There Are Always Men Like You

Hey guys! Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving, even my British posters who don't celebrate the holiday. Let's shake off our food comas and get to tearing Kingdom Come a new one.

Though I'd warn you that this post gets into some dark discussions about abuse, especially towards the end. Those of you with issues, feel free to bow out.

Our opening bit...I know you get tired of me reiterating the point that every character, no matter what their rank in the hierarchy or whether are Good or Evil, recognizes the inherent superiority of Buck and Rayford, but dammit, they keep forcing me to do so.

WITHOUT SO MUCH as a call or an official invitation, Rayford Steele’s small band entered the Egyptian parliament building that had been rebuilt in Cairo during the first year of the millennial kingdom. Whatever had been going on, the entire place fell mute, and all heads turned to watch the men approach the dais.

The man presiding immediately said, “We’ve been expecting you,” and several members of the government stood to applaud. Others glared at them until the ovation petered out.

I'm seriously starting to wonder if RTCianity should be referred as Rayfordianity and its followers called Rayfordites. Because people suffering massively because Zod took away all the water, know to recognize the greatness of Rayford. After all, he is known worldwide for bravely flying Nicky around the world and occasionally thinking disdainful, but not too disdainful, thoughts in Nicky's general direction.

Yeah, Firedrake's fan theory about the LB-verse all being a dream created by Rayford...Normally I object to "It was all a dream" endings because so often, they are complete and total copouts, but in this case, it would actually explain so much. All the inconsistencies would be easily explained and can you honestly admit that you don't find the idea that this is a the dream of a Misogynistic RTC Pilot dozing while on the job to make so much sense? In this dream world, he is the single most greatest human being there ever was, as opposed to the real world where he is a greying sky bus driver facing continuous mockery from his kids who stubbornly refuse to be like he was, perfect in every way.

Though to be fair, some of them do recognize Chaim, hailing him as Micah. But Token Jew isn't happy.

Rayford had seen Tsion Ben-Judah in countless situations, but never had he seen him carry himself with such authority and— clearly— anger. “On your knees!” he shouted, and immediately the assembled slid from their chairs to the floor.

I know everyone's getting tired of me posting that one clip from The Avengers but dang it! They keep giving me reasons to!

Because like Cap says, there is time to plant yourself like a tree and say, "No. You move," and I'd say when a demiurge dictator with superpowers is killing people for the heinous crimes of believing something slightly different, that's the time to do so. Because as I recall, this all stems from a few Egyptian government officials disagreeing with Zod. Yet Zod decides the best response is a massive disaster that will kill not only a handful of dissidents, but also a bunch of men, women, and children guilty of nothing more than being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Though then again, that is fully in character with the RTCs' beliefs. Saddam Hussein being a moral sewer of a human being, totally justifies throwing more matches onto a regional powder keg, which will explode and kill a bunch of ordinary people trying to live their lives. And of course, you shouldn't ask unpleasant questions like, "If you're invading Iraq because Saddam is bad, why not go after North Korea, given that the regime there is every bit as awful?" and you most certainly shouldn't suggest things like, "Maybe you're not invading North Korea because you can't power cars with Kimchi," and definitely do not point out that the USA sold Saddam the weapons he used to gas his own people, because during the 80s, we were scared of the Ayatollah in Iran. So we funded Saddam, who was at war with Iran, basically turning a blind eye to the horrific crimes he was committing. Even after our own State Department was basically saying, "Dude, this is not a nice guy you're doing business with," we still kept selling him weapons, believing that "Yeah, he's a little unruly, but if we give him weapons, and say, 'Bad Saddam! Very bad Saddam!' when he commits horrific atrocities, he will eventually fall into line." If Saddam hadn't decided to bite the hand that feeds him by invading Kuwait, we would probably still be propping him up.

:deep breath:

Sorry guys. You're probably getting all tired of the damn politics, but I can't help myself; it's like a spigot gets opened. You also probably getting tired of my constant girl boner for Captain America and the Marvel Cinematic Universe, so I will post a pertinent clip from the DCAU* and move on.

Token Jew starts ranting about how they worship Ptah and they eeevilly build structures and idols to Ptah. Me, I duck into Wikipedia to see what it says about the religious makeup of Egypt. I realize, of course, that Wikipedia isn't the bestest, most scholarly source around, but I find it a good starting point. From what I can tell, the cult of Ptah ended with the Third Intermediate Period of Egypt. For those of you not up on your ancient history (though it's probably difficult to be any good at ancient history when you believe that the world is only 6000 years old), the Third Intermediate Period of Egypt began in 1070 BCE and ended in 664 BCE.

So yeah, Ptah probably doesn't play that huge a role in the religious makeup of modern Egypt. Modern Egypt is primarily Sunni Muslims, who make up 88% of the population. We all know that Ellanjay have a dim view of Islam, but you want to know what the next largest religious group in Egypt is? It's Coptic Christians, aka one of the oldest Christian sects still around. Its followers believe that their church was established by Saint Mark himself in 42 CE. Proof for that is probably sketchy, because records from the first century are generally spotty at best, but I felt a need to point that out, because as Fred Clark has said many times, while Ellanjay act like their interpretation of the Bible is totally ancient, totally how all the great Christians throughout history interpreted it, really it is a very modern interpretation, dating back to the 19th century at the earliest.

And I know I'm belaboring the point, because that's what I do, but I feel a need to post a link to this graphic about the Egyptian Revolution. Because no matter how much the RTCs insist otherwise, things are rarely as Black and White as they think they are and for the most part, people are basically good. We may believe different things, but push comes to shove, most of us try to do the right thing, help out those in need. We may not always succeed, but we try.

Plus, as I keep pointing out, the country with the largest Muslim population isn't in the Middle East; it's Indonesia. Yet the problems facing Indonesia are, for the most part, problems facing any First World Nation: growing population, shrinking resources. If the problem really is Islam, as so many bigots proclaim, wouldn't Indonesia make the Middle East look like Switzerland in comparison?

All right, moving on...

Token Jew continues to foam at the mouth.

A man looking not much younger than Kenny stood. “Sir, if I may argue our side of the issue—”

“Your side? You are accursed! Or are you a believer, confident you shall live past your hundredth birthday?”

“It merely happens that I respectfully disagree—”

“Respectfully? You are fortunate you remain on this earth, for God willed that your young compatriots become examples for the rest of this nation.”

“But, sir, that is precisely our point. What kind of a loving God is so capricious that He would—”

“Demolish this building!” Tsion roared. “Rebuild it as a temple to the Lord. Delight in His ways. Seek His face. Follow His statutes. Never again disobey His commands. And henceforth this land shall be known as Osaze, ‘loved by God.’ Lest you fear that His wrath evidences something other than His love, imagine what He could have done in the face of this ultimate insult.

Oh, so much "Strawman Always Has a Point..." it's actually quite painful. Though of course, Token Jew would be from the Bill O'Reilly school of debate where not letting the other guy argue his case, is totally proof that you are completely one hundred percent in the right. But if the other guy shuts you out of the debate, because you cannot, at all, be respectful of the rights and needs of others, that is "OMG!!!!!11 PERSECUTION!" that makes the Holocaust seem piddling in comparison.

Yeah, I'm thinking of Acts 17:16 to the end. For all you lazy readers out there, I'll post the passage in question. Though admittedly, I had already planned on doing so.

16 Now while Paul waited for them at Athens, his spirit was provoked within him when he saw that the city was given over to idols. 17 Therefore he reasoned in the synagogue with the Jews and with the Gentile worshipers, and in the marketplace daily with those who happened to be there. 18 Then certain Epicurean and Stoic philosophers encountered him. And some said, “What does this babbler want to say?”

Others said, “He seems to be a proclaimer of foreign gods,” because he preached to them Jesus and the resurrection.

19 And they took him and brought him to the Areopagus, saying, “May we know what this new doctrine is of which you speak? 20 For you are bringing some strange things to our ears. Therefore we want to know what these things mean.” 21 For all the Athenians and the foreigners who were there spent their time in nothing else but either to tell or to hear some new thing.

Addressing the Areopagus

22 Then Paul stood in the midst of the Areopagus and said, “Men of Athens, I perceive that in all things you are very religious; 23 for as I was passing through and considering the objects of your worship, I even found an altar with this inscription:

TO THE UNKNOWN GOD.

Therefore, the One whom you worship without knowing, Him I proclaim to you: 24 “God, who made the world and everything in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands. 25 Nor is He worshiped with men’s hands, as though He needed anything, since He gives to all life, breath, and all things. 26 And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings, 27 so that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; 28 for in Him we live and move and have our being, as also some of your own poets have said, ‘For we are also His offspring.’ 29 Therefore, since we are the offspring of God, we ought not to think that the Divine Nature is like gold or silver or stone, something shaped by art and man’s devising. 30 Truly, these times of ignorance God overlooked, but now commands all men everywhere to repent, 31 because He has appointed a day on which He will judge the world in righteousness by the Man whom He has ordained. He has given assurance of this to all by raising Him from the dead.”

32 And when they heard of the resurrection of the dead, some mocked, while others said, “We will hear you again on this matter.” 33 So Paul departed from among them. 34 However, some men joined him and believed, among them Dionysius the Areopagite, a woman named Damaris, and others with them.

Paul often gets a lot of flack from Liberal Christians. Some of it, is admittedly deserved. Sometimes in his letters, Paul really seems to get it, the life-changing message of Jesus, how the last will be first and the first will be last, all the prisoners will be set free, and all those sick and hurt, will be healed, but other times, he remains stubbornly a man of his time.

In his defense, most of the really misogynistic passages RTCs love to cite, weren't likely written by Paul. It was a standard practice in the ancient world, putting someone else's names to your works in order to get them more widely spread. The actual Paul's letters reveal that while he probably wasn't a hundred percent in line with Third Wave Feminism, his views regarding women were much more nuanced than RTCs like to believe.

But the point about the quoted passage is, well, look at Paul's approach. He could have stood there, ranting and flailing about how they're all sinners destined to burn forever, like Token Jew. And the people in the area would have either ignored him or mocked him.

But instead, Paul showed respect towards them and their beliefs, meeting the people of Athens where they were. Paul, after all, was a Roman Citizen, in addition to being a Jew, so he knew the beliefs interwoven into Roman society as well as the Jewish beliefs. He actually knew his opponents' arguments and wasn't afraid to address them, because he had learned and studied them himself. It's a basic rule of debate--Know your opponent's arguments before you knock them to the ground--but it's a rule that seems sadly lacking in the RTC subculture.

