase Four will serve as the beginning in another three-act structure with subsequent phases serving as the middle and end.
It’s rather hard to ascertain what to call the plot of Phase Four onward. I guess it’s like a sequel to the previous phases, thus making Phase Four on, a three-act sequel to the original massive trilogy of plots, and assuming they follow the pattern, Phase Seven will launch the ending act to the other prior groupings of phases.
So what we have with this cinematic universe, is almost like boxes within boxes. You have the MCU as a whole, then the timeline gets broken down into the phases, which are further broken down into the individual films, which have their own individual three-act structures.
Whew...this can be something of a headache when you think about it. The MCU is its own unique storytelling format that I’m not sure what to label it as. It’s not a frame story ala Canterbury Tales because the stories build on each other, rather than existing in their own separate little spheres. Series is the closest term, but while there are plenty of ones where each installment builds on or leads to another or various characters from different titles team up, I can’t really think of ones where each group of books is an act in a bigger overarching plotline. Even the Star Wars movies*, the prequels, the originals, and the sequels, while you have some degree of the trilogies building on each other, still don’t have a bigger plotline which puts the three trilogies together.
Luckily, though, the MCU made another smart decision when it came to their cinematic universe that too many others have failed to do: it planned. Each phase was carefully laid out, so the people involved with the franchise knew what the franchise was building to and could plot the films accordingly, serving to provide an overall cohesive story/message. Obviously, real world events have forced the creative team involved to revise the plan, something bound to happen when doing storytelling on so massive a scale, and there are some plot holes, something only a few writers can manage to bat 1000 on, but for the most part, like I said, the overall story remains cohesive.
This problem of planning is one of the things that has hamstrung the MCU’s rival, the DC Expanded Universe, or DCEU for short. They’ve tried various Author’s Saving Throws to limited success at best. None of the films feel like they really belong together, because they’re so widely out of tone with each other. As much as it pains me to admit it, Batman v. Superman and that one movie do feel like they belong together, which is thanks in part to Zack Snyder’s aesthetic and use of storytelling tropes. Both movies still suck and are terrible, but you can see how they go together.
Justice League which is supposed to serve as the culmination film, is basically a Joss Whedon and Zack Snyder film frankensteined together in a desperate attempt to have them make sense (spoiler alert: it doesn’t). All the other films, regardless of their quality, seem disconnected from each other, off in their own reality from the others, resulting in a degree of incoherence if you try to mush them together. Aquaman is a good example of this incoherence. There’s the general throughline of “Aquaman has to learn that with great power comes great responsibility,” which is admittedly a cliched plotline, but can still be effective if used right. But the existence of Justice League causes it to not make any sense. Given that Aquaman had previously been shown stepping up to face down an alien invasion, it doesn’t seem to make sense for him to undergo a plotline where he has to learn that he can’t just lie around and do fuck-all with his powers.
From what I can tell, the DCEU seems to have thrown up their hands, given up on doing an overarching movie universe, and settled for making stand-alones, which is fine by me. I would rather get a bunch of decent stand-alones than an incoherent mess of a cinematic universe.
I know, I know, you’re all like, “Shut up and talk about the actual movie,” but looking back on the MCU has given me new insight into the overarching structure and when I started talking about it, things spiraled from there, something that happens to me a lot.
Anyway, here’s our titular character’s origin story. Yeah, they’ve strayed more than just a little from the original setup. Some of the changes are for the best. Given that his main tactic is throwing the damn thing, the whole “Thor loses his strength when separated from the hammer” weakness is pretty damn stupid. It does make the dick jokes even more obvious, but the nature of the character already makes the dick jokes obvious enough on their own. I mean, his weapon is a hammer, which he has named. Obvious dick jokes are obvious.
Anyway our boy, Thor, is having his coronation, but unfortunately, well, you know how it is, you try to have some kind of shindig, only for frost giants to crash it. Asgard’s magic robot, which is called the Destroyer, but we’re going to call it Gort, because it amuses me, dispatches them, but Thor wants blood.
So he, Loki, Sif, and the Warriors Three decide to single-handedly invade Jotunheim, the realm of the frost giants. They have Heimdall open the rainbow bridge, thus marking the first instance in which Heimdall commits treason against Asgard. Heimdall would go on to commit treason against Asgard in every one of the Thor movies, but my headcanon is that since he’s basically the only competent member of the Asgardian government, everyone’s pretty much agreed to just let him do whatever he wants.
Not surprising the genius strategy of “Invade another realm with a couple of your friends, thus upsetting a thousand plus year-old truce” does not go well. Odin has to save their rear ends. And he comes in on his eight-legged horse which as someone who knows something about the Norse mythos, makes me snigger like the dirty-minded pervert that I am. Suffice to say, I often wonder which aspects of the Norse mythology are canon in the Marvel verse.