And for the record, for all of Paul's sweating and striving to prove that Jesus is the promised Messiah, none of this letters make any mention of a Virgin Birth. Given that Paul's letters are the oldest part of the New Testament, that indicates the Virgin Birth part of the mythos was a more recent addition to the Jesus story.

I know the part about the Virgin Mythos probably wasn't necessary, but I put it in there, because I find it interesting, and this is my soapbox.

Rayford's section ends with this line:

As Rayford followed Tsion and the others out, the entire auditorium was filled with weeping and men and women pleading for forgiveness and mercy.

Given the severe drought, the weeping men and women soon keeled over because, y'know, crying is kind of a bad thing when you're already severely dehydrated. Though since Ellanjay foolishly decide not to mention the Egyptians' prayers, I'll write a translation for them: 'Do it to Julia! Do it to Julia! Not me! Julia! I don't care what you do to her. Tear her face off, strip her to the bones. Not me! Julia! Not me!'


In the next section, Creepy Raymie is our POV character. And no, I will never stop calling him that. I know I should probably call all the RTCs in this series, Creepy, but with Raymie, it feels even more apropos. Qasim, still trying to cozy up to the bullies, so they'd stop with the emotional cruelty, has brought a copy of the TOL manifesto. The rest of the section is taken up entirely with this text, without us even hearing the Millies (what I'm calling the Millennium Force until one of you gives me a better name) get the vapors or their monocles shatter at the impropriety of it all. And I know I've already done so many bigass quotes and I somewhat apologize for them, but I'll post the manifesto, just so you can see how eeeevil the TOL's beliefs are:

To the thinking members of the global society: Use your brains! You are capable of rational thought. We of the Other Light acknowledge that everyone who entered this period of history was a believer in God, either surviving the last seven years on earth as they knew it or returning from heaven with Him.

We do not deny that God was the Creator and that Jesus is His Son. We deny that He ever came to earth in the flesh or that He died and was resurrected. We aver that He unfairly treated one of His own creations, an angel, and summarily cast him out of His presence, forever besmirching his name and reputation.

Worse, He has left men and women no choice but to believe in Him and serve Him, denying our free will. We have no quarrel with those who believe and follow Him and consider themselves devout. We simply insist on the right to decide for ourselves.

And now we come to the crux of our manifesto: If it’s true that we, as His opponents, are not allowed to live past the age of one hundred, this merely proves our point: He will not countenance an alternate point of view. Critics and even some of our most loyal members have suggested that if it’s true, we should have abandoned our ill-fated cause when the first wave of deaths hit.

We, however, insist on our right to rebel, even in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds. Because of the new world, the population is exploding as never before. Literally billions more souls will be born with every generation, and therein lies our hope. Even if it’s true, our progeny, properly informed and coached, will— by the end of the Millennium— amass an innumerable force. God’s own prophecies indicate this.

Even if it’s true that we will continue to die out every hundred years, if we remain committed to our cause against the vengeful, bloodthirsty God of the Old Testament, we have hope. If we can equip the eventual mega-army of dissidents to where they can actually emerge victorious in the end, perhaps the new ruler will resurrect us and allow us to reign with him.

The biggest mistake God makes will be to loose our leader for a season at the end of this Millennium, for that shall truly signal the end of His kingdom. Let us not be deterred by intermittent defeats. Watch our ranks grow with every generation, and we will in the end prove that God is anything but gracious and loving and forgiving.

Our hope and wish and instruction to the future torchbearers of the Other Light is that they continue to add to and refine this manifesto until— by the last generation— it becomes the most motivational and strategic call to arms the world has ever known.

And be encouraged. Even if it’s true that we die out every generation, it stands to reason that our progeny will become more numerous each time. And if that’s true, it should be exponentially encouraging to each new wave that carries on our message.

So, what if it’s true? Add to this document. Refine it. Improve it. Pass it on. And we’ll see you on the victory stand in the end.

The Other Light

So much 'Strawman Always Has a Point,' that even the phrase 'Strawman Always Has a Point,' feels entirely too inadequate. Because if this was written by anyone with half a brain, this would be a Big Damn Heroes moment. Because nearly every form of entertainment, like that clip from the DCAU I posted earlier to freakin' Power Rangers know that standing up to the Villains and basically saying, "No!" regardless of if you have a snowball's chance in hell of winning, is pretty damn heroic. There's a reason we celebrate organizations like the White Rose or the Free France movement; in the wake of so much misery and societal pressure, they stood against the tide and did whatever they could to stop an evil organization's advance and save lives.

Okay, Ellanjay would probably respond by being all, "B-but they're standing against God and He isn't evil!" To which I'm like, "Subsitute out God's name for Satan or say, Saddam Hussein, and see if you still find their actions acceptable." Because there should be a fundamental difference between the forces of Good and Evil and said difference shouldn't just be, "One side does horrible things and wins, but the other side fails."

I know Ellanjay were probably writing this series as Revenge Porn for RTCs and therefore, just didn't care about their opponents' arguments (again, unlike Paul), but maybe some nagging voice deep inside kept saying, "You know the other guys are making some good points," so they attempted an Author's Saving Throw in the next scene to try to prove that the TOL really are like super-evil.

The next passage, Abdullah is the POV character. A Nameless Neighbor talks about how the TOL is spreading, but one of them was recently smited by Zod. Apparently one of them tried to rape a woman with a glorified body, in hopes of creating a mongrel race of partially glorified people who may be able to overcome the "Death at 100" rule. But Zod smited said TOL, reducing him to ashes.

And I have to roll my eyes at all this. Because like I said, it feels like a transparent attempt to be all, "See they really are evil!" in response to all the observations about how they are coming across as pretty heroic. So they're putting in a Kick the Dog moment because one bad guy tangentially associated with a movement, doing bad things in the name of said movement, is proof of the movement's inherent evil. Though said rule seems to only apply to those who can't pass a paper bag test. So a supporter of Black Lives Matter murdering Cops proves that Black Lives Matter is a terrorist organization and a Muslim doing something horrible, regardless of whether it is in the name of their faith or not, is proof that those groups are inherently evil. But Dylann Roof or the many other white dudes who have shot up schools, churches, and other public places, are merely isolated nutbars and in no way, prove that Racism is still a problem warranting being addressed or that White Males often have a sense of entitlement and react badly when they aren't immediately given something they feel is "due" to them.

Though given that most violence against White People is committed by other White People, you really do wish they would address this scourge of White-On-White violence that plagues their communities.

Abdullah tells his wife he's thinking about infiltrating the TOL and we cut to Kenny-boy. And maybe I belabor the "Kenny wants desperately to get laid" point a little too much, but I dare my readers to read the first few lines of his section and try not interpret it in a way that isn't creepy as hell.

Kenny visited Ekaterina that evening, hoping to muster the courage to tell her how affectionate he had become toward her. He could never quite seem to find the words, and she kept changing the subject.

Uh, guys when people use the word, affectionate, that usually means some actions are involved, gestures that go beyond looking a pretty girl and pining at her from afar? And again, I know I may be reading too much into this, but given the Author's Saving Throw attempted in the previous section, I'm finding it very difficult not to.

Because you know that Saving Throw was put in because they're like, "Okay, the TOL is making some good points," so they had to do something to prove how truly eeeevil they are. Since RTCs consider Sex to be the most egregious of sins, they had a member of the TOL try and fail to rape someone. Though I would be remiss in my duties as a snarker if I didn't point out that for all their wargle-bargle over how eeeevil the TOL is, when it comes to Sexual Abuse in their own communities, RTCs have an even more appalling record. For the sake of brevity, I only posted one link to our dear Fred's blog, because I very easily could have kept posting links until the end of time. Because when you divide Sex into two categories, one being "Good" and the other being "Evil," and Good is defined as "Within the bounds of holy matrimony between two heterosexual individuals," while Evil is anything that doesn't fall into the Good category regardless of if the actions are "Two people deciding to express their mutual love for each other by having sex, even though they don't have rings on their left fingers," or "Preying on the underaged," then yeah, horrible crimes will result.

Again, Consent, mothereffers! It's the basic principle that governs whether it qualifies as abuse or not. And no matter how much Dudebros** like to break blood vessels and pretend that it's such an arcane, difficult concept that no guy could be expected to fully grasp, it's not. In fact, here's a handy cheat sheet.

If she or he says, "Yes," via spoken dialogue or otherwise conveys enthusiasm or consent via body language, go ahead and have fun. There may be possible consequences like STDs or pregnancy, but there are possible bad consequences to everything. But the point is, under those circumstances, it does not qualify as Rape.

If the other person does or says anything that gives you doubt as to their consent, STOP. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. Because maybe you were misreading things, but it's better to err on the side of caution than to continue. If he or she isn't giving clear signals that they are interested, STOP. Maybe you'll get to have sex another time if you're lucky.

If someone is falling down, black-out drunk or passed-out all together due to his or her alcohol consumption, keep an eye on him or her and maybe call an ambulance, but at no point, do you need to do anything with your genitals or his or her genitals.

In fact, even if they are drunk but still conscious, unless you two have been in a committed relationship for a while and have had sex before, again, err on the side of caution and don't do it. Maybe at some other time, when both parties are sober, you can get it on, but until then...well, you have hands for a reason.

Kenny and Kat talk for a bit. And the chapter ends with Kenny wondering if Kat would make the perfect infiltrator of the TOL, unlike Qasim who is "Too Immature" to be a good spy.

And that's it. Sorry for all the danged footnotes, but hey, there was some more stuff I wanted to say, but I wasn't sure how well they fit into the conversation and like I said, I know I tend to ramble. So I place "Stuff I want to talk about, but am not sure if it fits" towards the end, using asterisks to indicate that there is more for those interested. And if you're not interested, you can roll your eyes and just ignore said asterisks.

*I am an absolute sucker for moments like these in Superhero movies or shows, where the civilians do more than just scream, flail, and die off-screen. Hence why I keep posting that Avengers clip and why I love that bit from Power Rangers so much. And it's one of the reasons that no matter how many times I've seen that moment in the DCAU, even though I know what's coming, I still get chills when it happens. Though for me, it's the line Superman says at the end, that really drives the emotional gutpunch home. Seriously DC Comics, get the guys involved with the DCAU to make your movies! They have proven, over and over, that they can deliver, tell damn good stories that appeal to both children and adults alike, without being so dark and gritty that they cross the line to Outright Unpleasant to Watch.

The Ordinary Heroes bit is one of the reasons I love Lord of the Rings so very much. For all the talk about how Aragorn is the One True King and Gandalf's talent for sorcery, ultimately Middle Earth is saved by ordinary hobbits displaying ordinary virtues such as friendship and courage. I first read LOTR after the first movie came out and I started reading it because I thought Legolas was hot and wanted to see more of him. So I picked up the series, only to fall head over heels in love with Samwise. And said love hasn't ended. Between my love of Samwise and Captain America, I think my standards are too high for any real-world guy to have any shot at satisfying.

**Dudebros and MRAs are always going, "Dur...Feminists don't care about male rape victims or male victims of domestic violence." Even though there's a reason the phrase "The Patriarchy Hurts Men, too" shows up in many different variations in our lit. Because it turns out that providing a narrow definition of what is considered appropriate masculine behavior, hurts everyone, especially guys who fall outside said narrow definition.

People have long noticed that women are more likely to be diagnosed with mental illnesses as Depression and speculated as to whether our body chemistry makes us more prone to mental illness. But lately it's been theorized that mental illness affects both genders at roughly the same rate and the reason for the higher number of diagnoses in women, is because women are more likely to seek help for their condition. There's less stigma attached to a woman having a mental illness than there is for a guy. Women have greater access to the full spectrum of human emotions, whereas for Men, the only emotion they're allowed to express, outside of Stoicism, is Anger. Any other emotion is seen as weak and feminine. Even though Beowulf and the Norse mythos have their heroes breaking down in tears over the deaths of comrades and the text doesn't condemn them for doing so. In fact, said breakdown is shown as proof as to how much the hero cared, how dedicated he is to his task. The "Boys Don't Cry" attitude is a very recent invention.

Plus again, for all their rantings and ravings, it's the feminists who uphold and support male victims of rape and abuse, the feminists who say, "You were a victim and you have every right to be angry and hurt about it," whereas the MRAs and dudebros, for all their talk, use male victims as fodder for jokes. It's almost as though they don't really care about the suffering of male victims and just use the existence of said victims to prop up their toxic belief systems, but that can't be the case!

Anti-Feminists see men as walking dicks, incapable of any higher thought. Feminists see men as thinking, feeling humans capable of basic self-control, yet somehow it's the Feminists are stereotyped as having a negative view of men.

They may be more likely to go to Heaven yet at the same time likelier to make a Hell of earth.

Hello and welcome everybody! And yes, the reason for the C.S. Lewis quote in the post title will become apparent. Lewis may have been off-base with his Liar-Lunatic-Lord trilemma, but that doesn't mean he wasn't right on the money when it comes to other stuff.

I know you guys are going to get tired of me linking to that Mac Davis song over and over again, but Lordy, it's just so perfect for Rayford, especially in the beginning of this chapter. Yeah, I honestly wonder if anybody in the Slacktiverse has put Rayford through the Universal Mary Sue Litmus Test. Because good God...

Though I've kind of noticed that we haven't had as many appearances of Jerry Jenkins's surrogate character aka Buck Williams. I wonder if Tim LaHaye was really breathing down his neck for this book; hence why we haven't seen much of Buck. Of course, I'm also wondering what the heck Rayford's second wife, Amanda, is doing during all this, because she shows up at the beginning and pretty much disappears, save for a mention at the end. Given that no one is having sex anymore, why can't Rayford live together with Irene and Amanda? Heck, why not have a dormitory-style living facility for everyone since, like I said, no more sex? But the nuclear family must endure, even in situations where it doesn't really make sense.

Okay, I've done enough blathering. I think I'll copy and paste the opening paragraph, just so you can see how hard it is for Rayford to be humble when he's perfect in every way.
I thought you knew by now that I'm a believer in "Misery Loves Company" or in other words, spreading the pain around.

IN HIS PAST, Rayford would have said he couldn’t believe his luck. But this was more than fortune; this assignment proved he was continually blessed by God. His leadership skills had been tapped and his muscles stretched by the decades he’d spent leading a development team in Indonesia. And now it became his charge not only to rebuild and develop Egypt but to lead the spiritual effort as well.

Egads! Rayford is so horribly smug that the only person who could successfully play him in any film adaptation, would be Martin Shkreli. Because other actors might be like, "Y'know Rayford is really coming across and unsympathetic and horrible in this scene," and try to soften his actions, so as to make him more relatable to the audience. But if Shkreli was playing him, he'd just be playing himself with a few more mentions of God and Jesus in his lines.

Though like I said, that's one of the perks of the movie adaptations. They're not good movies by any means, but film and book are two different mediums, which forces them to make changes that make the movies more bearable than the books. Brad Johnson, who played Rayford in the Kirk Cameron version, is just doing basic workman acting 101, but like Fred said , even though Johnson isn't helped at all by the script or the director, he does manage to make Rayford seem a lot more sympathetic than the book version.

Though I'm sure Ellanjay would be appalled by the accusation that Rayford is a Mary Sue. They'll be like, "But he feels a stirring in his loins for a woman who :gasp: isn't his wife?" Yeah, but said stirring never actually causes him any actual trouble, never costs him his job or his marriage or his standing in the community. Because everyone just seems to tacitly accept that it was Hattie's fault for being all female and alive. But I'm sure the fact that Rayford can't play the banjo to save his life, qualifies as a flaw, even though it never comes into play at any point in the story.

One last quibble before I finally move on. What exactly was Rayford doing in Indonesia that would make him more muscular? I thought he was just developing some kind of poorly explained technology, but there are words associated with IT types and muscular isn't one of them. I'm sorry, IT folk. Don't mean to pick on you. You provide a valuable service, which is much more than I can say about Ellanjay. It's just that there's a reason you don't see many IT types in People Magazine's Beautiful People or Sexiest Man Alive issues.

Though I suppose maybe Rayford is working in construction, but I have a hard time believing that he'd be the type who'd insist on not using power tools or bulldozers or any kind of earth-moving equipment. Y'know how he feels about exerting himself.

Rayford has decided not to take Chloe and Buck or Raymie and Kenny feeling that the COT ministry needs them. So who's going with him? Well, we've got Useless Bruce, Token Jew, Chaim, and Saintly Irene. Though Bruce's Nameless Wife is also coming along and Lord, you can't help but stare in appalled horror at the sheer amount of laziness in that Ellanjay can't be bothered to even give her a name, though they probably could have just called her whatever woman's name sprung to mind in the first five seconds. Me, because I'm that kind of person, I would have named her Junia or Jael. But all they say about Nameless is that she had a gift for organization, whatever that means.

Rayford talks to Abdullah before he goes. There's really nothing that interesting about the conversation, because while Abdullah may have beaten his wife, even he has enough judgement to recognize Rayford's inherent superiority to all living things. He is the sun around which the LB-verse revolves around. In fact, the LB-verse did not exist until Rayford willed it into being. He uses his powers over time and space to convince everyone that the world is 6000 years old rather than 40 years old (the age he was in the first book). I know I'm being a little extreme, but can anyone deny the inherent rightness of these statements?

I'm going to ignore much of the conversation between Abdullah and Rayford, because really who wants to see it, but I will post this last bit:

“Dangerous, eh?” Rayford said. “Surely the Lord doesn’t expect a man your age to pose as a member of TOL.”

“Captain Steele,” Abdullah said solemnly, laughter dancing in his eyes, “I recall the days when a comment like that to a person of ethnicity was punishable as a hate crime.”

Yeah...I'm really tugging at my shirt collar right now, because...well, I can name some victims of Hate Crimes off of the top of my head and here's a hint: none of them were victimized and horribly murdered because they wouldn't go to nightclubs and have fun, drinking and listening to that rock and/or roll music. Trigger Warnings for those who need them!

Maybe I'm wrong but I don't think James Byrd, Jr., Matthew Shepherd , or Brandon Teena were killed for refusing to drink or groove to Rock and Roll. But maybe I'm wrong. I mean, we already know of Christians martyred every day by eeeevil secular progressives, who insist that they provide goods and services to paying customers who find love in their own locker room. The horror!

Anyway, we get a brief interlude where Rayford and co. arrive in Egypt and see what all has happened.

As soon as they had landed in Al Jizah, it became clear the area was wounded. Since the Feast of Tabernacles in Israel several days before, no rain had fallen in the entire nation of Egypt. Worse, it was obvious that God had shut off even the underground springs— deadly to a desert climate. Rivers had stopped flowing, and rapidly evaporating water lay stagnant everywhere. Citizens filled containers as fast as they could, trying to collect the last of the good water.

Back up, I'm a bit confused. Things have gone all Mad Max after just a few days? Because I know all the stuff mentioned would become one helluva problem really quick, but that quickly? Egypt may have its problems, but they probably do have bottled jugs of water and other beverages to drink. I can see things getting rough, where water is so limited, it is used strictly for eating and drinking, no bathing or showering. And of course, Rayford and Co. probably would sanctimoniously look down on them for being all smelly. But people aren't rock-stupid and generally, we have a strong will to live. So in the wake of something like this, we'd get to work. Every last drop would be carefully rationed and heck, we'd probably come up with some way of filtrating urine or bad water back into clean. There are many low-tech filters that aren't too difficult to build. Heck, the SODIS system is easy as nachos to utilize. As a blogger I follow sums it up:

Take a clear water bottle with a tight cap, fill it with unsafe water, set it—on a sheet of metal for extra strength—in the direct sun for eight hours or so, and most of the nasties should be done for. Essentially, the UV rays give a deadly dose of cancer to all the little cryptos and giardias and such (it’d be like making a person stand in the sun for ten years straight, equivalently)

Some studies have contested the usefulness of the SODIS system, but in a crisis situation, drinking some clean water is probably better than drinking unclean water.

Though I do feel a need to point out that the borders seen on maps of the world, are primarily formed by politics or rivers or mountains. Since they're not, as Ellanjay and those of their ilk believe, massive electrical fences or alligator-filled moats, you'd think the Egyptians would, I don't know, decide to leave and go to one of the many neighboring countries that still have water. Though now that I've said all this, I'm hearing uncomfortable echoes regarding the Syrian Refugee Crisis. Though at least in that old parable of the Good Samaritan, the people who walked by and refused to help the poor guy, weren't the reason he'd been beaten and left for dead on the Jericho road in the first place.

And dang it! I swore I wouldn't get into politics, but there seems to be no way around it. I'll just ask one politically-charged question and move on. Readers of my blog, feel free to chime in. Here's the question: is there any asinine idea on the Right that can't be traced directly or indirectly to White Supremacism?

But we'll get to the poor Egyptians soon enough. I'm trying to figure out what's worse: being stuck with no water or being stuck with Rayford and Co.