Because according to the original mythos, MPreg** is very much canon where Loki’s concerned. And I probably shouldn’t have said that seeing as Tom Hiddleston’s fanbase is already insane, but let’s be real: my not saying it wouldn’t have stopped them. Because Tom Hiddleston’s fanbase is large and insane, and I hope to God that the actor has the sense not to ever Google his own name.
[TANGENT] In fact, while I have nothing really for or against Benedict Cumberbatch or Tom Hiddleston, I remain nothing but fascinated by the size and fervor of their fanbases. The insane level of passion they inspire, despite neither actor being what would be considered conventionally handsome. Hell, one of them has a name so stereotypically British-sounding that he might as well be named Nigel Crumpeteater.
I’ve long wondered if there was a way of resolving which actor’s fanbase is more insane. I want to give it to Benedict Cumberbatch because his fanbase willingly refers to themselves as “the cumber-bitches” but that feels unfair to Tom Hiddleston’s fans; what are you supposed to do with a name like Hiddleston?
Because I am that kind of person, I envision it all being resolved with a Naruto-style battle. With Benedict Cumberbatch, I’ve always gotten Gaara vibes, so that’s how I envision his fighting style, only rather than having a swirling shield of sand to protect him, he has one made of fangirls who instinctively leap in front of him to protect him. And yes, that does mean he has an attack called Fangirl Coffin, where he crushes his victims under the weight of countless fangirls, which probably ranks up there in terms of stupid or gruesome or gruesomely stupid ways to go.
But I can’t get a handle on Tom Hiddleston’s parallel. I suppose the abilities demonstrated by his most famous role, might put him as Naruto, facing down Cumberbatch with an army of shadow fangirls, but Tom Hiddleston is most definitely not a hyperactive knucklehead who does his best thinking when he’s getting hammered like a stake into the ground. Their personalities don’t line up, but I have no idea which Naruto character to use. Kakashi? Sasuke?
If you can think of which Naruto character to use, feel free to tell me. Though try to keep in mind that I refuse to acknowledge any canon past the Sasuke Retrieval Arc.
But take heart: no matter how the fight goes, it’ll all end in yaoi. Because I’m a long-winded pervert, that’s why. [/TANGENT]
All right, all right, back to the movie.
Anyway, Odin is like “Oh you are so banished!” and punts Thor to our realm, Midgard, where Natalie Portman hits him with her car and her assistant tazes him. Then he winds up in a mental hospital where he is given a shot right in the bread basket. So all in all, it’s been a rough evening for Thor.
But it’s not all bad. Natalie Portman decides that she needs his help when it comes to her research on something called the Einstein-Rosen bridge. And I thought that this was a classic case of the movie using scientific-sounding gobbledygook, but I Googled it and it turns out to actually be a thing discussed among astrophysicists. Don’t quiz me on any of this—I just skimmed a Wikipedia article. I guess they wanted to use some more scientific-sounding jargon than “wormhole.”
The rationale behind Natalie Portman’s character, Jane Foster, wanting to get his help, is so thin as to practically be able to read a newspaper through it, but honestly I can’t judge someone for wanting an excuse to spend more time with Chris Hemsworth. How did she manage to get herself to put a shirt on him instead of claiming that all her shirts had been snatched up underpants gnomes and forever outlawed?
Fun fact: Chris Hemsworth is contractually forbidden from spending any movie shirtless from beginning to end. Because that movie would win ALL THE OSCARS! and the Academy feels they should give all the other movies a fair chance.
Chris Hemsworth is high on my list of “People Who Make Me Want to Renew My Commitment to Heterosexuality,” whereas Natalie Portman ranks high enough on my “People Who Cause Me to Question My Commitment to Heterosexuality” list as to ascend to my Same Sex Top Five. So having them play characters who eventually become romantically involved with each other...I wonder if this is equivalent to putting a humidifier and a dehumidifier side by side and letting them battle them out.
While Thor is going through his Fish Out Of Water bit on Earth, well, Loki is having some issues.
As already stated, until recently, Loki was the only interesting villain in the MCU; hence why he ranks as a Five on the One-to-Five MCU villain scale. And it’s not hard to see why. Loki is charismatic as fuck and has a style and flair that his a sharp contrast to most of the villains in the early phases of the MCU, which are generally old White men in suits.
And there is a genuine sense of tragedy with him. Odin will repeatedly claim that he loves both of his sons equally, but the action and dialogue that plays out, demonstrates that Loki is more of a political hostage than his child, planning to put Thor on the throne in Asgard and Loki on the throne in Jotunheim and control the frost giants by proxy.