Our interlude is with Kenny, who still wants badly to get into Kat's pants. Kat talks about how she told a ten-year-old girl the story of Jonah and then led the girl to Christ. Right...I'm wondering if Kat told her the whole story of Jonah or if her version ended with him being vomited up by the large fish. Because the last chapter of that book, chapter four, which I am going to post in its entirety, because yes, I'm that kind of person, might hit a little too close to home for the RTCs.

4 But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he became angry. 2 So he prayed to the Lord, and said, “Ah, Lord, was not this what I said when I was still in my country? Therefore I fled previously to Tarshish; for I know that You are a gracious and merciful God, slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness, One who relents from doing harm. 3 Therefore now, O Lord, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live!”

4 Then the Lord said, “Is it right for you to be angry?”

5 So Jonah went out of the city and sat on the east side of the city. There he made himself a shelter and sat under it in the shade, till he might see what would become of the city. 6 And the Lord God prepared a plant[a] and made it come up over Jonah, that it might be shade for his head to deliver him from his misery. So Jonah was very grateful for the plant. 7 But as morning dawned the next day God prepared a worm, and it so damaged the plant that it withered. 8 And it happened, when the sun arose, that God prepared a vehement east wind; and the sun beat on Jonah’s head, so that he grew faint. Then he wished death for himself, and said, “It is better for me to die than to live.”

9 Then God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?”

And he said, “It is right for me to be angry, even to death!”

10 But the Lord said, “You have had pity on the plant for which you have not labored, nor made it grow, which came up in a night and perished in a night. 11 And should I not pity Nineveh, that great city, in which are more than one hundred and twenty thousand persons who cannot discern between their right hand and their left—and much livestock?”

Though for all the lazy people reading my blog, I'll provide a link to the animated song version of the moral of Jonah's book. Plus, like I said, I do like to point out Christian Art that Doesn't Suck.

And because again, I'm that kind of person, I'll post the interlude about Rayford's adventures in Egypt so you all may suffer with me. Though if you think what you're getting this week is bad, it gets even more stupid and idiotic next week. That's the beauty of this series: no matter how many times you're like, "Okay, I don't know if anything could be worse than that scene," it always gets worse. It's hard to think of how anything could be worse than the scene in Nicolae where he mansplains about abortion, but we know Ellanjay are up to the challenge.

A neighbor man about Rayford’s age wandered over to the Al Jizah construction site one afternoon. “You the ones the Lord sent?” he said.

“That would be us, sir.”

“Can you do anything about getting Him to turn the water back on?”

“That’s why we’re here, but as you can imagine, the leadership of this nation is going to have to get in line.”

“I hope you’re not expecting a warm welcome in Cairo. Those young men who talked the other leaders out of going to the feast are dead, slain by lightning in the very presence of their colleagues.”

Rayford stretched. “The Lord’s justice is swift, friend. He clearly made an example of those two, as His Word warned. When their ends came, there could have been no question why. And I believe we’ll be seen as the messengers we are. We’re praying the whole ordeal will give us a hearing among the young people here, show them there’s no trifling with God.”

“Well, know that every other believer is praying the same thing. Why must we suffer for the actions of a few?”

I'll assume the bit "Rayford stretched" was originally "Rayford masturbated feverishly thinking of all those sinful sinners burning in hell for all eternity. That'll show him, he thought as he climaxed. Teach them for poking holes in my logic by pointing out the flaws of Pascal's Wager or the Lunatic-Liar-Lord Trilemma.

...

Egads, I've written Left Behind porn. God help me and anyone who reads this. Though I just assume whenever some horrible Act of God happens, the Tribbles either masturbate like crazy or hate-fuck. Because given the Christian Right's screwed up views of sex, I have a hard time believing that they can see it as an act of love, something apart from their constant power struggles, ego-strokes, and general love of violence.

And yes, the Lord's justice surely will give a hearing among the young people here. I'm sure if they weren't busy dying slowly and horribly from dehydration, they'd immediately say The Prayer and be like, "Shit, baptize me now."

Though because I'm anal-retentive to a scary degree, I went digging through RubyTea's blog where in the second book of the Shitstain Trilogy, she talked about the effects Los Angeles drying up in the blink of an eye, would have. I'm going to copy and paste, even though RubyTea was talking about one city and Egypt is a country made up of :goes to look it up: some 92 million people. Though to split hairs, it's probably considerably less given that all the heathens were tossed into Hell when TurboJesus came back. I wonder if Ellanjay would count Coptic Christians among the RTCS? Just curious...

Anyway, as RubyTea put it:

Everyone is so curious about the long-term effects of the dessication of Los Angeles, but Jerry Jenkins has left it as a cliffhanger.

So you know what?

Frak THAT noise.

I’m going to let you guys in on the total revelation of the effects of the dessication, in the first chapter of Silenced.

I’m not going to do the whole book, mind you. (I think I’m nearly overdosed on one Paul Stepola *gag*) But I am going to tell The Rest of the Story of the “miracle” of drying up a vibrant city filled with innocent people.

First of all, the death counts of Atheistopia and God are out the window. Jenkins informs us that thousands die.

Thousands.

That this is not surprising makes it no less horrifying.

And remember, according to the dictates of a LaJenkinsian RTC God, those thousands go straight to Hell.

And I’m sure we can all imagine who most of these thousands would be.

First, the sick and injured. Those who depend immediately on water and water-based medications to survive the next few minutes.

Next, the very young and the very old, the weak, the infirm, and most of all, the poor. The people least likely to have the ability to buy their way out of the city.

So again, when you think about the situation in Egypt, think that but on a larger scale. In fact, maybe I was off-base in wondering if it would really turn into Mad Max that quickly. It probably would because, well, the longest anyone has ever lasted without water is six days. In fact, again, I will repeat: why the hell would anyone stay in Egypt, given what's going on? Like I keep saying, in a situation like this, when your options are "Stay and Die" or "Undertake a Dangerous Journey and Possibly Survive," yeah, they'll go with the second option. People generally want to stay alive and dang it! Am I going to keep hearing uncomfortable echoes of the Syrian Refugee Crisis during my snarks?!

I'll post a Facebook response someone wrote about Trump, Jr.'s shitty Skittles metaphor and move on.

Eli Bosnick
18 hrs ·
"If I gave you a bowl of skittles and three of them were poison would you still eat them?"
"Are the other skittles human lives?"
"What?"
"Like. Is there a good chance. A really good chance. I would be saving someone from a war zone and probably their life if I ate a skittle?"
"Well sure. But the point-"
"I would eat the skittles."
"Ok-well the point is-"
"I would GORGE myself on skittles. I would eat every single fucking skittle I could find. I would STUFF myself with skittles. And when I found the poison skittle and died I would make sure to leave behind a legacy of children and of friends who also ate skittle after skittle until there were no skittles to be eaten. And each person who found the poison skittle we would weep for. We would weep for their loss, for their sacrifice, and for the fact that they did not let themselves succumb to fear but made the world a better place by eating skittles.
Because your REAL question...the one you hid behind a shitty little inaccurate, insensitive, dehumanizing racist little candy metaphor is, IS MY LIFE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF MEN, WOMEN, AND TERRIFIED CHILDREN...
... and what kind of monster would think the answer to that question... is yes?"

Though of course, they're not even going to try to answer Nameless Neighbor Man's question. Sometimes in works of fiction, they do leave some questions unanswered. Like in the epic Y: the Last Man while we are eventually told the reason for Yorick's immunity to the plague and while the series offers up several causes for said plague, they never explicitly say what caused said plague. Or for those of you who are fans of the DCAU (and who isn't?) the episode "A Better World" from Justice League has said league meeting up with the Justice Lords, another version of themselves from an alternate reality. In this reality, Lex Luthor killed Flash and Superman lost it and killed Lex and now said League rules the world, brutally subjugating anyone who stands in their way.

Anyway, my incredibly belabored point is in that episode, there's an exchange between League!Batman and Lord!Batman:

Lord Batman: Think about it - a world where there's no crimes. No victims. No pain.

Batman: And no choice! Who elected you, anyway?

Lord Batman: Who elected you? The problem with democracy is, it doesn't keep you very safe.

Batman: It has other virtues. But you seem to have forgotten that.

Lord Batman: I didn't forget! I just chose peace and security instead.

Batman: You grabbed power!

Lord Batman: And with that power, we've made a world where no eight-year-old boy will ever lose his parents...because of some punk with a gun!

Batman: [pauses, then drops his Batarang] You win.

The people involved with the series freely admit that they had Batman respond that way, because they Lord!Batman was seriously making some good points. You can disagree with the methods of the Justice Lords, but...yeah, I wonder if I'll ever stop using the "Strawman Always Has A Point" tag.

But in both of the examples I've mentioned, the creators could get away with leaving some questions unanswered, because a) their works were damn good and b) sometimes it's good to leave a few mysteries that the readers can debate over.

But Nameless Neighbor Man's question is a fundamental one woven into the fabric of the LB-verse. He's basically saying, "Okay, why should I worship a God who gleefully kills people horribly, so he can torture them for all eternity and hurt them even more?" Yeah, I'm going to post this clip again. Even though I already posted it last week, it bears being reposted. Because if I were to talk to Ellanjay about this, talk about how a dictator is depriving his subjects of food and water and people are dying in droves, they would be horrified and be like, "Depose the a-hole!" But since God is horribly killing people, that magically makes it okay. So yeah, Nameless Neighbor Man is totally the old guy in the clip going, "There are always men like you."

After this bit, the Millennium Force meets and I still earnestly long for a nickname I can give them. Like I keep saying, words have meaning and you shouldn't give yourself an awesome, action-packed name if you never actually do anything worthy of it.

Anyway, Creepy Raymie (and I'm wondering if I should now dub him "Creepy Racist Raymie") talks about finding another natural to infiltrate the TOL.

Raymie nodded, but— no surprise— Zaki jumped in. “Qasim’s already done it, and he has a report for us.”

“Zaki, we’ve been over this,” Raymie said. “He’s probably already given us away.”

“No, and he’s prepared to debrief us. Trust me; there’s stuff you’re going to want to hear.”

Yeah, maybe I should be a little more choosy about my League of Awesome members but I'm really considering adding Qasim to the League. Because they just keep shitting on the guy even though he hasn't done or said anything worthy of such treatment. In fact, like I said, I keep trying to think of reasons for Raymie's scorn that aren't racist or xenophobic as heck.

“Zaki, if we’re going to do this, be this force, we don’t want a lot of people knowing about it. I’m not afraid of the young people of the Other Light, because they can’t hurt us. But they can sure hurt a lot of other people, so we have to stay under the radar.”

“Fine, but can I bring him in?”

Yeah, my head just created a new dent in the wall. Because how exactly can TOL hurt a lot of other people? How would that even work? Are we talking physical hurt or psychological? If it's physical, well, I'm still suffering hemorrhages trying to figure out how this "Death at 100 years old" works. If we're talking psychological, I could point out that the TOL, which acknowledges the joys of the flesh, probably have a healthier mindset, rather than spending all eternity hating and despising themselves for the joys of the flesh, but said urges don't go away; they just sublimate them and they manifest themselves in much more disturbing ways.

Raymie magnanimously decides that there could be no harm in letting Qasim come in and talk about what he's seen. And I'm like, seriously, Qasim?! Just stop. Stop trying to win the favor of a bunch of shitstains, shake the dust from your sandals, and move on. It makes me cringe, watching the scene where he's talking to them, trying so hard to make them like him. It's one of the sickest messages delivered to victims of Bullying: that they should reshape themselves and make themselves less repulsive, so the Bully will leave them alone. Yeah, someone should act a little more confidant or a fat kid could probably stand to exercise a little more, but they should want to do that for their own benefit, not just so some a-hole won't abuse them. Bullying is wrong, no matter what reason given.

Yeah, I know, I've been getting on so many hobbyhorses lately. I apologize. In my defense, read this exchange between Creepy Raymie and Qasim, see if after reading it, you're still opposed to the idea of Qasim just saying "Screw you," and leaving, after giving everyone the finger. And of course, the RTCs would be more offended by someone giving the finger than they would by the emotional cruelty associated with bullying.

“Before you start,” Raymie said, “I need to be clear. You realize you’re not part of this group and you don’t work under our auspices.”

“Granted. But it’s in your best interest to know what the competition is up to, wouldn’t you say? And they’re up to a lot. Those so-called nightclubs of theirs, at least the one in Paris, are so underground hardly anybody even knows about them.”

“Well, that makes sense,” Kenny said. “No matter what they’re doing in there, they’re breaking every law on the books, and if they flaunted it, they’d be in deep trouble.”

“Rumors say they have these dances and orgies and do a bunch of drugs, but unless they were just putting on a show for me, none of that was going on. They just meet there and talk and scheme and plan.”

Like I keep saying, no matter how horrified they act, the TOL still sounds suspiciously like the Swing Kids rebellion of Nazi Germany. And for the record, the Swing Kids experienced actual suffering for daring to like that Negro Music. And by suffering, I mean, Nazi concentration camps suffering rather than, "The cashier wished me a 'Happy Holidays'" suffering.

Though okay, I'm trying to work all this out. Because even John Lithgow in Footloose would be like, "Now aren't you guys going a little too far with all this?" Because they say they're breaking laws, but I'm trying to figure out what the text of these laws are. Because humans are champions when it comes to scouring for loopholes, so pretty much every time we pass a law, we have to strictly define what we're against. Like if they're opposed to dancing, how would they define it? Is Ballet still on the table, but Hip-Hop isn't? And what if some guy leapt into the air, shouting, "We won!" Would the RTCs be like, "Hey you were moving in a vaguely rhythmic yet joyful manner. That's dancing and that's against the law!"

We can further split hairs regarding music. But given how nebulously defined the RTCs' laws are... I'm having uncomfortable echoes of the Taliban which was so oppressive regarding nearly every aspect of their citizens' lives, especially their female ones, that they eventually banned paper bags. But the Taliban oppressed people and committed horrible human rights abuses in the name of Allah which makes it wrong, but the RTCs are doing it in the name of TurboJesus which makes it okay.

Of course, I find myself wondering, "Okay, how do you know orgies are taking place? Couldn't that large group of people be a book club or maybe they're getting together for a wedding or a funeral or something?"

I have a similar response to Anti-Trans Bathroom Bills: How the hell do you intend to enforce any of those rules? Because stationing armed guards outside of every public restroom in the state, who will ask everyone who comes by, "Are you packing a penis?" would cost of buttload of money, in addition to all the lawsuits that would immediately be filed. Plus people can and do lie. Hell, under those circumstances, I would lie and I'm a cisgender female. Just have this crazy idea I'm under no obligation to tell a complete stranger about my genitals.

I'm assuming advocates of said laws would probably be totally in favor of a visual check, but the instant that law was proposed, never mind passed...is there an amount greater than a buttload? Because that's how many lawsuits would be proposed. 4th Amendment bans unreasonable searches and seizures and having your pants pulled down because you needed to pee, probably qualifies.

But I suppose they need to blame somebody for the horrific consequences of poorly-planned Conservative politics. Besides, those lucky transgender people...not only do they get to use the other bathroom, they're also statistically more likely to commit suicide and be the victim of a hate crime, in addition to having to constantly deal with intrusive questions and explain their life choices to everyone. Lucky bastards have it so good.

They have some line in there where they talk about how Raymie is worried that Qasim will come across as completely amateurish to the TOL. Yeah...that's what Raymie is concerned about.

But for those of you horrified by the TOL's love of music, mind-altering substances, dancing, and sex, the true horror awaits you towards the end of the chapter, when we find out what else the TOL is up to.

“Come on,” Bahira said. “That goes without saying. They’re in the minuscule minority, what they’re doing violates the law of almighty God, and they know it! Some of their people have died, and while they revere Satan—”

“They like to say Lucifer; they say Satan is a pejorative label the believers gave to a poor guy who got a raw deal.”

“Regardless, while they revere him, he’s powerless and can’t even be planting these ideas in their heads. These people are totally making this stuff up as they go along, and it’s entirely in the flesh. They’ve been seduced by the world and by their own pride. They can’t even blame it on the devil!”

I know, I know, I've been so preachy and dull this week, but I feel a need to point out that Hedonists, in general, are responsible for very few hate crimes. Hedonists tend to be like, "Yeah, you guys spend all your time praying and repenting. I'm going to go have some real fun." Maybe an astute reader can prove me wrong, but I can't think of any instances where Hedonists took over a country and oppressed the poor religious people, sticking guns to the heads of RTCs and being like, "Okay, you will either have and enjoy intercourse for reasons other than procreation or else you die." I'm not saying there isn't a downside to a life of excessive pleasure-seeking--there are--but there are downsides to any form of excess including being so Pharisee-like in your hatred and condemnation of anyone who doesn't do like you. Again, most dictators tend to have an ideology that they believe above all else, believe that it's more valuable than the lives of others, and correct me if I'm wrong, but that sounds like it describes the RTCs more than the TOLjugend.

Because it's the old thing with fundamentalists of any stripe: for some reason, they can't just live how they see fit and shut up about it. As long as other people are out there, sinfully flashing their ankles and enjoying sinful entertainment, they just can't seem to be holy. Say what you will about the Amish, but whatever faults you may have with their beliefs, they're generally content to keep to themselves and live their lives. They're not lobbying the government to make everyone have to wear a cape dress or use a horse and buggy.

And dammit, I told myself I was going to stay away from politics, but somehow they keep coming up. Sorry guys. Until next week.

All the Prejudices, None of the Work Ethic

Sorry guys. All I can plead is general laziness. Though I suppose some of it, a lot of it, can be chalked up to lingering depression because we seriously elected a guy who has basically the same ideas as Hitler, but has worse hair and even worse work ethic.

And yes, every time I say something like that, I feel all dirty inside, but Hitler legitimately started at the bottom rung of society and worked his way up. Donald Trump started with a million dollar loan from his rich daddy and managed to squander the hell out of that.

But maybe I'm being a little too extreme. Because according to idiots on the Internet, there's nothing remotely racist or Hitler-ish about loudly proclaiming certain ethnic and religious groups to be less than human and unworthy of basic rights.

:buries head in hands: I honestly wonder if the N-Word would be the magical word with Trump Supporters. So long as Trump doesn't explicitly use the N-Word, he is not Racist. He may believe that certain ethnic groups are less than human and retweet all kinds of racist stuff and have support from guys like David Duke, but since he hasn't said the N-Word, it doesn't qualify as racism.

Though I also wonder how much of his base is made up of 4chan-like trolls who voted for him, because he produces an amusing spectacle and they want the show to go on. It never occurs to them that having Donald Trump as president will have effects that go beyond producing a whole batch of Internet memes.

:sighs:

I know, I know. Sorry to get all political, but I needed to use my soapbox for a bit. I've run through many conspiracy theories in my head about this election (because Reality is the worst in that it not only is completely nonsensical, it's also manages to be boringly nonsensical), and honestly, I'd love for any of them to be true. The world would make a lot more sense and be considerably less depressing if they were true.

If anyone's interested in my conspiracy theories, say something and I'll talk about them in the comments. But I think I've been political long enough. Let's get going. To get us pumped up, I'll provide some music that feels kind of apropos. Though if you're put off by all the mentions of France, here's something else for you. Because now's not a time to shut-up; now's a time to raise hell and do what we can, to protect those most likely to be hurt by the Rancid Oompa-Loompa in Chief.

Starting this week's snark, well, I'm honestly wondering as an interesting thought exercise, just how long this book would be if you took out all the copy-and-paste of Bible verses. Would it be long enough to even qualify as a Novella, never mind a novel? Yeah, I'm having uncomfortable flashbacks to what I dubbed "The Mothereffin' Front Matter." Like I said, it all reeks of a high school kid realizing they don't have enough content for their paper, so they're doing everything they can to pad the mother out. They're also quoting a bunch of Bible verses in the futile hope of making their piss-poor writing seem deep in comparison. Again, were it not for the fact that Ellanjay's fans honestly root for the End of the World, I'd feel a little sorry for them, because they are seriously getting screwed so badly. Though if they are basically going to be a Doomsday Cult, can't they have the common courtesy to wear the snazzy matching sneakers?

Plus, and again, I feel dirty for saying this, but at least, the Heaven's Gate nutbars just took themselves out and didn't try to drag everyone along with them. They may have believed in a spaceship following the Hale-Bopp comet, but they also believed that the decision to ascend was a very serious one and could only be made by a mature individual (or in other words, no kids) after careful study.

Whereas most of those of Ellanjay's politics want to do everyone a favor, by doing what they can to bring the End of the World crashing down on everyone's heads. A fire's burning and they're pouring canisters of gasoline on the mess and doing everything they can to stop anyone who tries to put out the fire.