Because the word choices Loki uses in the linked scene, the way he says “what I am” rather than “who I am,” going onto describe himself as “the monster parents tell their children about at night,” clearly indicates that he was raised to hate and fear the frost giants all the while actually being one, which is pretty effed up.
And with his heir banished to Earth and his other child undergoing a massive identity crisis, and Asgard on the precipice of another war, clearly the thing for Odin to do is go into the Odinsleep, which is basically a healing coma. Further proof as to why Odin’s a dick.
In fact, looking back over the MCU, I wonder if in terms of dickish dads, if Odin isn’t in the lead. Then again, since Harold Barton and Brian Banner are never mentioned nor do they appear in the films (but them being abusive assholes is one of the constants to the core identities), the contest comes down to Howard Stark vs. Odin vs. Hank Pym. And looking over everything, I think I have to give the contest to Odin.
While all this is going on, apparently Thor’s hammer has attracted a lot of attention with everyone, including Stan Lee, trying to get it. Frankly, I gotta scratch my head a little. Yeah, I know this is a small town in the middle of nowhere, but still. SHIELD immediately shows up and puts the place on lockdown.
Naturally, Thor wants his hammer back. And yes, I did snigger a little when typing that. I'll try to control myself from here on out.
So he decides to bust in and get it.
A few observations: SHIELD would probably have an easier time stopping him if they used the guns they were actually carrying. Then again, I'm not part of some super-secret government organization, so clearly my words must be taken with a grain of salt.
Though I have wondered if this wasn't on the orders of Nick Fury, if maybe he's like, "Wait, I wanna see what this guy does." I don't know why he'd do this, but hey.
Though apparently, Hawkeye didn't get the memo, because he decides to, y'know, try to take out the guy rampaging through the base. And I thought about it, but decided to link to a review of Hawkeye's first appearance for this entry, rather than the team-up, seeing as it's his first appearance in the MCU.
Again, another character who got his start trying to kill Tony Stark. Tony, at some point, you need to look in the mirror and ask if the problem isn't you.
Anyway, Thor fails. He is further disheartened when Loki visits him and lies by telling him that Odin is dead.
Surprise, surprise, the trickster god is, well, up to tricks. Turns out he helped the frost giants to bust into Asgard and makes a deal with Laufey, the king of the frost giants, to let him into Asgard so he can kill Odin. And to cover his tracks, he sends Gort to go kill Thor.
As many have pointed out, Thor’s reform, where he goes from arrogant dumbass to Boisterously Brawling Dumbass, seems to happen in the span of a weekend. I don’t doubt that getting a shot down there and the ethereal beauty of Natalie Portman can change a person, but really that quickly? Probably makes more sense than Naruto where to redeem someone, you need only to beat them within an inch of their life.
Have to admit I still laugh at the part where it seems like Loki is going to listen to Thor’s little speech only to go, “DENIED!”
Thor gets his hammer back, beats Gort, and goes to deal with Loki.
But before we get to that, I just wanted to post this picture and talk a little.
I love it, because I am a Phil Coulson fangirl and you can practically see his thought processes here.
Coulson is all, “Yeah, I know I’m supposed to be intimidated by you, seeing as you have at least 50 lbs and nearly half a foot in height on me, and you’re all magic and shit, but I’ve dealt with Nick Fury before he’s had his first cup of coffee, so let’s cut through the BS.”
Like I said, it remains fascinating how a character created to serve as a bit part, then make his exit, touched enough of a nerve that it forced the people involved with the movies to keep bringing him back, until he eventually got a TV show and ascended to the comic book canon. For those not in the know, if a character in a superhero adaptation created for another medium (radio, TV, movies, dirty limericks, etc.) joins the comic books, it’s a real sign of their popularity.
Harley Quinn is another example of this phenomenon. She was created for Batman: the Animated Series*** and originally, she was intended to be a bit character, appear as the Joker’s moll in an episode, but she touched a nerve, so she kept coming back and eventually joined the comic book canon.
Anyway, back to the movie.
Well, Loki, who suffers from Chronic Backstabbing Disorder, betrays his biological father and I have to say when I first saw the movie, I was a bit confused. It seemed a perfect opportunity for Loki. He could let Laufey kill Odin, walk in on him, kill Laufey, then produce a bunch of crocodile tears about, “Oh, if only I had arrived here sooner,” which would make for an only slightly convoluted revenge scheme. And don’t tell me Loki wouldn’t be able to produce some crocodile tears: he’s the trickster god; I’m fairly certain it’s part of the job description.
Instead, Loki has another scheme entirely. Basically his plan is to expand the Bifrost into Jotunheim, which would tear the realm to pieces and kill off the frost giants. In other words, basically this whole convoluted scheme is a desperate effort to win Daddy’s affections. He gets Thor out of the equation, so he can set himself up as the sole heir, then to further cement his status, he sets it up so he can save Odin’s life and destroy his long-standing enemies. And since Loki is a frost giant, he is basically genociding his own people.