King David blesses Rayford and co. and we get a conversation between him and Rayford, where there's no tags or any descriptors, so the conversation could be taking place in the MK or King David and Rayford could be brains suspended in fluid communicating telepathically. I honestly wonder what Mac, Bruce, and Token Jew are doing during all this. I know, they probably recognize the chain of being, recognize that Rayford is inherently superior to them in every way, so they won't interrupt the conversation. But I find myself thinking of more practical stuff, like wouldn't they be getting a cramp in their legs from kneeling for so long? Does somebody have to use the bathroom and is wondering if while David is giving Rayford a verbal handjob (not going to apologize for that visual, sorry), they can duck out, relieve themselves, and be back before either David or Rayford notices they're gone? Though I honestly wonder if Rayford is capable of seeing anyone who isn't related to him by blood or marriage or doesn't have something he needs at this very moment? Think of him as being like JD in that one episode of Scrubs where it turns out that he can't see any woman if they're wearing a wedding ring, only a lot more selfish.

And yes, all this talk about kneeling, is making me think of a few pertinent YouTube clips. Though at least Loki and General Zod had some goddanged charisma...

Anyway, then Rayford makes this request of David and...oh god, so much head-banging.

Rayford began to tell David of the Children of the Tribulation ministry.

“I know it well,” David said. “How can I help?”

Rayford told him how the daily highlights were the stories from the Bible. “The children plead for these above refreshments, above games, above singing.”

“Indeed?”

“They love the stories and demand to hear them again and again.”

“And . .  . ?”

“I can’t help but think what an unspeakable thrill it would be for them, for us, for everyone involved, if . .  . oh, I can’t give it utterance. It’s too much to hope for.”

“You of little faith,” David said. “You have not because you ask not.”

“Very well. Just imagine if their heroes were there in person to tell their own stories one day.”

...

Dammit, Lisa Simpson was right. She may be perpetually eight years old, but she's right.

Because seriously, apparently even though said biblical figures are walking around plain as day, it never occurs to any of the kids to be like, "So Joshua, what was it like to fit the Battle of Jericho?"*

Though I find myself thinking about how I would get myself kicked out of one of those COT daycares so fast. Because I'm, like I said, a smart aleck who has actually heard of some of the lesser-cited passages of the Bible. If David showed up to talk to us, I'd be like "So, how about that time you sent a man off to die to hide the fact you were playing hide-the-salami with his wife?" "Or how you did such a terrible job as a parent, that one of your sons raped his sister and was, in turn, killed by another one of your sons?" Though I could also be like, "So David, how many kids did you actually have? Given that you had many wives and God-Only-Knows-how-many concubines, it seems unlikely that you would produce only one direct descendant?" And I suppose I could bring up the passage from last week, where the fact that he couldn't get it up, was proof of his unfitness to be king.

But I'd probably be kicked out on the first day for telling the kids the story of Jael. Even though the moral of the story "Some mothereffers need a tent spike driven through their head," is a valuable one that all the kids would benefit from hearing.

Yeah, I'm thinking about something Firedrake brought up in the comments back in September:

I want a belt-fed tent-spike cannon for Jael.

Seriously, someone make that happen. If any of my readers have any talent for art, please draw me a picture of Jael with her belt-fed tent-spike cannon. I envision Jael as a mixture of dieselpunk or maybe done in the style of forties' cheesecake. Think like Peggy Carter from the sadly short-lived Agent Carter series, only with even more gonzo tech.

My personal head canon: Jael's name only translates to "mountain goat" because the words or acronym BAMF** didn't exist until she was born, because until then, humanity had no need for the words "badass" or "mothereffers."

In fact, while I know this is cheating, seeing as she has yet to make an appearance in the books, I think we should make Jael part of the League of Awesome. She's working with the other League members to rescue the prisoners and defeat the eldritch horror calling himself God. I'm also considering adding Deborah as part of the League as well. Maybe she's not quite as awesome as Jael, but I want to further thumb my nose at Ellanjay's regressive views of women. Because Deborah clearly had no problem with having authority over men, the way she bossed around Baruch. I'm also mentally writing yuri for her and Jael and...Ow! Okay, I'll stop creating my head canons and get back to the much less interesting book.

Anyway, we cut back to Kenny-boy whose still talking with Ekaterina (now called Kat). Because I'm that kind of person, I'll assume he's intentionally drawing things out, so he'd have more time to figure out what kind of clasp Kat has on her bra, whether it's front clasp or one of those ones in back. Though it certainly isn't a strapless one.

So Kat continues her tale of woe.

“I found myself in my room, sitting on my bed, praying for my friends.”

“And you were not yet a believer yourself.”

“Not really, no. Ironic, isn’t it, to pretend to be still holding out, all the while knowing whom to plead with for the well-being of my friends? Funny thing was, Jesus, as close and ever-present as He had always been, wouldn’t speak to me. I had learned verses as a child. How could I not? So I knew the problem. The Scriptures say that “the effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” I was hardly righteous, and so regardless how fervent, my prayers were anything but effective. So—”

“They didn’t avail much.”

If any of you still had doubts that religion for Ellanjay is spell-casting, well I hate to be rude, but you're kind of slow on the uptake. But if you hadn't figured it out already, this little passage ought to be enough.

Though the sheer amount of paradoxes it introduces when you think about it...I mean, if she's praying to God, she clearly believes in the existence of God, even if she hasn't said The Prayer, and Ellanjay are the kind who believe so strongly in the doctrine of grace that they consider good works to be actively evil, distracting you from the important work of saving your own ass...so how exactly did she not qualify as Saved? Oh yeah, because she didn't say The Prayer. And how would Ellanjay defend this as not being spell-casting?

Yeah, Martin Luther, the founder of the Protestant faith, aka the Doctrine of Grace guy, may have been anti-Semitic as fuck, but even he would find Ellanjay annoyingly simplistic.

And here's the climax of her tale of woe. It may be the only climax she'll every experience. Ow! Sorry but inserting more innuendo into these stories makes them a lot more enjoyable. Though I will apologize for using the word "inserting."

She smiled. “They availed nothing. But the exercise was good for me, because while Jesus wasn’t speaking to me, He was impressing something deep within me. I was suddenly overwhelmed with the fact that I was no better than my friends, regardless the reason for their disbelief. In fact, I was no better than Lucifer himself. I can see by your look that you feel I’ve overstated it, Kenny. But think about it. I was guilty of the very thing that got Lucifer cast out of heaven. I wanted my own way. I may not have said I wanted to be God or imagined myself bigger or better than He is. But I wanted to be the god of my own life, and that usurped His right and His authority.”

Kenny was moved. “Only God could have taught you that.”

“My feeling exactly. I came to the conclusion that He may have been silent, but He was still communicating. I suddenly saw myself for what I was— a self-possessed sinner in desperate need of forgiveness and salvation. I knelt on the floor, and you know, that didn’t seem low enough. For my whole life I had held Jesus at bay. I lay flat on the floor, weeping, pleading for forgiveness, and committing myself to the Lord forever. He has been with me ever since, and I have never looked back or regretted it.”

Yeah, Kat, I bet you were a real bad sinner before all this. One time you trampled the flowers in Mr. Wilson's flowerbeds. That was a two-part episode.

Though I'm having flashbacks to the earlier paradox where somehow she wasn't a believer even though she clearly believed in the exist of God and He walked the streets every day and...:whimpers: I'm wondering if this is one of those type of paradoxes that we can use to melt the minds of artificial intelligence in case Siri ever rises up against us. I almost thought it was a Zen Koan, but those are designed to allow you to access deeper states of thought. This on the other hand? Again, I'm thinking of Wesley in The Princess Bride after he had a year sucked off his life. Wesley, I know exactly how you feel.

Interlude with Rayford. Not much happens.

So now we get to meet up with the...well, I remain disappointed in my readers. I was hoping we could come up with a funny name to call the Millennium Force, sort of like how we refer to the Tribulation Force as the Tribbles. Because you shouldn't give yourself such an awesome name if you never at all live up to it, dammit! Though can't call them the MILF because can you really say that any of that group have it going on? And no calling them the MF, because that can be read as an acronym for motherfucker and they most definitely don't qualify as motherfuckers.

Raymie and the others are talking about Qasim. Zaki wants him to join, but Raymie is not on board with it. Yeah, I'm having a hard time interpreting Raymie's disapproval as something besides "He's one of those Scary Brown Foreigners who is all Scary, Brown, and Foreign." I'd ask why he doesn't feel the same towards both Zaki and Bahira, but maybe he feels they do a good enough job of recognizing their place in the great chain of being. They're still scary, brown, and foreign, but not AS scary brown and foreign.

Whereas maybe Raymie didn't feel like Qasim did the required amount of kowtowing. Because since Rayford is the single greatest force in the LB-verse, Raymie ranks above a lot of the other characters, due to being of his bloodline. Maybe I'm mean, but you try interpreting it in some other way.

“I’m not sold on him, Zaki,” Raymie said.

“Neither am I,” his sister said.

“You weren’t even here, Bahira.”

“I wish I had been. Then we could vote. And it would be two to one against. What was your concern, Raymie?”

“Everything. He’s young, immature; he doesn’t look right, doesn’t comport himself appropriately. He talks too fast and too much. And frankly, I don’t like what he has to say. He didn’t do himself any good talking about his own conversion. He used all the right words, but they seem just rote to him. And he didn’t do himself any favors trying to summarize his own ministry. I don’t think he’s led one child to Christ in all the time he’s been here.”

Yeah, you tell me how I can interpret "He doesn't look right, doesn't comport himself appropriately," in a way that isn't an eensy-weensy bit racist. But since Raymie hasn't used the N-word, maybe it doesn't qualify.

Though Raymie is probably one of those dicks whose like, "How come Black people can use that word but not White people?" And my response is always, "Can you think of a single non-racist reason why you would want to refer to a Black person by the N-word?"

Ugh...that's one of the worst things about the Right. Aside from having all the prejudices of their forebears, but none of the work ethic, even though they have everything, they somehow can't be content until they've managed to claim the tears of losers as well. Like I've said before, they simultaneously want to be Rome, crushing those who stand in their way, but also be the Early Christians bravely rebelling against Rome. The contrasting attitudes lead to a toxic mess that you're surprised anyone can swallow.

All right, I'm done.

Afterwards, Kenny finds out that Kat has been hired to work at the daycare. I'd make some joke about how badly he wants to get laid, but I'm tired.

So until next time, everybody. Sorry for all the Trump stuff but I'm starting to think he is some kind of cosmic force, a Trumpularity, and if we try to talk about anything, no matter how minor or tangentially related, the Trumpularity will somehow bend and warp space and time, so it all comes back to him.

*Like put in as, again, a reminder that Christian Art didn't always suck. But then again, the Gospel tradition may produce some of the best music, because given what Black people went through, the prosperity Name-It and Claim-It Jesus wouldn't have that much appeal. They experienced actual suffering and not just "Cashier wished me a 'Happy Holidays' suffering." So their songs, their art is constantly having to address, "Okay, how can I make my life resonate from beyond the grave" or "Why should I side with good and do the right thing, when Evil is winning, and no one will notice or care about my suffering?" Supposedly the Slave Masters tried to teach their slaves about Christianity in hopes that once they learned that Slavery was their natural place in life, those danged slaves would settle down and not be so uppity. Instead, the Slaves started casting themselves as the Israelites enslaved by Pharaoh, praying for Moses to deliver them.

**I remain disappointed that the BAMF Girls series seems to have come to a halt. I was already creating my own head canons. Like I wanted for Bella, under the tutelage of her fellow BAMFS, to take a level in badass and stop being all whiny and pathetic. She can still be girly and romantic--no law saying someone can't be cute, feminine, and a force to be reckoned with--but I wanted to see her fellow BAMF girls influence her to be a stronger person.

As for Jael, they could have done a BAMF mythology girls episode, have Jael show up and Lilith and maybe some other figures as well. It would have been great.

I promise eventually I will stop with all the Jael-fangirling, but I don't know when.

No One Has as Big a...Knowledge of the Bible as Rayford

Hey guys! Sorry for the delay in posts. I don't know if any of you have been holding candlelight vigils or anything, but all I can say is that for some reason, Life had really been kicking my ass and I wasn't entirely looking forward to going a few rounds with Ellanjay. But things are starting to clear up, so let's get to this.

The opening section, Rayford, Chaim, Mac, and Bruce are all meeting with King David. And oh, God, it's such a circle-jerk. There really is no other way to describe it. It's just a never-ending ego-stroke for Rayford, reminding him and everyone else that he is the single greatest human in history. Surprisingly enough, we don't have a passage where King David breaks down in hysterical tears, because he can't be as tall or manly as Rayford. Comes close, but Ellanjay wuss out.

The priest, Yerik, is here as well. Don't ask me why. I have no idea. He just signals for Ray and Co. to rise when King David enters and that's the extent of his participation. It might actually be interesting to know what exactly his duties are in the Millennial Kingdom, since Yerik is supposed to be a priest, but Ellanjay know we'd much rather hear endless talks about bureaucracy and delegates instead. :whimpers:

Don't worry. Even though this is King David, aka the guy whose name scores the most mentions in the Bible, aka a guy of monumental importance to the Jewish mythos (and by extension, the Christian one), he is well aware of the great chain of being that governs the Ellanjay verse and proceeds to lay on the flattery, giving each of the assembled, a proper ego-stroking. Yeah, I was really tempted to put dick-stroking in there, but I resisted. You can think me for it in whatever manner you deem fit.

Anyway, here are the titles for those interested:

“Tsion, the celebrated scholar whose courage sacrificed his own family . .  .

“Chaim, also known as Micah, leader of the remnant. Welcome.

“Montgomery Cleburn, also known as Mac, a loyal friend . .  .

“Bruce, one of the first to wear a blood-washed robe. Welcome, welcome.”

Maybe it's because I'm a hopeless pop-culture addict, but all this is making me think of the cracktastic Superfriends cartoon, where Lex Luthor introduces each member of the Legion of Doom and somehow has to make them sound intimidating even though...yeah, the question isn't whether drugs was involved with the making of that show. That's been answered. The question is what kind and in what quantities?

I suppose I could point out that probably more people than just Bruce died when Nicky nuked 9 cities for Reasons! but y'know they're just NPCs. Ellanjay can't be bothered to care, so why should we.

If you're wondering what Rayford's super-special awesome nickname is “Rayford Steele,” David said, reaching for him, “he of the changed mind and heart.”


Yeah, Rayford has really changed. Before the Rapture, he was an egocentric narcissist who had sinful thoughts for a woman he :gasp: wasn't married to. Now...well he no longer has sinful thoughts about a woman he's not married to, so Ellanjay count that as enough of a change.

As I recall, supposedly Tim LaHaye was inspired to create the Left Behind series, by something he saw when he was on a flight (no surprise, there). He said he saw a male pilot, who had a wedding ring, flirting with a female flight attendant who :gasp: didn't have a wedding ring, and started wondering what would happen to them if the Rapture were to happen right then and there. Were it not for the fact that Tim LaHaye is dead and my Do-It-Yourself Séance Kit is missing, I'd ask him to define flirting. Because my natural pessimism says that Tim LaHaye would be like, "He was showing basic human compassion towards a female, actually acting genuinely interested in what she had to say. The horror!"

We do get a description of King David. It's rare that we get any descriptions in the LB-verse, so I feel a need to copy and paste.

Rayford had seen David only from afar but was struck again by how human and normal he seemed. After having admired the man and his exploits for so long, he wouldn’t have been surprised to discover him the size of Goliath. David too had apparently been restored to his ideal age, appearing perhaps in his late twenties with sinewy arm and leg muscles, large hands, bronzed skin, and a trim dark beard that set off prominent features. He wore a purple robe with gold fringe, but a simple gold crown with a small silver frontispiece bearing a diamond was pushed back on his head, almost as an afterthought.

Uh, I have a feeling Rayford especially admired David's exploits with Jonathan* if you catch my drift.

I know, I know, I'm a drooling pervert, but come on, I can't be the only one being like "So much Ho Yay...so very Ho Yay..." I realize as a girl, I can't claim to be an expert on dudes, but I really doubt a totally heterosexual straight-as-an-arrow guy would spend that much time admiring another guy's muscles. Wouldn't a dude be more likely to say, "He looks like he could arm-wrestle a gorilla" and move on from there?

Though the mention of David as having bronzed skin...I wonder if this is paying lip service to the fact that as a Middle Eastern Jew, David probably wasn't the perfect Aryan specimen. Though they'd probably define bronzed as "He has a nice tan from being out in the sun, making him one of the nice brown people, rather than the scary brown people."

I suppose it's a good thing David too has been de-aged like so many others. Because...:grins wickedly: Let's just say it pays to know some of the less cited passages of the Bible. Like this bit, from 1 Kings 1:1-4

1 Now King David was old, advanced in years; and they put covers on him, but he could not get warm. 2 Therefore his servants said to him, “Let a young woman, a virgin, be sought for our lord the king, and let her stand before the king, and let her care for him; and let her lie in your bosom, that our lord the king may be warm.” 3 So they sought for a lovely young woman throughout all the territory of Israel, and found Abishag the Shunammite, and brought her to the king. 4 The young woman was very lovely; and she cared for the king, and served him; but the king did not know her.

Or to translate to for modern readers, "King David had gotten pretty long in the tooth, causing his advisors to worry about whether he had the strength to be King. So they found a hot, young, nubile girl to see if he could still get it up. But though she was very hot, he couldn't, which proved he was most definitely too old and weak to be King."

Yeah, I love collecting the weird little passages like those, just so I can whip them out and make any discussion awkward and...oh God, the pun I just made. I'm going to flog myself for a while.

Yerik disappears, because he was so vital to the plot, and we get this exchange, which gives me even more of an excuse to cackle and make "That's what she said!" kind of remarks. I wonder what I was like, before I became a pervert, capable of reading overtones into just about everything. I suppose I didn't do as much Beavis and Butthead-type laughter, but could I really say my life was richer and more enjoyable?

“Forgive me, sir, but it doesn’t seem right to be looking down on you.”

“Well,” David said with a laugh, “it’s all right with me, provided your view of me is only physical.”

“I assure you it is.”

“I know. Your faithfulness to the Lord is well established, all of you.”

Rayford was amused that the others were still obeying the priest’s admonition of silence. They did not acknowledge even this compliment.

"It seems more appropriate for me to be going down on you."

Ow! Okay, okay, I'll lay off the constant "Rayford is So Very Gay" jokes. For this chapter at least...I know, I should try to stop completely, but I'm not made of stone, people!

Though that last bit...yeah, Rayford, you don't feel the least bit shaken to be in the presence of King David? You're not so awestruck you can barely speak? Oh yeah, Rayford is aware of the great chain of being that governs the LB-verse. Since he is at the top of it, even above Zod and TurboJesus, of course, he wouldn't feel that the priest's admonition would apply to him. But to be fair, it is hard for him to be humble, when he's perfect in every way.

And we get some world-building which, like I keep saying, it just keeps proving over and over how lacking Ellanjay are in imagination. Because when asked to imagine paradise, a land where there's no pain and suffering, no poverty or disease, none of the limitations of our world that prevent us from accomplishing whatever we want, and they basically recreate the same bureaucracy we get on world. So apparently, paradise for Ellanjay is basically the DMV.**

David spoke with an earnest passion and direct gaze. “Presiding over Israel has been simple during this era,” he said. “The counselors, judges, and I have adjudicated minor disputes, mostly over land or possessions. The Lord has given us His wisdom so that the opponents leave happy and usually friends. This is the result when the Lord is the King. Another benefit is that most nations have had the foresight to keep children out of places of authority. Unfortunately, Egypt failed to see the wisdom in that, and she elevated two to her elder council who had not even yet reached a majority. I imagine you have heard the result.”

Right...Someone want to explain to Ellanjay that most disputes over property or possessions occur because we live in a world of limited resources, which leads to desperation and desperation wears away at someone's sanity, causing them to lash out in violence or commit such gauche offenses as steal a loaf of bread to save your starving family? Or to put it in all caps, because that's how I roll: NONE OF THIS STUFF WOULD BE APPLICABLE TO A WORLD WHERE THERE ARE UNLIMITED RESOURCES AND EVERYONE HAS PLENTY TO EAT AND A PLACE TO LIVE AND DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING OLD AND SICK!

They talk more about how Egypt hasn't sent its ambassadors for the Feast of Tabernacles and how that's so horribly wicked of them.

King David has the same kind of bizarre Biblical Diarrhea of the mouth as the Gruesome Twosome and is unable to speak in anything but a mélange of Biblical-sounding gibberish and actual verses for a bit.

“That, gentlemen, is why it behooves all kings to be wise and be instructed. They should serve the Lord with fear and rejoice with trembling. Kiss the Son, lest He be angry and they perish in the way, when His wrath is kindled but a little. Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him. And it shall come to pass that everyone who is left of all the nations which came against Jerusalem shall go up from year to year to worship the King, the Lord of hosts, and to keep the Feast of Tabernacles. And it shall be that whichever of the families of the earth do not come up to Jerusalem to worship the King, the Lord of hosts, on them there will be no rain. They shall receive the plague with which the Lord strikes the nations who do not come up to keep the Feast of Tabernacles.’

"So when you say 'Kiss the Son,' do I have to give him the tongue and a thigh massage."