Eventually, Thor is forced to use his hammer to smash the Bifrost to bits, but in doing so, he’s made it so he can never return to earth and be with Jane, because the Bifrost is the only way of traveling between Asgard and Earth. At least it is until this sacrifice is immediately undone in the big team-up film.
And I suppose I’m leaping ahead and I apologize for it, but it is another weakness of the Thor movies. Most of the other character films manage to, for the most part, have tight plotting, You can see how the trajectory of one leads to the other and there’s a sense of a strong infrastructure holding the whole thing up. But in addition to the insular qualities of the films, sometimes it feels like those involved didn’t really know where they were going and why. Yeah, this movie builds to the big team-up and that’s good, but Thor 1 doesn’t feel like it flows into Thor 2. I talked about how Iron Man 2 was a big batch of missed opportunities, but it does feel like a natural extension of its predecessor.
I’ll have you know that I do watch the deleted scenes for the films. I haven’t mentioned them thus far, because for the most part, it makes sense that they were cut. Either they were part of a scene that was already long enough, are redundant, or out of tone with the rest of the film. Maybe they have some mildly amusing moments, but they really don’t add a lot.
And that is true of most of the ones for this movie. But this is also the rare occasion where I was like, “Why weren’t these scenes left in there?” The trouble is I can’t really delve into them too much without breaking (not just bending) the rule I have for this project about leaping ahead. I know I probably will break this rule—I already have—but I feel I should put forth the effort to try to follow the parameters I set for myself. Don’t want to use up all my material regarding a film, before I’ve even made it to the film.
Anyway, the scenes in question: Scene One, Scene Two, Scene Three. I’m sure some of you will figure out the common pattern of these scenes. I have to say, while it wouldn’t completely solve all the problems of Thor: the Dark World, (the movie is too big a hot mess for that to work), it would help address some of them.
I’ve already mentioned the Stan Lee cameo, so here’s the post-credit scene. Unlike most of the other post- credit scenes, which were mostly teasers for heroes who were going to show up, this one has a bit of plot in it, as Loki gets moving on his next scheme. Though that bit about unlimited power, uh, need I remind you that Tony Stark, in the previous film, basically invented that? It seems like something that should be touched on more. As said before, I’m not asking for detailed explanations as to how it all works, but it’d be nice to get a line or two about the effects said tech has had on the world. I’m a firm believer in the Turkey City Lexicon idea called “the edges of the ideas” which is basically “don’t write so much about how technology X works; instead, show how it effects the people of the world where it exists.”
So put in a line or two about how whole cities are now lit up thanks to the element Tony synthesized. If you really wanted to go into depth, you could explore what it would mean regarding all the military quagmires in the Middle East, now that we have a source of perpetual energy, but that may be too much for a popcorn flick franchise to take on. So I’ll somewhat let the people involved off the hook.
And that’s it for now. Feel free to leave your comments and suggestions and continue to debate the identity of Zero at the end of all this.
*Don’t get me going on Star Wars, because I could go all night if I have to. Suffice to say, I loved the original trilogy, hate the prequels, loved Force Awakens and Last Jedi, but hated Rise of Skywalker. I’m not going to go any further with my comments, because otherwise this aside will be longer than the actual review. Because I’m that obsessive.
**I understand most fanfic tropes even if I’m not that into them, but I cannot get behind MPreg. It seems only a further reinforcement of gender roles, that you can’t just have two guys in love without forcing one of them into the part of the “woman,” having them display all the most regressive, stereotypical femme traits as possible. Just have your characters adopt or use a surrogate or something. Exception granted if one of the guys is a trans man.
*** The biggest advice I have for the people involved with the DCEU: get the guys involved with the DCAU (the DC Animated Universe) to do your movies. They proved you can pull it off: tell deep, thought-provoking stories that appeal to both kids and adults (the Cadmus arc remains a masterpiece) and have the heroes be interesting and actually heroic, actually experience some real emotional pain outside the “I smolder with generic rage!” variety. For those wanting to peruse the DCAU in all its majesty, don’t be too intimidated by the massive amount of canon. While it is a joy to see the entirety of it (DCAU at its worst is loads better than most series at their best), just start wherever you see fit. You like Superman? Go with him.
Avoid the episodes Critters, Superman’s Pal, and the early episodes where Batman gets his ass saved by annoying kids, and enjoy the ride. I also want to urge more people to see the sadly underrated Green Lantern: the Animated Series. The computer animation isn’t as good as the traditional kind, but the storytelling is amazing, almost as though the people involved with the show looked at the shitty movie and were like, “How ‘bout we show you how this is done?”