Ow! Okay, I'll stop. But like I said, I'm not made of stone. I just find myself screaming, while reading this "There are probably writers of Gay Porn, who would be like, 'Y'know, you could really stand to tone down the homoeroticism here. It's a little too obvious!'"

Thankfully, King David's condition isn't as bad as the Gruesome Twosome's and he finally cuts to the chase.

“Sir, I summoned you and your associates today because I need your help. I am but king of Israel, prince to Jehovah. Egypt is beyond my jurisdiction. He will deal with her as has been prophesied in His Word. However, the Lord has assigned me to see to the healing of that land after the accursed are slain and the land has suffered drought.”

That sound you hear is my brain doing a record scratch.

Because I thought the way this all worked was that there were a bunch of people appointed to various locations, but they all answered to King David, who in turn answers to TurboJesus. I could rant again about how Ellanjay can't envision a world without some kind of hierarchy designating who is more equal than others, but I'll spare you.

In fact, I did some binging through past posts and found a passage I quoted that totally confirms that while there are people who rule beneath David, David is above all, except TurboJesus. Because I'm that kind of anal-retentive person, the kind seldom seen outside questionably-run state asylums.

Jesus said, “The Lord is King over all the peoples of the earth. The Lord is one, and His name one.”

And yet it soon became clear that Jesus, while the ultimate sovereign, would not be ruling alone. He began calling out from the multitudes counselors from each tribe who would adjudicate all matters among the citizens. These would serve as judges who would report to the ultimate judge of each tribe, one of the twelve apostles. Cameron thrilled to see these heroes of his faith take their places with Jesus in the temple.

Then the Lord explained that the judges would report to the king of Israel— in this case, Jesus’ prince, David himself.

So yeah, King David, what's this crap you're spouting about how you do not have jurisdiction over Egypt?

If you're wondering, here's the post in question.

Rayford is like, "Slain?" in response to what King David said and I'm like "Oh stop pretending like Rayford is genuinely shocked about God choosing to Exterminate All the Brutes!"

David's response:

“By their actions they have cursed themselves. Still viewed as children because of their youth, they have become an affront to the Almighty, and they shall surely die. The Lord shall mete out justice, but He also seeks to heal their land. Egypt will require rebuilding and growth and development. You and your men are His choices to carry that out. With your labor shall come the responsibility and the privilege of telling the good news of His salvation to the remainder of Egypt’s young unregenerate.”

Or in short, God decided to send a drought to kill most of the population of Egypt and King David is now asking Rayford and Co. to go to Egypt and tell them to worship the demiurge starving and killing them via drought.

...

I know I've used the Abusive Spouse or Parent analogy so many times, but there really isn't any better metaphor to use. Of course, I could dip into George Orwell, bring up Big Brother and Animal Farm, but I've also already overused those as well, dammit!

Though we all know Rayford and Co.'s mission to Egypt will have all the hallmarks of a White Gurl Goes to Africa bit. Rayford and Co. will get to give themselves a big pat on the back for being so noble and self-sacrificing as to live in slightly less luxurious conditions, hug Brown-skinned children, and maybe construct some shoddily-made structures on their behalf, then they'll leave and go back to their comfortable lives, feeling all proud of themselves for making a difference.

And there's no need to spoil their good buzz by being like, "Okay what did you accomplish, besides getting to fill your Facebook feed with photos of Brown people and feel good about yourself? Couldn't you have saved the money you were going to spend on this trip and donated it to the locals in the area, so people with actual know-how, actual knowledge of the land, its people, and its needs, can build whatever needs to be built?" That would hurt their feelings and heaven forbid, we ever allow anything to hurt a White First-Worlder's feelings by pointing out their impact was nil and may in fact, have made matters worse.

Yeah, I know, I'm getting preachy, but like I said, this is my soapbox, so deal with it.

My awesome powers of predicting what will happen in poorly written fiction (a superpower that's about as useful as bullet attraction) is that when the inevitable "Ray-Ray goes to Africa" scenes roll around, we'll get scene after scene of all those poor Africans recognizing the inherent knowledge bestowed upon him as a White Person, and I'll get through this by imaging someone going, "Uh, guys, I know Jesus is great and all, but you know what might actually help more? Having access to fresh water and decent food. Not to mention, it might really help to have some trained medical professionals address this Cholera epidemic."

Okay, now that we've gotten through Ray-Ray's part (for any of my readers who were concerned, Rayford did accept King David's offer), we can cut to Kenny.

Kenny, as we know, has a stirring in his undercarriage for a girl brought to help him at the daycare, someone from Greece named Ekaterina Risto. They talk for a bit and it's boring as heck, all the talk about how everyone ages slowly as in the days of Noah and such. I tried to amuse myself by letting my inner pervert out, but there really isn't a lot to mess with. Just know that no matter how much Ellanjay insist, I will assume Kenny just wants to get laid and now that he's found himself near a girl with girl parts...:grins wickedly: Let's just say he'll start reciting some poetry, maybe "To His Coy Mistress" by Andrew Marvell.

And they talk about how they became Christians. Of course, Ekaterina is all star-struck about Raymie being his uncle, because again, Rayford outranks everyone in the LB-verse.

Kenny is all shocked that it took Ekaterina until she was 80 to decide for Christ. And if you ever had any doubt that Ellanjay Know Nothing About Humans, let me show you the weaksauce explanations she gives.

She nodded. “It might be more precise to say I was undecided. I could not doubt that Jesus was the Lord and the Son of God and God. I just didn’t know what I wanted do about it.”

“Surely your parents raised you to understand the faith.”

“And my need, yes. I felt terrible about my indecision. But there was a stubborn, selfish, prideful side of me that would not give in.”

Yeah, it's about as clear as mud. Because even though she believed in the existence of God and Jesus, somehow that didn't mean she was actually saved. Again, it's all about spell-casting: if you say The Prayer with the precise amount of sincerity demanded, you will be Saved. You can be a thoroughly awful person until you die, but you will be Saved. If, however, you stumble over the words and fail to use enough sincerity, you will be Damned when you die, even if you're so saintly and marytrriffic that actual saints find you awe-inspiring.

Yeah, I'm considering dusting off James 2: 14-26. I thought about using them in my rant about Africa and maybe I should have, but they still definitely deserve to be quoted.

14 What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? 15 If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? 17 Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

18 But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.” Show me your faith without your[d] works, and I will show you my faith by my[e] works. 19 You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe—and tremble! 20 But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith without works is dead?[f] 21 Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered Isaac his son on the altar? 22 Do you see that faith was working together with his works, and by works faith was made perfect? 23 And the Scripture was fulfilled which says, “Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.”[g] And he was called the friend of God. 24 You see then that a man is justified by works, and not by faith only.

25 Likewise, was not Rahab the harlot also justified by works when she received the messengers and sent them out another way?

26 For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.

Of course, the recent death of our dear Jack Chick, has me thinking something I mentioned in a previous post where I wondered if "Haw-Haw!" was the magical words that damned you for all eternity. If I uttered the same dialogue as one of Jack Chick's Strawmen, but left off the "Haw-Haw!" at the end, would I still be damned? Though since I'm a Simpsons fan, I'm probably screwed anyway for all those Nelson Muntz impressions.

I know our Fred Clark takes a very dim view of Jack Chick and I understand why, but at the same time, the gonzo insanity and cracktastic artwork/writing is almost enough to make me wonder if Jack Chick should be remembered as an Outsider Artist or something. Plus, like I've said before, Jack Chick is basically saying with the Christian Right actually believes; he just lacks the proper PR filter, which is why many of them try to distance themselves from him.

Ekaterina talks about how some of her friends joined TOL and like I said, it all sounds suspiciously similar to the Swing Kids rebellion of Nazi Germany.

And there's this headdesker of a conversation.

“Anyway, that’s just it. They have delusions of grandeur. They actually believe they can become so organized and widespread and strong that they can change the course of history.”

“Even if they die hundreds of years before the final conflict.”

“Imagine that,” she said. “But again, this is where they’ve become so idealistic. They want to be martyrs to their cause. They find that glamorous. One told me she believed that if they did their jobs and passed down through the generations their doctrines and their war plans, Satan would actually win and have the power to resurrect them so they could rule with him.”

Uh, guys, isn't that the RTCs' goals, except with TurboJesus substituted in place of Satan? Because I thought that was the whole point of this series to recruit people to become martyrs for Christ.

Though it is a reoccurring theme seen in these books and on the Right in general: they're not opposed to oppression or human rights abuses, just oppression or human rights abuses done by the wrong people for the wrong reasons. The Soviet-era dictators ran roughshod over the lives and rights of people in the name of Communism, which makes their actions wrong. Whereas Vladimir Putin runs roughshod over the rights and lives of people in the name of unfettered free market capitalism and cronyism, which makes his actions okay, and makes it so that the Right can't stop writing love letters about him.

And Ekaterina explains what made her finally change her mind:

Ekaterina nodded. “Eventually that’s what changed my mind. I found that the more of my friends who found the Other Light attractive, the more repulsed I was by it. My hesitation over Jesus was all about me, myself, my pride, my ego. I didn’t want to give up the reins of my life. For my friends, it was that they had actually become the Lord’s enemy. They read the same Scriptures I did, heard the same stories, and came to opposite conclusions. They came to believe that Lucifer got a raw deal, that he hadn’t really done anything bad enough to be treated the way God treated him. They actually started praying to him. None of them ever claimed to hear from him, but the very idea terrified me. To be casting your lot with and praying to the enemy of God, locked away somewhere in the bowels of the earth for a thousand years . .  . like you say, it’s lunacy.”

Oh man...so much "Strawman Always Has a Point" it's actually a little painful. Because remember Nicky tries desperately to save the lives of his citizens from horrific disasters sent by God and goes after a terrorist group openly seeking to undermine his rule, but that's wrong. God kills billions of his own people and sends them to hell to suffer for all eternity, but that's right. Again, like Fred said, the difference between God and Satan in the LB-verse is Satan tries to subjugate the earth and kill all his enemies, but fails. God succeeds.

And anyway, that's it for this week. I'll try to be here next week.

*Oh come on, in the very least, David and Jonathan had an epic bromance going.

**Seriously, why was this series canceled?! Smart, funny as hell, and it has giant robots! Who doesn't dig giant robots? I'm wondering how high I should place "Megas XLR gets canceled and still doesn't have an official release" on my list of "Stuff that makes me question the existence of a loving God." It's definitely not as high up there as "Hateful Ass Scunge named Fred Phelps makes it to his eighties, but Jim Henson, a sweet, funny man, who gave us the Muppets and Labyrinth and just loved to entertain people, died in his fifties" but I feel it should still be on the list.